Easter....the Easter season has seemed so pivotal and transformational to me for the last several years. I KNOW it was, when Jesus finished the work on the cross, but EVERY Easter season for the last....10 years...approximately, I have found myself examining another layer of the importance of the work Jesus did.
This year, I found myself pondering the angst Jesus experienced....throughout, but mainly before the crucifixion. From the book of Luke:
I don't know if any of you have felt angst. I have on a couple of occasions. Angst is irrational, but the feelings of worry, confusion, feeling lost, aware that whatever could or is getting ready to happen WILL completely change the trajectory of what you know and....the other side of it is....abrupt and swift and NOTHING in life will ever be how it is in the current state of angst. It is like a deep, dreadful......all-encompassing panicked moment of deep mourning BEFORE the change arrives.
As I transported myself as an observer into this very situation on the Mount of Olives... I imagine Jesus encouraging the disciples to pray, but almost having that feeling of....they are on their own because I need to get myself right. I believe He still very-much cared for them in that moment, but He needed to also care for Himself in that moment.
I can't imagine, in His flesh, that He totally understood why there was not another way....why He had to endure THE WORST FORM OF HUMAN PUNISHMENT known to man, at that time. I imagine Him being so sick to His stomach & weak with worry & also being concerned about discouraging the disciples, while in His current state.
He KNEW His flesh was going to die and that He would feel every bit of the dying process....every bit of earthly life leaving His body. He imagined what it would feel like. He imagined the pain. He imagined EVERYTHING that was coming ahead. You know....in our flesh....we imagine things much worse than they wind up happening.
Somehow, as I pondered from this perspective, I came to realize that: Yes. Jesus was crucified on the cross because He loves us & He wanted to save us & join us to Him. But I believe, His FINAL earthly YES was because of His overwhelming LOVE FOR GOD. He was not obedient to us. He was obedient to God. I believe the angel God sent, eased Jesus's worries. I believe that God intervened when He did because of His love for Jesus and His love for us. I believe that Jesus was able to take that massive step of obedient faith because He knew God loved Him and whatever was on the other side of all. that. pain. WAS BETTER. God gave Him the mission. God gave Him the purpose. God gave Him the willingness. God gave Him the way. God gave Him the strength. AND God delivered on His promise.
He said the most scary, FAITHFUL, obedient YES to God, in history.
Sitting with this, really strengthens something in me. I don't know what. For sure, my relationships with The Holy Trinity, but also something else.
If you have never said a fearful yes, to God's call; I encourage you to do it. That yes that Jesus said, is BY FAR the scariest yes I can imagine. I mean......Jesus KNEW that He would lead others like: Peter, Jude, Paul, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, James, James (son of Zebedee), Bartholomew, Andrew, and so many more, down this painful path - by saying His yes. He said yes to torture, ridicule, pain, mental and emotional strife, betrayal, and He also said YES to LIFE for us all FOREVER. They ALL did. He walked through death, so it would have no hold on us. Whatever we suffer, if we have faith in God, the other side will be better. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! SAY that fearFUL YES!
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