Day 32: "Using What God Gave You"

We continue on to Day 32 of the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren. This chapter talks all about our SHAPE & how to understand it & USE it.

Here is the first thing that jumped right off the page at me: "It was only after I began accepting opportunities to speak that I saw the result, received confirmation from others, and realized, 'God has gifted me to do this!'" Pastor Warren was talking about his ability to teach. We've talked about each of us having LOTS of gifts. We've also talked about how sometimes we didn't know we had them. I can tell you...after some of my life experiences...that I wonder what I've still got bottled up inside me.

I took a job in sales...didn't even know there was such a thing like it, until I applied for it. Really...had NO CLUE on how to sell what I'd be selling. They taught me how. I listened & placed in our annual sales competition EVERY year, but not only that...I realized (& so did my bosses) that I had a knack for connecting will people...all kinds of people...& not just to make friends, but to build campaigns & work with people in a business setting. That's my first example of a spiritual gift I discovered.

Here's another...had the IDEA come to me about being an auctioneer. I NEVER called an auction before. Never really had any interest to try. I called my Dad, who called my Uncle who TOLD me I was going to go with him to a Church Feast in Plum, Texas & help him....in TWO weeks. I didn't have a chant. I hadn't practiced. Heck...I was still working through the thoughts of if I REALLY wanted to do it & what some people might think about it. I hadn't even told my husband. I could have NOT gone. Uncle Mele still would have loved me :)....BUT...I WENT. For two weeks, I watched You Tube videos, chose my filler words, practiced with my family, counted fence posts as I went down the road & SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.....WENT. Uncle Mele told me to spot first, so I could see where the main bidders were. I did. Then I got up there & sold. Not only did people compliment me, but asked me where I learned how to do it...when I told them You Tube videos & practice they about fell over. Then I did another & people URGED me on with MORE compliments & not only compliments, BUT advice to pursue it. I went to another & thought...okay these people don't HAVE to be nice to me & decided to get my license & here I am PURSUING it. That is example 2.

I was working a full-time job when I started this whole auctioneer journey. I mean I was busy, but I had just unlocked a door to a whole world full of new thoughts & emotions that I had NEVER had. I had a friend that had a Blog called: Pistols & Cupcakes & she wrote a blog about us winning a Halloween Contest with our Ninja Turtle Costumes. HONESTLY...before that I had NEVER read a blog. I didn't really understand the point of them...until I read hers. I can tell you...It was the PERFECT place for me to UNLOAD all of my thoughts about my journey...ALL of them....so I started the blog: Buck Up Baby! & started SHARING my journey. Initially I used it to UNLOAD thoughts...then I started giving props to the organizations & bidders that were at the auctions I did, now I use it to do those things, but also as a marketing tool OR a way to clarify certain things about the events that we are a part of. Anyways....once I started giving props to the events, individuals, & organizations...I started SHARING it on Facebook, on my page & the page of anyone involved. The truth of the matter is though...that I thought a FEW people might read them, but I didn't expect to get the POSITIVE reaction I got....really & I sure didn't expect to get compliments on the WAY I wrote them. I mean I just type it how I think it...& that is usually not grammatically correct...or politically correct. Here I present...Example #3.

I can also tell you that another SPIRITUAL GIFT that God has GIVEN to me is COURAGE & the ABILITY to (sometimes blindly) look past the drawbacks, judgements, perceived thoughts & march onward. It has to be God-given, b/c sometimes I think I'm flat cRaZY for trying to tackle some of the things I do, but I've already gotten myself half-way into it, so there's NO TURNING BACK.

Here's another important...lesson, from this chapter: "Part of accepting your shape is recognizing your limitations. Nobody is good at everything, and no one is called to be everything." WOW...what a lesson I have learned, & I wish I would have learned it sooner. I still strugGLE with it, but I have LEARNED that when I start feeling overwhelmed, stressed, cRAzY, bumfuzzled, twisted up, anxious, out-of-control...there is SOMEONE around me that can HELP me. We are SUPPOSED to work together. Just because you know you are ABLE doesn't mean YOU have to do it. Someone else is able too....& may just have the ability to do a better job at it.

I'm in the middle of a project now where I KNOW...to give the GLORY to GOD...I NEED people to HELP me. I need people to BRING their talents & their SHAPE to the table. This is another one of those things that wouldn't even be a thing....if I wouldn't have decided (with friends urging me) to "CREATE WITH ABANDON" as my journal cover says. That means (my meaning): BELIEVE IT. ENVISION IT. ACT ON IT. Then figure out how to MAKE IT what you ENVISION once you got the ball rolling.

Here is the last thing I'll share from this chapter before I get to the daily info. "Satan will try to steal the joy of service from you in a couple of ways: by tempting you to compare your ministry with others, and by tempting you to conform your ministry to the expectations of others." BELIEVE THIS: Just like God uses us to HELP each other...Satan uses us to HURT each other...all day, everyday, & as often as possible. No one is off limits. Also KNOW...that when you are doing God's work...Satan will ATTACK you every. chance. he. gets. I truly believe that GOD is strengthening my MIND right now to handle his attacks. Pastor Warren shares this in the book: "You will find that people who do not understand your shape for ministry will criticize you and try to get you to conform to what they think you should be doing. Ignore them. Paul often had to deal with critics who misunderstood and maligned his service. His response was always the same: Avoid comparisons, resist exaggerations, and seek only God's commendation. One of the reasons Paul was used so greatly by God was that he refused to be distracted by criticism or by comparing his ministry with others or by being drawn into fruitless debates about his ministry."

"Point to Ponder: God deserves my best."

Daily Bible Verse: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15 (NIV)

Daily Question: "How can I make the best use of what God has given me?"

From my journal the first time of reading: The truth is - it seems like it is slowly being revealed to me...in pieces. I know auctions and sharing my journey is part of it...and maybe that's it, but I believe there will be more, once I handle this part.

Believe me when I say...there's MORE. There will always be MORE...& God won't wait until you "handle" one part... It's all on His watch.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! This chapter talks about a "Life Review Retreat." I'm down for that if anyone knows anything about one. Also...this chapter ENCOURAGES us to talk to our people about our SHAPE...to see what others see in us. Do that...I know it's not easy, but probably worth it.

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 31:"Understanding Your Shape"

Thanks guys for hangin' in with me! Its been a BusY couple weeks. Tonight I felt EXTREMELY compelled to write this blog. I've fallen behind, so hopefully everyone that needed to catch up with the posts, has & we will carry on to Day 31 of the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren. In the last post, we STARTED discussing our SHAPE. We discussed our Spiritual gifts & listening to our Heart.

Today we learn how to uncover, determine, figure out, & think about the rest of what creates our SHAPE. There is SO much in this book & so many ways this book can reach you, so PLEASE read it for yourself. I will share the things that just FLEW off the page at me.

We'll start with applying our Abilities. First off, the book says: "Your abilities are the natural talents you were born with." Let me tell ya...sometimes you don't even know you have'm. THIS is the most helpful thing for me (in terms of the guidance I was seeking) that this chapter had to offer: (Pastor Warren is discussing some people's ability to run a business.) "First, realize your ability came from God and give him the credit. Second, use your business to serve a need of others and too share your faith with unbelievers. Third, return at least a tithe (10 per cent) of the profit to God as an act of worship. Finally, make your goal to be a Kingdom Builder rather than just a Wealth Builder."

I have said before (in a number of different settings) that the MAIN reason I CONTINUE to pursue this whole auction career is because, through PRAYER, the thought came to my mind, I pursued it....cautiously at first, then proceeded to LEARN more about it & get my license. Many other "God" things have happened regarding it, since then. Here is what I strUGGle with. I WANT to give God the glory, but I don't know how.... I mean YES.... I SHARE my story with people, BUT I want to give him the glory in the act & I have not figured out HOW. I mean....how to do it where it will be EFFECTIVE.....where people will be RECEPTIVE to it....where people will KNOW it is GENUINE & where all the.....static of this world doesn't cloud...or hinder my actions.

Here's the part I'm struggling with: "Second, use your business to serve a need of others and too share your faith with unbelievers." - Here is how I see it & what I have a HARD time CONVEYING to others: (I will just speak plainly.) In the small communities, surrounding my hometown, I have WITNESSED how support systems (communities, families & friends, cause supporters, local business owners, etc.) have come together to shine light in the darkness & GENERATE life-changing funds for causes, organizations, and individuals that NEED it....through the LIVE Auction method. BELIEVE ME...there is an overwhelming need EVERYWHERE for what a LIVE AUCTION can bring & every single one of us has a web of connections that can be used to SUPPORT any NEED out there.

Where I struggle is ACTUALLY sharing my faith...IN THE ACT. It is not that I don't want to...it can be a number of different things such as: the intensity of event day & all the announcements that need to be made, all the people that want/need to make announcements, the numerous small fires that have to be put out like equipment malfunctions, lack of connectivity, people not showing up, etc. I KNOW the MAIN part of this is me though....& how (& why) I'm holding back.....it's the "unbelievers." Not JUST the unbelievers of CHRIST, but the unbelievers in WHAT I'm doing, WHY I'm doing it, HOW I'm doing it, WHEN I'm doing it..... This whole "doing something MOST people don't get" business is the hardest thing I've ever done. NO DOUBT....but.....I would do it over AGAIN in a heartbeat....and it seems like most people just don't get that. This whole MINISTERING to others business ain't easy. I mean....you THINK you are a believer...& THEN...you come to a VERY EVIDENT crossroad...that makes you talk to people, go places, & do things you either didn't want to do OR had NO IDEA you'd have the time or ABILITY to do them......and you just stand there, looking in both directions KNOWING which way you HAVE to go, but not wanting to...& you take the step anyway. That is FAITH my friends & you will be rewarded for it. Just typing this has revealed to me how much CONTROL outside things have over us & how much work I have to do on myself to not let the "unbelievers" hinder the vision that I see & the use of MY God-given ABILITIES.

The next part of our SHAPE this chapter discusses is our Personality. We all know what our personality is like, but let me explain how I applied this part. As a licensed auctioneer there are ALL KINDS of auctions that I could call: auto, livestock, benefit/charity, real estate, estate liquidations, business liquidations, storage units...you get my drift. The simplest way for me to know what direction my SHAPE is taking me is to look at all those options & go to what I would like to do. It doesn't have to be just one & it could change throughout my life. I will use my SHAPE: Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, & (later we'll talk about Experiences) to continue to share my MINISTRY with others. Another way to look at is this way: 2 Auctioneers, selling in the same industry....let's just say...2 estate auction companies... Each auctioneer can bring totally different gifts to their customers by their personalities. One may bring knowledge, guidance, & services & be very well-respected, while the other brings fresh marketing ideas, enthusiasm, & has a unique way of connecting with a crowd.  

The last part of our SHAPE is our Experiences. Here are the experiences the book asks us to examine: family experiences, educational experiences, vocational experiences (jobs you were good at), spiritual experiences, ministry experiences (ways you've served God), & painful experiences. Yeah...go ahead and make that list & say a prayer. It'll sure help you connect the dots. Also know this: "Only shared experiences can help others." The book goes on to discuss how God uses those painful experiences to stretch us & grow us & our need to share them with others. I know....they are the toughest ones to share.

Here's our daily stuff:

"Point to Ponder: Nobody else can be me."

Daily Bible Verse: "God has given each of you some special abilities; be sure to use them to help each other, passing on to others God's many kinds of blessings." 1 Peter 4:10 (LB)

Daily Question: "What God-given ability or personal experience can I offer to my church?"

From my journal the first time of reading: Blogging, writing, sharing open & honest experiences, auctions, asking tough questions

Yeah....now I know that I can offer all kinds of gifts, abilities, & experiences to my church, my family, my friends, & complete strangers.

God BLESS you all! Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! LEARN your SHAPE. It takes a little deep-diggin,' but you'll be glad you did.

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 30: "Shaped for Serving God"

I just LOVE this chapter! LOVE IT!! Welcome to ALL the readers & thanks for following along as we go through the daily chapters of The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

Today we continue to LEARN more about our own PERSONAL ministry. Today BEGINS the discussion of helping us understand our SHAPE.

I remember as a college student I encountered all kinds of students that had all kinds of different beliefs OR were REALLY confused about their beliefs & I remember being questioned by a classmate of mine...one where I really enjoyed his company & the discussion he brought to our class. See...I used to ALWAYS wear a necklace with a cross on it, not the same one...I had one in EVERY color, BUT he asked me, as we were walking from class..."You don't really believe in that, do you?" He pointed & I asked what he was talking about. He said..."Your cross...I just don't want you to be disappointed one day." I said: "You don't believe in it?!" I was TOTALLY shocked. I had a phone call coming in & I walked to my class & he walked to his. Our next class was quite awkward to say the least. I didn't even know how to talk to him after that. I'd be lying if I didn't confess that he got me to thinkin' about things. I never questioned IF God was real or not, but put myself on a journey to try and really wrap my head around some of the tough things. What I concluded & where I am now is the thinking that: God would not have created us how he created us, if there wasn't some PURPOSE behind it. All these emotions & thoughts & relationships & knowledge & skills & talents & EMOTIONS (I know I said it twice!) just can not be for nothing. Why? How could anyone not acknowledge that part of us? I mean if our jobs, our money, our luxuries were stripped away from us...wouldn't we still have WORTH? Wouldn't we still have EMOTIONS? Wouldn't there still be a PURPOSE for them? That is why I believe that when our physical body dies...it turns to dust, but our DEEP innards...you know our SOULS...don't just disappear. I can't understand it all...only our Maker can & I TRUST & have FAITH that he made us for a purpose, because he sure didn't HAVE to.

Another thing this book has taught me, or made me think about is how God PREPARES for the Plan Bs & Cs & Ds & even Es & Fs & Gs in our life. He has our life mapped out. He KNOWS what our purpose is & he knows how to get us to see it (this chapter teaches you that). He also KNOWS that the devil is going to try and detour us EVERY chance he gets. That's what leads to the Plan Bs & Cs, etc. I think about when I REALLY make a plan for something...I mean REALLY put everything into it & do the research (no shortcuts) & KNOW what things could POSSIBLY come at me. There is no way of me knowing if they will, but it is the BEST way I can PREPARE myself to be prepared to COMBAT it. When you study like this...you LEARN your competition (just an example) or your drawback. Many times you become SO educated about it...you could teach a class on it. That is how God is with the devil...at least that is what I believe. First of all he created his being...he knows how he operates. Secondly, he has been dealin' with him for SO LONG that he knows the kind of tricks & kniving schemes he will try and put into play. He knows what member of his army, he'll send after you. God has a counter for EVERY trick the devil can throw at us. Earlier in the book we learned that there are some situations where the SPECIFIC job you're in is not the IMPORTANT part in God's overall plan. For example....You could have offers from 3 different companies, but all 3 of those companies will allow God to develop the skills he wants to develop in you. The specific job you choose is kind of irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. God knows several ways to keep you on your journey to learning & SHARING your purpose.

We are going to start to learn about our SHAPE!! This was REALLY eye-opening to me.

S-Spiritual Gifts
H-Heart
A-Abilities
P-Personality
E-Experience

Today we will learn about our Spiritual Gifts & our Heart, but first I just want to share something. It USED to be REALLY hard for me to understand people who didn't think like I did...and honestly I just couldn't figure out a way to understand their way of thinking. I used to think they were just WRONG and that was it. As I got older...I realized that EVERY person has REASONS for thinking they way they think, or emotions that hang them up on things, or DIffErent experiences that cause them to see things in a different light. This chapter really drives home how we are ALL created COMPLETELY UNIQUELY. Every one of us has a different mixture of the "SHAPE" recipe that makes us uniqUe.

SPIRITUAL GIFTS: "These are special God-empowered abilities for serving him that are given only to believers." How SPECIAL is that?! This chapter goes on to tell us how all of our gifts our different & how our gifts actually help others, just like the gifts of others are meant to help us. God keeps us NEEDING each other! This is a REALLY important part from this chapter: "Two common problems are 'gift-envy' & 'gift-projection.' The first occurs when we compare our gifts with others', feel dissatisfied with what God gave us, and become resentful or jealous of how God uses others. The second problem happens when we expect everyone else to have our gifts, do what we are called to do, and feel as passionate about it as we do." My experience of not understanding others is shown in the second problem. We ALL experience things, but the more AWARE of the problems you become...the quicker you can PUMP THE BRAKES on them.

HEART: "The Bible uses the term heart to describe the bundle of desire, hopes, interests, ambitions, dreams, and affections you have. Your heart represents the source of all your motivations - what you love to do and what you care about most." What Pastor Warren goes on to discuss in this section is SO good. It makes me think of this internal struGgLe I've been having with myself about what direction I should go with my auction business. Let me tell you...there are ALL kinds of auctions...ALL KINDS & sometimes it is hard to know what direction you are meant to go/supposed to go/which one is an opportunity/which way is a diversion.... I've been guided to & from several different ones including: general consignment auctions, benefit/fundraising auctions, & estate auctions. I've learned a lot in the last couple months & have gotten some of the BEST ADVICE from some of the BEST in the industry, that has provided some clarity to me. Here is what I have learned, b/c (BEFORE the convention) I have gone in the WRONG direction (for me) based on the advice of others....others that I fully respect. Just because someone can see ALL the reasons that a certain business direction will work GREAT for you...does not mean that YOU can see how that business direction will work for you. YOU have to know & you have to WANT to do it. I had been guided away from the direction I want to go...because others in my field didn't necessarily see things how I saw it & THEY had experienced certain difficulties that made them want to deter me from that road. There are some areas of this industry that I truly don't know if I'd like or not. There's only one way to figure that out...go & do it. Just because I learn about an area I'm NOT familiar with, DOES NOT mean that I can't grow MY business in the direction that I KNOW I CAN. You can be an ASSET to your company...at the same time you are an ASSET to another. It all depends on your HEART...Do you have a DESIRE? Do you HOPE to grow from the experience? Are you INTERSTed in it? Do you have the AMBITION to go after it? Do you DREAM to be well-rounded in your trade?

I'm gonna share 4 more quotes from the book that really say it all for me:

"Your emotional heartbeat is the second key to understanding your shape for service. DON'T IGNORE YOUR INTERESTS."

"How do you know when you are serving God from your heart? The first telltale sign is enthusiasm."

**Side note on this one. That year when I did VERY few auctions & I called the Ledbetter Fireman's Auction in October...I got in the car with my Uncle & his girlfriend & said: "This is what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing! I just NEED to figure it out. I'm not sure HOW I'm gonna make a living at it, but this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

"When you don't have a heart for what you're doing, you are easily discouraged."

**A PERFECT example of this for me is the JOY I get when doing a benefit auction vs. a consignment auction.

"Whenever you do what God wired you to love to do, you get good at it. Passion drives perfection."

"Point to Ponder: I was shaped for serving God."

Daily Bible Verse: "God works through different men in different ways, but it is the same God who achieves his purposes through them all." 1 Corinthians 12:6 (PH)

Daily Question: "In what way can I see myself passionately serving others and loving it?"

From my journal the first time of reading: Auctions, fundraising, raising money for people and causes, event planning and coordination, spreading God's word to the masses, playing with children and teaching them.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! If you haven't yet...GO GET THIS BOOK!!

God Bless!
Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 29: "Accepting Your Assignment"

Hey all! I tell you what! It's gettin' harder & harder for me to stay up & get these posts out! I'm gonna try and double up for ya today! Today we move onto our 4th PURPOSE: "You were shaped for serving God."

Today talks about "Accepting Your Assignment." This is Day 29 in Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?

There are 3 parts of this chapter that I want to discuss, because I have had specific conversations about them OR I just think they are important.

Here is the first: "Another term for serving God that's misunderstood by most people is the word MINISTRY. When most people hear "ministry," they think of pastors, priests, and professional clergy, but God says every member of his family is a minister."

I had a conversation with a VERY dear friend. We actually met for lunch/brainstorming session & that turned into almost a 3-hour long discussion. One of the things I talked to her about was starting a ministry...& calling it "Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus." After our discussion (& lots of thought) I think I will call it a MISSION, but it will accomplish the same thing. Some of the things brought up were: "Is it necessary to use "Jesus" in the name of the ministry & would I be up there PREACHING to people?" We can speak VERY plainly to each other & know that the other has each other's best interests in mind when asking the questions we ask. After the first question...my head initially went to...."If I take his name OUT of it....that will be like taking his name out of the Pledge of Allegiance & out of schools & out of whatever they can get it out of." She stopped me and reminded me that Jesus was humble & doesn't need his name everywhere....& he doesn't. I know she was coming to me from a place of concern & she doesn't want ANYTHING to curtail my business....but he is ALL UP IN my business & I WANT to .

Then she asked: "What would this ministry do?" I told her my ROUGH vision: Have the ability to provide scholarships & grants to students & new business owners because I know how you can feel limited as both, if you don't have the money it takes to do something that you really think needs to be done. I'd like to also be able to provide religious education grants for children and adults. Then I told her how I'd like to take my employees & volunteers on specific missions to help spread our mission. Not only that, but the group of people that work with me have experiences that (if shared) can REALLY help others & I'm not opposed to speaking engagements...alone or as a team. So...to answer the question about if we would be preaching to people....not really. We'd be sharing our experiences with people...and doing for people.

I kind of delved into WHY it concerned her as much as it did & she shared some of her experiences, which were quite eye-opening. She is a BELIEVER...by all means, but LIKE MANY OF US (myself included...once upon a time)...is RESERVED about sharing her experiences or her FAITH because we don't want to offend anyone or rub anyone the wrong way. I agree that...depending on what you want to accomplish...some conversations have to be approached with finesse. She also told me about her childhood growing up & how many parents & adults kind of shoved religion down your throat & TOLD you what you had to be & what was GOOD & BAD...ACCEPTABLE & UNACCEPTABLE...ultimately leaving the impression that you had to be, act, dress, look a certain way to be acceptable to GOD. One example she told me was when she was a little girl one of her neighbors (parents of her little neighbor friend) gave her a Bible & then told her to take it home & tell her Daddy that he OWED them $2 or something for it.

All I want to do is SHARE MY GOOD NEWS WITH OTHERS. SHARE what I have learned & what I BELIEVE & give examples & tell stories & GIVE GOD THE GLORY. I'm not sure WHAT that will look like exactly... I just feel like I'm supposed to do it. I also know that I don't want to SHOVE IT DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS. It won't mean a thing to them. I want to SHARE with who wants me to share it with them or who THINKS they want to know what I am talking about or who WANTS to be a part of whatever I'm doing. I don't want to FORCE anything. I realize that some people may put a wall up...just by the words I choose to use...but some won't & if something GOOD is coming from it the GOODNESS will spread & continue to spread...even if there are only a handful that want anything to do with it at first.

Here is the second thing I want to share that kind of reiterates what I discussed above. "The Bible says, 'He saved us and called us to be his own people, not because of what we have done, but because of his own purpose.' Peter adds, 'You were chosen to tell about the excellent qualities of God, who called you.' Anytime you use your God-given abilities to help others, you are fulfilling your calling." After typing & re-reading this...something else struck me. In this business I have started I have found that A LOT of people don't UNDERSTAND where I am going with this, what the purpose is, WHY I'm doing it & just don't go out and get a job. HONESTLY...sometimes I'm not sure of the EXACT direction I am going or the EXACT purpose behind ALL these lessons I'm learning, but I KNEW before I went at it FULL-time I was supposed to be doing SOMETHING with it. I KNEW I needed to do more. It has been CONFIRMED to me I don't even know how many times now. I still can't say what it will look like 6 months, a year, or 10 years from now & I STILL have people trying to tell me how I'm supposed to live my life when they have NO CLUE...at all...about what has been done, what is in the works, what I have learned, & what God has GIVEN me. Heck...some of them don't even know what God has GIVEN them. YET...I still march on b/c I UNDERSTAND my PURPOSE for doing it. I share this because....We aren't even close to UNDERSTANDING GOD's purpose for our lives...God's purpose for saving us & blessing us with the gifts he gave no other living creature...what is SO special about us that God CHOSE to save us...WHY we have the experiences & feelings that we have... & (EVEN AFTER HE PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE) we QUESTION Him & get MAD at him & HIDE from Him, Some of us LOSE our belief in Him, we take his name OUT of things...YET he marches on....blessing families with more babies, loving us through our sins...teaching us to know ourselves when we don't understand WHY he doesn't just tell us. You know.... I don't UNDERSTAND his PURPOSE, but I BELIEVE in his PURPOSE & mine is linked with His.

Here is the THIRD thing I want to share from this chapter: "We must act on what we know and practice what we claim to believe. Impression without expression caused depression. Study without service leads to spiritual stagnation." AMEN!!!!! This happened to me when I took another job, when I KNEW I should pursue something with my auction license. This happened to me when I read the chapter about HARD conversations & SAT on it b/c I didn't want to have them. This happened to me when I didn't feel RIGHT to write posts for a blog called "Buck Up Baby!" when I couldn't even get the nerve to BUCK UP & do what I knew I was supposed to be doing. This happens when I see a friend I haven't seen in years that wants to catch up on old pals...which eventually leads to gossiping. Honestly...this still happens to me from post to post. I share this information with ya'll & some days....even though I KNOW what I SHOULD do....I just don't. I've told you before that I die daily...sometimes several times a day & my faith wains, BUT I can say that the more AWARE of things you become...the more you EXPRESS yourself & the less you put yourself in depressing situations.

READ the chapter. There is LOTS more in there. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Find your ministry, name it what you want to, & go to sharin' that sucker! Here is the flyer for the BABY stages of my ministry/mission. I am HOPING to give as many $1000 scholarships away as possible to students pursuing a higher level of education, whether that be: a college, university, trade school, licensing school, or religious education school. It will be open to any high-school graduate student, currently enrolled college student, or someone wishing to return to school. The candidates will have to answer 1 of 2 essay questions: 1) Give us an example of an experience where you have had to "BUCK UP" & do something that has pushed you out of your comfort zone & how that made an impact on your life & possibly others OR 2) Tell us about an area/idea/dream that you have, but you have not mustered up the courage yet to "Buck Up." What is holding you back?  

Just realized...I didn't share the daily stuff....

"Point to Ponder: Service is not optional."

Daily Bible Verse: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

Daily Question: "What is holding me back from accepting God's call to serve him?"\

From my journal the first time of reading: In December 2013 I quit my job to pursue my service/talent God has given me. The things that stopped me and still hang me up are: fear, family and friends not understanding, perception, pride, my perceived image, money. I can sit here - happy to say that I can feel the good Lord working in me, blessing others, and melting away some of my previous concerns.

A little more to say now...as some of those concerns melt away...some days others intensify. Daily...I tell you...DAILY you have to work through ALL the processes....of all the things & JUST HOLD FAITH that the PURPOSE you are working towards is worth it.

God Bless Pretties!!
Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 28: "It Takes Time"

Welcome back readers & WELCOME to new readers! Today we move on to Day 28 in the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

Today's topic is something I still struggle with & probably will for quite some time. Mainly because we are conditioned to be timely & get things done & meet deadlines & time is money & we are only here for a short time & time just flies by.... You hear what I'm sayin'?

Then sometimes I feel like I'm sitting on things....wasting time...because I have learned over the years...that if you feel rushed...you're trying to jam a round peg into a square hole & there is something better out there.

I feel like this chapter was written about me.. The book says: "God is more interested in strength and stability than swiftness." I just talked to a friend yesterday about some things...one being the last consignment auction I had & how I was sitting there, BEFORE the auction even started, a little upset about the turnout, BUT already going into PLAN B mode or Problem-solving mode. I went on & endured the struggle, accepted the struggle, learned from the struggle, but I wanted to get on with it. Move through it FAST, put it behind me, forget about it...kind of forget it even happened. I KNOW it doesn't define me, but it TICKS me off.

But then I think back & realize how much SUPPORT I had from SO many people. How I had NEW SUPPORT I didn't know I had. How we really made SOMETHING happen...even if I didn't really like that something. How I experienced new things....things I'll do again & things I won't. How I discovered new NEEDS I have. How new members joined my team & how well it worked.... I can't FORGET all that.

The OLD me wants to JUMP & GO & DO something....anything. I plan on having a follow-up consignment auction...& with my INTERNAL team I have changed the date of it....probably 4 or 5 times B/C when I take a moment to relax my thoughts I get a clearer picture of the time I need to make it better. It really is like an internal struggle inside myself to CHILL OUT & then as soon as I do...I feel like I'm WASTING time....

Here is something interesting & many of you (like I did the first time) will think that you KNOW what you have not given over to God. :) You don't have a clue. Just like I don't. It took me a minute to realize that. The book says: "You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot of your life that you aren't even aware of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That's okay. Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his." You have to submit to that. You have to allow that. You have to have FAITH in that.

I have a Ribbon Cutting/30th Birthday Bash/Business Kick-Off Auction benefiting the Buck Up Auctions Scholarship Fund coming up NEXT Friday...July 18th (my actual bday) & I am REALLY feeling that strUgGle with time within myself. There are things that need to get done that I know will have to get done & I know MY normal way of getting it done, but I'm just not sure it is the right way. I am also aware of the crowd turnout for the last auction & even though I know THIS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT ANIMAL I've got that lingering there in the back of my mind. Then this chapter reminds me: "God has promised that 'he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.' Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

Some of you know the why/how/reason I started this auction business (there are really several). Some of you also know that when I started this journey I wondered why I hadn't thought to do it sooner. As I learn & I grow & I look back...I can see ALL the things that I have experienced. I remember how my family called a family meeting when we found out Dad had to have a transplant & we decided that we were going to FIGURE OUT A WAY to raise the money. I remember organizing & helping & gathering items for ALL the benefits we put on & I REMEMBER...when they were all completed & we raised close to $100K & (even though my Uncles & Aunt Jeanette (GOD BLESS THEM) still had to buy Daddy's land to make up the difference of what was needed) we closed that gap & got done what needed to get done. I also remember me sitting by myself a week later & REALIZING EVERYTHING that had happened. All the SUPPORT that showed up from our small communities, the press we got that we really didn't know we were getting, the complete strangers that showed up bringing items to people they didn't even know, Businesses we didn't do much business with donating items, friends coming up with ideas to raise MORE money..........& just thinking that THERE IS NO WAY WE REALLY EVER BE ABLE TO PAY THESE PEOPLE BACK....sitting there thinking this THANK YOU I'm writing to put in the papers just doesn't even begin to SHOW how much we appreciated it & HONESTLY...we didn't even know how to show it. Everything seemed so small when you compared it to what EVERYONE else helped us to ACCOMPLISH.

So.....although some of you have heard me say that I don't know why I hadn't become an auctioneer sooner or that I hadn't really thought about it... GOD was conditioning me in a way (that I totally did not understand) more than 10 years ago. AND...believe me when I say I feel like I'm crawLING right now, BUT I must remember: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." Philippians 1:6 (NIV).

I used to sit and think about why people give when they KNOW it will never be returned in the same way. Over the years I've learned that there are always people in our lives that we will NEVER be able to pay back...the same way. Sometimes it is because they believe in the cause OR in the people OR in the idea OR in the organization. Sometimes it is because they feel COMPELLED to do it for any plethora of their own reasons. Sometimes they rest assured that the seeds they are planting in others will GROW and prosper in a way they couldn't do on their own.

 Well...when I sat down to type I totally did not expect it to take me back to that part of my life. AMAZING how things work out ;). I am BLESSED & you are ALL blessings to me. You know it really is all about God's time & maybe we should all do our best to be blessings to others while we wait for his direction.

"Point to Ponder: There are no shortcuts to maturity."

Daily Bible Verse: "God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again." Philippians 1:6 (NCV)

Daily Question: "In what area of my spiritual growth do I need to be more patient & persistent?"

From my journal the first time of reading: I need to trust and seek God's timing. I had a lesson in this today. I tend to bit off more than I need to chew and today's chapter and conversation with my auctioneer friend - guided me to what needed to happen. (Zapp Hall/Chelsea's Meadow Auction).

Let me give you the condensed version of what the Zapp Hall & Chelsea's Meadow Auctions mean. As a company we had this guerrilla marketing idea to raise awareness for ourselves by going tent to tent auctioning off an item & the winning bidder could choose from a selection of charities that would receive the money. Me & another gal are literally WINGING-IT. Just goin' out & talkin' to people, getting the OK from landowners, etc. Long story short....(BELIEVE ME...you'll hear more about these two auctions) we got in a situation where we were pretty much going to have TWO fundraising auctions in the same day with LESS than a week to advertise the both of them. One wanted to do a consignment auction where the buyer's premium went to the cause. Well...an auctioneer is the only person that can solicit/discuss/initiate consignment agreements. Considering I had another auction committed to that day it was literally IMPOSSIBLE to pull off. So...I was bummed because the way BOTH of these two auctions came about was GOD AT WORK & so I was brainstorming...thinking.....trying to figure out a way to pull them both off...the easiest way possible & not DISAPPOINT both parties. Well....after a talk with my Auction Teacher & my crew & getting to a point where I KNEW I'd either lose one auction or they'd agree to do it the ONLY way we could pull it off. I made the phone call. They agreed to do it the way I suggested & we raised right around $6000 at EACH auction. Considering we had a week's time or less to pull this off I'd say it was a HUGE success. God will ALWAYS provide a way....ALWAYS... Sometimes we have to slow down our racing thoughts & fear of the perception of others or fear of not measuring up & just do what you can do, the best way you can do it. Will we do it the same way again. Some things...& some things we will tweak, but we wouldn't know unless we tried.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! His timing is RIGHT ON....TRUST that!

God Bless!

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 27: "Defeating Temptation"

Welcome back!! Today we move on to Day 27 in Pastor Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?

Today we talk about defeating temptation. We are TEMPTED...sometimes it feels like...EVERY minute of EVERY day. Tempted by something...negative thoughts, the thoughts of others, perceptions, things we love, pleasure, worry, time frames, deadlines, confusion.... I know now that it is ALL about the choices we make...the perseverance we have, the clarity of mind, the knowledge of scripture, being surrounded by those that SUPPORT you, SUPPORTING others on their journey, PRAYING...

Sometimes I get SO muddied up it is ridiculous! This book says: "Spiritually, your mind is your most vulnerable organ." It also says: "The battle for sin is won or lost in your mind." Pastor Warren ain't joshin'! Sometimes I think the SOLUTION for EVERYTHING is so stinkin' simple, but we can't handle simple anymore. I think of all the issues or problems or concerns or mess-ups that I've experienced & if I'd have just STOPPED & THOUGHT before acting or initiating or saying or doing....I'd have FIXED my own problem....simply with CLARITY of my own KNOWLEDGE. One thing that I can get caught up with is listening to what OTHER people think I should be doing. It is a process, but just the simple fact that I am AWARE of it, has helped me to GROW out of it. Don't get me wrong...I still struGglE with it....because I know that I don't know everything & I know I need HELP...but GOD has ENTRUSTED me with the skills & knowledge that I have to make MY OWN decisions, but still use the advice, success, and experience of others to help me form them.

Where is your attention? I have EVOLVED in just the short time of reading this book for the first time & now re-reading and sharing with you all. I've evolved because of what I've learned, my experiences & where my attention is. Pastor Warren says: "Whatever gets your attention will get you."

I think of my ANXIETY levels now...compared to what they used to be. What amazes me, as I look back, is I know where my attention is. My attention is protecting, providing, developing, & strengthening what GOD has BLESSED me with. That includes my gifts, my talent, my marriage, my children, my work ethic, my friendships, my TRUST in God and everything he has blessed me with & REVEALED to me....  If you had asked me that when I read this book the first time...my answer PROBABLY would have been FIGURING OUT A WAY to provide for my family and to succeed. The difference in the two answers is what I probably would have said the first time around is self-serving & me goin' it on my own. Where my attention is now gives it ALL to GOD...the success, the way those gifts prosper, the way my talent develops, the way my marriage and friendships strengthen, the way my sweet baby girl talks about Jesus, the way I'm able to share God's message to others, the way I allow others to help me by their experiences...even the failures go to Him...because I know I'm learning a lesson that will allow me to be BLESSED once I get through it.

I URGE everyone of you reading & whoever you will share this with to start learning God's word. However it works best for you. The book encourages a Bible Verse a week. I PRAY that you all become aware that OUR MIND can work for us or against us, BUT it is OUR CHOICE. I URGE you to find a friend that you can talk to about Jesus things....about questions you have...about the flaws you possess....about your experiences and what you think they might mean...AND I URGE you to ACCEPT the FACT that you are MUCH less powerful on your own....MUCH less. ACCEPT the FACT that you NEED God....all the time.

On the first page of this chapter it says: "It may surprise you that nowhere in the Bible are we told to 'resist temptation.' We are told to 'resist the devil.'" Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Don't let the devil use your own thoughts against you.... I know it's easier said than done. Being aware of it is the BEGINNING of DEFEATING it.

"Point to Ponder: There is always a way out."

Daily Bible Verse: "God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it."
 -1 Corinthians 10:13B (NLT)

Daily Question: "Who could I ask to be a spiritual partner to help me defeat a persistent temptation by praying for me?"

From my journal the first time of reading (Now you know ladies ;):

Embracing JOY & kindness - Kaysie Noska
Patience & Self-Control - Christina Pace

Day 26: "Growing Through Tempation"

Well...I'm back from the WONDERFUL Frio River. REALLY...I LOVE that place. Thanks to all you readers that are hangin' in there with me & WELCOME to all the new readers.

Today's discussion topic from the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren is about growING through temptation.

I can not reiterate enough how life-CHANGING this book can be....really. This chapter is chalked FULL of advice & explanations & processes & tools that I'm sure we have ALL searched for. I'm again...going to speak from MY experience....how applying lessons from this chapter have helped me & maybe show some progress from the first time of reading to the second.

What I take away from this chapter is we have a CHOICE...we ALWAYS have a choice & we ALWAYS will. Every situation....every experience....every temptation is an OPPORTUNITY to make the BEST choice, but it is ours to make. What I also take away is just how BEAUTIFUL God's gift of The Holy Spirit is to us.... & how that relationship is....kind of like our lifeblood...mine at least. You know...what REALLY gives you purpose...what guides you...what creates your distinction between right and wrong...what grounds you...what calms you...what nourishes you...what is your life line straight to God.

So...I have a couple stories to share.... One is of my relationship with The Holy Spirit... The other is an example of temptation & what I THINK was the devil trying to tempt me & me winning a victory for God.

The book says this: "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Pastor Warren took that from Galatians 5:22-23(NLT).

I had a situation happen a few weeks ago that I am hesitant to share, but...well...words aren't going to do it justice & some people really may not understand it....and some may advise against sharing it, but I feel like it happened for a reason & it's not meant to be a secret. So....a few weeks ago, I was driving in my little home town & I passed the cemetery. The cemetery where most everyone from my Dad's side of the family are buried. I was EXTREMELY close to my Grandma Schoenst...as were my siblings & she used to make it a point to go & put flowers on all of the graves at the cemetery.

I think it's important that you have a little back story. I used to work at a daycare in my hometown & every day or every other day I would stop by and visit with my Grandma. Later I had gotten a job at a bank. I didn't stop by near as often. It went from once a week to once every two weeks, etc. Well...to be EXTREMELY blunt about the situation...I was a young, selfish kid that just didn't REALLY get the importance of that time I spent with her & how much it probably meant to her. I beat myself up about it for years. The older I got & the more I developed my understanding of things I just liked myself less and less about the situation. I remember by first face-to -face confession I asked for forgiveness for this and the priest looked at me & said: "That is not a sin. Why are you asking me to forgive it?" & my response was: "Because I was a SO selfish. I mean I LOVED her so much & she loved us UNCONDITIONALLY and I didn't even have enough decency to HONOR that." He bowed his head and told me that I need to find a way to forgive myself. Whew....I had NO CLUE what that meant at the time or how to go about it.

So now back to the story... I drove past the cemetery and, mind you, it had rained quite a bit, so there was water standing EVERYWHERE, but I felt COMPELLED to turn around. I don't know how else to explain it. I really didn't even give it much more thought. I just turned around & went back to the cemetery. I went to the first row of graves where some of our family members are buried. Then I made my way to the last row where my Grandma & Grandpa are buried. I got about two graves away from my Grandma's & was literally OVERCOME. I looked up to Heaven & said "God, I don't know what you're doin,' but just give me the strength to handle it." I sat Indian-style on her grave, because water was literally standing everywhere. I even pulled out my phone thinking: "I'm going to Google a 'special' prayer for her." Then it struck me that I didn't need to Google anything. I had it all within me. I put my hands on her grave & just started talking to her about everyone & my sweet babies...catchin' up talk... & then...my friend calls me. I silence it b/c I'm praying & talking to my Grandma & then I just started pouring out ALL the pent up feelings and emotions I had about myself & how I handled the last period of time we were on earth together & asking her to FORGIVE me & telling her how IMPORTANT she is to me & how she DESERVED better. It felt like 1000 pounds was lifted off my chest & then...without even thinking twice about it....I said these words: " Grandma, I don't know what kind of job God has for you up in Heaven, but if it's His will....there is a girl between here & Heaven & she needs you & Jesus & God & The Holy Spirit & whatever angels you can bring with you to pull her up." Another tidbit of info that is important (& what I thought many people may not understand) is that the friend that called me, had just lost the family member I was praying about, in a TRAGIC gas explosion that left her young baby & husband ALIVE.

As I call her back & check in with her...she asks me if I would say a prayer for the girl I JUST prayed for. NOW...I KNOW what some of you may be thinking.... I know because it is the VERY reason I hesitated with sharing this & was left in COMPLETE AWE... We are SO intertwined with each other on a DEEP SPIRITUAL level....that it is truly BEYOND our understanding. She had NO idea I was at the cemetery. She had NO knowledge of my relationship with my Grandma. She didn't even REALLY know the full story behind the explosion. I'm not even going to begin to try and understand the why behind all of that.

I shared this story with a priest & I have to say....he HELPED me to UNDERSTAND the CAPACITY of what had happened. He said....that the COMPELLING feeling I felt was not a coincidence. It was The Holy Spirit moving me & I listened. When I spoke those words to my Grandma I broke the bounds I placed on myself, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, let my Grandmother's soul rise to be with the angels & she took that sweet young mother's soul with her. He told me to read the book: Anatomy of Spirit.

I can't make you feel what I felt & I can't make you believe what I'm typing. Just spend some time thinking about things.

TEMPTATION is brought to us by the devil. He wants to tie us up. He wants to warp our minds. He wants to do WHATEVER it takes to keep us from Heaven. It opened my eyes to see how important we still are to each other & what the first priest meant by: "finding a way to forgive myself." ALL that negative emotion was NOT a product of God.

I know that is A LOT to take in, but I also want to share one more story...a VERY recent one...on how (I think) the devil was trying to tempt me & (although I couldn't hold back ALL of the emotions) I won one for God.

My husband & I got into an argument. I was some kind of ticked off. I kept trying to ignore it...just deal with it...channel the energy & the thoughts, control myself, be nice & good &graceful & all that jazz, BUT I just couldn't...not say something. When I say I tried....I REALLY did. I went & sat in the bathroom. Just sat there mad. Mad that I was mad. Mad that I said something. Mad that he didn't understand what I was saying to him. MAD. I said a short prayer to God saying: "God, I don't know what your settin' up here & I don't want to give the enemy any ground, but I already said what I said & I meant it. Just help me speak in a way that my husband will TRULY hear me on EVERY level I need to be heard & take care of us." Well...I'm not tellin' you what I said to him because it was kind of vulgar, but he HEARD me. My point to that story is....we will do things that aren't right...might be right, but don't seem right to anyone else... may be WAY OFF in left field...BUT GOD CAN TURN IT. He took that situation that was full of all kind of negative emotions & turned it into a way I could communicate to him to where BOTH of our eyes could be opened...to understand each other.

We aren't perfect & weren't made to be. We will be TEMPTED continuously for the rest of our lives, but we have to learn to grOW through the temptation to develop the character of Jesus. We aren't expected to be perfect & Jesus shares our struggles because he knows the intensity of temptation.

"Point to Ponder: Every temptation is an opportunity to do good."

Daily Bible Verse: "God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NLT)

Daily Question: "What Christ-like character quality can I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?"

From my journal the first time around: I feel like I have lots of things to work on in areas of temptation. I think the main two areas I need to focus on are endurance and moving forward and to not give up - because I do feel like I've been tempted persistently in these departments.

The other is dishonesty...mainly in small situations like where I am EXACTLY (like when I'm running late) or areas where I don't want to hurt someone. I really need to practice complete and utter honesty, but THINK first.

JOY- I feel like I kind of stay a sour puss. I wasn't always like that. I think because I am around negativity and judgement and confusion. God PLEASE help me find joy in everything!!

I have to report my progress :)....don't expect GIVE-UP any time soon. God just LOVES me & sends me people, places, and experiences to fill in all those gaps where the thoughts of give-up tried to live. HONESTY is totally on the forefront....You are fore-warned. If you don't REALLY want to know...don't ask me. JOY....well...I still got a little ways to go with that, BUT I'm on that road. It's amazing when you cut out some of that negativity, judgement, & confusion how much more room you have for JOY.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus!! He was tempted JUST like us...but had the strength to endure it all.

Day 25: "Transformed by Trouble"

Welcome to ALL readers!! I had every intention of writing a blog post each day I was at the Texas Auctioneer Association Convention (Thursday thru Sunday), but EVERY day was jam-packed & I can say (with certainty) that it created immense GROWTH in every area of my being. I can't wait to share some of the experiences with you! In fact...I'll share at least one in today's post as we move on to the next chapter in Pastor Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? 

The very last session that I listened to, at the convention, was a presentation by a God-fearin', straight-talkin' Auctioneer from Alabama named Bryan Knox. He said all kinds of things that I took notes on, but there was one part of his speech that HIT me! I mean...made me see the reason and the purpose behind some of the things that I had to experience to appreciate where I am now & be in awe of God's plan.

His speech was about PROFESSIONALISM & someone had asked him a question (It had something to do with mentors). He answered it by using an example from The Bible....Paul, Barnabas, & Timothy & the road to Damascus. He discussed how God blinded Paul for 3 days to make him REALLY see...to FILL him with The Holy Spirit. He also discussed how Barnabas mentored Paul & Paul later mentored Timothy. 

For those of you that don't know a lot about Paul (originally names Saul), he persecuted many Christians before he was blinded (for 3 days) by Christ. Total non-believer.... BUT God CHOSE (no matter his past) to FILL him with The Holy Spirit....so much so that wherever he went and spoke it poured out of him & he is considered one of the most (if not the most) influential person in the early church. Paul (thru the vision of Christ & the help of The Holy Spirit) channeled his natural DETERMINATION, that was once used to persecute God's people, to earnestly urge others to also FOLLOW Christ. 

Ok...so you're wondering...where am I going with this? Obviously Paul was totally transformed by trouble, but all of you steady readers know that I like to apply things to my own life. 

There are two MILESTONE areas of TrouBLE that got cleared up in my mind when Mr. Knox shared that story. You guys also know one of my favorite quotes is below:

Yes...I know that many say Steve Jobs was not a Christian when he passed. We aren't gonna know. What I do know is that this man advanced technology & created a break through in communication with the iPhone that allows the immediate SHARING of information....that includes the teachings of The Bible, the open communication of spiritual discussion, & he has linked MORE people together to give us the ability to share our experiences. I'm cuttin' him some slack, because I pray God will cut me some too. 

The combination of that story & this quote made the light bulb turn on. The last two professional positions, where I was working for someone else, were maybe some of the toughest, most mentally-draining & self-analyzing situations I have EVER dealt with. I won't go into ALL the details again, because I've blogged about them before. Just know that I loved the first company SO much that I really thought I'd retire there....LOVED it...loved the job...I was good at it...I felt appreciated & then... all that changed. I was in a situation where I was being to asked to work harder for less money. I was dealing with jealousy & resentment. The SUPPORT that I once had...left. I probably prayed the HARDEST during that time. The money was good, but the VALUE that I held for myself was flying out the window piece by piece every day. Here was my exact prayer to God...at 2AM in the morning...tears rolling down my cheeks: "God, I know I was supposed to be here. I know I'm not supposed to be here anymore, but I don't know where you want me. I just want to do something where I can use the skills you've given me, love my husband, provide for our family, & give back to people & bring you the glory." So....as I'm sitting there listening..."connecting the dots," I realize that, that time of struggle got me to a milestone in my life...where I took the thought God brought me in prayer (becoming an auctioneer) & made the conscious decision to ACT on it.

Although I acted on it...God still had to WORK on me....but maybe he was just PREPARING me :). I stayed working in that job a little while longer...in fear of not having the money I thought we needed. Then we made the move back home & of course...the situation with work didn't get any better, but we were in a place where we had more SUPPORT. I was still afraid of not having the money WE felt like WE needed & took another job in medical sales (skilled nursing). Man...that job was tough on so many different levels for me. I was doing a lot of "work" that didn't make sense to me...in the sense of how important it really was. I also had to learn & get familiar with all kinds of different diagnosis & the Medicare & Medicaid & insurance processes & travel to hospitals to meet with patients & families & encounter REALLY tough situations. I became familiar with home health & hospice agencies & specialists & nurses & doctors. While doing all that... I had two bosses that REALLY didn't care for each other, but I had to report to both of them. I could NEVER make both of them happy....Ever...EVER. It was MISERABLE & just SO draining. What is really interesting is the thing that I really wanted to do: be of service to common, normal people when they REALLY needed it....I really couldn't be because my hands were tied by Medicare & Medicaid & insurance guidelines & the admittance & dismissal dates of hospitals & the orders from the patients' doctors OR my company itself. So what was I REALLY accomplishing? What was the purpose? So again....as I was listening & "connecting the dots," I can see how God was SHOWING me that I can NEVER....EVER serve two people...or two Gods & have any POSITIVE effect on anything. I didn't have that exact thought when I gave my notice. I just truly felt like the longer I stayed there, the longer I was working against God & his plan for my life & I reached a point where the money didn't matter anymore. I can NOW also see how God USED that process to open my eyes. Talk about being transformed by trouble....

Sometimes I feel like people think I'm "preachin'" to them when I write these posts. Guys...I'm not trying to preach to you. I am tying to SHARE with you how God acted & continues to act in my life. I have been left in AWE so many times since I quit that job that it is HUMBLING. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that God really does have a path for all of us to walk & as we continue to peel back & work through our junk (OUR perceived needs & wants & pre-conceived notions of what WE think we should be) & just let God lead us, more & more will be revealed to us...& the walk will get easier. 

God led me to that convention last week & took me to a place (internally) that had me READY to soak in every ounce of it. It struck a cord with every level of my being: professionally (how to run a business, how to build a business, how to develop my skill, how to lead my team), my confidence & self assurance, my ability & capacity to figure out how to allow all the pieces of my life fit together, & throughout the ENTIRE convention....EVERYONE continued to LIFT it all up for God's glory....which is the ONLY reason I am on this path.  

"Point to Ponder: There is purpose behind every problem."

Daily Bible Verse: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28(NIV)

Daily Question: "What problem in my life has caused the greatest growth in me?"

From my journal the first day of reading: The constant, or ever-present feeling that I can ALWAYS do better, or that I don't measure up in certain areas. It's like I try to master it, or at least really spend some time with it. It has developed lots of things in me: perseverance, understanding of human nature, self-growth, spiritual growth, etc. - because I am constantly looking out and up. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! He will ALWAYS lead you out of your TroUBle if you let him. God Bless!