Wisemen & Wonder

 This Christmas season, God has placed the 3 wisemen on my heart. I have so much to say and have contemplated what parts of the story God is calling me to share. I think I start with what is sitting with me. There is SO much wonder surrounding the birth of Jesus, what the world was like at that time, and for me - the way God keeps reminding me of this story. I have literally had moments to reflect on this (at least) daily, since the beginning of Advent. 

What sits with me is how research, folklore, and stories, passed down through the generations, tell us a few important things. Most of this is not scripture, but helps us to fill in the probable gaps that we aren't told in scripture. One that has really stayed with me these last few weeks is that each wiseman was likely coming from a different location. 

From Babylon to Jerusalem it was 550-600 miles, likely taking 1-2 months of travel. From Persia to Jerusalem it was 900-1,000 miles, taking 2-3 months of travel time, and from Arabia to Jerusalem 150-200 miles, taking 1-2 weeks. Three separate wisemen from three separate regions, all a student of the stars. They had, most likely, spent the majority of their lives learning, studying, testing, and pondering the heavens. Somehow (The Holy Spirit (in my humble opinion))....these three wise and studied men, likely relied on by kings and leaders in their own countries, converged together to search for the King of the Jews. They would have also well-versed in philosophies and the scriptures of the world. 

They came bearing gifts fit for a worldly king. They had NO IDEA what to expect, except a young child. As they traveled to Jerusalem, their most logical stop would have been to meet with King Herod - Roman empire appointed "King of the Jews." IMAGINE a king that had already been "King" for over 3 decades is met by three wisemen from far-away lands. They would have arrived with caravans (protection, food, supplies, etc.) for the long journey. They arrived at the most logical place, yet did NOT find the newly born King of the Jews. What they did next has also left me in wonder. 

All of the events that lead to the birth of Jesus, the protection of the child, the divine guidance, the fulfillment of prophecy have left me in awe. It has given me a different glimpse of how The Holy Spirit works in our lives. At any given moment The Holy Spirit encouraged the same feeling, the same nudge, to make groups of people act. HE STILL DOES THAT! Also.....think of how many people witnessed this amazing journey. Can you imagine the stories of all of those that were part of the wisemen's caravan? Can you imagine the stories of those that saw this caravan ride into Jerusalem looking for a King no one there had met yet? 

What I have really rested in the last couple weeks are all the choices that were made. Remember, we have ALWAYS had freewill. In the story of Jesus's birth and early life, I am reminded that each of these key people made a choice. Those choices made all the difference. It proves that God knows our hearts. It proves that God intervenes when we need more reassurances. There were SO many opportunities for Mary & Joseph to give up. There were opportunities for the wisemen to go back to Herod. There were NUMEROUS opportunities for them to turn around OR never even set out on the journey. Meditating on the wisemen and the role and wonder of their appearance in scripture has given me this new perspective, that will never leave me. 

To think this all started when I was brainstorming my Christmas Decorations for the local Christmas Decorating Contest. I had some stiff competition this year, so I wanted to create something interactive. If you have a moment (& you are local/semi-local) I ENCOURAGE you to stop by the Buck Up Headquarters at: 115 East Thigpen, in Carmine, TX. It is a little green building (once a doctor's office.) Be sure to read the BIG sign and then all 3 of the gift signs. 

I invite you to approach the manger of Jesus. Follow the star and meditate on the story of the birth of Jesus Christ. Ponder the symbolism. BE SURE TO TAKE THE APPROPRIATE GIFT, based on the fine print. :) 

This has been a WONDERFUL Christmas season for us. It has been filled with ADVENTure, new friends, old friends, family, growth, fellowship, & SO FULL of Jesus and things He's hoped for, for us. As you enjoy your people, remember the chaotic and challenging entrance of Jesus's birth AND also....the incredible blessing of them having all they needed for their journey. 

Our God is Vast

I don't know why, but with certain posts, I feel like I have to get it all "right." I overthink some, and this is one of them. One thing ALL MY READERS should know is, I'm all about the breadcrumbs. Following little holy breadcrumbs has gotten me to where I am and shown me things, that I think...I'm just supposed to know, to understand other things. I don't believe in coincidences. In fact, I got so annoyed with the notion in one of my philosophy classes in college, that I no longer even acknowledge it as reality. You don't have to agree with me, but I felt important for you guys to follow the breadcrumbs with me. 

This is going to seem like a rabbit hole, and in all honesty, it may be to some. However, it is a topic The Holy Spirit led me to explore, so here it is. :)

I have 3 kiddos and my middle son had a science project. His celestial/heavenly body was Callisto, which is Jupiter's oldest moon & second largest. I geek out on projects. I get excited when they do them at home. They don't because I make them dig in SO much deeper than they would on their own. Moving on....

This is FOR SURE the second project my kids have done on Jupiter OR something related to it. I really think it is the 3rd. Well....for me, these are breadcrumbs. He looked up and provided all the requested details and made the model and all the stuff. I'm still left pondering it. Why another Jupiter project? Why do I get so excited about them? What is it that I need to know about Jupiter or Callisto? What is The Holy Spirit trying to show me, to deepen my understanding? 

Here are the nuts & bolts of my take aways, but there is SO much more. Every now and again a thought or question will surface to the top of my brain and I'll research it. 

For starters: Callisto is not only Jupiter's oldest moon, but it is thought to be the oldest celestial body in our solar system. Scientists have it being as old as the solar system itself - approximately 4.5 BILLION years old. The main gasses present on the planet are: Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen, & Hydrogen and is thought to be the BEST place for a celestial space station. 

Next, there are two impact craters. Their names are "Valhalla" and "Asgard," named after Norse mythology. Here is where some would say, I went down a silly rabbit hole, but I really do know better. 

I watched the HBO series "Vikings," with my husband. So when I saw one was named "Valhalla," I locked in. This is not thought to be the actual "Valhalla" and it was named much later, but I started drawing some insight. I don't want this to be a spoiler, SO IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED VIKINGS AND YOU WANT TO - DON'T READ THIS PART. In the series there are a couple of key people that are going to help me draw my point. The main character: Ragnar Lothbrok, who is ultimately the leader and inspiration for so much that happens in this series. Then there is Floki, who is a devout follower of the Norse gods, close (maybe closest) friend to Ragnar. Lastly, there is Athelstan who is a monk captured by Ragnar in one of his first raids. If I remember correctly, he was the only surviving monk. Some nudge in Ragnar, urged him to keep him alive - even though many wanted him dead. There where times when Floki became jealous of Athelstan. 

This whole whirlwind of life happening pointed me to a few key take-aways for me with that series. 

#1 - There were times when it didn't feel "right" to be watching it.

#2 - Similar to how it was starting to feel as I was researching the planets and history, etc.

#3 - I believe that all 3 of these men came to know Jesus. Some may have different opinions, but I believe this, knowing that is television & not real, yet representing the possibilities of life of the times, within these groups of people. 

#4 - Ragnar was all over the place, went back and forth, but I believe his friendship with Athelstan is what brought him to Jesus. He could not make total sense, but he felt the reverence. 

#5 - Athelstan wrestled. He was a devout monk, then was the equivalent to a slave when Ragnar captured him, became a warrior and was surrounded my Norse traditions, yet maintained his faith and garnered the respect of others. He died looking like a viking, but was killed by Floki, as he was praying to God. Floki killed him out of jealousy and concern for Ragnar being misled. 

#6 - Floki lost himself. He and Ragnar's relationship was never the same. His life spiraled after Athelstan's death. He wrestled with his beliefs, things he did not understand. It was like a collision of worlds: blurry, unclear, maddening. Floki took a group of people to unconquered land in a very harsh environment. He was the leader and at some point he retreated to the hills/mountains. He found a cave and inside it was a cross. He seemed  to have either a manic moment OR a spiritual encounter/revelation and then the cave collapsed on him. - Later, he find out he actually survived, but was a changed man. In his ferventness for the Norse gods, he reminds me of Saul before he was Paul, but when coming face to face with something new and bigger than what he knew, he retreated into a very quiet and private life. He was still sought out for his wisdom and experience, similar to prophets, but changed. 

Tying this into more thought.....the planets were named after Greek mythology. Zeus is also referred to as Jupiter and the 4 moons found by Galileo (a faithful astronomer that was fascinated by God's creation), were later named after Zeus's "lovers." So where did this lead me? Directly to one of the stances I take when atheists argue that there is no God and Jesus isn't real. Stories and accounts and living testimony has been passed down for thousands of years - unchanging. Which is true. I would say that, the mythology of the Norse and Greek were unchanged for thousands of years.....UNTIL THEY WERE. 

Here are some scriptures I want to draw your attention to: 

Fun Fact: Callisto, the moon from my son's project, is also known as "The Bear," referenced in the above Bible verse, which is based on Greek mythology. 

I think many times, as Christians, we get a little tied up in not being "too curious," so as to not find ourselves worshipping these huge celestial bodies. In all this research....and a few more breadcrumbs, I want to share that astronomy is the study of planets, creation, and totally a way to meditate on God, His creation, and a way for us to get to know Him better. It is the study of what ACTUALLY exists. Astrology is what we know as our zodiac signs and how they are thought to influence our personalities, as well as other celestial patterns and how they might or, are thought to influence human behavior.

We have free will. And we have someone with a unique purpose for us, that created all of the heavens for His purpose. His purpose is for our good. 

The point that I am trying to make is that creation is SO VAST and instead of getting tied up, so tightly, on the "right" way to worship OR condemning those who don't think like us.....maybe we try and understand why. Maybe.......we follow a breadcrumb that helps us grow closer to Our Maker AND understand others, better.  

Moments of Obedience vs. Walking in Obedience

Me & the fam are spending a few days camping at our deer lease, mainly enjoying wide open spaces & each other’s company & I find myself pondering something I read in Isaiah yesterday.

“If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist & rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of The Lord has spoken. Isaiah 1:19-20

The lessons I took away from this are:

1) If you resist, you are rebelling at the same time.

2) Doing something begrudgingly is NOT obedience.

3) Resisting and obedience are opposite of each other. They cannot simultaneously exist in you.

Learning to walk in obedience is much different than moments of obedience. The moments get us there. They strengthen our faith, as we learn to walk in obedience, but they are moments.

I do believe God rewards moments of obedience. He is helping us to understand the kind of blessings that can come, when we confirm our willingness to being obedient to His work and His plan.

Also, another thought I’ve had on the matter is: maybe what I consider blessings, are actually us living in union with God, how He has always intended. Then, when we revert back to our old ways, access to His peace leaves us and we are resting on what we know, and not God.

These thoughts have also had me pondering several people from testimonies in The Bible.

Paul walked in obedience after meeting Jesus on the road to Damascus.

Peter had moments of obedience when he was one of Jesus’s disciples, but his denial of Jesus shows, he was not walking in complete obedience to Jesus. Once Jesus was raised from the dead and visited His disciples is, likely, when Peter began walking in obedience for The Lord.

Elijah walked in obedience, sacrificing his own well-being for God and His plan.

Esther was called to more and reached a place where she made the choice, to walk in obedience with God.

Judas Iscariot may have had moments of obedience, but, surely, did not walk in obedience with God.

John the Baptist understood his assignment and walked in complete obedience to God’s plan.

Noah walked in obedience.

I am certain my experiences, thus far, are the results of moments of obedience. In many cases some major event occurred to encourage these individuals to walk in obedience with Jesus, and transition past moments of obedience.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Ponder with Him & talk it out. He wants us too!

Pruning

 Life with God is SUCH an adventure. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. One of my greatest blessings are friends, that love Jesus as much as I do AND love to come together in fellowship over Him.

This week, I had several things happen where I felt: betrayed, blind-sided, and disrespected. All were swarming around the same group of influence, and well....I did not feel cared about, by those I care about. 

And it stung. 

The day before, I received a similar message, that was so much easier for me to release into the hands of Jesus. But the next one stung and I was having a much harder time letting it go. What I mean by "letting it go" is laying it at Jesus's feet and moving on with life....my to-do list.......my project at hand. It was like it kept tapping me on my forehead, and so finally.....I sent a message to two friends; both of which I count as SUCH blessings. When you find friends that you can talk Jesus with, pray for them, bless them, love them, be available to them and count your blessings. One of the coolest things that happens with friends like that, is: as you sit there working out your questions and concerns, discussing The Word and other life experiences, you recognize the movement of The Holy Spirit. Two of us were blessed to experience that together and Oh! How that changed the entire trajectory of the situation. 

I've talked and wrote before about how God blesses our obedience, but He surprises me with it EVERY time. We are just sitting there talking....and we had a lengthy discussion about the pruning process, what it looks like when you trim old growth back to create room for new growth, what God says about pruning in scripture, and so on. We near the end of the conversation, I recline back in my chair and have the SUDDEN REALIZATION that God gave me a DIRECT answer to my obedience. 

Image credit to: Wenke Greenhouses in Kalamazoo, Michigan - LINK HERE

My hang up was, that I would not have chose it for myself. However, I have been through this uncomfortable, and the most recent time, mournful experience before. I resisted and contemplated that first "pruning" hard....or at least the first one that I became aware of how God was working. I, myself didn't really want this person pruned out of my life, but every time I prayed into it I'd get a "whoa." That's what I call it. I'd get the "whoa" when I was about to send that text, or about to make that call. Now, I understand a little better. 

In my most recent situation, where I phoned a friend, I wasn't focusing on that type of pruning. I was looking at it as more of a  "type of work" pruning. It is definitely that, because that is what I layed out my own personal boundaries to, prayed to Him about, and put into motion. What He ALSO did, was bless me with the ability to see the hearts of others. See the hearts of others I have invested my time and energy into. He's teaching me how to prune also, so we can prune together...and maybe more than anything...help me to let it go sooner.

John 15:1-17

Yes, I am left in awe. It is still bittersweet, but I know it is for my good. How our God is so subtle and yet SO powerful. 

Seeing God work, yet physically seeing nothing.....that is the supernatural work of God. It truly is INCREDIBLE. Words don't even do it justice. I want to ENCOURAGE YOU to Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! He sees things we do not and HE MAKES A WAY!

Mental Health as Part of Our Every Day Dialogue

 The words "mental health" might sound like buzz words these days. It has been the topic of so many articles, discussions, & studies this past decade. I personally think it is a GREAT thing. 

People don't talk about what they don't understand. People don't address, what they don't know how to explain. People don't accept behaviors and actions that are not familiar to them. 

I am a person that, my ENTIRE life - self improvement has been my jam....sometimes in healthy ways and sometimes not. That being said, I'm aware that self improvement is not everyone's "jam :)." Thus, the blog post. 

I started this blog about a week ago...and, there was SO much information to share. I knew it was going to wind up being too much for one post. So I sat with it. I came back and read the first part and I think that first part is SO important. 

I'm going to delve in here. I do have a lot to say and a lot to share....and I'm willing to, but we can't really skate over the above, because it is skated over all the time. This has become such an important part of my life journey. It has led me to explore new things and not because of any other reason, besides the fact that I KNOW how important it is. I know we all wrestle with it somehow and I know, for some of us, paying attention to our own mental health has had a weird funky light shining on it. 

So, the first point I'd like to make and HOPE everyone holds onto it, is MENTAL HEALTH is for anyone that has a brain :). It's not JUST people that wrestle with certain things. It doesn't mean you are "unhealthy," if you talk about it. It is an essential part of our being: spiritually, physically, emotionally. 

So many of us wrestle with comparison, shame, perception of others (a blog all in itself) and then some of us, hold onto our own way of thinking so hard that we are not even willing to entertain someone else's perception because, again: "People don't talk about what they don't understand. People don't address, what they don't know how to explain. People don't accept behaviors and actions that are not familiar to them." These are mental health issues. 

Children and adults with ADHD - they go through an entirely different approach to coping, processing information, and struggles, AND they go to school with other kids that do go through the same experiences, yet have a totally different way of coping. Also, things important to some kids are not as important to kids with ADHD and vice versa. Neither can really explain WHY, and one is not better than the other, but they are different. These are mental health issues.

Overworking and belief that we have to "hustle" or "stay busy" or "be involved" in all the things is also a mental health issue. I just did a speech on the importance of making "Think Time" essential. You know, allowing your brain to REST. Listen, I was this person. I didn't listen until my body made me listen. Here are some facts for you. Since Covid, on average, people are clocking an additional 9.2 hours of UNPAID overtime (increasing by 2 hours a week from last year). If that is not enough: working more than 55 hours per week is found to increase the risk of stroke by 35% AND increase the risk of heart-related DEATHS by 17%. (You can find all the facts Here: Unpaid OT ---- Health Risks). So here.....mental health is affecting our physical health....and our mortality. (DATA SOURCES: Meg Walters - "Hustle Culture & Shame" - Made of Millions Blog, Adele Jackson-Gibson - "How to Identify Hustle Culture and What You Can Do to Break Away From It" - Good Housekeeping Health & Wellness Blog, World Health Organization "Long Working Hours Increasing Deaths from Heart Disease and Stroke: WHO, ILO")

Mental health NEEDS to become part of our dialogue. Everyone needs to lay their perceptions, shame, fear, and blind unknowingness to the side. Leaning into the discussion doesn't hurt anyone, but only helps. 

A new project is on my horizon. I'll be sure to share this with you all, as the project unfolds and my confidence builds :). It is one of the products that I deem essential, in my mental health journey. When you neglect something for so long, you really do have a lot of catching up to do. 

Guys....The most well known Biblical figures struggled with mental health issues, including Jesus. If you don't think you do, get over yourself. (I say that lovingly.) 

The enemy is real and we live in a fallen world. We are given free will, because our God does not want to force anything on us. Sins go back through the generations. Yes, this could be an entirely separate blog post, BUT we all must accept our lot and KNOW that God can use EVERYTHING for our good, if we invite Him in and let Him. The kid with ADHD will learn essential skills that bring glory to God that others will not. The person that survived an emotionally and mentally abusive situation, will have testimony that no one else has. The, now adult, that grew up and was affected by a broken marriage, will be able to help others by walking through to the other side of their experiences. We all must accept our lot AND know that we all have a lot to accept. Everyone has one, everyone's is different and we must Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! 

The Moments

I am an avid journaler. Currently, I have a daily devotional and a planner I am using created by Tim Tebow, with A.J. Gregory. 

This week, in my planner, Tim Tebow wrote this: "When you get tired or overwhelmed or uncertain, don't forget the moment God changed your life... Don't forget the moment He challenged you to join the fight."

I want to share my moments with you all. I have had several in my life. What I have learned along my life journey, is when you are obedient; He will challenge you again. I believe these moments may be different for everyone. My own moments have each been different. The way in which Tebow wrote the above quote made me think of one moment in particular, BUT to start...the very first challenge.     

The first time He challenged me was the summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year of high school (14, almost 15 years old). I have always been a nerved up human, that thinks, and thinks, and over thinks so many things. The gest of this challenge came about while praying to Jesus. Jesus is the first member of The Holy Trinity that I identified with.  I was EARNESTLY praying. To date, I don't know that I can compare this prayer time with any others I have had. I had a mission and I needed Jesus's help. I prayed for HOURS. There were things that I did not understand. There were things I longed for. There were so many questions in my young adolescent head. Jesus and I sat there and we worked through EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. There was a determination in me and as I was praying (I now know), The Holy Spirit would bring biblical moments and stories to the forefront and I discussed those with Jesus to try and understand....to build up my courage....to find a clearing in the path. That summer....in my being....I went from a timid, shy, unheard, awkward, fearful person to a person that spoke my own truth....thought before I spoke or spoke intentionally KNOWING Jesus was right beside me, because I asked Him to be. I was confident, more brave, more willing to try new things....it was an ADVENTURE. It was the first moment I realized that I have to give The Holy Spirit TIME to work. I can't ask for it and not allow it to unfold in His time. 

The second time, that I recall, was when The Holy Spirit urged me to pick up the Bible a friend had gifted me, that has been sitting on the corner of my desk for 6 months. At this time in my life, I went to the Bible, but I didn't read it like I read it now. Through discussions with a friend, I had shared that I KNOW Jesus. She shared with me a little about her relationship with The Holy Trinity and how The Holy Spirit is SO important in her life. She was brought to tears. I remember us talking about how you can have a relationship with each member, but we have to ENGAGE....put the effort in (like any relationship) to build those bonds. At that time, The Holy Spirit was rad, but I did not feel ready to dive in. I did share that I wanted to know God better. God, at that time, was so BIG....so hard to try and grasp. I had been content just knowing, trusting, and believing. Yet, because I did not dig in, I had questions. This started out as such a gentle nudge, that evolved into this entire system WE had worked out. My goal was to read The Bible, cover to cover, and to get to know GOD along the way. I had a Children's Bible. What I did is I would start out reading Old Testament stories from the Children's Bible, because I found it easier to grasp. Then, I would go to The Bible from my friend, and read from The New Testament. I remember THE MOMENT I realized how directly I was communicating with God. I was reading in the New Testament: 1 Corinthians, Chapter 14. The words that I took offense to more directly..... is 1 Corinthians 14:34-35: "As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church."

I will not go into deep detail, but I will say that I spoke out loud to God, asking Him to help me understand. As soon as I asked that, I laid my hands on The Bible, prayed specifically for direction to understand & God lead me to: Galatians 3:28 - "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

I have sporadic moments, where I feel that direct connection. I KNOW He sees me and uses His words to comfort me. Amazing...our God. He is all the things that are good. 

There are two other moments that come to mind. I can't tell you what I specifically said yes to, because I don't know. Interestingly enough, they both happened in very close proximity to each other in my house. Our home has a large den, then you walk through the kitchen, to get to the living room. The first of these two moments (3rd all-together), was a moment where I could feel His presence. It was right on the dividing line of our den and kitchen. I remember telling him Yes, I would follow Him. There were no specifics. His presence and His purpose of being there, the way He was there, was to get my answer. It reminds me of moments I had with previous employees, when we'd embark on a new adventure and I could not tell them what to expect, but I needed their commitment. 

The most recent time, is similar to the one above, but a little more intense. VERY close to the same location as the last, except that I felt led into the kitchen a little more. I can't recall what I was praying about. I can tell you I felt the need to kneel in that threshold between the den and the kitchen. I don't remember what I prayed, but I was praying earnestly and THIS TIME, I could feel...almost envision Jesus sitting there, wanting me to give Him an answer. Somehow, this time, I KNEW that I would still be loved the same if I said no. My awareness of my ability to say no was very apparent, this time. There was an intensity in the air....anticipation. I remember trying to grasp and understand (in my very limited knowledge, thinking about all the things going on in my world, at the time). I FELT the importance. I KNEW He needed me to choose. As I sat in thought and the anticipation and somehow KNOWING this could not be a lofty decision, yet I had all I needed in that moment to make it - I shared my decision....in the wordy, think-everything-out-loud way and when I said YES, the JOY of that moment was like nothing I had ever experienced. Even as I think about it now, I am in awe of it. The intensity of the decision, the thoroughness in being sure I understood as much as I could, the awareness of having a choice & being loved unconditionally - no matter which one I made, and still not fully understanding EXACTLY what I was saying yes to, but KNOWING WHO I was saying yes to. When I type about the joy...when I said yes, it was like I could FEEL the radiance of Jesus's joy. It felt like all of Heaven rejoiced! I experienced the joy, without knowing anything more about the YES, than what I have shared. I know that it was a BIG YES and that....I don't have to do anything special to carry it out....just do me, while loving Jesus. (He has been nurturing that into me also.)

As I am typing these, there is another I recall - and I do not remember, for certain, when it took place. I remember it, like it could have been a year ago, but it has to be closer to 10 years ago, because we haven't had the white couch in the den, in a VERY long time. It was EARLY Easter morning. For two weeks I had been frustrated because, I was wrestling with God about children suffering and childhood cancer and......tirelessly trying to wrap my head around it. The days leading up to Easter, I was just not a happy person. I felt guilt for not being as excited and grateful as I felt I should be. I remember FINALLY giving in to NOT KNOWING....me having that knowledge was NOT part of the plan God had for me and I found myself/felt like I had thrown myself on Jesus's lap and just cried. I remember.....so many things not lining up for me, BUT, the ONLY one that could take that burden from me....showed up when I was mad, sad, hurt, confused, ashamed, and COMFORTED me.....even though my actions leading up to that moment were not worthy of it. This was the moment when I learned that WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE FACTS and that I just have to TRUST and have FAITH. This may be when I found my FAITHBONE. 

Each one of those moments have been LIFE-CHANGinG & life-GIVING. In my walk I DO hold onto them. It is all the blessed moments of WISDOM God has given me on my journey. It helps me release things. It helps me stay focused. It reminds me of the rewards of perseverance and faith. It reminds me that I am capable of things, I would not and could not do on my own. It reminds me that I have a purpose, even if I haven't uncovered it. It reminds me HOW CLOSE God really is to us....how close Jesus is & what He cares about AND the AMAZING, perfect, UN-explainable POWER of The Holy Spirit. I truly LACK NOTHING and I feel that in my bones.....even when I get the wind knocked out of me. 

DON'T be afraid of the MOMENTS. Fear has stopped A LOT of great things. Don't let it stop you from having YOUR Jesus moment. The strange, the unchartered, the funny-feeling part of it all... is GOOD. Buck Up Baby! Relax into it & RIDE WITH JESUS!

Excellence - Thriving vs. Striving

 I am wrestling so much with this post, yet feel the message is SO important to share.

The kids and I visited a different church than we normally go to, but it is the one we normally go to when we don't go to our regular church. After adjusting to the volume of the worship music, Hunter, my youngest was MOVED almost immediately. Pieces of the message also stuck with him. 

I found myself convicted in my stance, on the message. I found myself being concerned for others seeking Jesus, that could be in the congregation. I believe, based on the reaction of my youngest, that the intention was to ENCOURAGE us to be better. To examine our lives and strive for excellence, because excellence was GIVEN to us. I don't just believe this. I know this. This message can and will encourage us and all that heard it. YET......I still feel the importance of what I want to share, just THROBBING to get out of me. 

When I walked into church and we began worshiping and praising, I felt so comfortable in my relationship with The Holy Trinity and I knew that I now knew myself better, than I did the last time I had attended the same church. I know that as much as I know the conviction I felt in my spirit about the message. 

I am wrestling with this share because I believe it may be unpopular. It will reveal thoughts, emotions, and visions that most people won't want to think about, won't want to envision, & don't want to feel the feels.

I don't know how to explain this any other way except the message made me feel like it was coming from a place of entitlement...or directed towards people that came from a place of entitlement. What I mean by that is....how easy is it to tell someone to examine the weak spots in their life and tell them that they should be better, because of the gift Jesus gave us. It made me feel a way.... As things were mentioned that WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH in some form or fashion, and my oldest daughter looked over at me like: "That's me." "That's us." I felt moved to  & immediately leaned over to all three and told them, that they are enough. God wants a relationship with us, but He wants us to THRIVE and not to STRIVE. 

I've been thinking about it all day. Really.... And I think that the reason Holy Spirit CONVICTED my spirit in the way I experienced it is because....God has REALLY impressed upon me the importance of knowing myself and He had to spell out to me that He was NEVER the one to tell me to STRIVE, yet that is what I have done, in some form or fashion, ALL. MY. LIFE. I can't think of a time, except for recently that I was not in a constant.....literally CONSTANT state of striving. ALL of the striving was to win the favor of man: parents, siblings, family, teachers, friends, peers, other professionals.........literally everyone. When The Holy Trinity was kind enough to BLESS ME with the WISDOM (although we are taught this from Sunday School on...) that, what The Holy Trinity has GIVEN us is a GIFT! We didn't ask for it. We didn't and still can't understand it's value. We couldn't and didn't work for it. GOD'S ONLY DESIRE IS THAT WE RECEIVE IT. I mean.....I am laying here, SO HUMBLED. So.....in awe of who our God is....so overwhelmed by His love and kindness & SO THANKFUL that I KNOW it is true. 

No matter what man tells you, REMEMBER that all that is asked of you is that YOU RECEIVE JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD & SAVIOR. If you don't know what that means, God WANTS to show you, teach you, tell you, guide you to not just hearing the words, but GIFTING you the WISDOM to KNOW Him & the meaning of His words. 

I had two other spiritual moments this week that tie into this same line of thought. One was explaining the difference between Christians and Jews to my son, after he saw a commercial about stopping Jewish hate. I went to sources on the Internet, more well-versed than myself, and read it to him, paused for his response and being SO GRATEFUL for how God has conditioned his heart to understand that we view some things differently in our faith, but that the difference in thought does NOT merit hate. 

I also have a professional friend that I was messaging back and forth with on a work project. He let me know that he would be unavailable for much of the next two days celebrating Eid al-Fitr. I have an incredible amount of respect for him as a human. He is so professional, talented, and easy to work with. Because of this respect, I wanted to know more about his faith, so I researched it and was able to share how the viewpoints may differ between Muslims and Christians, with my oldest son. What was amazing is that he noticed all the SIMILARITIES of our beliefs.  

I sit and think about how much energy is wasted on hate. How many relationships NEVER have a chance because of hate. Then I also think about the message I heard today and how my youngest son received it and how I received it. God uses EVERYTHING. His love for ALL HUMANS is SO ABUNDANT. A message that convicts me, positively encourages my youngest son. We are doing life with people that share some of our beliefs and we have the opportunity to understand and RESPECT the differences. I will visit this church again because....even though I do not agree that striving for excellence is God's call, the intentions of that message was to ENCOURAGE and not discourage. He wants us to HONOR the EXCELLENCE God has given us & see it as such. I do agree with that.

It may seem like I'm wandering from the topic, but I'm not. The message in church today seemed directed to an entitled audience that has had to experience the very basic of struggles: dirty house, dirty car, excelling in their careers, focusing on their studies, etc.

What about those battling depression? They may have a messy house, but they got up, went to work, and was a light for someone & provided for their family. Their life may look like a wreck, but GOD SEES THEM SHOWING UP.

What about the boy that feels lost & unwanted, never wanted, yet decides to NOT END HIS LIFE, because he remembers hearing/reading/being told that God created him for a purpose, crying out to Him and putting the gun down. GOD SEES YOU AND THE ANGELS REJOICED IN HEAVEN WHEN YOU PUT IT DOWN. He just wants you to show up for Him. 

What about the young couple, abandoned by their families, fleeing religious persecution, CLINGING to the LOVE & HOPE that God has promised? GOD SEES YOU & WILL BLESS YOU FOR YOUR OBEDIENCE. 

What about the man that lost his ENTIRE FAMILY in a car accident and the ONLY CONVERSATION he still has with God is how mad he is at Him? GOD SEES YOU & is GRATEFUL you are still communicating with Him. 

What about the ER Nurse that witnesses things like: a pre-teen pregnant child being dumped at the ER to deliver a baby in a case of incest....alone...unaware....and broken, a non-English speaking couple accidentally overdosing their baby resulting in DEATH when they thought they were helping, a family of 4 burn victims from a house fire on Christmas Day with one lone survivor with 4th degree burns. GOD SEES YOU & He's SO THANKFUL that you are SHOWING UP for others. He doesn't care if your house is a mess, if you spoil your kids and others don't approve, or if you are less than chipper when you come into work. 

The enemy comes at us and he comes at us HARD. GOD KNOWS! He doesn't discount the struggle. I think He thought about this struggle and so did Jesus, when He decided to be obedient to God & accept the cross to SAVE US....to RELEASE US from the burden of striving. Striving is NOT our yoke. 

SHOW UP & Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! You don't have to have your make-up on. You don't have to have all A's, a full tank of gas, or a regularly detailed car. You don't even have to believe all the things others say about Him. You just have to SHOW UP & ride with Him. Give Him some time. I can testify that Jesus brought me closer to God & HELPED ME to get to know The Holy Spirit.

Words & Deeds

 There is power in your words and even more power in your actions. In almost every situation, every decision that has to be made you have the power...yes YOU have the power to either encourage, enhance, motivate and show kindness OR partner with the enemy and seek to steal, kill, & destroy (John 10:10). It really is that simple. If that decision is grounded in the love of the Father, it will be LIFE-GIVING. 

Review your day.... Think about decisions you made: conversations you had, speaking without considering how the other person may receive it, posting something, not communicating an important update.... What were they grounded in?: love, hope, faith, or fear, anger, self-seeking desire, money... Think about it folks. 

Drill all the way down on it. Did you make the decision you did because you have done all you know to do and this decision is what you believe is best for all involved OR did you make the decision you made out of disagreement and judgement and not uncover the complete truth of the situation? Did you act on emotions invoked by half-truths or facts and whole-truths? Be brave enough to be honest with yourself and KNOW that God loves you no matter what. 

People that I love dearly and others I respect, have done and said and posted things lately and I'm not so sure they understand the POWER of their words and/or actions. Stop telling people what they should do, how they should do it, using people, manipulating people and situations and think that you have the authority to do it! GOD gives each and every one of us free-will and we should do the same for each other. 

You are either dividing or bringing together. You are either encouraging out of love, out of fear, or out of selfish motives. Love the people you want to love on and leave everyone else alone. 

When you operate in a place of fear, anger, money, self-seeking desires.....you are partnering with the enemy. You are allowing the enemy to use you. 

Have you guys seen what's going on in the world???? Nobody's got time for that. There is plenty of hate and fear in the world right now. Buck Up & GET. IT. TOGETHER. 

For real....we all have many, many choices every single day. Choose who you want to work with (Jesus or Satan). Your decisions show your heart. The wonderful, wonderful, BEAUTIFUL gift God has given us in Jesus, not only gives us power, but also gives us the blessed gift of FORGIVENESS! Did you make a decision rooted in sin? Guess what......turn your heart to Jesus, repent, & it is TOTALLY FORGIVEN! WIPED CLEAN!!! If you get bucked off....BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! He will get you back in the saddle over and over and over again.....as many times as you need to build  YOUR trust in Him. 

Believers & Nonbelievers

On my way home yesterday evening, I had a little over an hour drive time and I found myself pondering how the Holy Spirit brings believers and nonbelievers together.

I took part in an education program that consisted of one week of intense, advanced industry education, over a three year period. This industry, is a male dominated industry and me and my roommate were blessed to spend two of those three years together.

We bonded. We identified with each other on so many levels, but one area where we were on opposite ends of the spectrum was our faith.

We opened up conversation about faith, when she saw me reading my Bible & journaling. Approximately a year before I met her I decided to work towards something that had been placed on my heart, which is reading the Bible cover to cover.

Her question to me was: “What makes you feel so strongly that God exists.” She shared that she was not a believer.

My answer was: “ There have been significant moments in my life that I KNOW could have only been turned around by the power of Jesus. It transcended human ability and understanding.”

At that point, I didn’t go into detail, but she thanked me for being able to openly talk about what both of us believe in & that, in all of her experiences with sharing her beliefs, she had felt condemned or judged.

I can say in all truth, that NOTHING she told me made me think of her any less, at all. In fact, I think it made our bond grow stronger and I believe we will always be each other‘s cheerleader in life. Wherever her beliefs are, I love her right where she’s at, just how she is. She is building a beautiful life for herself, attacking her dreams & I am SO proud of her.

God is slowly but surely teaching me to just walk and be obedient and be kind and to guard my heart and mind.

Buck up Baby and say YES to Jesus! Say YES to love! Say YES to fellowship! Say YES!

I believe that God loves all people and he loves all people so much that he sent Jesus for us all to have the opportunity to know Him without hindrance, without shame, & without the judgment of sin.

Delta Dawn

Ever since I was a little girl Delta Dawn was one of my go-to songs. I used to walk around with one of these little cassette players. There was a handful of cassettes that I would cycle through it & this was on one of the greatest hits cassettes. I had a few "secret" places as a kid that I would just sit, be by myself, & listen to music. This song is one that stuck with me.

As I got older, we became more involved with horses. We started out trail-riding & then we became pretty involved with cutting horses. Almost everyday we would ride. We wouldn't necessarily work them on cattle everyday (which means penning & sorting them). Many times my sister and I rode together, but when we didn't, I would walk circles cooling my horse down & sing a cycle of songs:
"Amazing Grace"
"Have You Ever" by Brandy
"Delta Dawn"
& SOMETIMES I'd add in "All God's Creatures Got a Place in the Choir"

As I've gotten older, these are still my go-tos that I still sing when I'm by myself & I just need to.

The last couple weeks have quite possibly been our busiest ever. It's hard to say for sure, because we stay pretty busy, BUT my mind & body were done. I had been going ALL day. It was one of those days that even in the "down time" I was tying up loose ends via text or email. I had been thinking about Mother's Day & Star Tests & Kylee's birthday & 1st Communion & Heath's Pre-K Graduation & year end parties & the online auctions & onsite auctions that are lining up & real estate closings & the feasts and fundraisers I'll need to be at & the proposals I need to be working on & when Kyle was working & who'd be able to watch the baby &........

HEAR ME when I say I. AM. NOT. COMPLAINING.  I am blessed. I'm working on how to manage it all. Adjusting to life with a newborn has....honestly...seemed easier this time around in some ways, while still adding new dynamics that we all have to learn to navigate. I am giving you a glimpse into my reality. Even though the reality is a blessing, it can still be quite overwhelming at times.

On this day let's say it was 9 o'clock at night. Kyle was working nights. We had gotten back from somewhere & I thought I had everyone settled & situated. Imagine a continuous motion of DOING all. day. long.....constant & I went to sit in the bedroom. Kylee was holding the itty bitty & she said "Hunter wants his Momma." (still in constant motion...) I just took my sweet, crying, cutie with me, sat on the bed, & tried to nurse him. That wasn't his jam....just NOT what he was wanting. So I just put the crying baby on my chest & as if it flowed out of me....started singing Delta Dawn.

It seemed like before I could get "Delta Dawn" out of my mouth, the baby calmed down & then I got choked up...LOL. It was like my soul & spirit had a meeting of the minds & Jesus happened. "...A peace that surpasses all understanding..."(Philippians 4:7) came over me...actually both of us.

It made me stop & reflect on that song, the lyrics, the singer, the story, the feeling that it gives me all the times in my life I've sang it....how appreciative I was of it, in that moment, when the combination of the song & the affect it has on me calmed my crying baby. In that moment I FELT the POWER of the connection. I can't put it into words that will do it justice. I can't say that the actual lyrics directly connect to anything in my life. I can't even say that I have spent a ton of time thinking about the fact that the song has stuck with me for decades. I can tell you, that when I sing that song...I experience a different kind of peace.

Everything is bigger than what we are able to comprehend in our flesh. I don't have the answer & I don't know the answers to all the whys? & hows? I just KNOW that, that song, to me - means more than the words, more than the rhythm & I don't have to know why or how. I just sat there, rocking my baby, grateful for it.....all of it. Every. single. thing. it meant to me in my life & anything and anyone that was a vehicle in bringing it to me: Tanya Tucker, the songwriter, the muse, the radio...

It also helped me realize HOW the gifts God blesses us with, touches others. In the 40+ years, since this song was written...think of the MILLIONS that it has touched...the generations....& it's just. one. song.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Don't take those nuggets in your life for granted; even something as simple as a song. You don't have to understand it. Just be thankful for it.

A Shepherd Smells Like His Sheep

A little over two weeks ago I was sitting in the cry room at church. If you guys have never had the pleasure of sitting in a cry room filled with God's little angels....you would not know that, as a parent, you have to REALLY have your listening skills turned up to hear the message. For me sometimes...I have to just grab the key words I can catch and meditate on them.

The Priest was talking about Jesus as a leader of the people & one thing that stuck out to me....and hasn't left my mind yet is "A shepherd smells like his sheep."

Small tangent here...but I used to show lambs through 4-H & FFA. If you have never been around sheep, they have an odor about them. When my sister & I were out working with them, someone would be able to tell we had been. It's different than a goat or a cow or a horse. It's a distinct smell.

So then....I thought about that.

#1 - Jesus CHOSE us to shepherd. He made the choice to be like us, smell like us, hurt with us, rejoice with us, protect us at all costs.

#2 - He chose ALL of us & He searched far & wide, without discrimination of any kind, to find His lost sheep. HE PUT THE WORK IN. The grimy, dirty, dusty, painful, treacherous, scary, confusing WORK. He knew who He was looking for.

#3 - He walked into places that were unknown & met unwelcoming strangers. He not only walked...He BOLDLY walked.

So as I still sit here with "A shepherd smells like his sheep" burned into my mind....I ask Jesus to come into MY shoes....where I'm currently walking. I talk to him about my "sheep" that I am leading in any sense of the word...along the path of my calling & tell Him, I WANT to be like Him. I want to KNOW my sheep.

Being a business owner and an employer does not always lead you down clear cut paths. In fact, in my walk, there has been A LOT of walking by blind faith; Having faith that a decision I make now, will make sense later.

See...We aren't Jesus. Sometimes your sheep...or your tribe come to you. PRAISE JESUS when that happens....well...praise Him always, but acknowledge those godsends. We don't always see the "wolves" like Jesus could. We have to learn how to identify them, but I believe we have to learn how, so we know what to look for & we can better protect our flock/tribe. Those are not the shoes I'm asking Jesus to wear for me today.

I'm asking Him to put on the pair where I am trying to be everything to everyone. I'm running after other people's sheep AND my own & not because I need them or want them, but because I think I'm supposed to because I have the skills, knowledge, wisdom, & means to provide for their needs effectively. What I'm not thinking about is what I need. I think that is how I qualify my sheep.

 So as I stand at this intersection...where there is like a....market or a plaza along each road....and  I'm standing their holding our new baby, with my family & my crew - I need His DIVINE guidance to take me down the path that doesn't have the most people needing services that I can provide, but the one that has the RIGHT people needing services I can provide, but in the plaza that can also sustain all the needs of the flock coming with me & POSSIBLY provide opportunities for me to be a sheep and not a shepherd.

I want to walk SO boldly knowing that I not only will be walking with a well-nourished, well-fed, well-loved flock by my side, but that I'm in an environment where I will be fed, nourished, loved & have the ability to feed, nourish, & love on more of God's people.

We aren't Jesus & we aren't called to be everything to everyone. That's how I know I'm at a crossroad. I've finally looked up. I do not & never did have the ability to meet the needs of everyone. I was SO busy hearing the needs of man, that I hadn't REALLY stopped. (I stopped & asked, but not long enough to listen.) I want to be the shepherd to the people Jesus calls me to & those alone. I am your sheep. Come & get me & lead me in YOUR ways & not the ways of man.

Jesus, Help me to always remember that YOU care for ME. I have to obey YOU, so I can care for THEM. AMEN.

Yep. That's how He broke through to me. Buck Up Baby & Ride With JESUS! Look for him amongst the noise. He not only will find you...He'll teach you how to ride through all the noisy places in life.

God Does Not Operate Under Man-made Rules

I am going to share my reflections from two Bible stories: "The Cure of the Man Born Blind" & "Jesus and the Samaritan Woman at the Well."

When I head to my Bible everyday I'll either ask for guidance on something particularly on my heart OR ask to be led to the message He needs me to hear. I was led to both of these this week & I feel like the message is so profound that I had to share my reflections.

First, Jesus healing the man blind from birth: It can be found in John 9:1-41

There were several things that stuck out to me. The disciples...the very people that followed Jesus asked: "Who sinned? This man or his parents, for him to have been born blind?" Jesus replied: "Neither he nor his parents sinned; He was born blind so that the works of God might be displayed in him." 

The way Jesus healed him....using his spit & mud. He healed people by simply speaking the words or touching them. He didn't NEED to make the mud to heal him. I knew THE WAY HE HEALED HIM was on purpose for a purpose.

I also imagined what it must have been like for a man born blind to see for the first time. Can you imagine the electrifying feeling? For the first time in his entire life he sees the textures that he could once only feel. The explosion of colors that lit up his mind... He could now SEE where a smell comes from or what makes the sounds he's heard all his life.... What the food looks like that he eats... 

Then, can you imagine the Pharisees trying to steal his joy? QUESTIONING if he was ACTUALLY blind? Going so far as to seek out the man's parents. 

Maybe the most profound part of the story.... Once Jesus learned what the Pharisees were saying & doing, He found the man. Jesus looked at him face to face & told him that He was the man that opened his eyes & that He was the Son of Man. Let me say it again. Jesus cared SO much, He found the man & looked at Him face to face & reassured him that He was The Son of Man. 

I needed a little help connecting the dots, so I found THIS BLOG by K. Corkins. GREAT one! In this blog it referenced "The Samaratin Woman at the Well" & how this instance with the blind man from birth and the woman at the well were some of the few instances where Jesus directly reveals His identity directly to the person asking. I knew I wanted to read about the woman from Samaria, see it in a new light, but had plenty to think on from the man blind from birth. Besides everything I listed, the only other thing that this blog made me think about is how many of us actually relate to the Pharisees more than Jesus these days. In the blog the author gives an example of his reaction to a homeless man. He referred to how he viewed him with different kinds of glasses. One pair was "Judgement." The other was "Disbelief." There was another pair for "Fear" & yet another for "Pride." We aren't supposed to wear ANY of them. Jesus didn't. So, going into the next day, that is what I reflected on. When you start putting those glasses on...take them off. 

I go on & carry my lesson into the next day & follow the same routine I had the day before & open the Bible to where I felt led. Again....to the Book of John, but Chapter 5.....about "The Woman at the Well." No joke. In this story, the things that jumped off the page at me was that the woman had been divorced 5 times. My mind automatically went to why? What could have happened? I did some research to find that in that time period, a man could divorce a woman for almost anything. So then I started thinking about the many reasons why this woman could have been divorced: Was she unfaithful? Could she have children? What did she look like? How did she act? How did she treat these men she was married to? How had she been marked? What was her story? I then also wondered: Why did she marry 5 times? Was she forced to? Did she feel like she needed to? Did she find her worth with a man? 

So then, as I thought all these things, I recalled her reaction to Jesus when He asked her to give Him a drink from her bucket. She couldn't believe that this Jew would even consider drinking from her bucket. She didn't know what to think of it. Her reaction was almost downgrading who she was, a Samaratin, by coming into agreement with the culture at the time - that a Jew was of higher stature than a Samaratin. Like....she had been carrying this SHAME about who she was....like it consumed her. 

So then....to get a little more insight I read THIS BLOG by  B. Graham Simpson. TOTALLY WORTH THE READ. I hope I forever remember this message. It doesn't say it quite like this, but it is how I interpret it. Jesus WANTS to drink from our dirty bucket. He wants to open up conversation with us. He wants us to consume Him: "The spring of life," so the world does not consume us. 

When she ran back to town & told everyone & Jesus came & ministered to them; I also thought to myself.... When she said: "He knows EVERYTHING about me..." Did He cleanse her from EVERYTHING? Did He take the SHAME she had been carrying...maybe her entire life....that which OBVIOUSLY had CONSUMED her. Yes. I believe so. I believe that she ACCEPTED Jesus. She already had the faith. She told Him that. When she chose to consume Jesus, "The Giver of Life", her old self died. Her old self died & the shame went with it. The shame that came from the sins of the world.

So what is the AWESOME that I take away from these passages? Why is it worth sharing? Our God is SO awesome. He healed the blind man the way He did to prove to the world that He does not operate by man-made laws. He was here to do the work of His Father. He used EVERY BIT of the time He was here for the will of God....even on the Sabbath...even when man said not to. 

He not only spoke to the woman at the well, but He drank from her bucket. He did not care that she was a Samaratin. He did not care that she was a woman. He did not care that she had been divorced 5times. He CARED that she NEEDED Him & was willing to accept Him. 

He broke through prejudice, racism, sexism, politics, judgement, condemnation.... He WILL NOT operate under the expectations of man. He WILL NOT limit himself to make man happy. He does not want us to diminish our spirit to please men. He wants us to take all that CONSUMES us in this world...all the sin & give it to Him, so He can give us the life that GOD calls us to have....not what man tells us we should have. 

He WANTS to drink from your bucket: failed relationships, bad decisions, handicaps, illnesses, shame, guilt, regret, fear, loss....ALL OF WHAT CONSUMES YOU.....& give YOU life. 

Buck UP Baby & Ride with Jesus! I mean....there is NOTHING more exciting. There is nothing more electrifying. He will open your eyes to ALL the things He wants to add to your life. God Bless!

Stepping Out In Faith....SAY YES!

I had a busy week, last week & there was a moment....after I got off the phone, with a client...that I just sat back & APPRECIATED where I was. I thought...on what life could be like if I would not have said YES to God...when he was calling me to something MORE. My week has involved discussions for five fundraising galas, four different liquidation auctions, and 5 different real estate transactions. Sometimes those discussions weren't the most exciting, but I had to sit back a minute... This could have been a TOTALLY different story than what I'm typing.

I am THANKFUL. Thankful for the opportunities...YES! Even more THANKFUL though....for the peace of mind I have now....for the flexible time schedule to have MORE time with my family...for the new friendships I've made, that I would have TOTALLY missed out on....for this REAL spiritual development that God is doing in me...there is SO MUCH to be thankful for.

I'm really GRATEFUL that The Holy Spirit kept nudging me & nudged me in just the right ways to get my attention....even when those nudges were NOT so fun... I mean REALLY... Sometimes I would kind of like it if there would just be directional signs. BUT God needs to develop our character in Christ...for what is yet to come.

Turning the focus to YOU (yes, YOU, who is reading this)... If you have reached a point where you KNOW you are supposed to SAY YES to God....just go on & do it!

You will have no clue what it looks like.
It is totally different than anything you are capable of imagining right now.
You will survive on the other side of it.
He has equipped you for exactly where He is taking you.
It won't be easy. In fact...sometimes, it will be down right scary.
Sometimes, you will want to change your mind.
Sometimes, you will want to pull a blanket over your head & not speak to anyone....for DAYS.
You will cry.
You will laugh.
You will overthink & over-analyze.
You will make bad decisions on accident.
You will make bad decisions....that seem like the right ones.
You will trust people more than you should.
Then...you will not trust people enough.
You will have everyone and their momma....& sometimes their daddy...tell you how to do things.
People will criticize you.
People won't get you.
You could drift away from friends.
You could lose friends.
You will gain friends.
God WILL put the people in your path that are needed to carry out HIS missions.
You will LEARN things about yourself....that you just flat didn't know.
You will LEARN things about things that you didn't even know existed.
You will LEARN things about EVERYTHING!
You will do & accomplish & experience things you NEVER thought were even a possibility.
You will GO ON THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME...YOUR journey!
It will get complicated....BUT...if you REMEMBER TO PAUSE & PRAY....the clutter will just peel away.
You will prosper.
You will shine.
You will touch lives.
You will change lives.
You will transform into who God is calling you to be.
You will begin to break the boundaries you have up that keep you small....and it will be A LOT of FuN!

For me...the MOST REWARDING part of ALL of this, is that: I am slooooooowly LEARNING how to ACCEPT God's grace over my life, and that JESUS carried EVERYTHING that is holding me back RIGHT NOW...to the cross. He has SAVED ME from it! What I toil & worry about is on me...because it is not of God.  I INVITE The Holy Spirit to MOVE & WORK in my life & ask that He nudge those who interact & work with me, in ANY capacity.

I'm in the mood for GRATITUDE :).... To end this post, in this moment....I think I am the MOST thankful that I can look at my children...& tell them to pray, and when they pray LISTEN...to whatever their inner self is telling them, BUCK UP (no matter how long it takes) & step out in FAITH, & SAY YES to what every instinct in you is telling you to do (not your logical thinking head ;)). Those instincts are gifts & no matter what...THANK GOD. Give it ALL to Him. Praise Him in the rain & praise Him in the sunshine.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! It'll be the ride of a lifetime!

Jesus Mourned...

A young girl in our community...Emily Fritsch...fourteen & vibrant, passed away a few days ago. It was sudden & unexpected. As a community, we find ourselves mourning for her parents & for ourselves. We ask all the questions of WHY?? We don't understand. We get upset with God. We don't feel safe. We hurt and question on levels we maybe haven't yet.

A friend of mine shared some of his thoughts & feelings he was experiencing, once he heard the news. The link is here: Jesus Wept: A proclamation in grief. It references John 11, where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Please read it: John 11:1-44. Lazarus is the brother of Martha & Mary Magdalene. He was out teaching and was sent word, by Martha & Mary, that Lazarus was sick. When he heard, Jesus's words were: "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." He stayed 2 days longer. Martha & Mary ran to Him when he arrived ultimately saying that Lazarus would still be alive, if He had been there. He told Martha that he will be alive again, but she could not understand what He was telling her. She thought He meant at the resurrection. Then when Mary came, and the Jews that were comforting her, Jesus saw how deeply troubled she was. Scripture tells us: "When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." - John 11:33. Then a couple verses later we know: "Jesus wept." - John 11:35 

Jesus goes on to raise Lazarus, after already having died & the burial rituals performed. I remember when I meditated on this story a while back I thought....Why did Jesus weep? He knew that Lazarus was okay. He knew that He would raise him from the dead. He knew that He would give comfort to Martha & Mary. Why did he weep?

I believe He wept because He was mourning with them. This story of the Bible shows that Martha and Mary did not have the ability to fully understand what He was telling them. There isn't anything He could say that would cause them to understand, because of the limitations of their flesh. There were things that He could not share with them. He knew that they had to experience what they were experiencing. There was no other way...& JESUS MOURNED with them. He mourned because they had to suffer. It doesn't mean He liked it, but He knew it had to be, to get to something greater. We live in a world of sin. We are broken, BUT we WILL be restored in the name of Christ Jesus, in the appointed time. Sin will not win. We are all where we need to be. 

I never met Emily, yet her life, her death, & the deep mourning of those that new her, has affected me & many others SO deeply. As we continue to mourn the loss of this young life, I have been SO thankful for the community we live in. This picture was taken at the high school I graduated from & the same school my daughter attends. In tragedy the amazing & powerful gift of The Holy Spirit weaves us all together in love & support & suffering. We suffer together. 

Right after satan entered Judas & he left to condemn Jesus to death.... Jesus said to His disciples: "'My little children, I shall not be with you much longer.'" - John 13:33 He was speaking to the very men that walked and experienced life with Him. We are not made to understand what is to come. He goes on to ENCOURAGE them & He says: "By this love you have for one another, everyone will know that you are my disciples." - John 13:35

He has us in such a BIG & MAJOR way. As we mourn, we also THANK GOD for the blessing of this beautiful life that has touched & CONTINUES to touch so many. 

I ask that anyone who reads this, keep the family & soul & spirit of Emily Fritsch in your prayers. I can only imagine the wrestling that they are experiencing. The Holy Trinity is with them, with us, with Emily &...although it hurts...we shall not fear, for He is with us. Say a prayer for everyone that is mourning a tragedy.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace." - Ephesians 6:12-15

THIS LINK CAN HELP DIRECT YOU ON HOW TO MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO A MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP FUND SET UP IN HER NAME.

I want to share my testimony.

Just a few days ago, I attended The Gathering @ Round Top - held at The Pie Haven. I will say....without a doubt...it was JUST what I needed.

You know when you can feel a....SHIFT....coming on? Like you've been through the fire, but you didn't know you were going through it, until you're on the other side & you turn around and just know...that something has shifted.

I'm SO thankful and EXCITED for the shift. I used to try and UNDERSTAND the shift...piece together ALL the parts that led up to the shift...BE the shift. Now I smile & JUST BE who God is calling me to be. When the shifts happen they are ALWAYS way cooler & CreAtiVE than anything I could ever dream up.

I recently came to a place where I was so worn out...I was GRATEFUL to just BE STILL & pray & look & listen & discern where The Holy Spirit wanted to lead me.

I'm always AMAZED at how The Good Lord weaves things together...everything...His people...the thoughts of His people...the actions of His people...all of it. I had The Gathering on my calendar & had the awareness of how my schedule had been lately....which was....unless I was NEEDED...there was NO GUARANTEE that I'd be there....but I REALLY wanted to be, so I put it on there. My friend Tara shared the reminder on her Facebook Page & well...it was the prompting I needed to walk where The Holy Spirit was calling me.

There were approximately a dozen speakers...all businesswomen or people that are part of a business team, sharing their testimony. I have a notebook page and a half filled with topics that moved me....simply by these wonderful women GATHERING together to SHARE their testimonies. Because of this...I will be blogging on each of those points that I wrote down on that notebook paper. Why? Because no one else can share my testimony & no one else can help who God needs me help, the way I can help them.

I've been absent in the blogging world...compared to how I once was, BUT I made the decision...that if I have to FORCE the content...then I'm straying from what led me to blogs in the first place...WHICH IS the DIVINE guidance of The Holy Spirit. With that... I will SHARE my testimony...thus far.

It's hard to know where to start, because...like I stated earlier...The Good Lord has been weaving things together....MY ENTIRE LIFE...but I think the best place to start is sharing where some pretty important seeds were planted & what happened when they started sprouting ;).

I'm a small town girl from Carmine, Texas. I was by no means the most popular girl in school, but somehow managed to win Homecoming Queen my Senior Year. My parents, little sister, brother & I, lived in a double-wide, right between my Uncle & my Grandma. My Daddy has been on crutches since I was in 2nd grade & my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom when we were young. She later, started waiting tables at Klump's in Round Top & now works for Burton Sausage. My sister & I competed in cutting horse competitions when I was 11 roughly...(She was 9). My brother would just come along and play with other kiddos at the shows. When I was twelve I started working at the cattle auction in Giddings, that my uncle was the auctioneer at...where he later became one of the owners that bought it out. There was a girl named B.J. that worked there too. She ENCOURAGED me to hop back there (literally from the cat walk) & go to work. So...every Monday I could, from that summer...until I was probably 16ish...I punched cattle in the back of the sale barn. I also showed heifers & market lambs in 4H & FFA.

The day I graduated high school I started dating an under-classman. He was becoming a Jr, as I was leaving. We...by the grace of God...stayed together for 6 years & got married on our 6 yr dating anniversary. Almost...but not quite...a year later we had our first child...a little girl & 3 & 1/2 years later we had a son. Boy did a lot happen in that time....They'll be parts of this I'll touch on in future blog posts, BUT...for the time-being...I think it's important that I share the following:

• I attended Blinn College in Brenham, later transferring to Texas State University -where I commuted to and from school 3 days a week, ALWAYS having at least 2 part-time jobs. 
• Those jobs were: store clerk at 2 trendy little shops in Round Top (La Finca & Next Stop...Paris), waiting tables at Klumps & Cafe Pie In The Sky during Antique Shows, punching cattle, working in the office, or waiting tables at the sale barn, pulling weeds in someone else's garden, being a bank teller at a mobile bank, cashier at a lumber yard, & working at a daycare.
• My last semester at Texas State I had an Ad Campaigns Class. We put together 2 campaigns that semester. One was for a non-profit (Austin Cycling Association) & the other for a business (McCoy's Building Supply). My job title was Account Executive - which was ultimately managing and/or leading the other people on my team, to ensure that everything got carried out and executed that needed to. I failed the first time & knocked it out of the park the next time, with our group winning the pitch for McCoy's building supply...being the first pitch to go of the evening!
• My Dad had to have a liver transplant to stay alive in 2006. We held several fundraisers to help generate the funds. He is still alive & kickin' & his grandkids love him. The LIVE auctions...by far...is what generated the majority of the funds raised. All of the money raised and donations given were from ordinary people that loved or liked my Dad & wanted to support him & us....with a handful of complete strangers.This whole thing planted a GINORMOUS seed in me. 
• BEFORE I got my degree I started looking for a job in my degree field (Advertising). I submitted a resume to Suddenlink Media in College Station for an Account Executive position selling TV air time.
• When I applied for the job, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what that job entailed, but was TOTALLY CONFIDENT that I was qualified. I could do it...no problem...& didn't really want to take "no" for an answer.
• I got an interview. I did not get hired for the job I applied for, but the manager told me that he may have a position for me elsewhere in the company & they may "create" one. All I can say is... if he wasn't serious...he became serious when I called him at the end of every week for 4 weeks...until he gave me another interview...after telling him...I was being interviewed again for a job with another company & if he was serious I wanted him to be aware. He later told me...it was my persistence that made the impression on him. 
• I was hired. I SUCCEEDED. I learned A LOT of VALUABLE lessons about professionalism, business, persistence, customer service, presentation, working with other departments, meeting & exceeding goals, creating marketing pieces & advertising schedules, working within client budgets. 
• I took another position with the company in Rockport, Texas. After accepting the job, found out I was pregnant with our daughter... Went through all the emotions of what management would think and be concerned with. 
• Worked from home & worked harder than I ever did in the office. 
• Within the next 6 years things started changing. Looking back...I believe God was stretching me & molding me...and I wasn't fitting the mold the position was calling for anymore.  Navigating that was a booger....because I was resisting God, but I didn't even know it. In fact...I thought for a loooooooooong time that I didn't have a thing to do with it, because I was doing what SOCIETY expected me to do & things just weren't gelin'.
• By all means...I made some GREAT friends, learned LOTS of things, worked with businesses in all industries, worked with ad agencies of all sizes, made some good money...but I was a square peg...well maybe a trapezoid or something....trying to fit into a round hole....& I was REALLY trying to jam it in there. 
• In 2011 (amongst those 6 years) after praying HARD....& into the wee hours of the morning, with tears of frustration rolling down my face...I said to God. "I know you brought me here (Rockport). I know I was supposed to be here, but I don't know if I'm still supposed to be here. All I want God is to have my work pay off for someone...for it to actually matter, & to be appreciated. I have no clue what that looks like. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. I just want a good quality of life for my family & to enjoy what I do & do what you want me to do." It was really like a light bulb went off...the THOUGHT of being an auctioneer scampered across my brain. I wrote it down in my journal....& yet...once again....I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into, but felt TOTALLY confident that I could do whatever the next step was at least.
• I called and told my Dad my completely off-the-wall idea, that literally came to be DURING prayer. He asked me to "do a little bit" on the phone. I said: "A little of what?" He said: "Sell something." I was freakin' embarassed & we were on the phone! I didn't have a chant AT ALL, but I just sold something & he said..."Well, you don't really sound bad." I told him NOT to call my Uncle....
• My Uncle Melvin called within the hour & told me I was going to be selling at the Plum Church Feast. I was like...."No I'm not! I don't even have a chant." He asked me to sell something. He said..."you sound all right. You can meet me at the house and ride with me."
• I knew, in that moment, that I couldn't NOT go....IF I was serious....IF I believed in the power of prayer... IF I didn't want to run the risk of telling GOD "no" to something....I had to go...sink or swim...do or die...brave or embarassed...It was go time.
• So I got on You Tube & watched ALL the videos of female auctioneers I could find & paid special attention to a couple videos of John Korrey & Cookie Lockhart.
• I came up with my filler words, worked on my chant, practiced selling to my family, & counted LOTS of fenceposts as I was driving down the road. 
• Long story, short......I was ENCOURAGED at the next 4 auctions I went to with Uncle Melvin & was ENCOURAGED to go get my auction license....so I did in November 2011.
• SIDE NOTE: 2011 was also the year I finished my Bachelor of Arts Degree. 

• Well...I FINALLY quit Suddenlink. Boy that was exhausting. It was like I REALLY thought life as I knew it would end. BUT....I did NOT just dive into an auction career. Why? Because I was SCARED. My husband already thought I was crazy...along with his family...I'm sure of it. I didn't think we could "make it." I'M HERE TO TELL YOU....YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE IT. MAYBE NOT HOW YOU ENVISION IT. STOP ENVISIONING & LET GOD PAINT THE PICTURE.
• So...for a year I was a marketing liaison for a skilled nursing facility. I am still astonished at this one. Like....REALLY astonished. I have/had some VERY DEEP rooted fears of illness & for a year...almost everyday...I walked into hospitals & nursing homes coming face to face with illness. Not just coming face to face with it....studying it, learning about medications, and diagnosis, and Medicare & Medicaid & the medical business & insurance business (YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET ME STARTED ON THIS UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK).
• Not only did I deal with the things listed above. I met people of all ages. I talked with families that had a loved one going in for a knee replacement & something happening in surgery causing them to have brain damage. I met with the family of a young homeless man, hit by a vehicle going 50+ mph, & watched his progress as they were trying to find placement for him. I will never EVER forget what a person looks like when a piece of their skull is removed to alleviate brain swelling. I met with a lady that had to have her stomach pumped at least 3 times a week for kidney failure & had to tell her that we could not accept her because she did not meet medical necessity based on Medicaid guidelines for a skilled nursing facility. I met with a man and his family....he was rear-ended & now is in a state where physically...he can't walk, talk, move on his own, but his memory is there....It's like he is trapped inside a body that doesn't work. I met with a mother, with a son my age that is autistic & diabetic & COMPLETELY dependent on her. I met with an elderly couple that had NO relatives left....all they have is each other...& she's fading & he's hanging on with ALL he's got. I had the opportunity to visit with a nurse, who's son is mentally  handicapped & she speaks of the coming of Jesus, with such fervent HOPE...that it shook me to my core. We sat there being thankful for God's silver lining in difficult situations like: the only words her son is able to speak is "Mommy, Mommy, I love you Mommy."
• There are some detours we take as we go along on our journey, that we never even knew existed. This is one of those & this was ALWAYS in God's plan. He planted a seed in that year - that I'm not quite sure what he's gonna do with it ....but...NO DOUBT...it is there. 
• We HAVE to care about His people. Not the money....Not the insurance companies...Not the bottom line. I had to leave because....I was once again a trapezoid peg trying to be shoved in a round hole, but this time....I wasn't going to beat it to pieces.  
• So...FINALLY.  I completely & FULLY said YES to God. I said YES to His plan. I submitted to Him. I trusted Him to care for me. I trusted Him to provide for us. I said YES to bearing the weight of people not "getting" it....not understanding it, judging us for it, condemning us for it. I said YES & did my best to prepare myself for EVERY possible hardship that I could encounter...as the result of me saying YES...(for the record...you'll still encounter things that in that moment you don't have the capacity to see yet.)
• I learned the importance of pouring grace & mercy on others & asking God to pour it on me & being thankful He does.
• I learned that worldly friendships have a season....all are important...always. Those friendships wax & wain & have to be placed in the hands of God also.
• I learned that everyone can't handle authentic...& that's okay. I couldn't either a few years ago. 
• I learned that God will bring the right people into your life. 
• I learned that there is nothing easy about saying YES to God's plan....mainly because of the struggle between our Spirit and our flesh.
• I learned that we know nothing. We control nothing. We have no say. We have no right. We are not justified in anything EXCEPT, by Christ's death on the cross, He has reconciled us to The Father & SIN HAS NO CONTROL OVER US....AS LONG AS WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT.
• We have NO LIMITS...except the limits we place on ourselves...or let the enemy trick us into believing. 
• So...NOW...I'm still figurin' it out :).
• I am working as an auctioneer FULL-Time, with our company  Buck Up Auctions. We specialize in fundraising & asset liquidation auctions. I am also a Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land. That was another door that was flung WIDE open & all I had to do was walk through it. 
• I never had an interest when I first got into the auction business, to mess with estates AT ALL. The whole brain-eating disease you can get from rat feces TOTALLY freaked me out & turned me off from it, BUT God had other plans. I mean...He has to chuckle to himself up there sometimes. A lot of our estate clients have come to a place where STUFF IS A BURDEN to them & they need our help to get the most money they can out of it, in the fastest way possible. There are literally times when I can see the weight being lifted off their shoulders as the items are being sold. It's a God thing...
• My PERSONAL passion...are the fundraisers & galas because....you are working with organizations that have groups of people that SUPPORT their cause & what they are raising money for....& it doesn't take millionaires to make a difference in another person's life or in the success of an organization. By all means...it can make things a little easier...but ANY group of people can come together with their love & support & make BIG things happen. This is a model of God's love & can be spread through groups of people everywhere. There's sure to be more posts on this topic.
• The real estate....I can't really explain it...but it just ties in so well with my life & I enjoy it so much, It's like all 3 of the different scenarios I find myself in, keep me excited about the others. It allows me to help SO many different types of people with multiple different needs...& ENJOY it. 

At the Friends of Winedale Gala last month.

In one of the MANY dusty old barns we've been in this past year.

Doin' work!

On some of God's wide open country...

How do I wrap up this looooooooooooooooooong story of why I KNOW sharing my testimony is IMPORTANT? God has filled me up with A LOT of stuff. Just like the gift of being an auctioneer.... How am I really helping...if I don't say YES?! If I don't do it & share it? It is part of God's mysterious and fascinating story that can ONLY be told through me!

HUGE thank you to the ladies at The Gathering @ Round Top for truly letting The Holy Spirit guide them & speaking from a true honest place. They were His vessels allowing Him to SHARE His story through their lives.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! You REALLY have to Buck Up & it really is a ride.

Heather Kaspar

Buck Up Auctions TXL 17037

Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land