I've had a lot going on these last few weeks.
I decided to quit my job. My last paid day was December 20th. I decided to start my own business & have been doing the leg work I need to - to get everything organized the way I want it, so once I find a building I can just go to work on the next set of things I need to do - to hold my first BIG general consignment auction.
I've been wanting to blog & work through my frustrations, BUT I could not figure out how to get it all out in words. I truly believe now that I wasn't ready to. God was working on my heart & was going to take me through some experiences to strengthen me.
I found out one of my dear sweet uncles (Uncle Fritz) has to have heart surgery in the middle of January. Seeing him working through the whole process brought me back a little to the job that I just recently gave my notice to.
I was a Marketing Liaison for a nursing home & a big part of my job was to follow up on patient referrals we would get from the hospital case management teams. That position did more for me personally & spiritually than it probably did professionally. I spoke with patients & families on a VERY personal level. Some of these patients were needing short term rehab services after a knee or hip replacement; some were at the end of life; some had wounds, or traches, or psychiatric issues; some had family; some still abused drugs; some were homeless; some needed more care than what they could get at home, but didn't qualify for government programs to get the assistance; some had insurance, but based on their insurance companies policies - were being sent back to their next level of care (maybe before they were ready) while others had no insurance OR for one reason or another (behaviors, drug-use, lifestyle choices) would not be accepted to the next level of care, so they got top-notch care at some of Austin's best hospitals.
I have talked with doctors, specialists & nurses that experienced some things I would never EVER want to. One nurse that I worked very closely with used to be an ER nurse in the Dallas/Fort Worth area & she told some stories that ranged from: a young girl (literally being pushed out & dropped off by a man) coming in with abdominal pains (not knowing she was pregnant) in active labor & having to help her mentally work through how her life was fixing to change to a young Spanish couple that did not understand English that had given their baby adult Tylenol for her cold (because that is what they understood from the nurse they spoke with) & having to tell them that their baby was going to die b/c the Tylenol had ruined her liver to a family of 4 having their trailer house catch fire on Christmas Eve & talking to a badly burned mother whose ONLY concern was her mother & 2 children (1 of the children died in the fire).
Let me just say that I (once again) feel like the GOOD LORD is conditioning me in a way beyond my understanding. He has caused me to see things I would have never seen & ask questions I would have never asked, meet people I would never have met, & face the true mortality of our lives (which WAS quite scary to me). I have seen (what I think) is the good & bad of the medical industry & insurance companies. I was interjected into peoples' lives & just had to act in the moment & deal with whatever emotion they were dealing with. I also feel like (more than ever) that the Good Lord has some other purpose for me (again - beyond my understanding). I did not act on it right away - in fear of all the worldly things LIKE: Will we have enough money? How will I be perceived if I'm not working? I'm not sure what will happen, so maybe I should just stay pleasantly uncomfortable for FEAR of the bad that could happen. So....(I think he thought): "I'll teach you a thing or two about life....then you'll move on & do what your supposed to do now."
The experiences, connections, & knowledge I gained in my last position seem more like road maps to me than actual job duties. I journal & the journal that I just finished filling the pages to has Bible passages on each page & I tell you what! It seems like wherever I am in my life - those passages speak straight to the situation.
"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." - Proverbs 4:11
"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." - Psalm 55:22
"I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." - Isaiah 49:15-16
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
"And he himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25
So I've talked a lot about my past job & the things I've learned & the clarity it has given me. I also want to talk a little about my internal struggles with the things that I've experienced & how I felt on Christmas Day.
Whew! Well....when I was working in my last position I had a time trying to process all the new experiences & information I was getting. I can say that we ALL need to RESPECT the nurses that we run into. They are working with people at some of the lowest, most difficult, & frustrating times of their lives & have to deal with people of all sorts. I worked in my position a little less than a year. These people continue to CHOOSE to be a nurse. I truly believe they are called to do it and have the ability to work with people on a VERY personal level. Just had to say that. So now....back to processing the new experiences & information....
I felt like I was becoming a bit of a hypochondriac. True story. When you see people that went in the hospital for a knee replacement & come out brain dead or see a young person stroke out or become diagnosed with a rare disease that totally changes their lives forever....it does something to you. I mean...there were times when I'd look at my eyes & both kiddos eyes to see if their pupils were dialted (signs of potential stroke (& probably a dozen other things)). I'd ask the nurses at work about every little bump, ache, skin irritation I stumbled upon.
Do you guys ever KNOW you are being ridiculous, but it's like you can't stop your thought process? Well...I do. Through prayers & reading & journaling & sharing my CrAzY I learned to TRULY understand a few things.
One of which, is our mortality & how it is completely OUT OF OUR HANDS. I can see my Uncle working through it & have talked with my Aunt & can identify with the struggle he is facing. This is the bottom line of it all & it is HARD to accept. We were put on this Earth to be vessels of God's light. Certain people come into our lives & we enter into others to spread our light, teach us lessons, see glimpses of the right & the wrong ways to act, LOVE EACH OTHER, share our experiences, & leave impressions (Good & Bad). GOD is the ONLY person in control. I know that is hard to believe when you see things like war, childhood cancer, well....all cancer, school shootings, gang violence, the list could go on. ALL we can do is work our entire lives to SHARE GOD'S LIGHT: touch people, leave a positive impression in their lives & learn from the negative ones we encounter. We are not in control of a whole lot & that was HARD for me to wrap my head around....even though I've heard the same thing I'm typing hundreds of times. A person can get mighty wrapped up in trying to control things they aren't meant to control.
I truly believe & have seen how hard work pays off into something much more than what you can imagine in the present. I had naysayers & negativity when my husband & I started dating & it has developed into such a STRONG marriage & BEAUTIFUL family. I have had hard times & struggles in past jobs snowball into a thought process MUCH bigger than the problems & I truly believe that the HARD WORK we are doing here on Earth is PREPARING us for our ULTIMATE GOAL: Being able to stand openly & honestly in front of our Maker when our time comes & it will be the most glorious meeting - WAY beyond our comprehension.
So....dilated pupils or not, operations gone bad, unfair diagnosis - JUST remember: "And He Himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25
We were all sitting around at one of our family Christmas's & my two Uncles tried to give me the gift certificates back that we gave them for Christmas. They wanted us to use it for our family. I told them to take it. It was for them & between the two of them they told us: "Ya'll are a young family getting yourselves situated. We appreciate it, but we don't need it." My comment back was: "Ya'll have done SO MUCH for us & we'll NEVER, EVER be able to repay ya'll - that's just a little something for ya'll." Their response back to me was: "We just love ya'll. We don't care about all that." We finally settled on going to eat with them.
My heart was very FULL when we left. All I can say to you all my friends is PRAY. PRAY for understanding if you don't know what to pray for & open your heart to let it happen. Through prayer I was brought an EXPERIENCE from my AMAZING, CrAzY, sometimes chaotic family that SHOWED me: LOVE is really ALL that matters & we need to handle ourselves & live our lives in a way to bring GLORY to GOD, which will bring GLORY to your FAMILY & your FRIENDS & all the people you encounter.
In church on Sunday the sermon was about the FAMILY. The priest talked about The Holy Family & then discussed the family unit & how we all need to look at our family as an important cell in the make-up of God's creation & make it as strong as possible. That family is the foundation of our being & how the next generations are taught. Make your family STRONG. Forgive when your family doesn't understand. If you can't help them understand - LOVE them until they figure it out for themselves. FOCUS on your cell & THANK GOD for the blessings in your life everyday. There are SO MANY people out there that don't have family to support them when their figurin' things out....or to even disagree with.
Many, Many Blessings to you & yours! Go on... BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS & let your light SHINE!
