The "wilderness" to me is beautiful. There are trees and grass and streams and breezes....places to seclude ourselves and enjoy nature. That is not what I think about when I think about the desert. I think of sand and wind and sand getting in my eyes and mouth and having limited beauty of creation to enjoy and surely no place to hide or seclude ourselves.
I knew God wanted me to mediate on the "desert" and not the "wilderness." In my flesh I did not want to, but in my spirit I truly long for the moments, like Moses received in the desert. How amazing to witness a burning bush, that would not burn away & to hear the voice of God speaking DIRECTLY to him. God longing for his attention so deeply, that he created a wonder, that drew his attention and then spoke a message that He knew Moses would never forget. There were very limited distractions, allowing the message God had for him to be much clearer. It makes the desert seem like an okay place.
As I continue to meditate on this....the thoughts that keep coming to mind, is just. how. hard. walking through the desert is.
When I think figuratively about the desert...I think about being alone. I think about wandering. I think about being delirious with nothing and the continual motion of nothing. I think about traveling long periods of time and seeing nothing.
But then...when I think about FINALLY seeing SOMETHING in the desert I imagine latching on, exploring, looking at EVERY detail, being encouraged, rejuvinated...
I've been in the desert before....figuratively.....(and literally in New Mexico). It is ALL the things I have listed above.
Right now.....not giving into trying to be warm and fuzzy about things....what comes to mind about MY experience in the desert is...it was EXHAUSTING. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and correct my way of thinking to be more in line with God's word & not the ways of the world. I'm talking stripping down strongholds that would seem relatively normal, like working hard and working well & calling it the things it can be....an idol, distraction, an excuse... I don't always like what I see in the desert. I don't always understand the things in the desert. I don't always want to do the things God calls me to do in the desert, and not because I want to disobey Him....but because I don't feel ready. It makes my soul weary & although I can tell you that it does this to me, I can't tell you why, because each journey through the desert is different. The journey helps us understand the message, but we don't know what the message is, until we journey through the desert.
So, right now, today....the dessert is about FAITH & OBEDIENCE & WONDER.
Not knowing what is ahead may not be exhausting to everyone, but it is exhausting to me. I'm in the desert right now and I'm exhausted. I know He is preparing me, but for what - I do not know. I do trust Him for only good things. I believe that what I will find in the desert will be so clear and amazing, that it will make the journey worth it. My friends....that does not mean I enjoy the journey.
This is proof that you can love something, without actually enjoying it.
What I can also tell you about my last walk in the desert is; I am SO glad I took the journey. It FOREVER changed my life & made my life much fuller than my vision, at the time, would allow. That is also how I know I will get serious about this journey & latch on, when God presents the opportunity.
Saddle up for the HARD ride. Buck up baby & ride with Jesus! It may be hard, but He promises to get us to the other side.
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