Well...I've done quite a bit of work on this chapter the last few weeks & after I went to confession & sleeping on it I've come to a realization...well a few.
"Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring."
Daily Bible Verse: "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Romans 12:18 (TEV)
Daily Question: "Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?"
From my Journal: I'm not giving you names. Let's just say I had SEVEN on my list. Of those seven I've had 4 HARD conversations where I had the intention of repairing them OR strengthening them.
Of the four I've had. I know 2 of those relationships have started from a NEW place where both parties have given COMPLETE forgiveness & have a MUCH clearer understanding of the other. One of those I truly believe is headed in the right direction. There is A LOT of hurt that won't heal overnight & it ultimately may not have the ultimate outcome I'D like it to have, but it will have an outcome (from my end & hopefully from the others) that will bring glory to God. The other....was had & received well, but I'm not sure that the other person understood the importance in why it needed to happen or REALLY listened to what was said.
Of the three remaining (that I initially listed out): one is a long-time (somewhat distant) friend. The other two are people (when I REALLY break it down) are people that I want to help, are close to people I'm close with, BUT I don't & haven't really had much of a relationship with. Of these three that remain...I've struggled with a few things. This chapter tells you: "Schedule a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurt to fester. Acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you." I also know that when you feel anxiety (& not the peaceful kind) creep up...it's not from God. I fall into this trap easily; The one where you want to do what you are SUPPOSED to do, but you start acting on YOUR schedule and not God's. Well...after NOT acting on ALL of the people I felt I needed to have a conversation with right away...I've discovered a few things. If I don't really have a relationship with 2 of the 3 remaining...I don't have a relationship to RESTORE. I have a relationship to BUILD... You can't fix something that isn't really there. The other needs to happen. I have accepted & KNOW that I can't change the potential outcome. I just WANT the outcome to be a good one & have put it off, in fear that it won't be.
Someone (that I HIGHLY respect (especially regarding spiritual matters)) asked me: "Why are you carrying their monkey?" Hmmm... I don't know... I guess I'm trying to MAKE it what I WANT it to be. Sigh...trying to CONTROL something that isn't mine to control. This is one of the BIGGEST things I have to work on about myself. I want to fix peoples problems for them, which (in turn) creates MORE problems for me. I am called to FORGIVE, but I don't have to put myself in the line of fire & DO WORK for them that they need to do themselves.
Every person is DIFferEnt & every person has their own set of complex relationships. I can't tell you how yours will go, BUT I can tell you that: you have to be prepared to be wrong & see the TRUTH of the situation. You have to be HUMBLE & VULNERABLE. You have to come from a GOD place. What I mean by that is you have to WANT something for Him. You may not want to have this conversation. You may not want to be wrong, BUT you have to WANT to do what you have to do to bring GLORY to God. Remember...we are leadin' people to Jesus.
The book states it like this: "For the sake of fellowship, you must destroy your arsenal of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning, belittling, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending, and being sarcastic. Paul sums it up this way: 'Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.'"
One line from the chapter that spoke straight to me was this one: "...make the effort to maintain them (relationships) instead of discarding them..." This was my defense mechanism growing up. I threw that wall up so fast it would make your face hurt. If I was hurt I'd either say it...in a less than tactful way...BUT got my point across OR I would hold it & to forget about it would shift my attention to something more positive. We grow. We learn & what I've learned is do the work to FIX whatever is broken. Doing the work I've done on the relationships I've discussed in this blog post...I can tell you it is worth it. I can also say that the more work you do...the easier all the ones after get. It is what it is. We all have common ground with each other by the simple fact that we all mess up.
Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Buck Up Baby & go CONVERSATE! God Bless!
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