Our God is Vast

I don't know why, but with certain posts, I feel like I have to get it all "right." I overthink some, and this is one of them. One thing ALL MY READERS should know is, I'm all about the breadcrumbs. Following little holy breadcrumbs has gotten me to where I am and shown me things, that I think...I'm just supposed to know, to understand other things. I don't believe in coincidences. In fact, I got so annoyed with the notion in one of my philosophy classes in college, that I no longer even acknowledge it as reality. You don't have to agree with me, but I felt important for you guys to follow the breadcrumbs with me. 

This is going to seem like a rabbit hole, and in all honesty, it may be to some. However, it is a topic The Holy Spirit led me to explore, so here it is. :)

I have 3 kiddos and my middle son had a science project. His celestial/heavenly body was Callisto, which is Jupiter's oldest moon & second largest. I geek out on projects. I get excited when they do them at home. They don't because I make them dig in SO much deeper than they would on their own. Moving on....

This is FOR SURE the second project my kids have done on Jupiter OR something related to it. I really think it is the 3rd. Well....for me, these are breadcrumbs. He looked up and provided all the requested details and made the model and all the stuff. I'm still left pondering it. Why another Jupiter project? Why do I get so excited about them? What is it that I need to know about Jupiter or Callisto? What is The Holy Spirit trying to show me, to deepen my understanding? 

Here are the nuts & bolts of my take aways, but there is SO much more. Every now and again a thought or question will surface to the top of my brain and I'll research it. 

For starters: Callisto is not only Jupiter's oldest moon, but it is thought to be the oldest celestial body in our solar system. Scientists have it being as old as the solar system itself - approximately 4.5 BILLION years old. The main gasses present on the planet are: Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen, & Hydrogen and is thought to be the BEST place for a celestial space station. 

Next, there are two impact craters. Their names are "Valhalla" and "Asgard," named after Norse mythology. Here is where some would say, I went down a silly rabbit hole, but I really do know better. 

I watched the HBO series "Vikings," with my husband. So when I saw one was named "Valhalla," I locked in. This is not thought to be the actual "Valhalla" and it was named much later, but I started drawing some insight. I don't want this to be a spoiler, SO IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED VIKINGS AND YOU WANT TO - DON'T READ THIS PART. In the series there are a couple of key people that are going to help me draw my point. The main character: Ragnar Lothbrok, who is ultimately the leader and inspiration for so much that happens in this series. Then there is Floki, who is a devout follower of the Norse gods, close (maybe closest) friend to Ragnar. Lastly, there is Athelstan who is a monk captured by Ragnar in one of his first raids. If I remember correctly, he was the only surviving monk. Some nudge in Ragnar, urged him to keep him alive - even though many wanted him dead. There where times when Floki became jealous of Athelstan. 

This whole whirlwind of life happening pointed me to a few key take-aways for me with that series. 

#1 - There were times when it didn't feel "right" to be watching it.

#2 - Similar to how it was starting to feel as I was researching the planets and history, etc.

#3 - I believe that all 3 of these men came to know Jesus. Some may have different opinions, but I believe this, knowing that is television & not real, yet representing the possibilities of life of the times, within these groups of people. 

#4 - Ragnar was all over the place, went back and forth, but I believe his friendship with Athelstan is what brought him to Jesus. He could not make total sense, but he felt the reverence. 

#5 - Athelstan wrestled. He was a devout monk, then was the equivalent to a slave when Ragnar captured him, became a warrior and was surrounded my Norse traditions, yet maintained his faith and garnered the respect of others. He died looking like a viking, but was killed by Floki, as he was praying to God. Floki killed him out of jealousy and concern for Ragnar being misled. 

#6 - Floki lost himself. He and Ragnar's relationship was never the same. His life spiraled after Athelstan's death. He wrestled with his beliefs, things he did not understand. It was like a collision of worlds: blurry, unclear, maddening. Floki took a group of people to unconquered land in a very harsh environment. He was the leader and at some point he retreated to the hills/mountains. He found a cave and inside it was a cross. He seemed  to have either a manic moment OR a spiritual encounter/revelation and then the cave collapsed on him. - Later, he find out he actually survived, but was a changed man. In his ferventness for the Norse gods, he reminds me of Saul before he was Paul, but when coming face to face with something new and bigger than what he knew, he retreated into a very quiet and private life. He was still sought out for his wisdom and experience, similar to prophets, but changed. 

Tying this into more thought.....the planets were named after Greek mythology. Zeus is also referred to as Jupiter and the 4 moons found by Galileo (a faithful astronomer that was fascinated by God's creation), were later named after Zeus's "lovers." So where did this lead me? Directly to one of the stances I take when atheists argue that there is no God and Jesus isn't real. Stories and accounts and living testimony has been passed down for thousands of years - unchanging. Which is true. I would say that, the mythology of the Norse and Greek were unchanged for thousands of years.....UNTIL THEY WERE. 

Here are some scriptures I want to draw your attention to: 

Fun Fact: Callisto, the moon from my son's project, is also known as "The Bear," referenced in the above Bible verse, which is based on Greek mythology. 

I think many times, as Christians, we get a little tied up in not being "too curious," so as to not find ourselves worshipping these huge celestial bodies. In all this research....and a few more breadcrumbs, I want to share that astronomy is the study of planets, creation, and totally a way to meditate on God, His creation, and a way for us to get to know Him better. It is the study of what ACTUALLY exists. Astrology is what we know as our zodiac signs and how they are thought to influence our personalities, as well as other celestial patterns and how they might or, are thought to influence human behavior.

We have free will. And we have someone with a unique purpose for us, that created all of the heavens for His purpose. His purpose is for our good. 

The point that I am trying to make is that creation is SO VAST and instead of getting tied up, so tightly, on the "right" way to worship OR condemning those who don't think like us.....maybe we try and understand why. Maybe.......we follow a breadcrumb that helps us grow closer to Our Maker AND understand others, better.  

The Creative Cure

There is something about a change in scenery; something about showing up to create and being open to let The Holy Spirit, and your gift of creativity from God, lead you.....

Over the years, I have really made a conscience effort to get to know myself better. Instead of questioning my differences (because I sure feel like I have them); I have learned to lean into them and explore them. 

At one point in my life, when my anxiety was at an all-time high, I discovered that CREATING things was like fun and relaxing therapy. I do mean therapy. I felt SO MUCH BETTER emotionally, physically, spiritually. I was renewed....relieved from the burden of stress, and many times was able to look at situations differently - with a new lens.....or maybe a clean and refreshed lens :). 

I knew the benefit because I had taken some random paint classes, took friends and crew members to just go paint. However, when I REALLY understood and felt the long-term benefit was when a friend had a cute little DIY shop and boutique. If you know me, you know I live a busy life. I thrive in it, but I can get myself to a place where I JUST KEEP GOING. I learned to make it a habit to go do something quarterly AT LEAST. Sometimes I would frequent it more. Sometimes I would go alone. 

Life started taking me in a completely different direction geographically and she closed the shop and a new business is in there now. I've had to find other creative ways, but I have not been near as consistent with it. 

Well, this week I FELT the need to CReaTe. I'm on the cusp of a pivot that I have thought about and prayed about and second-guessed myself and prayed some more......cried a few times, felt completely lost/unsure/self-conscious, been tested in ways I saw coming and ways I didn't... AND now....through faith, prayer, and this journey God has taken me on - to determine what I really want. I am talking about the ACTUAL DESIRES of my heart. NOT....what it "should" be. NOT.....what is the typical approach to many people in my same field. NOT....what others think I "should do" or "could do" or "need to do.: I'm talking about what I want to do with my one precious life. Now that there are some CLEAR boundaries on this path and I'm not wandering in the wilderness, the enemy has really come at me. 

For me, the way I know the enemy is meddling is I experience a variety of events and situations that burden me, waste my time, or delay my work. The enemy exploits the weaknesses in me. He exploits the weaknesses in those close to me. Here are some of my examples: insomnia, caffine intake, decisions of family members that end up effecting me somehow, judgement of my weaknesses from others, surprise change in plans or schedule. There are times I feel the nudge, whoa, stop, slow downs of The Holy Spirit and then there are the deliberate hurdles the enemy uses.....that are purely to steal, kill, or destroy plans for God's kingdom work. 

As I reflect this evening, it is not surprising. It is hard to see it, in the thick of things, but: pausing, resting, and reflecting, and finding an opportunity to create helps you to see things differently. I went to my sister's tent at the Antique Show. She has her hat bar set up. (It is called Pink Poodle Patches.) She is in that first lot after the elementary school in Round Top and is set up under some big oak trees, wrapped in lights. I sat there for several hours. Our kids hung out, my oldest worked, and I made two caps for football games and a new bag to keep my religious ed books in for Wednesday's class.  I came home more refreshed and relieved than when I got there. I even got to help a few shoppers design and create and think. During this moment of creativity I realized a few things. There were moments (one in particular) that I allowed the enemy to get the best of me. I let his antics effect me TOO MUCH. There were other moments where he bested me, but through God's wisdom, I was able to recognize  and redeem those moments to some degree. I also remember that this is exactly why I would hard-schedule these creative opportunities AT LEAST once a quarter. It is solid for my mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional health. 

The other thing that I always find SO COOL about cReAtivIty is how God shares it with all of us and we share it with each other. Imagine all the JOY it must bring Him. He is SO good. He loves us SO much. I pray that everyone makes, even the smallest effort, to get to know our Maker. I'm SO grateful for His reminders, even if I have to work myself up in a tizzy to see them. 

These verses resonate with me in this moment: 

Exodus 31:3-6

Ephesians 2:10

Isaiah 43:19

1Peter 4:10-11

He Fled Away Naked....

 Mark 14:51-52 is a verse I've been pondering for years. The Holy Spirit highlighted it to me as I was reading through the Bible, cover to cover, the first time around. I like to understand things, but I could never quite grasp "WHY" The Holy Spirit led me there, led me to research it numerous times in different ways, led me to examine my life, led me to discuss it with other believers. Yet...the ONLY thing that was clear is He wanted me aware of it. 

The verse reads: "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving the garment behind." Mark 14:51-52 (NIV) 

Monday, I went for a walk on our place. My life finds me in an interesting place. A place, where I find myself yielding or trying to yield (both happen) to The Holy Spirit. Are there overwhelming things in my life? Yes. Has He blessed me with the MOST beautiful blessings to navigate challenges with, for and about? You bet! AND....some incredible gifts I am grateful to have. I realized SO MUCH on that walk. He has equipped me for ALL The Holy Spirit has shown me. Yes, thinking about it overwhelms me. There really isn't a logical timeline.....at all really, yet it is happening. There is no control I really have, if I'm to be obedient....even though it has taken me a while in some regards. I had so many moments of wrestling in this/these life transitions I am experiencing. Last week, I reflected on how I have reached a place that is familiar to me. I have thought, prayed, figured, researched, worked myself into states of frustration and agitation, until I am called to YIELD. Then, when I yield I look around. Almost always, when I get to the place where I yield, a blessing of knowledge, awareness, a piece of God's wisdom is revealed to me. 

I wish I could tell you how to get to that place. At times, I wish I could skip the wrestling part. If I understand, I'll move much quicker. But He's been developing a layer of my faith, which I want more than the satisfaction of knowing and acting without FULLY understanding. 

Well....on this walk, The Holy Spirit took me on a journey that was spurred with the Bible verse and quote in my planner for the day. Then it led me down other places, and before you know it I was having a conversation with Chat GPT about Biblical timelines, detailed information about John Mark (the author of The Book of Mark), his life, the life of other Biblical figures and SO much more. 

God blessed me with divine wisdom. I don't need anyone to agree with me, argue it with me, or anything of the sort. I've been carrying this Biblical fact with me long enough to know that it was written for a time such as this, in my life. I think this information I uncovered is important. It was important to me. 

Before sharing the revelation, I want to share the moment I "knew" it was divine wisdom. As I was reading the Chat GPT response regarding the age of John Mark (Mark) in comparison to Matthew; tears just rolled from my eyes. There is NOTHING sad or completely earth-shattering about that fact, but I believe without a shadow of a doubt, that I felt that truth in MY spirit, even if I didn't fully grasp it yet in my flesh. 

Now for all the lessons and bread crumbs that I experienced before getting to this moment....

Up until this moment...this day... I lacked so much knowledge about John Mark and lacked the desire to understand. I was looking at all the ways that verse tied back to me, not him. I looked for God's message to me...the significance of the words, of the book, of how it mattered in my life in all the moments it was brought to my attention. This time, I turned my focus to the author. It took a few breadcrumbs and experiences to get there, and honestly, I can't say that there is a way to convey or map these lessons to the ultimate outcome, but they led me there and they were lessons that I REALLY needed for a variety of things going on in life. 

I start out on my walk. I had realized, a few days earlier, that my medicine dosage had accidentally been off, and my emotions and anxiety were starting to level out again. I remember starting my conversation with God, and thinking about how we must be SO hard to work with, yet He still chooses to. I remember being upset in my flesh, with how it derailed me. I was feeling like I lost ground. Yet, somehow in that moment, I accepted that He decided to continue to encourage me - no matter the weakness of my flesh. I don't know how to explain this release...submission....acceptance of His grace, but it happened with a grateful heart. This is when the research began. 

At this point is was light, curious research. The Holy Spirit had brought Mark 14:51-52 back to the forefront of my mind. I have walked all of the easy paths on our property, so I've started exploring some of the cow trails that are a little less traveled. I had music playing...Lauren Daigle and as I left the more traveled path to the less traveled path, I had focused on dodging spider webs. I get to the other side, where there was a clearing and realized I lost my phone somewhere along the way. I remember thinking...."Man! my phone didn't record all of those steps." Then, I made my way back to my phone, but I hit SO many spider webs on the way back and I decided I didn't want to go back that way.....although I had a gentle tug, so I knew how many steps I had actually walked. I felt nudged to go another direction. 

As I was standing there, pondering the decision of what way to go; The Holy Spirit helped me to reflect that.....not everything gets recorded. That does not mean it didn't happen, because clearly....it just happened....even though I had no record of it. Okay.... :). Then I felt led to walk a little closer to the tank (pond) than I normally do. I had my glasses on my forehead, so my peripheral vision was blurry. As I was walking by....I saw something large and reddish-gray. At first, I thought it was a dead cow. I got a little closer and realized that it was a mound of dirt under a tree that was growing in the tank. We hadn't gotten rain in a while and the pond was low enough to expose dirt, that was typically under water. 

I pull out my phone and ask Chat GPT why some dirt would have a red ring around it.....explained all the conditions, etc. As I was reading the scientific reason some of the dirt on the same mound would appear red versus gray, understanding that the oxygen hitting the iron in the ground quicker than normal for that area produces that red ring......almost simultaneously I get "I'm always here. Not everything is going to be recorded and everything is not going to be visible to the human eye. That does not mean that I am not there. I will be seen when I need to be seen....when the environment is right." I smile as I type this. I needed this encouragement and reassurance that I can't mess up His timing. 

These are the gently moments where I am left in awe of God's gentleness and GREATNESS. After this moment, on the way back, is when the dominoes started falling. One question led to another question and it just kept going. I don't know how I got back to  "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment...." again, but I did. In my research I was reminded of yet another verse that has always stuck out to me and how it is ONLY found in the Book of Mark: "As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed." Mark 16:5 This had COMPLETELY engaged my mind. 

I'm thinking: Both of these accounts are ONLY found in The Book of Mark. What if.........(insert mind blown emoji here). Then, I zoned in on who is Mark? He was NOT one of Jesus's 12 disciples ----- which was an assumption I think many of us make. His full name is John Mark. He was the apprentice to Peter, which is one of the original 12 disciples. The Book of Mark is thought to be the account of Peter, written by the hand of John Mark. John Mark was the son of Mary, and part of a well-off Jewish family in Jerusalem that hosted many church gatherings in the beginning of Jesus's ministry. Based on various timelines, at the time of Jesus's death, John Mark would have been in his late teens or early 20s. This fact, coupled with, him being part of a well-off family.....he could have very much been: "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment"  AND "a young man dressed in a white robe." It would have ONLY been in The Book of Mark, because it was Mark's direct testimony - marked with humility (similar to how John is in his account - referring to himself as "the one Jesus loves" instead of mentioning himself directly.)

I go further.....asking for an account of the timelines in the order in which the books were written. (Insert another mind blown emoji here.) The Book of Mark is thought to have been written BEFORE any of the other accounts. Many scholars also think that both Matthew and Luke drew references FROM the Book of Mark. I would gather, that John also adopted a similar writing style. I even asked WHY Matthew was placed before Mark. When the Bible was being put together, scholars believed that The Book of Matthew, gave a more full and detailed account of the Gospel story, thus coming to an agreement that it would give readers a more FULL context. My tears started flowing around this time. I take that as a sign of divine wisdom. 

Then....I wanted a better understanding of why John Mark would find himself in this space. The space of being a YOUNG,  person OUTSIDE the inner circle, witness to Jesus Christ, who - ULTIMATELY, is the first author of the account of Jesus Christ.

Just as a young man having access to linen cloth was likely due to the family's wealth, so is his ability to scribe FOR Peter. Wealthy Jewish families would have made it a priority to educate the young men in their family in 2 to 3 languages. As a teenage/young man who had witnessed and experienced the activity of Jesus and being captured in the garden....you best believe that he likely wanted to WITNESS Jesus's words. Would He ACTUALLY rise from the dead, when He said he would? Why would the women NOT tell anyone? Well....envision that the son of Mary, the wealthy Jewish woman hosting many of the gatherings was the first person found and Jesus was no where to be found. That leads to a host of potential: "uh-ohs," "what do we dos," and "maybe silence is betters." Yet, The Holy Spirit leads me deeper. In my research, I was reminded of "THE REASON" Paul and Barnabas split from each other, when in ministry together. 

The REASON for the split was JOHN MARK. This scripture never really sat well with me. It felt.....unfinished or incomplete. This is the scripture I am referencing: "And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, 'Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.' Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord." Acts 15:36-40   It leaves a picture of Paul being "right" and John Mark being someone that abandoned a ministry, which I do not believe is the full story. 

One of the wonderful things about scripture, is as you read, you get to know these Biblical characters and get a feel for their personalities and see factors that help them in their decision-making. I remember REALLY being drawn to Barnabas. I think this is why I didn't like the picture this scripture painted. It is Paul's truth, but not the full context (I believe). At the time, I did not know that Barnabas and John Mark were cousins. Barnabas would have been a better judge of John Mark's heart. Bigger than this though....and nothing that can be confirmed nor denied. I believe that John Mark, whether documented or not MAY have realized (or had a divine encounter) that his gifts would not be best used in ministry with Paul. Paul was educated. He had been a Pharisee. He was COMPLETELY entrenched in the other side of the coin and preaching from a place of experience to those that already believed, that John Mark would not be able to in the same way. Paul's message was reinforcing believers and churches and continuous encouragement. John Mark's gifts allowed him to reach people that were totally unfamiliar. Paul and John Mark's perspectives came from different directions. This is important because John Mark would have been able to write from a firm understanding of Jewish customs and had the education to translate this into a language that the Romans would understand. In regards to the spreading of information, Rome was THE hub of information. As The Holy Spirit moved all things together to create the best circumstances to spread the Gospel: Paul was able to encourage and share, while imprisoned in Rome, with information being sent out (and possibly penned by John Mark) from Rome to other parts of the ancient world. Him leaving Paul and Barnabas years prior, allowed us to see the documented reconciliation IN Rome AND allowed John Mark to pen the very first Gospel account to then be dispersed from Rome, in a way that anyone reading it could understand. 

What a blessing. What an understanding God has blessed me with. How great to have such a deeper understanding of Mark, his significance....his struggles....his character.....an understanding that has helped me to understand the other disciples differently. What a blessed reminder that He is always with us and while all the details may not be recorded, it does not negate His presence and His knowing. (This was reinforced to me by another God wink, the week before.) This experience was all these things, plus this gentle nudge to move forward. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! Yield, observe, be present. Rest in the humility like John Mark. Sit in His truth without having to be seen, known, and measured by anyone, but The Holy Trinity. He knows that we will come to the end of ourselves and our abilities.....flee away naked....yield to The Holy Spirit and NEED Him. Allow Him to do things only He can do. We have to LET HIM work in our lives. 

Moth Ponderings

 I recently completed a journey through the Bible. As a result, the dedicated time I spent reading, journaling, and studying, has freed up. Mondays, almost always, start with a layer of anxiety different than all the other days of the week. In an attempt to NOT let the anxiety win out, I try to start Mondays in meditation, prayer, Bible story narrations, and sometimes a combination of them. 

Those of you that follow my blogs or my Facebook Page, may be aware of how sometimes God reveals a topic. One of my more popular vlogs was about Jonah and the Whale. Well, a couple weeks ago, I could not get the idea of MOTHS out of my head. Now, two weeks later, I don't really recall the scripture, story, prompting. I do remember the lessons and my findings though! What an amazing adventure He takes us on! There is truly SO much to explore!

Moths represent a lot of things, but in literal Biblical terms - they are most closely categorized with the destruction of earthly riches/possessions. However, that is not what was not the direction I was getting from my ponderings. It was MORE....the not so literal contexts. 

Photo Cred: Kite's Custom Cleaners

This led me down what some would characterize as a "rabbit hole," but it really led me to what would later REALLY resonate with me and what I'm sharing here in this blog. I know moths are associated with destruction, but they are God's creation and God's plans are not for destruction. Somehow, in my Internet surfing, I found that "moths" are referenced in scripture 7 times. This may not mean a lot to everyone, but for me - the number 7 is divine. It was like finding a bread crumb that let me know my thoughts were moving in the right direction. Moths represent MORE than destruction. 

Then, I started pondering the differences and connections between moths and butterflies. Butterflies evolved from moths. In the grand scheme of creation - both are VERY important regarding pollination and playing their part in the food chain. However, if you were to compare the two: moths have been around longer; if comparing their pollinations skills - moths win out; and  the cocoons of a moth produce silk...and an abundance of it, where you gather very little from the chrysallises of butterflies in silk production. Nowhere, in scripture, are butterflies mentioned. Yes, they were around. I did the math. In no way am I attempting to downplay the importance and symbolism of butterflies. Most of those same symbolism's like "new life," can also be attributed to moths. Butterflies came from moths. Moths are the "root." I believe that is why they are referenced in scripture and not butterflies. Butterflies are beautiful, but in actuality, SO much more is produced from the moth. Yes, they also destroy; which may be another lesson to unpack, but my focus was lead to just how much "showy" doesn't matter to God. It is what we produce.

I shared my ponderings....a few days later with my friend/prayer partner++. She sent me a link to a teaching from Nancy Dufresne. As I listened to this, I was reminded of the anxiety I was experiencing, that ultimately led me to my moth ponderings and how, ultimately, these ponderings pushed some of the anxieties out and how together - The Holy Trinity and I - took care of my mind. 

I know there could be a lot to unpack here. There ALWAYS is, in anything inspired by God. But for the last two weeks, the lessons God has taught me through: scripture, His creation, and other believers are abundant. 

• God is not interested in the showy. He is interested in the substance. 
• There are divine and holy lessons through moths (& SO MANY more creations) to explore.
• Moths destroy, but they also produce - like humans.
• Focus on the "root" or the beginning of things and not so much on showy, evolutionary things. 
• Don't discount the less showy/more humble of anything.
• Place more focus on what you produce and less focus on how it looks. 
• Working on ourself is SO MUCH more important than the outside things we produce. 

I still LOVE butterflies and the wonder I feel when I see them. (If you've never been you should all go to The Butterfly Palace in Branson, Missouri.) However, I have a new appreciation for moths. 

Fasting and Rhythm

 12/27/14 - I have recently finished fasting from ALL liquid. except water. It originally started out as a 40-day fast & turned into a 47-day fast. I had made a decision to start reading The Bible daily & I started by reading from The Golden Book Children's Bible. The majority of this Bible is Old Testament. Even though it is a Children's Bible, it goes into quite a bit of detail & still took some research to really try and understand some of the messages. After I would read an Old Testament story...I would randomly open my New Testament Bible & read whatever story it took me to. A few days into doing this.... "40 days" kept popping up & I just felt led to start my fast.

I learned A LOT from this fast, this Bible time, & I KNOW that I strengthened my relationship with God. The lesson I want to share with you is that 7 days into this fast, I was at an auction. It was a pretty big success (for several reasons) & a very close family friend asked me if they could buy me a beer. I politely declined twice. As they persisted the third time, I told them I really didn't need one, but still allowed them to buy me a beer and drank it. I came home & had my Bible time & dinner as I just sat there and prayed & talked to God about it. I asked for forgiveness, but the whole time...felt an immense amount of joy & peace & thankfulness....for how the auction turned out for everyone involved. I remember thinking how I would have normally been MUCH harder on myself about caving, but....THANKS BE TO GOD....the JOY won out.

Fast forward to Day 40. We were at our friends' house in South Texas. The night before they wanted us all to have a glass of eggnog & I politely declined...kindly passing it off as being tired (which I was), but not sharing WHY I didn't want any. The next day, all us girls went to town shopping & we talked about all kinds of Bible things & my fast included, because I felt comfortable sharing with her. That night...her husband asked me if I wanted eggnog 3 times. I awkwardly turned him down & the third time he poured me a glass. I can tell you that, if I hadn't told my friend earlier in the day & had her support, I am almost positive I would have buckled....on DAY 40. I had mixed emotions about that. Really disappointed that I didn't know how to stand firm, with someone I feel pretty comfortable around....or how to share WHY I was doing it....or being WORRIED about how people would perceive it...or not knowing how to explain it.

So I went to the room we were staying in, started praying & talked to God about the whole thing & brought up the 7th day beer & asked God to just show me if he wanted me to fast 7 more days, or if it should be over. There were two things that popped out to me in my reading for that day. I started reading about Jesus's arrest. The first lesson was about Peter denying Jesus 3 times before the cock crowed. What resonated with me was the number 3 & how bitter he was towards himself. I also read where Pontius Pilate wanted to release Jesus & the third time/chance for him to release Him, he turned to the crowd & condemned Jesus because THE CROWD wanted him dead.  (Luke 22:54-23:25) I mean...it was like a reaction...a survival mechanism, but survival from what? I think it was created because of the worry of peoples' perceptions of them. It is so frustrating for me to read stories in The Bible (both Old and New Testaments) where people buckle so quickly from what they feel the need to do(which is The Holy Spirit leading them)...just to please people. Then I turned around and did the same thing. Needless to say.... I decided to go seven more days. Right now, I feel like holding firm a third time puts your feet on solid ground.

A few days later I read about Jesus being tempted in the desert by Satan.  Jesus had fasted for 40 days and nights. First the devil said to him: "If you are the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread." Jesus answered him saying: "It is WRITTEN: Man shall not live by bread alone, buy by every word that comes out of the mouth of God." Then the devil says to  Jesus: "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written that He shall put his angels in charge of you to keep you safe, and they shall catch you in their hands, lest you strike your foot against a stone." Jesus said to him: "It is WRITTEN also: You shall not tempt the Lord your God," Then the devil took him to the top of a very big mountain & showed him all the kingdoms & said to Jesus: "All these things I will give you, if you will fall down & worship me." Then Jesus said: "Away, Satan. For it is WRITTEN: You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve." Then the devil LEFT him.....after the third test...& the angels came and ministered to Jesus. (Matthew Chapter 4). I also want to point out that even the Son of God uses Scripture when dealing with the devil.

A few days ago as I was cleaning & getting my house ready for Christmas company.....a note that I had typed on my phone back in May popped up. I don't really think anything is random anymore...it may seem like it, but EVERYTHING has purpose. It was a note I had typed during a T.D. Jakes sermon I had watched. I want to start out by saying that I (just a few days before I saw this note) did not agree with something that was posted on T.D. Jakes's social media site. As I read the comments and realized that A LOT of people also disagreed & some had also made the decision to quit following him all together....I remembered how important forgiveness is & not condemning. I thought about all the forgiveness I've been shown by God and people in my life & made the decision that I don't have to agree with everything everyone says, BUT I can take away & apply what I do agree with.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17

This sermon really gave me some structure in what to look for, as I started building my TEAM this year. When I say "TEAM," I think about the people in my corner & the people's corner that I WANT to be in.

"You need people with your rhythm. If they don't have your rhythm; they will find you abusive."

"Create a system that supports your rhythm."

"Develop what you need to sustain you."

"You can't explain to a turtle a giraffe decision." (Important to note that turtles can do things giraffes can't & vice versa.) I've also learned that turtles & giraffes can be in the same rhythm carrying out different tasks.

"There are people that feed you & people that deplete you."

"When you need to get fed....get fed. Then go out and feed others. Go back and get fed when you need it."

 1 Corinthians 12:1-11 speaks to this. It discusses how people are given different gifts, but they all work together as one....even though their skills and talents are different.

In many books throughout The Bible (Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Peter, Psalms...) we are reminded of the importance to take care of ourselves....mind, body, soul, & spirit. I think one of the key things to doing this (that I didn't really understand, or know how to go about getting there) is creating a support system that can suffice the UniQue needs that you have. The right people are put in our lives for that very purpose.

As this year winds down & I reflect back on my spiritual growth, my growth in relationships closest to me, & growth in my business - which is also part of my ministry & maybe my mission...I really am left in awe. I have to battle different things daily, like: people pleasing, fear of all kinds, judgement of myself and others, learning to forgive - even when I don't want to, letting go of control....amongst other things. However, I am MOST thankful this year, for my courage to leave the working for someone else world to enter the working for myself world. That decision has helped me to really focus on all the things that REALLY matter and allowed me the freedom to do it. I'm still figuring things out, but I will be for the rest of my life. I'm thankful for my awareness. Pay attention to things: talents, the people that fill you up, the people that deplete you, the people that need you, the gifts God is giving you...just be aware.

Buck Up Baby & ride with Jesus.

Moments of Obedience vs. Walking in Obedience

Me & the fam are spending a few days camping at our deer lease, mainly enjoying wide open spaces & each other’s company & I find myself pondering something I read in Isaiah yesterday.

“If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist & rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of The Lord has spoken. Isaiah 1:19-20

The lessons I took away from this are:

1) If you resist, you are rebelling at the same time.

2) Doing something begrudgingly is NOT obedience.

3) Resisting and obedience are opposite of each other. They cannot simultaneously exist in you.

Learning to walk in obedience is much different than moments of obedience. The moments get us there. They strengthen our faith, as we learn to walk in obedience, but they are moments.

I do believe God rewards moments of obedience. He is helping us to understand the kind of blessings that can come, when we confirm our willingness to being obedient to His work and His plan.

Also, another thought I’ve had on the matter is: maybe what I consider blessings, are actually us living in union with God, how He has always intended. Then, when we revert back to our old ways, access to His peace leaves us and we are resting on what we know, and not God.

These thoughts have also had me pondering several people from testimonies in The Bible.

Paul walked in obedience after meeting Jesus on the road to Damascus.

Peter had moments of obedience when he was one of Jesus’s disciples, but his denial of Jesus shows, he was not walking in complete obedience to Jesus. Once Jesus was raised from the dead and visited His disciples is, likely, when Peter began walking in obedience for The Lord.

Elijah walked in obedience, sacrificing his own well-being for God and His plan.

Esther was called to more and reached a place where she made the choice, to walk in obedience with God.

Judas Iscariot may have had moments of obedience, but, surely, did not walk in obedience with God.

John the Baptist understood his assignment and walked in complete obedience to God’s plan.

Noah walked in obedience.

I am certain my experiences, thus far, are the results of moments of obedience. In many cases some major event occurred to encourage these individuals to walk in obedience with Jesus, and transition past moments of obedience.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Ponder with Him & talk it out. He wants us too!

Pruning

 Life with God is SUCH an adventure. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. One of my greatest blessings are friends, that love Jesus as much as I do AND love to come together in fellowship over Him.

This week, I had several things happen where I felt: betrayed, blind-sided, and disrespected. All were swarming around the same group of influence, and well....I did not feel cared about, by those I care about. 

And it stung. 

The day before, I received a similar message, that was so much easier for me to release into the hands of Jesus. But the next one stung and I was having a much harder time letting it go. What I mean by "letting it go" is laying it at Jesus's feet and moving on with life....my to-do list.......my project at hand. It was like it kept tapping me on my forehead, and so finally.....I sent a message to two friends; both of which I count as SUCH blessings. When you find friends that you can talk Jesus with, pray for them, bless them, love them, be available to them and count your blessings. One of the coolest things that happens with friends like that, is: as you sit there working out your questions and concerns, discussing The Word and other life experiences, you recognize the movement of The Holy Spirit. Two of us were blessed to experience that together and Oh! How that changed the entire trajectory of the situation. 

I've talked and wrote before about how God blesses our obedience, but He surprises me with it EVERY time. We are just sitting there talking....and we had a lengthy discussion about the pruning process, what it looks like when you trim old growth back to create room for new growth, what God says about pruning in scripture, and so on. We near the end of the conversation, I recline back in my chair and have the SUDDEN REALIZATION that God gave me a DIRECT answer to my obedience. 

Image credit to: Wenke Greenhouses in Kalamazoo, Michigan - LINK HERE

My hang up was, that I would not have chose it for myself. However, I have been through this uncomfortable, and the most recent time, mournful experience before. I resisted and contemplated that first "pruning" hard....or at least the first one that I became aware of how God was working. I, myself didn't really want this person pruned out of my life, but every time I prayed into it I'd get a "whoa." That's what I call it. I'd get the "whoa" when I was about to send that text, or about to make that call. Now, I understand a little better. 

In my most recent situation, where I phoned a friend, I wasn't focusing on that type of pruning. I was looking at it as more of a  "type of work" pruning. It is definitely that, because that is what I layed out my own personal boundaries to, prayed to Him about, and put into motion. What He ALSO did, was bless me with the ability to see the hearts of others. See the hearts of others I have invested my time and energy into. He's teaching me how to prune also, so we can prune together...and maybe more than anything...help me to let it go sooner.

John 15:1-17

Yes, I am left in awe. It is still bittersweet, but I know it is for my good. How our God is so subtle and yet SO powerful. 

Seeing God work, yet physically seeing nothing.....that is the supernatural work of God. It truly is INCREDIBLE. Words don't even do it justice. I want to ENCOURAGE YOU to Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! He sees things we do not and HE MAKES A WAY!