Moments of Obedience vs. Walking in Obedience

Me & the fam are spending a few days camping at our deer lease, mainly enjoying wide open spaces & each other’s company & I find myself pondering something I read in Isaiah yesterday.

“If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist & rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of The Lord has spoken. Isaiah 1:19-20

The lessons I took away from this are:

1) If you resist, you are rebelling at the same time.

2) Doing something begrudgingly is NOT obedience.

3) Resisting and obedience are opposite of each other. They cannot simultaneously exist in you.

Learning to walk in obedience is much different than moments of obedience. The moments get us there. They strengthen our faith, as we learn to walk in obedience, but they are moments.

I do believe God rewards moments of obedience. He is helping us to understand the kind of blessings that can come, when we confirm our willingness to being obedient to His work and His plan.

Also, another thought I’ve had on the matter is: maybe what I consider blessings, are actually us living in union with God, how He has always intended. Then, when we revert back to our old ways, access to His peace leaves us and we are resting on what we know, and not God.

These thoughts have also had me pondering several people from testimonies in The Bible.

Paul walked in obedience after meeting Jesus on the road to Damascus.

Peter had moments of obedience when he was one of Jesus’s disciples, but his denial of Jesus shows, he was not walking in complete obedience to Jesus. Once Jesus was raised from the dead and visited His disciples is, likely, when Peter began walking in obedience for The Lord.

Elijah walked in obedience, sacrificing his own well-being for God and His plan.

Esther was called to more and reached a place where she made the choice, to walk in obedience with God.

Judas Iscariot may have had moments of obedience, but, surely, did not walk in obedience with God.

John the Baptist understood his assignment and walked in complete obedience to God’s plan.

Noah walked in obedience.

I am certain my experiences, thus far, are the results of moments of obedience. In many cases some major event occurred to encourage these individuals to walk in obedience with Jesus, and transition past moments of obedience.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Ponder with Him & talk it out. He wants us too!

Pruning

 Life with God is SUCH an adventure. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. One of my greatest blessings are friends, that love Jesus as much as I do AND love to come together in fellowship over Him.

This week, I had several things happen where I felt: betrayed, blind-sided, and disrespected. All were swarming around the same group of influence, and well....I did not feel cared about, by those I care about. 

And it stung. 

The day before, I received a similar message, that was so much easier for me to release into the hands of Jesus. But the next one stung and I was having a much harder time letting it go. What I mean by "letting it go" is laying it at Jesus's feet and moving on with life....my to-do list.......my project at hand. It was like it kept tapping me on my forehead, and so finally.....I sent a message to two friends; both of which I count as SUCH blessings. When you find friends that you can talk Jesus with, pray for them, bless them, love them, be available to them and count your blessings. One of the coolest things that happens with friends like that, is: as you sit there working out your questions and concerns, discussing The Word and other life experiences, you recognize the movement of The Holy Spirit. Two of us were blessed to experience that together and Oh! How that changed the entire trajectory of the situation. 

I've talked and wrote before about how God blesses our obedience, but He surprises me with it EVERY time. We are just sitting there talking....and we had a lengthy discussion about the pruning process, what it looks like when you trim old growth back to create room for new growth, what God says about pruning in scripture, and so on. We near the end of the conversation, I recline back in my chair and have the SUDDEN REALIZATION that God gave me a DIRECT answer to my obedience. 

Image credit to: Wenke Greenhouses in Kalamazoo, Michigan - LINK HERE

My hang up was, that I would not have chose it for myself. However, I have been through this uncomfortable, and the most recent time, mournful experience before. I resisted and contemplated that first "pruning" hard....or at least the first one that I became aware of how God was working. I, myself didn't really want this person pruned out of my life, but every time I prayed into it I'd get a "whoa." That's what I call it. I'd get the "whoa" when I was about to send that text, or about to make that call. Now, I understand a little better. 

In my most recent situation, where I phoned a friend, I wasn't focusing on that type of pruning. I was looking at it as more of a  "type of work" pruning. It is definitely that, because that is what I layed out my own personal boundaries to, prayed to Him about, and put into motion. What He ALSO did, was bless me with the ability to see the hearts of others. See the hearts of others I have invested my time and energy into. He's teaching me how to prune also, so we can prune together...and maybe more than anything...help me to let it go sooner.

John 15:1-17

Yes, I am left in awe. It is still bittersweet, but I know it is for my good. How our God is so subtle and yet SO powerful. 

Seeing God work, yet physically seeing nothing.....that is the supernatural work of God. It truly is INCREDIBLE. Words don't even do it justice. I want to ENCOURAGE YOU to Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! He sees things we do not and HE MAKES A WAY!

Angst from Jesus's Perspective - Luke 22:40-44

Easter....the Easter season has seemed so pivotal and transformational to me for the last several years. I KNOW it was, when Jesus finished the work on the cross, but EVERY Easter season for the last....10 years...approximately, I have found myself examining another layer of the importance of the work Jesus did. 

This year, I found myself pondering the angst Jesus experienced....throughout, but mainly before the crucifixion. From the book of Luke:

I don't know if any of you have felt angst. I have on a couple of occasions. Angst is irrational, but the feelings of worry, confusion, feeling lost, aware that whatever could or is getting ready to happen WILL completely change the trajectory of what you know and....the other side of it is....abrupt and swift and NOTHING in life will ever be how it is in the current state of angst. It is like a deep, dreadful......all-encompassing panicked moment of deep mourning BEFORE the change arrives. 

As I transported myself as an observer into this very situation on the Mount of Olives... I imagine Jesus encouraging the disciples to pray, but almost having that feeling of....they are on their own because I need to get myself right. I believe He still very-much cared for them in that moment, but He needed to also care for Himself in that moment.

I can't imagine, in His flesh, that He totally understood why there was not another way....why He had to endure THE WORST FORM OF HUMAN PUNISHMENT known to man, at that time. I imagine Him being so sick to His stomach & weak with worry & also being concerned about discouraging the disciples, while in His current state. 

He KNEW His flesh was going to die and that He would feel every bit of the dying process....every bit of earthly life leaving His body. He imagined what it would feel like. He imagined the pain. He imagined EVERYTHING that was coming ahead. You know....in our flesh....we imagine things much worse than they wind up happening. 

Somehow, as I pondered from this perspective, I came to realize that: Yes. Jesus was crucified on the cross because He loves us & He wanted to save us & join us to Him. But I believe, His FINAL earthly YES was because of His overwhelming LOVE FOR GOD. He was not obedient to us. He was obedient to God. I believe the angel God sent, eased Jesus's worries. I believe that God intervened when He did because of His love for Jesus and His love for us. I believe that Jesus was able to take that massive step of obedient faith because He knew God loved Him and whatever was on the other side of all. that. pain. WAS BETTER. God gave Him the mission. God gave Him the purpose. God gave Him the willingness. God gave Him the way. God gave Him the strength. AND God delivered on His promise. 

He said the most scary, FAITHFUL, obedient YES to God, in history. 

Sitting with this, really strengthens something in me. I don't know what. For sure, my relationships with The Holy Trinity, but also something else. 

If you have never said a fearful yes, to God's call; I encourage you to do it. That yes that Jesus said, is BY FAR the scariest yes I can imagine. I mean......Jesus KNEW that He would lead others like: Peter, Jude, Paul, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, James, James (son of Zebedee), Bartholomew, Andrew, and so many more, down this painful path - by saying His yes. He said yes to torture, ridicule, pain, mental and emotional strife, betrayal, and He also said YES to LIFE for us all FOREVER. They ALL did. He walked through death, so it would have no hold on us. Whatever we suffer, if we have faith in God, the other side will be better. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! SAY that fearFUL YES!

Training Ground

 This blog will be about getting where I'm going. The lessons have to take place somewhere and people must witness our imperfections. Lately, I've been reflecting on what has gotten me here. 

I think about one of my other titles....Mom.  Kyle and I just had a conversation with our 3 kids. They like to ask questions about each other like...."What was Kylee like as a baby?" "Was Hunter as chunky as Heath was?" Somehow we got on the subject of Kylee being the oldest and she asked why we did something and Kyle said...LOL "You were the first one. We didn't know what we were doing." 

As we enter different stages of our lives we NEED a training ground. As I make an attempt at relating the two and try to truly capture how GRATEFUL I am for my training grounds, hang with me. I hope this allows you all to have some nostalgic moments FULL of gratefulness for YOUR journey. 

I remember when I was teetering on the idea of building my own business, having the flexibility to buILD the life I envisioned for myself and my family, knocking some barriers down - that were in my way and weighing every. single. thing. I mean....EVERYTHING. 

One of the things that hung me up for awhile was that, up until that point, I had prided myself on my quality of work and I KNEW I would not have the background support....you know, like an accounting department, production department, HR department, like I was used to. I also had never done, what I was getting ready to do so.....I was going in with as much education as I could gather, before beginning the journey blind...and taking others with me. What I mean by that is minimal experience. I had my life experiences on the periphreal of the actual nuts and bolts of the business, but no REAL boots on the ground experience. I had experience within departments of PART of the business. Because I am a person that puts the work in, I had to make damn sure - this JOURNEY I was getting ready to take everyone on was a long-term plan and that I was up for a long adventure. I feel like that again, but that's all that seems familiar. I feel like the next leg of the journey could go several different ways. I also know that it could go different directions than what I'm even aware of, because well....our God is BIG. 

All the feels of this space are so familiar. Imagine.....uncertainty...excitement....motivation...fear of acting....holding onto what I know - instead of just acting.... I know God is always right on time and I can't mess it up, but I always find myself thinking I am missing some sort of CLEAR message and I am getting in my own way. 

I digress....

As parents, we are to "raise our children in the way they should go, so they do not stray from it." Each one of our children have very unique traits and characteristics and God took into account Kyle and I being first time parents, when he blessed us with Kylee. He knew we had what it took to have a second child, change careers, and move home & form an LLC....all at the same time. He also knew that another human needed all of what all four of us could give him. As I reflect on the environments we were in with each three....I'm in awe of Him. 

God KNOWS how I think....and think....and overthink. He provided an opportunity for me to EXPLORE. When I talked to Kyle about it, he was open to it.......and ALL the things had to happen in our lives for him to be open to it. What a wonderful training ground He took us to in Rockport. Three and a half hours from home. He removed distractions and allowed us to focus on us and become who He was calling us to. 

As I sit here typing, and being more aware of the things The Good Lord is calling me to do. I see the last 12 or so years of my life as yet, another training ground. One where people had to witness my growth, the growth of my family, the growth of my faith, the successes, the perceived failures, the way in which I move in between them. Just like I was thankful for my Rockport training ground. I am thankful for this one. This one had a few more dips and curves and peaks and valleys. Now, He is calling US to more. We don't know PRECISELY what it is, but He is and we will find out along the way. 

We all have our training ground, and I have come to believe that God may have multiple purposes for us. OBEDIENCE....EXPLORATION....TRUST....FAITH....COURAGE....PERSEVERANCE... When you BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS it takes all of those things. You best, put them in your saddle bags. 

One of the missions God has for me is simply, sharing my story and sharing my faith, with the hope and intention that it will ENCOURAGE someone else to get to know Jesus. This blog itself, is yet another training ground, where I get to use all the tools in bold above. When you make the choice and saddle up...you will experience it ALL. Your life will be FULL....abundant even. There will be cold, exhausting nights, where you are too broke (in a variety of ways) to do anything but rest....in the cold. Then....He will pick you up out of it and you will be stronger and smarter and better prepared for the next part of the journey.....and it will be an ADVENTURE you would never, ever trade. 

Yes....people will come and go, in and out of your life....and it will HURT. It will bring you grief and sadness and turmoil, but only for a short while. You see, God loves them too. He is teaching them something, just as He's teaching you something. He WILL reward your obedience....small acts, large acts, and continual acts. 

I encourage anyone reading to just sit with Him, even for a few brief moments. Let HIM speak to you, however He chooses and be receptive to hearing Him. Then....in His perfect timing, buck up baby & ride with Jesus!

May We All Have the Courage to Find Jesus in the Desert

In Exodus 3:1-10 Moses was watching Jethro, his father-in-law's, sheep. God appeared to him in a burning bush. Our Bible study, this week, has challenged us to listen for God in the desert. I caught myself trying to replace the word "desert" with "wilderness."

The "wilderness" to me is beautiful. There are trees and grass and streams and breezes....places to seclude ourselves and enjoy nature. That is not what I think about when I think about the desert. I think of sand and wind and sand getting in my eyes and mouth and having limited beauty of creation to enjoy and surely no place to hide or seclude ourselves. 

I knew God wanted me to mediate on the "desert" and not the "wilderness." In my flesh I did not want to, but in my spirit I truly long for the moments, like Moses received in the desert. How amazing to witness a burning bush, that would not burn away & to hear the voice of God speaking DIRECTLY to him. God longing for his attention so deeply, that he created a wonder, that drew his attention and then spoke a message that He knew Moses would never forget. There were very limited distractions, allowing the message God had for him to be much clearer. It makes the desert seem like an okay place. 

As I continue to meditate on this....the thoughts that keep coming to mind, is just. how. hard. walking through the desert is. 

When I think figuratively about the desert...I think about being alone. I think about wandering. I think about being delirious with nothing and the continual motion of nothing. I think about traveling long periods of time and seeing nothing. 

But then...when I think about FINALLY seeing SOMETHING in the desert I imagine latching on, exploring, looking at EVERY detail, being encouraged, rejuvinated...

I've been in the desert before....figuratively.....(and literally in New Mexico). It is ALL the things I have listed above.

Right now.....not giving into trying to be warm and fuzzy about things....what comes to mind about MY experience in the desert is...it was EXHAUSTING. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and correct my way of thinking to be more in line with God's word & not the ways of the world. I'm talking stripping down strongholds that would seem relatively normal, like working hard and working well & calling it the things it can be....an idol, distraction, an excuse... I don't always like what I see in the desert. I don't always understand the things in the desert. I don't always want to do the things God calls me to do in the desert, and not because I want to disobey Him....but because I don't feel ready. It makes my soul weary & although I can tell you that it does this to me, I can't tell you why, because each journey through the desert is different. The journey helps us understand the message, but we don't know what the message is, until we journey through the desert. 

So, right now, today....the dessert is about FAITH & OBEDIENCE & WONDER.

Not knowing what is ahead may not be exhausting to everyone, but it is exhausting to me. I'm in the desert right now and I'm exhausted. I know He is preparing me, but for what - I do not know. I do trust Him for only good things. I believe that what I will find in the desert will be so clear and amazing, that it will make the journey worth it.  My friends....that does not mean I enjoy the journey.

This is proof that you can love something, without actually enjoying it. 

What I can also tell you about my last walk in the desert is; I am SO glad I took the journey. It FOREVER changed my life & made my life much fuller than my vision, at the time, would allow. That is also how I know I will get serious about this journey & latch on, when God presents the opportunity.

Saddle up for the HARD ride. Buck up baby & ride with Jesus! It may be hard, but He promises to get us to the other side.

Day 12: "Developing Your Friendship With God"

Welcome Readers. We continue on as we journey through the chapters of Pastor Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? 

Day 12: "Developing Your Friendship With God"

"Point to Ponder: I'm as close to God as I choose to be."

Daily Verse: "Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you." James 4:8A (NLT)

Daily Question: "What practical choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?"

From my journal the day of reading: I will talk to Kyle (my husband) about my journey, so he understands me. I will plan a schedule to help me grow the gifts, talents, and blessings God has blessed me with.

I'm sitting here smiling because that journal entry doesn't come close to doing justice for the walk I've been walking with God, since reading it. I remember reading this chapter & thinking....I've got a lot to work on before I'm ready for a friendship with God....NOT SO MUCH PEEPS.... I mean, YES...I had to work on things (still do) & they were pretty intense for me, but I've done them & I am ALREADY developing my relationship with God.

I was talking to someone yesterday about an experience I had when praying over a tragedy of some VERY dear friends of mine. She was asking me questions about it & how we KNOW when a certain person needs to be prayed for. I started out by saying: "You know that gut feeling you get....or that AWARENESS you get sometimes when you just KNOW The Holy Spirit is guiding you?" They looked at me & said...."No...I can't say that I've really experienced that. I mean I'll read Bible verses & they will speak to me or be exactly what I need, but I can't say that I've ever experienced what you are talking about." The next question they asked me was: "How do you get that feeling? What do you do?" I'm sitting here tearing up because I am in AWE of God. COMPLETE AWE.... I wrote that post yesterday about the types of friendships I have with The Holy Spirit, Jesus, & God.... In the conversation I had yesterday evening I KNEW what I needed to say to answer that question. Here it is: "You have to INVITE God in. You have to STRIP your EGO & PRIDE (and I gave a few examples of extreme ego & what I think is ego, but you don't really look at it that way) & be able to HUMBLE yourself to whatever member of The Holy Trinity they are really speaking to." I explained that humbling yourself to them is SHOWING them ALL of it: your pain, your anger, your confusion, your stress, what you question....which I REMEMBER...I held back until I realized GOD KNOWS ALL OF IT ANYWAY. He wants the raw & honest TRUTH (good, bad, & the ugly) & he wants YOU to WANT to talk to Him. You don't have to go out and profess it to the world, but to God. Once you start being honest to got you start being honest with yourself too.

My friend gave me a new Bible that has several different translations in it. I have to tell you...I struggle with reading the Bible...not because I don't want to, but because I can't figure out how to really get the most out of it. I read 3 quarters through the Old Testament just page after page, but stopped because I wasn't grasping it the way I thought I would....it was more like a chore...kinda. I've tried that online Bible study.....I mean LONG readings & I found it easy for me to stop & not finish...then have a LONG one to catch up with the next day. This book has helped me verse by verse, to learn parts of the Bible. Since getting the new Bible from my friend....I've went to it twice. I just opened to a page. The first day it took me straight to a story of dealing with anger....I needed it.

Last night it took me to Acts 10-11. What I read discussed how the Apostles started FILLING people...ALL people...with The Holy Spirit & the BIRTH of Christianity. Again...I am in AWE. What do I KNOW? I know that we are supposed to INTRODUCE as many people as we can to The Holy Spirit, which I think is the SECOND step in developing a relationship with GOD. The FIRST is being willing to humble yourself & telling him you want him in your life. Guys remember...He will not give you more than you can handle. You can START right now. I have known the person I talked to yesterday ALL of their life & I know they BELIEVE in God & pray, BUT I think they are ready to GET TO KNOW GOD.

This book says 4 things about developing a relationship with God: "I must choose to be honest to God." "I must choose to obey God in faith." "I must choose to value what God values." "I must desire friendship with God more than anything else."

I REALLY do ENCOURAGE everyone to go get this book, if you haven't already & read this for yourself.

Looking at my journal entry & remembering what I was thinking I KNOW that I felt like I'd be 50 before I was even going to be "worthy" enough to have a TRUE friendship with God. Now I KNOW I am worthy right now.

I have to share another thing that this chapter revealed to me & I had been struggling with it for some time. I know someone that doesn't KNOW how to be authentic. (This chapter discussed being AUTHENTIC.) They sort of adapt to the personalities, wants, needs, thoughts of whoever they are around. Now guys....I LOVE making friends....LOVE IT! However...I was having a REALLY hard time gettin' there with this person...in fact...still haven't gotten there & it BOTHERED me BUT I couldn't MAKE myself invite them into my circle of friends. I don't mean my CLOSE friends...I mean just truly FULLY enjoy their company as any kind of friend. This sentence made the light bulb go off: "What may appear as audacity God views as authenticity." Now this was talking about how we should be frank with God & that he can handle our truth in any kind of way we give it to him. BUT what it revealed to me about my struggle with the person above is that I was struggling because THEY weren't being authentic. You can't MAKE someone be authentic. You can't MAKE someone invite you in, AND you can't build a relationship or a friendship with ANYONE if they aren't being AUTHENTIC. There will be NO trust. There will be NO common ground b/c you won't even know what it is. I think it's important for me to say that I'm not just ASSUMING that they aren't being authentic. I had (from my end) an OPEN & HONEST conversation about concerns of the other & offered guidance & support for whatever that person felt like THEY needed. The next week they were doing EXACTLY what they had such a problem with & I KNOW you can't make an AUTHENTIC decision in even a month's time (in this area) & quite frankly....what we discussed may have not been authentic. I KNOW they need the guidance of The Holy Spirit, but I'm not so sure that I am the person that can break through to them. I've tried twice. That is why it is EVER so important that WE HELP OTHERS. Sometimes the people someone is surrounded with can't give them what they need, no matter how much they WANT to.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! Don't wait! Don't hesitate!! God Bless!