Wisemen & Wonder

 This Christmas season, God has placed the 3 wisemen on my heart. I have so much to say and have contemplated what parts of the story God is calling me to share. I think I start with what is sitting with me. There is SO much wonder surrounding the birth of Jesus, what the world was like at that time, and for me - the way God keeps reminding me of this story. I have literally had moments to reflect on this (at least) daily, since the beginning of Advent. 

What sits with me is how research, folklore, and stories, passed down through the generations, tell us a few important things. Most of this is not scripture, but helps us to fill in the probable gaps that we aren't told in scripture. One that has really stayed with me these last few weeks is that each wiseman was likely coming from a different location. 

From Babylon to Jerusalem it was 550-600 miles, likely taking 1-2 months of travel. From Persia to Jerusalem it was 900-1,000 miles, taking 2-3 months of travel time, and from Arabia to Jerusalem 150-200 miles, taking 1-2 weeks. Three separate wisemen from three separate regions, all a student of the stars. They had, most likely, spent the majority of their lives learning, studying, testing, and pondering the heavens. Somehow (The Holy Spirit (in my humble opinion))....these three wise and studied men, likely relied on by kings and leaders in their own countries, converged together to search for the King of the Jews. They would have also well-versed in philosophies and the scriptures of the world. 

They came bearing gifts fit for a worldly king. They had NO IDEA what to expect, except a young child. As they traveled to Jerusalem, their most logical stop would have been to meet with King Herod - Roman empire appointed "King of the Jews." IMAGINE a king that had already been "King" for over 3 decades is met by three wisemen from far-away lands. They would have arrived with caravans (protection, food, supplies, etc.) for the long journey. They arrived at the most logical place, yet did NOT find the newly born King of the Jews. What they did next has also left me in wonder. 

All of the events that lead to the birth of Jesus, the protection of the child, the divine guidance, the fulfillment of prophecy have left me in awe. It has given me a different glimpse of how The Holy Spirit works in our lives. At any given moment The Holy Spirit encouraged the same feeling, the same nudge, to make groups of people act. HE STILL DOES THAT! Also.....think of how many people witnessed this amazing journey. Can you imagine the stories of all of those that were part of the wisemen's caravan? Can you imagine the stories of those that saw this caravan ride into Jerusalem looking for a King no one there had met yet? 

What I have really rested in the last couple weeks are all the choices that were made. Remember, we have ALWAYS had freewill. In the story of Jesus's birth and early life, I am reminded that each of these key people made a choice. Those choices made all the difference. It proves that God knows our hearts. It proves that God intervenes when we need more reassurances. There were SO many opportunities for Mary & Joseph to give up. There were opportunities for the wisemen to go back to Herod. There were NUMEROUS opportunities for them to turn around OR never even set out on the journey. Meditating on the wisemen and the role and wonder of their appearance in scripture has given me this new perspective, that will never leave me. 

To think this all started when I was brainstorming my Christmas Decorations for the local Christmas Decorating Contest. I had some stiff competition this year, so I wanted to create something interactive. If you have a moment (& you are local/semi-local) I ENCOURAGE you to stop by the Buck Up Headquarters at: 115 East Thigpen, in Carmine, TX. It is a little green building (once a doctor's office.) Be sure to read the BIG sign and then all 3 of the gift signs. 

I invite you to approach the manger of Jesus. Follow the star and meditate on the story of the birth of Jesus Christ. Ponder the symbolism. BE SURE TO TAKE THE APPROPRIATE GIFT, based on the fine print. :) 

This has been a WONDERFUL Christmas season for us. It has been filled with ADVENTure, new friends, old friends, family, growth, fellowship, & SO FULL of Jesus and things He's hoped for, for us. As you enjoy your people, remember the chaotic and challenging entrance of Jesus's birth AND also....the incredible blessing of them having all they needed for their journey. 

Our God is Vast

I don't know why, but with certain posts, I feel like I have to get it all "right." I overthink some, and this is one of them. One thing ALL MY READERS should know is, I'm all about the breadcrumbs. Following little holy breadcrumbs has gotten me to where I am and shown me things, that I think...I'm just supposed to know, to understand other things. I don't believe in coincidences. In fact, I got so annoyed with the notion in one of my philosophy classes in college, that I no longer even acknowledge it as reality. You don't have to agree with me, but I felt important for you guys to follow the breadcrumbs with me. 

This is going to seem like a rabbit hole, and in all honesty, it may be to some. However, it is a topic The Holy Spirit led me to explore, so here it is. :)

I have 3 kiddos and my middle son had a science project. His celestial/heavenly body was Callisto, which is Jupiter's oldest moon & second largest. I geek out on projects. I get excited when they do them at home. They don't because I make them dig in SO much deeper than they would on their own. Moving on....

This is FOR SURE the second project my kids have done on Jupiter OR something related to it. I really think it is the 3rd. Well....for me, these are breadcrumbs. He looked up and provided all the requested details and made the model and all the stuff. I'm still left pondering it. Why another Jupiter project? Why do I get so excited about them? What is it that I need to know about Jupiter or Callisto? What is The Holy Spirit trying to show me, to deepen my understanding? 

Here are the nuts & bolts of my take aways, but there is SO much more. Every now and again a thought or question will surface to the top of my brain and I'll research it. 

For starters: Callisto is not only Jupiter's oldest moon, but it is thought to be the oldest celestial body in our solar system. Scientists have it being as old as the solar system itself - approximately 4.5 BILLION years old. The main gasses present on the planet are: Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen, & Hydrogen and is thought to be the BEST place for a celestial space station. 

Next, there are two impact craters. Their names are "Valhalla" and "Asgard," named after Norse mythology. Here is where some would say, I went down a silly rabbit hole, but I really do know better. 

I watched the HBO series "Vikings," with my husband. So when I saw one was named "Valhalla," I locked in. This is not thought to be the actual "Valhalla" and it was named much later, but I started drawing some insight. I don't want this to be a spoiler, SO IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED VIKINGS AND YOU WANT TO - DON'T READ THIS PART. In the series there are a couple of key people that are going to help me draw my point. The main character: Ragnar Lothbrok, who is ultimately the leader and inspiration for so much that happens in this series. Then there is Floki, who is a devout follower of the Norse gods, close (maybe closest) friend to Ragnar. Lastly, there is Athelstan who is a monk captured by Ragnar in one of his first raids. If I remember correctly, he was the only surviving monk. Some nudge in Ragnar, urged him to keep him alive - even though many wanted him dead. There where times when Floki became jealous of Athelstan. 

This whole whirlwind of life happening pointed me to a few key take-aways for me with that series. 

#1 - There were times when it didn't feel "right" to be watching it.

#2 - Similar to how it was starting to feel as I was researching the planets and history, etc.

#3 - I believe that all 3 of these men came to know Jesus. Some may have different opinions, but I believe this, knowing that is television & not real, yet representing the possibilities of life of the times, within these groups of people. 

#4 - Ragnar was all over the place, went back and forth, but I believe his friendship with Athelstan is what brought him to Jesus. He could not make total sense, but he felt the reverence. 

#5 - Athelstan wrestled. He was a devout monk, then was the equivalent to a slave when Ragnar captured him, became a warrior and was surrounded my Norse traditions, yet maintained his faith and garnered the respect of others. He died looking like a viking, but was killed by Floki, as he was praying to God. Floki killed him out of jealousy and concern for Ragnar being misled. 

#6 - Floki lost himself. He and Ragnar's relationship was never the same. His life spiraled after Athelstan's death. He wrestled with his beliefs, things he did not understand. It was like a collision of worlds: blurry, unclear, maddening. Floki took a group of people to unconquered land in a very harsh environment. He was the leader and at some point he retreated to the hills/mountains. He found a cave and inside it was a cross. He seemed  to have either a manic moment OR a spiritual encounter/revelation and then the cave collapsed on him. - Later, he find out he actually survived, but was a changed man. In his ferventness for the Norse gods, he reminds me of Saul before he was Paul, but when coming face to face with something new and bigger than what he knew, he retreated into a very quiet and private life. He was still sought out for his wisdom and experience, similar to prophets, but changed. 

Tying this into more thought.....the planets were named after Greek mythology. Zeus is also referred to as Jupiter and the 4 moons found by Galileo (a faithful astronomer that was fascinated by God's creation), were later named after Zeus's "lovers." So where did this lead me? Directly to one of the stances I take when atheists argue that there is no God and Jesus isn't real. Stories and accounts and living testimony has been passed down for thousands of years - unchanging. Which is true. I would say that, the mythology of the Norse and Greek were unchanged for thousands of years.....UNTIL THEY WERE. 

Here are some scriptures I want to draw your attention to: 

Fun Fact: Callisto, the moon from my son's project, is also known as "The Bear," referenced in the above Bible verse, which is based on Greek mythology. 

I think many times, as Christians, we get a little tied up in not being "too curious," so as to not find ourselves worshipping these huge celestial bodies. In all this research....and a few more breadcrumbs, I want to share that astronomy is the study of planets, creation, and totally a way to meditate on God, His creation, and a way for us to get to know Him better. It is the study of what ACTUALLY exists. Astrology is what we know as our zodiac signs and how they are thought to influence our personalities, as well as other celestial patterns and how they might or, are thought to influence human behavior.

We have free will. And we have someone with a unique purpose for us, that created all of the heavens for His purpose. His purpose is for our good. 

The point that I am trying to make is that creation is SO VAST and instead of getting tied up, so tightly, on the "right" way to worship OR condemning those who don't think like us.....maybe we try and understand why. Maybe.......we follow a breadcrumb that helps us grow closer to Our Maker AND understand others, better.  

The Creative Cure

There is something about a change in scenery; something about showing up to create and being open to let The Holy Spirit, and your gift of creativity from God, lead you.....

Over the years, I have really made a conscience effort to get to know myself better. Instead of questioning my differences (because I sure feel like I have them); I have learned to lean into them and explore them. 

At one point in my life, when my anxiety was at an all-time high, I discovered that CREATING things was like fun and relaxing therapy. I do mean therapy. I felt SO MUCH BETTER emotionally, physically, spiritually. I was renewed....relieved from the burden of stress, and many times was able to look at situations differently - with a new lens.....or maybe a clean and refreshed lens :). 

I knew the benefit because I had taken some random paint classes, took friends and crew members to just go paint. However, when I REALLY understood and felt the long-term benefit was when a friend had a cute little DIY shop and boutique. If you know me, you know I live a busy life. I thrive in it, but I can get myself to a place where I JUST KEEP GOING. I learned to make it a habit to go do something quarterly AT LEAST. Sometimes I would frequent it more. Sometimes I would go alone. 

Life started taking me in a completely different direction geographically and she closed the shop and a new business is in there now. I've had to find other creative ways, but I have not been near as consistent with it. 

Well, this week I FELT the need to CReaTe. I'm on the cusp of a pivot that I have thought about and prayed about and second-guessed myself and prayed some more......cried a few times, felt completely lost/unsure/self-conscious, been tested in ways I saw coming and ways I didn't... AND now....through faith, prayer, and this journey God has taken me on - to determine what I really want. I am talking about the ACTUAL DESIRES of my heart. NOT....what it "should" be. NOT.....what is the typical approach to many people in my same field. NOT....what others think I "should do" or "could do" or "need to do.: I'm talking about what I want to do with my one precious life. Now that there are some CLEAR boundaries on this path and I'm not wandering in the wilderness, the enemy has really come at me. 

For me, the way I know the enemy is meddling is I experience a variety of events and situations that burden me, waste my time, or delay my work. The enemy exploits the weaknesses in me. He exploits the weaknesses in those close to me. Here are some of my examples: insomnia, caffine intake, decisions of family members that end up effecting me somehow, judgement of my weaknesses from others, surprise change in plans or schedule. There are times I feel the nudge, whoa, stop, slow downs of The Holy Spirit and then there are the deliberate hurdles the enemy uses.....that are purely to steal, kill, or destroy plans for God's kingdom work. 

As I reflect this evening, it is not surprising. It is hard to see it, in the thick of things, but: pausing, resting, and reflecting, and finding an opportunity to create helps you to see things differently. I went to my sister's tent at the Antique Show. She has her hat bar set up. (It is called Pink Poodle Patches.) She is in that first lot after the elementary school in Round Top and is set up under some big oak trees, wrapped in lights. I sat there for several hours. Our kids hung out, my oldest worked, and I made two caps for football games and a new bag to keep my religious ed books in for Wednesday's class.  I came home more refreshed and relieved than when I got there. I even got to help a few shoppers design and create and think. During this moment of creativity I realized a few things. There were moments (one in particular) that I allowed the enemy to get the best of me. I let his antics effect me TOO MUCH. There were other moments where he bested me, but through God's wisdom, I was able to recognize  and redeem those moments to some degree. I also remember that this is exactly why I would hard-schedule these creative opportunities AT LEAST once a quarter. It is solid for my mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional health. 

The other thing that I always find SO COOL about cReAtivIty is how God shares it with all of us and we share it with each other. Imagine all the JOY it must bring Him. He is SO good. He loves us SO much. I pray that everyone makes, even the smallest effort, to get to know our Maker. I'm SO grateful for His reminders, even if I have to work myself up in a tizzy to see them. 

These verses resonate with me in this moment: 

Exodus 31:3-6

Ephesians 2:10

Isaiah 43:19

1Peter 4:10-11

He Fled Away Naked....

 Mark 14:51-52 is a verse I've been pondering for years. The Holy Spirit highlighted it to me as I was reading through the Bible, cover to cover, the first time around. I like to understand things, but I could never quite grasp "WHY" The Holy Spirit led me there, led me to research it numerous times in different ways, led me to examine my life, led me to discuss it with other believers. Yet...the ONLY thing that was clear is He wanted me aware of it. 

The verse reads: "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving the garment behind." Mark 14:51-52 (NIV) 

Monday, I went for a walk on our place. My life finds me in an interesting place. A place, where I find myself yielding or trying to yield (both happen) to The Holy Spirit. Are there overwhelming things in my life? Yes. Has He blessed me with the MOST beautiful blessings to navigate challenges with, for and about? You bet! AND....some incredible gifts I am grateful to have. I realized SO MUCH on that walk. He has equipped me for ALL The Holy Spirit has shown me. Yes, thinking about it overwhelms me. There really isn't a logical timeline.....at all really, yet it is happening. There is no control I really have, if I'm to be obedient....even though it has taken me a while in some regards. I had so many moments of wrestling in this/these life transitions I am experiencing. Last week, I reflected on how I have reached a place that is familiar to me. I have thought, prayed, figured, researched, worked myself into states of frustration and agitation, until I am called to YIELD. Then, when I yield I look around. Almost always, when I get to the place where I yield, a blessing of knowledge, awareness, a piece of God's wisdom is revealed to me. 

I wish I could tell you how to get to that place. At times, I wish I could skip the wrestling part. If I understand, I'll move much quicker. But He's been developing a layer of my faith, which I want more than the satisfaction of knowing and acting without FULLY understanding. 

Well....on this walk, The Holy Spirit took me on a journey that was spurred with the Bible verse and quote in my planner for the day. Then it led me down other places, and before you know it I was having a conversation with Chat GPT about Biblical timelines, detailed information about John Mark (the author of The Book of Mark), his life, the life of other Biblical figures and SO much more. 

God blessed me with divine wisdom. I don't need anyone to agree with me, argue it with me, or anything of the sort. I've been carrying this Biblical fact with me long enough to know that it was written for a time such as this, in my life. I think this information I uncovered is important. It was important to me. 

Before sharing the revelation, I want to share the moment I "knew" it was divine wisdom. As I was reading the Chat GPT response regarding the age of John Mark (Mark) in comparison to Matthew; tears just rolled from my eyes. There is NOTHING sad or completely earth-shattering about that fact, but I believe without a shadow of a doubt, that I felt that truth in MY spirit, even if I didn't fully grasp it yet in my flesh. 

Now for all the lessons and bread crumbs that I experienced before getting to this moment....

Up until this moment...this day... I lacked so much knowledge about John Mark and lacked the desire to understand. I was looking at all the ways that verse tied back to me, not him. I looked for God's message to me...the significance of the words, of the book, of how it mattered in my life in all the moments it was brought to my attention. This time, I turned my focus to the author. It took a few breadcrumbs and experiences to get there, and honestly, I can't say that there is a way to convey or map these lessons to the ultimate outcome, but they led me there and they were lessons that I REALLY needed for a variety of things going on in life. 

I start out on my walk. I had realized, a few days earlier, that my medicine dosage had accidentally been off, and my emotions and anxiety were starting to level out again. I remember starting my conversation with God, and thinking about how we must be SO hard to work with, yet He still chooses to. I remember being upset in my flesh, with how it derailed me. I was feeling like I lost ground. Yet, somehow in that moment, I accepted that He decided to continue to encourage me - no matter the weakness of my flesh. I don't know how to explain this release...submission....acceptance of His grace, but it happened with a grateful heart. This is when the research began. 

At this point is was light, curious research. The Holy Spirit had brought Mark 14:51-52 back to the forefront of my mind. I have walked all of the easy paths on our property, so I've started exploring some of the cow trails that are a little less traveled. I had music playing...Lauren Daigle and as I left the more traveled path to the less traveled path, I had focused on dodging spider webs. I get to the other side, where there was a clearing and realized I lost my phone somewhere along the way. I remember thinking...."Man! my phone didn't record all of those steps." Then, I made my way back to my phone, but I hit SO many spider webs on the way back and I decided I didn't want to go back that way.....although I had a gentle tug, so I knew how many steps I had actually walked. I felt nudged to go another direction. 

As I was standing there, pondering the decision of what way to go; The Holy Spirit helped me to reflect that.....not everything gets recorded. That does not mean it didn't happen, because clearly....it just happened....even though I had no record of it. Okay.... :). Then I felt led to walk a little closer to the tank (pond) than I normally do. I had my glasses on my forehead, so my peripheral vision was blurry. As I was walking by....I saw something large and reddish-gray. At first, I thought it was a dead cow. I got a little closer and realized that it was a mound of dirt under a tree that was growing in the tank. We hadn't gotten rain in a while and the pond was low enough to expose dirt, that was typically under water. 

I pull out my phone and ask Chat GPT why some dirt would have a red ring around it.....explained all the conditions, etc. As I was reading the scientific reason some of the dirt on the same mound would appear red versus gray, understanding that the oxygen hitting the iron in the ground quicker than normal for that area produces that red ring......almost simultaneously I get "I'm always here. Not everything is going to be recorded and everything is not going to be visible to the human eye. That does not mean that I am not there. I will be seen when I need to be seen....when the environment is right." I smile as I type this. I needed this encouragement and reassurance that I can't mess up His timing. 

These are the gently moments where I am left in awe of God's gentleness and GREATNESS. After this moment, on the way back, is when the dominoes started falling. One question led to another question and it just kept going. I don't know how I got back to  "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment...." again, but I did. In my research I was reminded of yet another verse that has always stuck out to me and how it is ONLY found in the Book of Mark: "As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed." Mark 16:5 This had COMPLETELY engaged my mind. 

I'm thinking: Both of these accounts are ONLY found in The Book of Mark. What if.........(insert mind blown emoji here). Then, I zoned in on who is Mark? He was NOT one of Jesus's 12 disciples ----- which was an assumption I think many of us make. His full name is John Mark. He was the apprentice to Peter, which is one of the original 12 disciples. The Book of Mark is thought to be the account of Peter, written by the hand of John Mark. John Mark was the son of Mary, and part of a well-off Jewish family in Jerusalem that hosted many church gatherings in the beginning of Jesus's ministry. Based on various timelines, at the time of Jesus's death, John Mark would have been in his late teens or early 20s. This fact, coupled with, him being part of a well-off family.....he could have very much been: "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment"  AND "a young man dressed in a white robe." It would have ONLY been in The Book of Mark, because it was Mark's direct testimony - marked with humility (similar to how John is in his account - referring to himself as "the one Jesus loves" instead of mentioning himself directly.)

I go further.....asking for an account of the timelines in the order in which the books were written. (Insert another mind blown emoji here.) The Book of Mark is thought to have been written BEFORE any of the other accounts. Many scholars also think that both Matthew and Luke drew references FROM the Book of Mark. I would gather, that John also adopted a similar writing style. I even asked WHY Matthew was placed before Mark. When the Bible was being put together, scholars believed that The Book of Matthew, gave a more full and detailed account of the Gospel story, thus coming to an agreement that it would give readers a more FULL context. My tears started flowing around this time. I take that as a sign of divine wisdom. 

Then....I wanted a better understanding of why John Mark would find himself in this space. The space of being a YOUNG,  person OUTSIDE the inner circle, witness to Jesus Christ, who - ULTIMATELY, is the first author of the account of Jesus Christ.

Just as a young man having access to linen cloth was likely due to the family's wealth, so is his ability to scribe FOR Peter. Wealthy Jewish families would have made it a priority to educate the young men in their family in 2 to 3 languages. As a teenage/young man who had witnessed and experienced the activity of Jesus and being captured in the garden....you best believe that he likely wanted to WITNESS Jesus's words. Would He ACTUALLY rise from the dead, when He said he would? Why would the women NOT tell anyone? Well....envision that the son of Mary, the wealthy Jewish woman hosting many of the gatherings was the first person found and Jesus was no where to be found. That leads to a host of potential: "uh-ohs," "what do we dos," and "maybe silence is betters." Yet, The Holy Spirit leads me deeper. In my research, I was reminded of "THE REASON" Paul and Barnabas split from each other, when in ministry together. 

The REASON for the split was JOHN MARK. This scripture never really sat well with me. It felt.....unfinished or incomplete. This is the scripture I am referencing: "And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, 'Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.' Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord." Acts 15:36-40   It leaves a picture of Paul being "right" and John Mark being someone that abandoned a ministry, which I do not believe is the full story. 

One of the wonderful things about scripture, is as you read, you get to know these Biblical characters and get a feel for their personalities and see factors that help them in their decision-making. I remember REALLY being drawn to Barnabas. I think this is why I didn't like the picture this scripture painted. It is Paul's truth, but not the full context (I believe). At the time, I did not know that Barnabas and John Mark were cousins. Barnabas would have been a better judge of John Mark's heart. Bigger than this though....and nothing that can be confirmed nor denied. I believe that John Mark, whether documented or not MAY have realized (or had a divine encounter) that his gifts would not be best used in ministry with Paul. Paul was educated. He had been a Pharisee. He was COMPLETELY entrenched in the other side of the coin and preaching from a place of experience to those that already believed, that John Mark would not be able to in the same way. Paul's message was reinforcing believers and churches and continuous encouragement. John Mark's gifts allowed him to reach people that were totally unfamiliar. Paul and John Mark's perspectives came from different directions. This is important because John Mark would have been able to write from a firm understanding of Jewish customs and had the education to translate this into a language that the Romans would understand. In regards to the spreading of information, Rome was THE hub of information. As The Holy Spirit moved all things together to create the best circumstances to spread the Gospel: Paul was able to encourage and share, while imprisoned in Rome, with information being sent out (and possibly penned by John Mark) from Rome to other parts of the ancient world. Him leaving Paul and Barnabas years prior, allowed us to see the documented reconciliation IN Rome AND allowed John Mark to pen the very first Gospel account to then be dispersed from Rome, in a way that anyone reading it could understand. 

What a blessing. What an understanding God has blessed me with. How great to have such a deeper understanding of Mark, his significance....his struggles....his character.....an understanding that has helped me to understand the other disciples differently. What a blessed reminder that He is always with us and while all the details may not be recorded, it does not negate His presence and His knowing. (This was reinforced to me by another God wink, the week before.) This experience was all these things, plus this gentle nudge to move forward. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! Yield, observe, be present. Rest in the humility like John Mark. Sit in His truth without having to be seen, known, and measured by anyone, but The Holy Trinity. He knows that we will come to the end of ourselves and our abilities.....flee away naked....yield to The Holy Spirit and NEED Him. Allow Him to do things only He can do. We have to LET HIM work in our lives. 

Pruning

 Life with God is SUCH an adventure. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. One of my greatest blessings are friends, that love Jesus as much as I do AND love to come together in fellowship over Him.

This week, I had several things happen where I felt: betrayed, blind-sided, and disrespected. All were swarming around the same group of influence, and well....I did not feel cared about, by those I care about. 

And it stung. 

The day before, I received a similar message, that was so much easier for me to release into the hands of Jesus. But the next one stung and I was having a much harder time letting it go. What I mean by "letting it go" is laying it at Jesus's feet and moving on with life....my to-do list.......my project at hand. It was like it kept tapping me on my forehead, and so finally.....I sent a message to two friends; both of which I count as SUCH blessings. When you find friends that you can talk Jesus with, pray for them, bless them, love them, be available to them and count your blessings. One of the coolest things that happens with friends like that, is: as you sit there working out your questions and concerns, discussing The Word and other life experiences, you recognize the movement of The Holy Spirit. Two of us were blessed to experience that together and Oh! How that changed the entire trajectory of the situation. 

I've talked and wrote before about how God blesses our obedience, but He surprises me with it EVERY time. We are just sitting there talking....and we had a lengthy discussion about the pruning process, what it looks like when you trim old growth back to create room for new growth, what God says about pruning in scripture, and so on. We near the end of the conversation, I recline back in my chair and have the SUDDEN REALIZATION that God gave me a DIRECT answer to my obedience. 

Image credit to: Wenke Greenhouses in Kalamazoo, Michigan - LINK HERE

My hang up was, that I would not have chose it for myself. However, I have been through this uncomfortable, and the most recent time, mournful experience before. I resisted and contemplated that first "pruning" hard....or at least the first one that I became aware of how God was working. I, myself didn't really want this person pruned out of my life, but every time I prayed into it I'd get a "whoa." That's what I call it. I'd get the "whoa" when I was about to send that text, or about to make that call. Now, I understand a little better. 

In my most recent situation, where I phoned a friend, I wasn't focusing on that type of pruning. I was looking at it as more of a  "type of work" pruning. It is definitely that, because that is what I layed out my own personal boundaries to, prayed to Him about, and put into motion. What He ALSO did, was bless me with the ability to see the hearts of others. See the hearts of others I have invested my time and energy into. He's teaching me how to prune also, so we can prune together...and maybe more than anything...help me to let it go sooner.

John 15:1-17

Yes, I am left in awe. It is still bittersweet, but I know it is for my good. How our God is so subtle and yet SO powerful. 

Seeing God work, yet physically seeing nothing.....that is the supernatural work of God. It truly is INCREDIBLE. Words don't even do it justice. I want to ENCOURAGE YOU to Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! He sees things we do not and HE MAKES A WAY!

The Moments

I am an avid journaler. Currently, I have a daily devotional and a planner I am using created by Tim Tebow, with A.J. Gregory. 

This week, in my planner, Tim Tebow wrote this: "When you get tired or overwhelmed or uncertain, don't forget the moment God changed your life... Don't forget the moment He challenged you to join the fight."

I want to share my moments with you all. I have had several in my life. What I have learned along my life journey, is when you are obedient; He will challenge you again. I believe these moments may be different for everyone. My own moments have each been different. The way in which Tebow wrote the above quote made me think of one moment in particular, BUT to start...the very first challenge.     

The first time He challenged me was the summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year of high school (14, almost 15 years old). I have always been a nerved up human, that thinks, and thinks, and over thinks so many things. The gest of this challenge came about while praying to Jesus. Jesus is the first member of The Holy Trinity that I identified with.  I was EARNESTLY praying. To date, I don't know that I can compare this prayer time with any others I have had. I had a mission and I needed Jesus's help. I prayed for HOURS. There were things that I did not understand. There were things I longed for. There were so many questions in my young adolescent head. Jesus and I sat there and we worked through EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. There was a determination in me and as I was praying (I now know), The Holy Spirit would bring biblical moments and stories to the forefront and I discussed those with Jesus to try and understand....to build up my courage....to find a clearing in the path. That summer....in my being....I went from a timid, shy, unheard, awkward, fearful person to a person that spoke my own truth....thought before I spoke or spoke intentionally KNOWING Jesus was right beside me, because I asked Him to be. I was confident, more brave, more willing to try new things....it was an ADVENTURE. It was the first moment I realized that I have to give The Holy Spirit TIME to work. I can't ask for it and not allow it to unfold in His time. 

The second time, that I recall, was when The Holy Spirit urged me to pick up the Bible a friend had gifted me, that has been sitting on the corner of my desk for 6 months. At this time in my life, I went to the Bible, but I didn't read it like I read it now. Through discussions with a friend, I had shared that I KNOW Jesus. She shared with me a little about her relationship with The Holy Trinity and how The Holy Spirit is SO important in her life. She was brought to tears. I remember us talking about how you can have a relationship with each member, but we have to ENGAGE....put the effort in (like any relationship) to build those bonds. At that time, The Holy Spirit was rad, but I did not feel ready to dive in. I did share that I wanted to know God better. God, at that time, was so BIG....so hard to try and grasp. I had been content just knowing, trusting, and believing. Yet, because I did not dig in, I had questions. This started out as such a gentle nudge, that evolved into this entire system WE had worked out. My goal was to read The Bible, cover to cover, and to get to know GOD along the way. I had a Children's Bible. What I did is I would start out reading Old Testament stories from the Children's Bible, because I found it easier to grasp. Then, I would go to The Bible from my friend, and read from The New Testament. I remember THE MOMENT I realized how directly I was communicating with God. I was reading in the New Testament: 1 Corinthians, Chapter 14. The words that I took offense to more directly..... is 1 Corinthians 14:34-35: "As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church."

I will not go into deep detail, but I will say that I spoke out loud to God, asking Him to help me understand. As soon as I asked that, I laid my hands on The Bible, prayed specifically for direction to understand & God lead me to: Galatians 3:28 - "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

I have sporadic moments, where I feel that direct connection. I KNOW He sees me and uses His words to comfort me. Amazing...our God. He is all the things that are good. 

There are two other moments that come to mind. I can't tell you what I specifically said yes to, because I don't know. Interestingly enough, they both happened in very close proximity to each other in my house. Our home has a large den, then you walk through the kitchen, to get to the living room. The first of these two moments (3rd all-together), was a moment where I could feel His presence. It was right on the dividing line of our den and kitchen. I remember telling him Yes, I would follow Him. There were no specifics. His presence and His purpose of being there, the way He was there, was to get my answer. It reminds me of moments I had with previous employees, when we'd embark on a new adventure and I could not tell them what to expect, but I needed their commitment. 

The most recent time, is similar to the one above, but a little more intense. VERY close to the same location as the last, except that I felt led into the kitchen a little more. I can't recall what I was praying about. I can tell you I felt the need to kneel in that threshold between the den and the kitchen. I don't remember what I prayed, but I was praying earnestly and THIS TIME, I could feel...almost envision Jesus sitting there, wanting me to give Him an answer. Somehow, this time, I KNEW that I would still be loved the same if I said no. My awareness of my ability to say no was very apparent, this time. There was an intensity in the air....anticipation. I remember trying to grasp and understand (in my very limited knowledge, thinking about all the things going on in my world, at the time). I FELT the importance. I KNEW He needed me to choose. As I sat in thought and the anticipation and somehow KNOWING this could not be a lofty decision, yet I had all I needed in that moment to make it - I shared my decision....in the wordy, think-everything-out-loud way and when I said YES, the JOY of that moment was like nothing I had ever experienced. Even as I think about it now, I am in awe of it. The intensity of the decision, the thoroughness in being sure I understood as much as I could, the awareness of having a choice & being loved unconditionally - no matter which one I made, and still not fully understanding EXACTLY what I was saying yes to, but KNOWING WHO I was saying yes to. When I type about the joy...when I said yes, it was like I could FEEL the radiance of Jesus's joy. It felt like all of Heaven rejoiced! I experienced the joy, without knowing anything more about the YES, than what I have shared. I know that it was a BIG YES and that....I don't have to do anything special to carry it out....just do me, while loving Jesus. (He has been nurturing that into me also.)

As I am typing these, there is another I recall - and I do not remember, for certain, when it took place. I remember it, like it could have been a year ago, but it has to be closer to 10 years ago, because we haven't had the white couch in the den, in a VERY long time. It was EARLY Easter morning. For two weeks I had been frustrated because, I was wrestling with God about children suffering and childhood cancer and......tirelessly trying to wrap my head around it. The days leading up to Easter, I was just not a happy person. I felt guilt for not being as excited and grateful as I felt I should be. I remember FINALLY giving in to NOT KNOWING....me having that knowledge was NOT part of the plan God had for me and I found myself/felt like I had thrown myself on Jesus's lap and just cried. I remember.....so many things not lining up for me, BUT, the ONLY one that could take that burden from me....showed up when I was mad, sad, hurt, confused, ashamed, and COMFORTED me.....even though my actions leading up to that moment were not worthy of it. This was the moment when I learned that WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE FACTS and that I just have to TRUST and have FAITH. This may be when I found my FAITHBONE. 

Each one of those moments have been LIFE-CHANGinG & life-GIVING. In my walk I DO hold onto them. It is all the blessed moments of WISDOM God has given me on my journey. It helps me release things. It helps me stay focused. It reminds me of the rewards of perseverance and faith. It reminds me that I am capable of things, I would not and could not do on my own. It reminds me that I have a purpose, even if I haven't uncovered it. It reminds me HOW CLOSE God really is to us....how close Jesus is & what He cares about AND the AMAZING, perfect, UN-explainable POWER of The Holy Spirit. I truly LACK NOTHING and I feel that in my bones.....even when I get the wind knocked out of me. 

DON'T be afraid of the MOMENTS. Fear has stopped A LOT of great things. Don't let it stop you from having YOUR Jesus moment. The strange, the unchartered, the funny-feeling part of it all... is GOOD. Buck Up Baby! Relax into it & RIDE WITH JESUS!

Believers & Nonbelievers

On my way home yesterday evening, I had a little over an hour drive time and I found myself pondering how the Holy Spirit brings believers and nonbelievers together.

I took part in an education program that consisted of one week of intense, advanced industry education, over a three year period. This industry, is a male dominated industry and me and my roommate were blessed to spend two of those three years together.

We bonded. We identified with each other on so many levels, but one area where we were on opposite ends of the spectrum was our faith.

We opened up conversation about faith, when she saw me reading my Bible & journaling. Approximately a year before I met her I decided to work towards something that had been placed on my heart, which is reading the Bible cover to cover.

Her question to me was: “What makes you feel so strongly that God exists.” She shared that she was not a believer.

My answer was: “ There have been significant moments in my life that I KNOW could have only been turned around by the power of Jesus. It transcended human ability and understanding.”

At that point, I didn’t go into detail, but she thanked me for being able to openly talk about what both of us believe in & that, in all of her experiences with sharing her beliefs, she had felt condemned or judged.

I can say in all truth, that NOTHING she told me made me think of her any less, at all. In fact, I think it made our bond grow stronger and I believe we will always be each other‘s cheerleader in life. Wherever her beliefs are, I love her right where she’s at, just how she is. She is building a beautiful life for herself, attacking her dreams & I am SO proud of her.

God is slowly but surely teaching me to just walk and be obedient and be kind and to guard my heart and mind.

Buck up Baby and say YES to Jesus! Say YES to love! Say YES to fellowship! Say YES!

I believe that God loves all people and he loves all people so much that he sent Jesus for us all to have the opportunity to know Him without hindrance, without shame, & without the judgment of sin.

Stepping Out In Faith....SAY YES!

I had a busy week, last week & there was a moment....after I got off the phone, with a client...that I just sat back & APPRECIATED where I was. I thought...on what life could be like if I would not have said YES to God...when he was calling me to something MORE. My week has involved discussions for five fundraising galas, four different liquidation auctions, and 5 different real estate transactions. Sometimes those discussions weren't the most exciting, but I had to sit back a minute... This could have been a TOTALLY different story than what I'm typing.

I am THANKFUL. Thankful for the opportunities...YES! Even more THANKFUL though....for the peace of mind I have now....for the flexible time schedule to have MORE time with my family...for the new friendships I've made, that I would have TOTALLY missed out on....for this REAL spiritual development that God is doing in me...there is SO MUCH to be thankful for.

I'm really GRATEFUL that The Holy Spirit kept nudging me & nudged me in just the right ways to get my attention....even when those nudges were NOT so fun... I mean REALLY... Sometimes I would kind of like it if there would just be directional signs. BUT God needs to develop our character in Christ...for what is yet to come.

Turning the focus to YOU (yes, YOU, who is reading this)... If you have reached a point where you KNOW you are supposed to SAY YES to God....just go on & do it!

You will have no clue what it looks like.
It is totally different than anything you are capable of imagining right now.
You will survive on the other side of it.
He has equipped you for exactly where He is taking you.
It won't be easy. In fact...sometimes, it will be down right scary.
Sometimes, you will want to change your mind.
Sometimes, you will want to pull a blanket over your head & not speak to anyone....for DAYS.
You will cry.
You will laugh.
You will overthink & over-analyze.
You will make bad decisions on accident.
You will make bad decisions....that seem like the right ones.
You will trust people more than you should.
Then...you will not trust people enough.
You will have everyone and their momma....& sometimes their daddy...tell you how to do things.
People will criticize you.
People won't get you.
You could drift away from friends.
You could lose friends.
You will gain friends.
God WILL put the people in your path that are needed to carry out HIS missions.
You will LEARN things about yourself....that you just flat didn't know.
You will LEARN things about things that you didn't even know existed.
You will LEARN things about EVERYTHING!
You will do & accomplish & experience things you NEVER thought were even a possibility.
You will GO ON THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME...YOUR journey!
It will get complicated....BUT...if you REMEMBER TO PAUSE & PRAY....the clutter will just peel away.
You will prosper.
You will shine.
You will touch lives.
You will change lives.
You will transform into who God is calling you to be.
You will begin to break the boundaries you have up that keep you small....and it will be A LOT of FuN!

For me...the MOST REWARDING part of ALL of this, is that: I am slooooooowly LEARNING how to ACCEPT God's grace over my life, and that JESUS carried EVERYTHING that is holding me back RIGHT NOW...to the cross. He has SAVED ME from it! What I toil & worry about is on me...because it is not of God.  I INVITE The Holy Spirit to MOVE & WORK in my life & ask that He nudge those who interact & work with me, in ANY capacity.

I'm in the mood for GRATITUDE :).... To end this post, in this moment....I think I am the MOST thankful that I can look at my children...& tell them to pray, and when they pray LISTEN...to whatever their inner self is telling them, BUCK UP (no matter how long it takes) & step out in FAITH, & SAY YES to what every instinct in you is telling you to do (not your logical thinking head ;)). Those instincts are gifts & no matter what...THANK GOD. Give it ALL to Him. Praise Him in the rain & praise Him in the sunshine.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! It'll be the ride of a lifetime!

Jesus Mourned...

A young girl in our community...Emily Fritsch...fourteen & vibrant, passed away a few days ago. It was sudden & unexpected. As a community, we find ourselves mourning for her parents & for ourselves. We ask all the questions of WHY?? We don't understand. We get upset with God. We don't feel safe. We hurt and question on levels we maybe haven't yet.

A friend of mine shared some of his thoughts & feelings he was experiencing, once he heard the news. The link is here: Jesus Wept: A proclamation in grief. It references John 11, where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Please read it: John 11:1-44. Lazarus is the brother of Martha & Mary Magdalene. He was out teaching and was sent word, by Martha & Mary, that Lazarus was sick. When he heard, Jesus's words were: "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." He stayed 2 days longer. Martha & Mary ran to Him when he arrived ultimately saying that Lazarus would still be alive, if He had been there. He told Martha that he will be alive again, but she could not understand what He was telling her. She thought He meant at the resurrection. Then when Mary came, and the Jews that were comforting her, Jesus saw how deeply troubled she was. Scripture tells us: "When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." - John 11:33. Then a couple verses later we know: "Jesus wept." - John 11:35 

Jesus goes on to raise Lazarus, after already having died & the burial rituals performed. I remember when I meditated on this story a while back I thought....Why did Jesus weep? He knew that Lazarus was okay. He knew that He would raise him from the dead. He knew that He would give comfort to Martha & Mary. Why did he weep?

I believe He wept because He was mourning with them. This story of the Bible shows that Martha and Mary did not have the ability to fully understand what He was telling them. There isn't anything He could say that would cause them to understand, because of the limitations of their flesh. There were things that He could not share with them. He knew that they had to experience what they were experiencing. There was no other way...& JESUS MOURNED with them. He mourned because they had to suffer. It doesn't mean He liked it, but He knew it had to be, to get to something greater. We live in a world of sin. We are broken, BUT we WILL be restored in the name of Christ Jesus, in the appointed time. Sin will not win. We are all where we need to be. 

I never met Emily, yet her life, her death, & the deep mourning of those that new her, has affected me & many others SO deeply. As we continue to mourn the loss of this young life, I have been SO thankful for the community we live in. This picture was taken at the high school I graduated from & the same school my daughter attends. In tragedy the amazing & powerful gift of The Holy Spirit weaves us all together in love & support & suffering. We suffer together. 

Right after satan entered Judas & he left to condemn Jesus to death.... Jesus said to His disciples: "'My little children, I shall not be with you much longer.'" - John 13:33 He was speaking to the very men that walked and experienced life with Him. We are not made to understand what is to come. He goes on to ENCOURAGE them & He says: "By this love you have for one another, everyone will know that you are my disciples." - John 13:35

He has us in such a BIG & MAJOR way. As we mourn, we also THANK GOD for the blessing of this beautiful life that has touched & CONTINUES to touch so many. 

I ask that anyone who reads this, keep the family & soul & spirit of Emily Fritsch in your prayers. I can only imagine the wrestling that they are experiencing. The Holy Trinity is with them, with us, with Emily &...although it hurts...we shall not fear, for He is with us. Say a prayer for everyone that is mourning a tragedy.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace." - Ephesians 6:12-15

THIS LINK CAN HELP DIRECT YOU ON HOW TO MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO A MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP FUND SET UP IN HER NAME.

I want to share my testimony.

Just a few days ago, I attended The Gathering @ Round Top - held at The Pie Haven. I will say....without a doubt...it was JUST what I needed.

You know when you can feel a....SHIFT....coming on? Like you've been through the fire, but you didn't know you were going through it, until you're on the other side & you turn around and just know...that something has shifted.

I'm SO thankful and EXCITED for the shift. I used to try and UNDERSTAND the shift...piece together ALL the parts that led up to the shift...BE the shift. Now I smile & JUST BE who God is calling me to be. When the shifts happen they are ALWAYS way cooler & CreAtiVE than anything I could ever dream up.

I recently came to a place where I was so worn out...I was GRATEFUL to just BE STILL & pray & look & listen & discern where The Holy Spirit wanted to lead me.

I'm always AMAZED at how The Good Lord weaves things together...everything...His people...the thoughts of His people...the actions of His people...all of it. I had The Gathering on my calendar & had the awareness of how my schedule had been lately....which was....unless I was NEEDED...there was NO GUARANTEE that I'd be there....but I REALLY wanted to be, so I put it on there. My friend Tara shared the reminder on her Facebook Page & well...it was the prompting I needed to walk where The Holy Spirit was calling me.

There were approximately a dozen speakers...all businesswomen or people that are part of a business team, sharing their testimony. I have a notebook page and a half filled with topics that moved me....simply by these wonderful women GATHERING together to SHARE their testimonies. Because of this...I will be blogging on each of those points that I wrote down on that notebook paper. Why? Because no one else can share my testimony & no one else can help who God needs me help, the way I can help them.

I've been absent in the blogging world...compared to how I once was, BUT I made the decision...that if I have to FORCE the content...then I'm straying from what led me to blogs in the first place...WHICH IS the DIVINE guidance of The Holy Spirit. With that... I will SHARE my testimony...thus far.

It's hard to know where to start, because...like I stated earlier...The Good Lord has been weaving things together....MY ENTIRE LIFE...but I think the best place to start is sharing where some pretty important seeds were planted & what happened when they started sprouting ;).

I'm a small town girl from Carmine, Texas. I was by no means the most popular girl in school, but somehow managed to win Homecoming Queen my Senior Year. My parents, little sister, brother & I, lived in a double-wide, right between my Uncle & my Grandma. My Daddy has been on crutches since I was in 2nd grade & my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom when we were young. She later, started waiting tables at Klump's in Round Top & now works for Burton Sausage. My sister & I competed in cutting horse competitions when I was 11 roughly...(She was 9). My brother would just come along and play with other kiddos at the shows. When I was twelve I started working at the cattle auction in Giddings, that my uncle was the auctioneer at...where he later became one of the owners that bought it out. There was a girl named B.J. that worked there too. She ENCOURAGED me to hop back there (literally from the cat walk) & go to work. So...every Monday I could, from that summer...until I was probably 16ish...I punched cattle in the back of the sale barn. I also showed heifers & market lambs in 4H & FFA.

The day I graduated high school I started dating an under-classman. He was becoming a Jr, as I was leaving. We...by the grace of God...stayed together for 6 years & got married on our 6 yr dating anniversary. Almost...but not quite...a year later we had our first child...a little girl & 3 & 1/2 years later we had a son. Boy did a lot happen in that time....They'll be parts of this I'll touch on in future blog posts, BUT...for the time-being...I think it's important that I share the following:

• I attended Blinn College in Brenham, later transferring to Texas State University -where I commuted to and from school 3 days a week, ALWAYS having at least 2 part-time jobs. 
• Those jobs were: store clerk at 2 trendy little shops in Round Top (La Finca & Next Stop...Paris), waiting tables at Klumps & Cafe Pie In The Sky during Antique Shows, punching cattle, working in the office, or waiting tables at the sale barn, pulling weeds in someone else's garden, being a bank teller at a mobile bank, cashier at a lumber yard, & working at a daycare.
• My last semester at Texas State I had an Ad Campaigns Class. We put together 2 campaigns that semester. One was for a non-profit (Austin Cycling Association) & the other for a business (McCoy's Building Supply). My job title was Account Executive - which was ultimately managing and/or leading the other people on my team, to ensure that everything got carried out and executed that needed to. I failed the first time & knocked it out of the park the next time, with our group winning the pitch for McCoy's building supply...being the first pitch to go of the evening!
• My Dad had to have a liver transplant to stay alive in 2006. We held several fundraisers to help generate the funds. He is still alive & kickin' & his grandkids love him. The LIVE auctions...by far...is what generated the majority of the funds raised. All of the money raised and donations given were from ordinary people that loved or liked my Dad & wanted to support him & us....with a handful of complete strangers.This whole thing planted a GINORMOUS seed in me. 
• BEFORE I got my degree I started looking for a job in my degree field (Advertising). I submitted a resume to Suddenlink Media in College Station for an Account Executive position selling TV air time.
• When I applied for the job, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what that job entailed, but was TOTALLY CONFIDENT that I was qualified. I could do it...no problem...& didn't really want to take "no" for an answer.
• I got an interview. I did not get hired for the job I applied for, but the manager told me that he may have a position for me elsewhere in the company & they may "create" one. All I can say is... if he wasn't serious...he became serious when I called him at the end of every week for 4 weeks...until he gave me another interview...after telling him...I was being interviewed again for a job with another company & if he was serious I wanted him to be aware. He later told me...it was my persistence that made the impression on him. 
• I was hired. I SUCCEEDED. I learned A LOT of VALUABLE lessons about professionalism, business, persistence, customer service, presentation, working with other departments, meeting & exceeding goals, creating marketing pieces & advertising schedules, working within client budgets. 
• I took another position with the company in Rockport, Texas. After accepting the job, found out I was pregnant with our daughter... Went through all the emotions of what management would think and be concerned with. 
• Worked from home & worked harder than I ever did in the office. 
• Within the next 6 years things started changing. Looking back...I believe God was stretching me & molding me...and I wasn't fitting the mold the position was calling for anymore.  Navigating that was a booger....because I was resisting God, but I didn't even know it. In fact...I thought for a loooooooooong time that I didn't have a thing to do with it, because I was doing what SOCIETY expected me to do & things just weren't gelin'.
• By all means...I made some GREAT friends, learned LOTS of things, worked with businesses in all industries, worked with ad agencies of all sizes, made some good money...but I was a square peg...well maybe a trapezoid or something....trying to fit into a round hole....& I was REALLY trying to jam it in there. 
• In 2011 (amongst those 6 years) after praying HARD....& into the wee hours of the morning, with tears of frustration rolling down my face...I said to God. "I know you brought me here (Rockport). I know I was supposed to be here, but I don't know if I'm still supposed to be here. All I want God is to have my work pay off for someone...for it to actually matter, & to be appreciated. I have no clue what that looks like. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. I just want a good quality of life for my family & to enjoy what I do & do what you want me to do." It was really like a light bulb went off...the THOUGHT of being an auctioneer scampered across my brain. I wrote it down in my journal....& yet...once again....I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into, but felt TOTALLY confident that I could do whatever the next step was at least.
• I called and told my Dad my completely off-the-wall idea, that literally came to be DURING prayer. He asked me to "do a little bit" on the phone. I said: "A little of what?" He said: "Sell something." I was freakin' embarassed & we were on the phone! I didn't have a chant AT ALL, but I just sold something & he said..."Well, you don't really sound bad." I told him NOT to call my Uncle....
• My Uncle Melvin called within the hour & told me I was going to be selling at the Plum Church Feast. I was like...."No I'm not! I don't even have a chant." He asked me to sell something. He said..."you sound all right. You can meet me at the house and ride with me."
• I knew, in that moment, that I couldn't NOT go....IF I was serious....IF I believed in the power of prayer... IF I didn't want to run the risk of telling GOD "no" to something....I had to go...sink or swim...do or die...brave or embarassed...It was go time.
• So I got on You Tube & watched ALL the videos of female auctioneers I could find & paid special attention to a couple videos of John Korrey & Cookie Lockhart.
• I came up with my filler words, worked on my chant, practiced selling to my family, & counted LOTS of fenceposts as I was driving down the road. 
• Long story, short......I was ENCOURAGED at the next 4 auctions I went to with Uncle Melvin & was ENCOURAGED to go get my auction license....so I did in November 2011.
• SIDE NOTE: 2011 was also the year I finished my Bachelor of Arts Degree. 

• Well...I FINALLY quit Suddenlink. Boy that was exhausting. It was like I REALLY thought life as I knew it would end. BUT....I did NOT just dive into an auction career. Why? Because I was SCARED. My husband already thought I was crazy...along with his family...I'm sure of it. I didn't think we could "make it." I'M HERE TO TELL YOU....YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE IT. MAYBE NOT HOW YOU ENVISION IT. STOP ENVISIONING & LET GOD PAINT THE PICTURE.
• So...for a year I was a marketing liaison for a skilled nursing facility. I am still astonished at this one. Like....REALLY astonished. I have/had some VERY DEEP rooted fears of illness & for a year...almost everyday...I walked into hospitals & nursing homes coming face to face with illness. Not just coming face to face with it....studying it, learning about medications, and diagnosis, and Medicare & Medicaid & the medical business & insurance business (YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET ME STARTED ON THIS UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK).
• Not only did I deal with the things listed above. I met people of all ages. I talked with families that had a loved one going in for a knee replacement & something happening in surgery causing them to have brain damage. I met with the family of a young homeless man, hit by a vehicle going 50+ mph, & watched his progress as they were trying to find placement for him. I will never EVER forget what a person looks like when a piece of their skull is removed to alleviate brain swelling. I met with a lady that had to have her stomach pumped at least 3 times a week for kidney failure & had to tell her that we could not accept her because she did not meet medical necessity based on Medicaid guidelines for a skilled nursing facility. I met with a man and his family....he was rear-ended & now is in a state where physically...he can't walk, talk, move on his own, but his memory is there....It's like he is trapped inside a body that doesn't work. I met with a mother, with a son my age that is autistic & diabetic & COMPLETELY dependent on her. I met with an elderly couple that had NO relatives left....all they have is each other...& she's fading & he's hanging on with ALL he's got. I had the opportunity to visit with a nurse, who's son is mentally  handicapped & she speaks of the coming of Jesus, with such fervent HOPE...that it shook me to my core. We sat there being thankful for God's silver lining in difficult situations like: the only words her son is able to speak is "Mommy, Mommy, I love you Mommy."
• There are some detours we take as we go along on our journey, that we never even knew existed. This is one of those & this was ALWAYS in God's plan. He planted a seed in that year - that I'm not quite sure what he's gonna do with it ....but...NO DOUBT...it is there. 
• We HAVE to care about His people. Not the money....Not the insurance companies...Not the bottom line. I had to leave because....I was once again a trapezoid peg trying to be shoved in a round hole, but this time....I wasn't going to beat it to pieces.  
• So...FINALLY.  I completely & FULLY said YES to God. I said YES to His plan. I submitted to Him. I trusted Him to care for me. I trusted Him to provide for us. I said YES to bearing the weight of people not "getting" it....not understanding it, judging us for it, condemning us for it. I said YES & did my best to prepare myself for EVERY possible hardship that I could encounter...as the result of me saying YES...(for the record...you'll still encounter things that in that moment you don't have the capacity to see yet.)
• I learned the importance of pouring grace & mercy on others & asking God to pour it on me & being thankful He does.
• I learned that worldly friendships have a season....all are important...always. Those friendships wax & wain & have to be placed in the hands of God also.
• I learned that everyone can't handle authentic...& that's okay. I couldn't either a few years ago. 
• I learned that God will bring the right people into your life. 
• I learned that there is nothing easy about saying YES to God's plan....mainly because of the struggle between our Spirit and our flesh.
• I learned that we know nothing. We control nothing. We have no say. We have no right. We are not justified in anything EXCEPT, by Christ's death on the cross, He has reconciled us to The Father & SIN HAS NO CONTROL OVER US....AS LONG AS WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT.
• We have NO LIMITS...except the limits we place on ourselves...or let the enemy trick us into believing. 
• So...NOW...I'm still figurin' it out :).
• I am working as an auctioneer FULL-Time, with our company  Buck Up Auctions. We specialize in fundraising & asset liquidation auctions. I am also a Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land. That was another door that was flung WIDE open & all I had to do was walk through it. 
• I never had an interest when I first got into the auction business, to mess with estates AT ALL. The whole brain-eating disease you can get from rat feces TOTALLY freaked me out & turned me off from it, BUT God had other plans. I mean...He has to chuckle to himself up there sometimes. A lot of our estate clients have come to a place where STUFF IS A BURDEN to them & they need our help to get the most money they can out of it, in the fastest way possible. There are literally times when I can see the weight being lifted off their shoulders as the items are being sold. It's a God thing...
• My PERSONAL passion...are the fundraisers & galas because....you are working with organizations that have groups of people that SUPPORT their cause & what they are raising money for....& it doesn't take millionaires to make a difference in another person's life or in the success of an organization. By all means...it can make things a little easier...but ANY group of people can come together with their love & support & make BIG things happen. This is a model of God's love & can be spread through groups of people everywhere. There's sure to be more posts on this topic.
• The real estate....I can't really explain it...but it just ties in so well with my life & I enjoy it so much, It's like all 3 of the different scenarios I find myself in, keep me excited about the others. It allows me to help SO many different types of people with multiple different needs...& ENJOY it. 

At the Friends of Winedale Gala last month.

In one of the MANY dusty old barns we've been in this past year.

Doin' work!

On some of God's wide open country...

How do I wrap up this looooooooooooooooooong story of why I KNOW sharing my testimony is IMPORTANT? God has filled me up with A LOT of stuff. Just like the gift of being an auctioneer.... How am I really helping...if I don't say YES?! If I don't do it & share it? It is part of God's mysterious and fascinating story that can ONLY be told through me!

HUGE thank you to the ladies at The Gathering @ Round Top for truly letting The Holy Spirit guide them & speaking from a true honest place. They were His vessels allowing Him to SHARE His story through their lives.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! You REALLY have to Buck Up & it really is a ride.

Heather Kaspar

Buck Up Auctions TXL 17037

Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land