Training Ground

 This blog will be about getting where I'm going. The lessons have to take place somewhere and people must witness our imperfections. Lately, I've been reflecting on what has gotten me here. 

I think about one of my other titles....Mom.  Kyle and I just had a conversation with our 3 kids. They like to ask questions about each other like...."What was Kylee like as a baby?" "Was Hunter as chunky as Heath was?" Somehow we got on the subject of Kylee being the oldest and she asked why we did something and Kyle said...LOL "You were the first one. We didn't know what we were doing." 

As we enter different stages of our lives we NEED a training ground. As I make an attempt at relating the two and try to truly capture how GRATEFUL I am for my training grounds, hang with me. I hope this allows you all to have some nostalgic moments FULL of gratefulness for YOUR journey. 

I remember when I was teetering on the idea of building my own business, having the flexibility to buILD the life I envisioned for myself and my family, knocking some barriers down - that were in my way and weighing every. single. thing. I mean....EVERYTHING. 

One of the things that hung me up for awhile was that, up until that point, I had prided myself on my quality of work and I KNEW I would not have the background support....you know, like an accounting department, production department, HR department, like I was used to. I also had never done, what I was getting ready to do so.....I was going in with as much education as I could gather, before beginning the journey blind...and taking others with me. What I mean by that is minimal experience. I had my life experiences on the periphreal of the actual nuts and bolts of the business, but no REAL boots on the ground experience. I had experience within departments of PART of the business. Because I am a person that puts the work in, I had to make damn sure - this JOURNEY I was getting ready to take everyone on was a long-term plan and that I was up for a long adventure. I feel like that again, but that's all that seems familiar. I feel like the next leg of the journey could go several different ways. I also know that it could go different directions than what I'm even aware of, because well....our God is BIG. 

All the feels of this space are so familiar. Imagine.....uncertainty...excitement....motivation...fear of acting....holding onto what I know - instead of just acting.... I know God is always right on time and I can't mess it up, but I always find myself thinking I am missing some sort of CLEAR message and I am getting in my own way. 

I digress....

As parents, we are to "raise our children in the way they should go, so they do not stray from it." Each one of our children have very unique traits and characteristics and God took into account Kyle and I being first time parents, when he blessed us with Kylee. He knew we had what it took to have a second child, change careers, and move home & form an LLC....all at the same time. He also knew that another human needed all of what all four of us could give him. As I reflect on the environments we were in with each three....I'm in awe of Him. 

God KNOWS how I think....and think....and overthink. He provided an opportunity for me to EXPLORE. When I talked to Kyle about it, he was open to it.......and ALL the things had to happen in our lives for him to be open to it. What a wonderful training ground He took us to in Rockport. Three and a half hours from home. He removed distractions and allowed us to focus on us and become who He was calling us to. 

As I sit here typing, and being more aware of the things The Good Lord is calling me to do. I see the last 12 or so years of my life as yet, another training ground. One where people had to witness my growth, the growth of my family, the growth of my faith, the successes, the perceived failures, the way in which I move in between them. Just like I was thankful for my Rockport training ground. I am thankful for this one. This one had a few more dips and curves and peaks and valleys. Now, He is calling US to more. We don't know PRECISELY what it is, but He is and we will find out along the way. 

We all have our training ground, and I have come to believe that God may have multiple purposes for us. OBEDIENCE....EXPLORATION....TRUST....FAITH....COURAGE....PERSEVERANCE... When you BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS it takes all of those things. You best, put them in your saddle bags. 

One of the missions God has for me is simply, sharing my story and sharing my faith, with the hope and intention that it will ENCOURAGE someone else to get to know Jesus. This blog itself, is yet another training ground, where I get to use all the tools in bold above. When you make the choice and saddle up...you will experience it ALL. Your life will be FULL....abundant even. There will be cold, exhausting nights, where you are too broke (in a variety of ways) to do anything but rest....in the cold. Then....He will pick you up out of it and you will be stronger and smarter and better prepared for the next part of the journey.....and it will be an ADVENTURE you would never, ever trade. 

Yes....people will come and go, in and out of your life....and it will HURT. It will bring you grief and sadness and turmoil, but only for a short while. You see, God loves them too. He is teaching them something, just as He's teaching you something. He WILL reward your obedience....small acts, large acts, and continual acts. 

I encourage anyone reading to just sit with Him, even for a few brief moments. Let HIM speak to you, however He chooses and be receptive to hearing Him. Then....in His perfect timing, buck up baby & ride with Jesus!

Everything is God's

I am making my way through the Bible & yesterday I finished the Book of First Chronicles. The book ends re-addressing all the plans The Holy Spirit impressed on King David about the Temple. It recaps that King David's son Solomon will become King and actually be in charge of building the temple. It explains why & what God's reasons were. It lists out all the different people appointed to all the different jobs. It discusses all the supplies and labor needed and where it came from. All the important details were listed there.

There are two things that stick with me as I meditate on the lessons in this book.

1) God being impartial to the specific people that were assigned a job. Jobs were assigned by clans or tribes, but lots were drawn (regardless of age and experience) as to who got what duty.

2) David acknowledges & proclaims that EVERYTHING is God's. All the supplies and laborers that he lined up were already God's. He blessed him and others with certain skills and abilities, but all of everything already belongs to God. Not only did King David know this, but he proclaimed it to the ENTIRE kingdom. He also acknowledge weaknesses of man & that God did and will provide in our weakness. He proclaimed this in the assembly, almost seeming in a way, to be sure these facts were VERY clear to everyone.

These two points have been VERY helpful to me over the last week. God has blessed me with the ability to apply these lessons and discern in my own personal situations where they should apply.

No matter how much as a business-owner you don't want to micro-manage, you've learned that sometimes, in some situations, you really need to. Yet, there is this constant struggle of what to turn loose of a little bit & what to focus on. I found myself there, even in team building & the different skills that team members possess. I'm still contemplating my current situation and all the ways the first lesson applies, but it is definitely shedding light on the situation.

As my business has gone through different growth phases, my view has had to get bigger and bigger and bigger. You learn there are risks you have to take for the potential to offer more services - producing more income, knowing that you aren't producing more income yet. You learn how valuable your time is when the workload increases, but your time doesn't. You figure out that you need to hire someone to help you, not really knowing what that looks like because you've never done it. I believe these types of situations are the ingredients for the wisdom He wants to download to us, to develop us for whatever He has waiting ahead of us.

I also have to remember to stay looking ahead, not to the right or left at what someone else is doing. That is not my business, not my journey, and not my call. He has put me on this path, to carry out this plan, with the help of the people He places on it. It can be a hard thing when you know your heart is being conditioned towards a new direction, but you know your current work is right where you're at. Imagine excitement toward a new goal & confusion for what to do next where you are at. You have to figure out the next step now to get to the new goal. That is where I find myself. I see the bigger vision, where both situations co-exist. I'm just not exactly sure how to get there, BUT I know I'll get there....& it will be better than I think it will be.

What has ALWAYS helped me is that I truly believe that this is God's plan for my life. Not mine. I dig His plan. It is one that I did not expect & it has been an incredibly rewarding ride. With all that, I believe that as long as my heart, towards the plan, in grounded in helping people and doing the best job possible in my given situation, He will take care of the rest. He always has. I'm not saying it hasn't been frustrating or confusing or inconvenient. It has, but it has always led me to a place I hadn't planned on going.

Just like the message I believe King David was proclaiming in that assembly, we can do NOTHING alone. God's hand & will & strength & love is in everything. It is all a gift to us to draw us closer to Him. It is all for our benefit...a benefit we are unable to fathom in our flesh.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! All things are His and He is giving it to you.

Keep Pushing Towards Your Dream....Even If You Don't Know What it LOOKS Like.

A couple months ago I was sitting at this AWESOME gathering. It was a meeting of the minds of lots of business-minded women, who were sharing their LOVE for Jesus Christ. One of the speakers said: "Keep pushing towards your dream." I thought to myself....."I'm not sure what that looks like anymore." That thought kind of struck me & I've been meditating/wrestling/just letting it sit up there somewhere...marinating.

I thought to myself...."My word Heather! You kind of need to know what that looks like, to know how to proceed!" I shared this thought with a friend & she said: "Think about what you did when you first went into business for yourself and you didn't know what it was going to look like."

I had that DUH! moment...although it wasn't quite the same.

Here is what I wanted when I stepped out in faith & decided to pursue the DREAM of working for myself & helping others, with the gifts God has blessed me with, while providing for my family & having a better quality of life..............I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE I WAS ASKING FOR A LOT! However....God has given me all of that.

Scripture tells us: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

So when I took myself back to that time...when I felt like I was drifting in the sea...on a ship...by myself....& I had to make decisions & friendships & partnerships & purchases that I weren't sure where RIGHT....

I just kept going...asking...seeking...knocking.

And all of a sudden....my dream took shape. Not anything like I envisioned.... More. MUCH more. In fact things were added to my dream that I didn't even know existed.

So...as I find myself on this ship....that now has new crew members & allies & gadgets & tools....I'm going to do those things all over again...ask...seek...knock. I find myself not even trying to envision it...just living it...because what will happen is more than I have the capacity to see.

Sometimes you won't always know what your dream LOOKS like. Sometimes you'll just remember what you hope for & when what you hope for starts happening...you'll be able to identify what it FEELS like....& just keep going.

Get your heart right. Then Buck UP Baby & Ride with Jesus! Keep going in TRUST & FAITH.

Day 41: "The Envy Trap"

Today is Day 41 of our journey through the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren. This chapter has been a HUGE help to me. It helped to make A LOT of things clear to me, point out some of my sources of anxiety & made me VERY mindful of the importance of NOT comparing.

I've talked about LOTS of things over the last 40 days....perception, pride, ego, etc. Today we talk about envy. From the book: "Envy is one of the so-called 'Seven Deadly Sins.' These are root sins that many other sins grow out of." The BULK of what I got out of this chapter is how IMPORTANT it is for us UNDERSTAND that we are UniQUe, and that this FACT makes us incomparable.

We ALL know what ENVY is.... It's the whole... "Why is she prettier, richer, more popular? & Why is he stronger, richer, more popular, etc.?" From the book: "Comparing is the root of all envy. Unfortunately, from about the time we each began to walk, we also began to compare." Guys we live in a world of comparisons. I can tell you when you learn, understand, and see how the lessons of envy are outlined throughout the Bible, you can become EASILY frustrated with yourself, & other people. For me personally....I get frustrated at myself when I catch myself in the act of ENVY because I know better, but sometimes it is an automatic reaction. Other times I get frustrated & ESPECIALLY since I learned this lesson, because it really is silly to insult, downplay, compare, build oneself up to knock another down, pass judgement, reject qualities of yourself for what others have made you feel like you lack.... BUT then I think about how I did the same things. Not because I was an ugly person, but because I had been conditioned (by the world) ALL MY LIFE to compare. I was compared to others. Others compared themselves to me. We compared teachers & preachers & singers & athletes & everything & everyone under the sun. I still do it, but now I know I shouldn't & I know how to CATCH myself...divert my attention...build someone up, instead of knock them down.

It's GREAT that one person likes buttoned-down organization, but theirs no need to go around tootin' your horn about it.

It's okay that one person's greatest skill IS NOT keeping their house tidy & spotless. That doesn't devalue them OR anything they've done.

It's okay that you reach God through the Protestant teachings, while another is Catholic or Baptist or Muslim or Buddhist or any other religion or belief. We get SO wound up in the particulars of things. We forget about that part of us that we can't explain....our gut feeling, that place that longs for more. If we'd spend more time working on CONNECTING to The Holy Trinity & other people, we'd accomplish so much more of what REALLY matters.

Another thing that this chapter made a little clearer for me was WHY many times....the people that are closest to you typically ENVY us OR we ENVY them. I've experienced it & when another person is envying me & are being ugly....I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I just could not understand WHY they wouldn't WANT to be a part of our lives or why someone SO close would say extremely hurtful things to multiple people & never say anything directly to us. You've gotta be careful with ENVY & SPEAKING IT OUT. Once you speak it out....it takes it to a whole 'nother level....and not a good one.

I've noticed ENVY among many of my friendships throughout the years. I also believe that I'm not sure how to handle it when someone envies me. If I look back, I can tell you...it is an area where I know I've been envied, but I don't know why. I don't know how to talk about it, and I don't know that talking about it will do any good. But you know...it's not even that I wouldn't talk about it. I just wouldn't know where to start or how to start. I mean a lot of the time you KNOW someone envies something about you, but you have no idea what. I have had a conversation where I did determine "WHAT" they envied, but I didn't even know how to respond, because I had the opposite feeling towards it....like it was NOTHING to be jealous or envious of. Maybe there's a lesson in that. It is simply nothing but WASTED energy. We just shouldn't envy...just be happy with what you've got, because it does NO good. What I also learned in that convo was that once source of envy leads to more sources of envy....and then you realize the other person is in a tangled up mess of it. You have a choice then...to remove yourself from it (for both peoples' sake) or stay around and waddle in it.

I remember being friends with someone & another friend TOTALLY latching on to them  & it affecting me SO much. I started wondering what the heck was wrong with me. What was my flaw? What was wrong with me? Now I know that whatever that connection was...was a blessing to that person....exactly what & WHO they needed in that moment in time. Sometimes I was the person that linked that connection. Sometimes I was a bystander that witnessed it. Nonetheless, it had absolutely NOTHING to do with who I was...It was about the needs of the other, but we are all conditioned from birth to be all about ME.

In some of my past positions, I can look back & see that a lot of my CHAOS was fueled by my envy for another. It wasn't that I disliked the person I envied. In fact, I HIGHLY regarded them & pray for them regularly. I disliked the fact that their journey went so much differently than most anyone else in the company. What is interesting about it is that I NEVER felt any source of anger, negativity, or that this person didn't DESERVE where they were. In fact....they were one of the first people I called & one of the main people that agreed that things were not happening fairly to me. I mean....I didn't even think I should have what they had. I just (looking back) envied the ease of their journey versus the difficulty of MINE. I kinda feel like that person may have too. Regardless, I know now that it was time to move on anyway & it was a stepping stone/transition period that deepened my TRUST in God. AMAZING how God can turn ugly into BEAUTIFUL.

I'm gonna list out the 4 KEY steps to ridding envy in your life. READ the book for more in-depth details.
1-"Stop comparing yourself to others!"
2-"Celebrate God's goodness to others." You know the co-worker that got the position you wanted, brother that scored the winning shot, etc.
3-"Be grateful for who you are and whatever you have." EVERYTHING we currently have is a gift from God.
4-"Trust God when life seems unfair." There is a purpose for everything....as hard as that is to wrap our head around sometimes...it is.

Here's the daily stuff:

"Point to Ponder: I cannot fulfill God's purpose for me if I am envying others."

Daily Bible Verse: "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30 (NIV)

Daily Question: "In what areas of my life do I often compare myself with and envy others?"

From My Journal: My success in business with other auctioneers: If I'm "better," raise more money, if they operate better than me, if they are more well known, if my pricing is fair, popularity & who provides & does more.

I can tell you...I've cut A LOT of that crap out. Still something I'll work on daily. We all will.

Here's a few more things from the book that resonated with me:

"If you don't know how to be happy with what you have, you will never be happy with more."

"Having ambitious dreams, a desire to be better, and faith goals are all good things, if they come from God, benefit others. and are pursued in faith for his glory."

"If you would like to increase the amount of happiness you experience in life, here is one of the secrets: learn to enjoy the successes and joys of others."

"Anytime a relationship seems 'out of order,' you should check for either envy or selfish ambition as a possible cause."

"The Bible clearly states that the religious leaders had Jesus put to death because they deeply envied him."

"The Bible says, 'When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves to themselves, they show how foolish they are.'" 2 Corinthians 10:12 (GWT)

"Envy is actually a form of spiritual rebellion based on ignorance and arrogance. It assumes that I have a better plan for my life than my Creator does!"

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Don't COMPARE anything....just trot along on your journey with Him. You HAVE all you need RIGHT NOW & you are ENOUGH for whatever & wherever you're headed. God Bless!

Day 28: "It Takes Time"

Welcome back readers & WELCOME to new readers! Today we move on to Day 28 in the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

Today's topic is something I still struggle with & probably will for quite some time. Mainly because we are conditioned to be timely & get things done & meet deadlines & time is money & we are only here for a short time & time just flies by.... You hear what I'm sayin'?

Then sometimes I feel like I'm sitting on things....wasting time...because I have learned over the years...that if you feel rushed...you're trying to jam a round peg into a square hole & there is something better out there.

I feel like this chapter was written about me.. The book says: "God is more interested in strength and stability than swiftness." I just talked to a friend yesterday about some things...one being the last consignment auction I had & how I was sitting there, BEFORE the auction even started, a little upset about the turnout, BUT already going into PLAN B mode or Problem-solving mode. I went on & endured the struggle, accepted the struggle, learned from the struggle, but I wanted to get on with it. Move through it FAST, put it behind me, forget about it...kind of forget it even happened. I KNOW it doesn't define me, but it TICKS me off.

But then I think back & realize how much SUPPORT I had from SO many people. How I had NEW SUPPORT I didn't know I had. How we really made SOMETHING happen...even if I didn't really like that something. How I experienced new things....things I'll do again & things I won't. How I discovered new NEEDS I have. How new members joined my team & how well it worked.... I can't FORGET all that.

The OLD me wants to JUMP & GO & DO something....anything. I plan on having a follow-up consignment auction...& with my INTERNAL team I have changed the date of it....probably 4 or 5 times B/C when I take a moment to relax my thoughts I get a clearer picture of the time I need to make it better. It really is like an internal struggle inside myself to CHILL OUT & then as soon as I do...I feel like I'm WASTING time....

Here is something interesting & many of you (like I did the first time) will think that you KNOW what you have not given over to God. :) You don't have a clue. Just like I don't. It took me a minute to realize that. The book says: "You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot of your life that you aren't even aware of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That's okay. Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his." You have to submit to that. You have to allow that. You have to have FAITH in that.

I have a Ribbon Cutting/30th Birthday Bash/Business Kick-Off Auction benefiting the Buck Up Auctions Scholarship Fund coming up NEXT Friday...July 18th (my actual bday) & I am REALLY feeling that strUgGle with time within myself. There are things that need to get done that I know will have to get done & I know MY normal way of getting it done, but I'm just not sure it is the right way. I am also aware of the crowd turnout for the last auction & even though I know THIS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT ANIMAL I've got that lingering there in the back of my mind. Then this chapter reminds me: "God has promised that 'he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.' Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

Some of you know the why/how/reason I started this auction business (there are really several). Some of you also know that when I started this journey I wondered why I hadn't thought to do it sooner. As I learn & I grow & I look back...I can see ALL the things that I have experienced. I remember how my family called a family meeting when we found out Dad had to have a transplant & we decided that we were going to FIGURE OUT A WAY to raise the money. I remember organizing & helping & gathering items for ALL the benefits we put on & I REMEMBER...when they were all completed & we raised close to $100K & (even though my Uncles & Aunt Jeanette (GOD BLESS THEM) still had to buy Daddy's land to make up the difference of what was needed) we closed that gap & got done what needed to get done. I also remember me sitting by myself a week later & REALIZING EVERYTHING that had happened. All the SUPPORT that showed up from our small communities, the press we got that we really didn't know we were getting, the complete strangers that showed up bringing items to people they didn't even know, Businesses we didn't do much business with donating items, friends coming up with ideas to raise MORE money..........& just thinking that THERE IS NO WAY WE REALLY EVER BE ABLE TO PAY THESE PEOPLE BACK....sitting there thinking this THANK YOU I'm writing to put in the papers just doesn't even begin to SHOW how much we appreciated it & HONESTLY...we didn't even know how to show it. Everything seemed so small when you compared it to what EVERYONE else helped us to ACCOMPLISH.

So.....although some of you have heard me say that I don't know why I hadn't become an auctioneer sooner or that I hadn't really thought about it... GOD was conditioning me in a way (that I totally did not understand) more than 10 years ago. AND...believe me when I say I feel like I'm crawLING right now, BUT I must remember: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." Philippians 1:6 (NIV).

I used to sit and think about why people give when they KNOW it will never be returned in the same way. Over the years I've learned that there are always people in our lives that we will NEVER be able to pay back...the same way. Sometimes it is because they believe in the cause OR in the people OR in the idea OR in the organization. Sometimes it is because they feel COMPELLED to do it for any plethora of their own reasons. Sometimes they rest assured that the seeds they are planting in others will GROW and prosper in a way they couldn't do on their own.

 Well...when I sat down to type I totally did not expect it to take me back to that part of my life. AMAZING how things work out ;). I am BLESSED & you are ALL blessings to me. You know it really is all about God's time & maybe we should all do our best to be blessings to others while we wait for his direction.

"Point to Ponder: There are no shortcuts to maturity."

Daily Bible Verse: "God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again." Philippians 1:6 (NCV)

Daily Question: "In what area of my spiritual growth do I need to be more patient & persistent?"

From my journal the first time of reading: I need to trust and seek God's timing. I had a lesson in this today. I tend to bit off more than I need to chew and today's chapter and conversation with my auctioneer friend - guided me to what needed to happen. (Zapp Hall/Chelsea's Meadow Auction).

Let me give you the condensed version of what the Zapp Hall & Chelsea's Meadow Auctions mean. As a company we had this guerrilla marketing idea to raise awareness for ourselves by going tent to tent auctioning off an item & the winning bidder could choose from a selection of charities that would receive the money. Me & another gal are literally WINGING-IT. Just goin' out & talkin' to people, getting the OK from landowners, etc. Long story short....(BELIEVE ME...you'll hear more about these two auctions) we got in a situation where we were pretty much going to have TWO fundraising auctions in the same day with LESS than a week to advertise the both of them. One wanted to do a consignment auction where the buyer's premium went to the cause. Well...an auctioneer is the only person that can solicit/discuss/initiate consignment agreements. Considering I had another auction committed to that day it was literally IMPOSSIBLE to pull off. So...I was bummed because the way BOTH of these two auctions came about was GOD AT WORK & so I was brainstorming...thinking.....trying to figure out a way to pull them both off...the easiest way possible & not DISAPPOINT both parties. Well....after a talk with my Auction Teacher & my crew & getting to a point where I KNEW I'd either lose one auction or they'd agree to do it the ONLY way we could pull it off. I made the phone call. They agreed to do it the way I suggested & we raised right around $6000 at EACH auction. Considering we had a week's time or less to pull this off I'd say it was a HUGE success. God will ALWAYS provide a way....ALWAYS... Sometimes we have to slow down our racing thoughts & fear of the perception of others or fear of not measuring up & just do what you can do, the best way you can do it. Will we do it the same way again. Some things...& some things we will tweak, but we wouldn't know unless we tried.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! His timing is RIGHT ON....TRUST that!

God Bless!

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 27: "Defeating Temptation"

Welcome back!! Today we move on to Day 27 in Pastor Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?

Today we talk about defeating temptation. We are TEMPTED...sometimes it feels like...EVERY minute of EVERY day. Tempted by something...negative thoughts, the thoughts of others, perceptions, things we love, pleasure, worry, time frames, deadlines, confusion.... I know now that it is ALL about the choices we make...the perseverance we have, the clarity of mind, the knowledge of scripture, being surrounded by those that SUPPORT you, SUPPORTING others on their journey, PRAYING...

Sometimes I get SO muddied up it is ridiculous! This book says: "Spiritually, your mind is your most vulnerable organ." It also says: "The battle for sin is won or lost in your mind." Pastor Warren ain't joshin'! Sometimes I think the SOLUTION for EVERYTHING is so stinkin' simple, but we can't handle simple anymore. I think of all the issues or problems or concerns or mess-ups that I've experienced & if I'd have just STOPPED & THOUGHT before acting or initiating or saying or doing....I'd have FIXED my own problem....simply with CLARITY of my own KNOWLEDGE. One thing that I can get caught up with is listening to what OTHER people think I should be doing. It is a process, but just the simple fact that I am AWARE of it, has helped me to GROW out of it. Don't get me wrong...I still struGglE with it....because I know that I don't know everything & I know I need HELP...but GOD has ENTRUSTED me with the skills & knowledge that I have to make MY OWN decisions, but still use the advice, success, and experience of others to help me form them.

Where is your attention? I have EVOLVED in just the short time of reading this book for the first time & now re-reading and sharing with you all. I've evolved because of what I've learned, my experiences & where my attention is. Pastor Warren says: "Whatever gets your attention will get you."

I think of my ANXIETY levels now...compared to what they used to be. What amazes me, as I look back, is I know where my attention is. My attention is protecting, providing, developing, & strengthening what GOD has BLESSED me with. That includes my gifts, my talent, my marriage, my children, my work ethic, my friendships, my TRUST in God and everything he has blessed me with & REVEALED to me....  If you had asked me that when I read this book the first time...my answer PROBABLY would have been FIGURING OUT A WAY to provide for my family and to succeed. The difference in the two answers is what I probably would have said the first time around is self-serving & me goin' it on my own. Where my attention is now gives it ALL to GOD...the success, the way those gifts prosper, the way my talent develops, the way my marriage and friendships strengthen, the way my sweet baby girl talks about Jesus, the way I'm able to share God's message to others, the way I allow others to help me by their experiences...even the failures go to Him...because I know I'm learning a lesson that will allow me to be BLESSED once I get through it.

I URGE everyone of you reading & whoever you will share this with to start learning God's word. However it works best for you. The book encourages a Bible Verse a week. I PRAY that you all become aware that OUR MIND can work for us or against us, BUT it is OUR CHOICE. I URGE you to find a friend that you can talk to about Jesus things....about questions you have...about the flaws you possess....about your experiences and what you think they might mean...AND I URGE you to ACCEPT the FACT that you are MUCH less powerful on your own....MUCH less. ACCEPT the FACT that you NEED God....all the time.

On the first page of this chapter it says: "It may surprise you that nowhere in the Bible are we told to 'resist temptation.' We are told to 'resist the devil.'" Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Don't let the devil use your own thoughts against you.... I know it's easier said than done. Being aware of it is the BEGINNING of DEFEATING it.

"Point to Ponder: There is always a way out."

Daily Bible Verse: "God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it."
 -1 Corinthians 10:13B (NLT)

Daily Question: "Who could I ask to be a spiritual partner to help me defeat a persistent temptation by praying for me?"

From my journal the first time of reading (Now you know ladies ;):

Embracing JOY & kindness - Kaysie Noska
Patience & Self-Control - Christina Pace

Day 22: "Created To Become Like Christ"

Welcome back readers!! Yes...I took a week long hiatus from my blog posts. Not because I didn't want to do them, but I had a general consignment auction this past weekend & it literally consumes my time. Yes...I could have taken SOME time to write these posts, but not much & you wouldn't get the quality post you'll get since my time has freed up...not to mention the new experiences to share. Sharing this with all of you is very important to me. I want to shine the light to whoever will read this book (The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren) on how IMPORTANT finding our PURPOSE is & then living it. It's a journey...not automatic & I feel DRIVEN to share that with you.

Today marks the beginning of the THIRD purpose of our lives....To Become MORE like CHRIST.

Like I mentioned, this has been a BusY week. I worked at the sale barn on Monday. Then, on Tuesday, we started setting up tables for the auction & breaking down chairs & lining up chairs & moving benches, then Wednesday was FULL of sorting through items at 2 estates, boxing them up, and bringing them to the auction site...along with furniture & cement blocks & not getting home until after 3AM. Thursday held MORE of that & tagging & lotting all the items & displaying them and what not. Friday was preview day where there was more lotting & organizing & having consignments come in & Saturday was auction day.

Let me just say that this has been an educational week in the world of this Entrepreneur. I found myself SEARCHING for the PURPOSE of ALL. THAT. WORK. Here is what I can tell you.... I have had 3 of my own general consignment auctions now....since I got my auctioneer's license. Of the 3...my ANXIETY level was the lowest it has EVER been....and it seemed StraNge to me. Not unwelcome, but stranGe. I also SAW....how BLESSED & LOVED I am. I am BEYOND blessed & I am in AWE of it....& not very understanding of it. I was in VERY good company this week & had more fun with both of my siblings (at the same time) than we've had in a long time. I felt their SUPPORT & it is a blessing. I had some of the BEST friends that a girl could ask for come out & BE THERE & WORK HARD....without question... & when things didn't go maybe EXACTLY how I'd a liked them to go....they were there to SUPPORT & ENCOURAGE me. I could see SO MUCH BEAUTY in  ALL THAT MESS.... I SAW so much positive growth in MULTIPLE areas.

God's plan is SO beautiful & SO HARD...all at the same time. I can recognize God's PROTECTION for me & his REVEALING to me. It's like glimpses... I still find myself trying to CONTROL certain aspects of my life & I RECOGNIZE more every day of how I need to let go & LET GOD. As I was reading through this chapter again this line popped out at me: "Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with the Holy Spirit, and it is how your character develops." Man....have I learned how to do this & LET ME TELL YA....It isn't much fun DURING the process....but you will be left in AWE. I can also say that a lot of times I'm not sure AT ALL that I'm doing the "right" thing, but I'm trying to do the right thing.... Yeah....sometimes "The right thing" can get your wheels a spinnin' & a lot of times...YOU JUST DON'T KNOW & you can do all the prayin' you want to & God's probably not gonna drop the answer in your lap in a perfectly wrapped box with a pretty ribbon around it.

This chapter says: "God gives us our time on earth to build and strengthen our character for heaven." It also says: "You are a work in progress. Your spiritual transformation to developing the character of Jesus will take the rest of your life, and even then it won't be completed here on earth." Yep...I'm tellin' ya...just when you think you MIGHT have somethin' figured out...there's a whole 'nother layer that you didn't even know about. We HAVE to EXPERIENCE the tough times to TRULY appreciate the GOOD times & in those TOUGH times we HAVE to TRUST that whatever we are going through, dealing with, faced with...it is developing our character & we have to choose how to react to it. There is a line from a quote that I saw on Facebook & I have no idea who wrote it, but it says: "My name has been dragged through the mud more than once & every time I pick it up & wash it off!" My name...my pride...my work...& YES...I wash all that CRAP off & get back with it! Figure it out! That is the OTHER thing I've learned this week. I have always known that I DON'T QUIT. I may re-position or adjust, but I don't quit & I was sitting outside the auction (BEFORE the auction started) already thinking about PLAN B. Was I bummed about the turnout...yes. BUT for once I DIDN'T BEAT MYSELF UP. At the time I did what I thought needed to be done & what I had the ability to do. Now I have to do the same thing with the knowledge & experience I GAINED from this auction.

So here is my SPIRITUAL take on this week....I felt a CONSTANT calmness because my FAITH & TRUST in God has gotten stronger. I know that ALL will be okay & I could see with my eyes how ABUNDANTLY blessed I am. When you pump the brakes on all that WORRY you can sure see a lot of things clearer. I can see the ties that bind my family, friends, & staff are strengthening... Those are all the things that REALLY matter. The rest will fall in place.

"Point to Ponder: I was created to become like Christ."

Daily Bible Verse: "As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more." 2 Corinthians 3:18B (NLT)

Daily Question: "In what area of my life do I need to ask for the Spirit's power to be like Christ today?

From my journal the first day of reading: Developing good habits... good Godly habits. That is the area in my life that I need to ask The Holy Spirit to help me with. I am feeling like my lack of habitually doing things (not necessarily having bad habits (although I do)) is an underlying source of stress and chaos.

My take on things now....I was a little hard on myself that day. I need to be ALL I can be in any given day, without taking into consideration what EVERYONE else thinks I need to be. Maybe I'm not made (and this is highly likely) to habitually do things. I'm working now to do the best I can, with what I can & realizing that worry, jealousy, anxiety, are all roadblocks to finding my divine purpose.

A priest asked me one time: "Do you see God when you look in the mirror?" My answer then was "No, not really, but I feel a strong resemblance to Jesus." Well DUH!! Jesus is our living GOD, so the answer is YES. He moved passed that one probably thinking she'll get that when she reflects back on it.

I can tell you what I REALLY need The Holy Spirit to help me with.... Stripping myself of the expectations I put on myself, which are based on what, the society that I look towards, deems as acceptable & good & what I have also adopted. It's probably the MAIN way I still try & CONTROL things that are not mine to control.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! When you stay in GOOD COMPANY you pick up their habits! God Bless!

Day 19: "Cultivating Community"

Welcome Readers!!! We continue onto Day 19 of The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

This chapter is wearing me out. It is a GREAT chapter, but it really makes you do the work & THINK about the work that needs to be done. I think this part of the chapter can, pretty much, sum the whole thing up: "..."I urge you to make a group covenant that include the nine characteristics of biblical fellowship: We will share our true feelings (authenticity), encourage each other (mutuality), support each other (sympathy), forgive each other (mercy), speak the truth in love (honesty), admit our weaknesses (humility), respect our differences (courtesy), not gossip (confidentiality), and make group a priority (frequency)." - Pastor Warren

I started writing this blog yesterday & I started having a little bit of a negative spin on it, HONEST, but negative. I think the main reason why is because to DO & BE all the things Pastor Warren talks about is HARD...and what parts are HARD, vary depending on the person you are dealing with, the group of people you are dealing with, and what emotions you have regarding each other.

Here is my REFRESHED & POSITIVE spin on this. Sometimes I do the majority of what is listed above & just have trouble with a couple of the others. Sometimes...(especially if I have a large amount of RESPECT for the other person) I don't have any problem doing any of it. Just like I can sit & look at that list & see what I need to work on....WE ALL HAVE THINGS TO WORK ON. We have to TAKE THE TIME to work on them. We can't sit around beating ourselves up about how much we are not living up to what we are supposed to be. We have to OWN the fact that we RESPECT ourselves enough for HONESTLY trying. REMEMBER...when your head space is gettin' all jammed up about what YOU want & what YOU think YOU should be or how YOU should act...GOD LOVES YOU & sees what you're doing. Take your own judgments off of yourself & work on what needs to be worked on & HAVE FUN DOING IT. He wants us to have fun. He wants us to HELP each other. He wants us to TRUST ourselves as much as He trusts us, with our blessings.

"Point to Ponder: Community requires commitment."

Daily Bible Verse: "We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave his life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers." 1 John 3:16 (GWT)

Daily Question: "How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and my church?

From My Journal: I think the hardest struggle is complete and utter honesty. We fear we will hurt the other person OR we are too afraid of the other's judgments. Probably...the best way for me to help cultivate it, is to be TOTALLY honest and bring up examples in my life - that are uncomfortable to share.

After reading the book completely through, applying what I have (thus far) to my life, & circling back to this chapter I still think HONESTY is the key. We need to be honest with others & with ourselves. I also feel like, as individuals, you have to find PEACE in yourself. You have to REALLY start peeling back the layers of the expectations & judgments YOU place on yourself & just be who you are. I don't have that kind of peace yet, but I'm working on it & I see glimpses of it.

This chapter goes into A LOT more than what this blog post contains...each one of the areas I listed above.
When I read it the first time I underlined some things that resonated with me. Here they are: (All credited to The Bible or Pastor Warren)

"You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor." James 3:18 (MSG)

"An honest answer is a sign of true friendship." Proverbs 24:26

"Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself." Ephesians 4:25

"...the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship." Pastor Warren

"Thoughtless words leave lasting wounds." Pastor Warren

"Pride builds walls between people; humility builds bridges." Pastor Warren

"We receive God's grace by humbly admitting that we need it." Pastor Warren

"Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people." Romans 12:16

"Humble people are so focused on serving others, they don't think of themselves." Pastor Warren

"Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other's feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us." Pastor Warren

"Excel in showing respect for each other." Romans 12:10

"When you know what they've been through, you will be more understanding. Instead of thinking about how far they still have to go, think about how far they have come in spite of their hurts." Pastor Warren

"God hates gossip.." Pastor Warren

"Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships." Proverbs 16:28

Yeah...LOTS more than what I discussed. Spend some time with it. Buck Up Baby & Ride With JESUS!! He LOVES you...even if you think you don't deserve it!! God bless!!

Day 18: "Experiencing Life Together"

WELCOME readers!! Today is Day 18 as we journey through The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

This chapter echoed ALL of my concerns that arose from yesterday's reading & addresses them. I remember myself feeling the same way the first time I read yesterday's chapter. Like I didn't want to DISAGREE with some of his points, but I couldn't help myself. I'm sharing these blogs as openly and honestly as I can, because that is the only way to do it.

This chapter focuses on FELLOWSHIP. It begins by discussing how today's use of the word has taken pretty far out of context to what the Bible says it is. "Real fellowship is so much more than just showing up at services. It is experiencing life together. It includes unselfish loving, honest sharing, practical serving, sacrificial giving, sympathetic comforting, and all the other 'one another' commands found in the New Testament." This chapter ultimately talks about the importance of small groups. He discusses how even Jesus traveled in a small group of 12 disciples. Pastor Warren urges us to become a member of a small group within our church.

"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." Matthew 18:20 (NASB)

I am blessed to say that I have friends where I DO FELLOWSHIP REGULARLY. Some are members of my church & some are not. I hold these relationships so sacred. I am truly AMAZED by some of them & know that The Holy Spirit was instrumental in joining us together. This is MORE than being a best friend and knowing all the surface things & secrets...this is talking about all the things we don't know about our faith and God. This is praying for other people you don't know, but that are close to your fellowship friend. This is having the courage to say things to the other that you didn't WANT to say to anyone but God. This is asking for HONEST opinions from friends who's answers will be based on FAITH & UNDERSTANDING & FORGIVENESS. These are SACRED. Go get you some FELLOWSHIP.

The next part of this chapter talks about AUTHENTICITY, which was the MAIN thing I was having trouble with in yesterday's reading. "Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in some churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there is pretending, role-playing, politicking, and superficial politeness but shallow conversation. People wear masks, keep their guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. These attitudes are the death of real fellowship." I'm doing a lot of quoting, but Pastor Warren REALLY explains this perfectly. This is his description of REAL fellowship: "It happens when people get honest about who they are and what is happening in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit their fears, acknowledge their weaknesses, and ask for help & prayer." I HAVE DONE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS - JUST A FEW DAYS AGO - MULTIPLE TIMES & I'll probably do it again in less than a week's time. I can't do this to everyone...truly...hardly anyone, but I can to a few.

This chapter also discusses CONFESSING, which I want to touch on a minute. A LOT of people get hung up on the Catholic religion because of the focus they put on CONFESSION. Look...I get it. You don't HAVE to (& most probably don't) tell EVERYTHING to a priest, BUT this is a sure act of FELLOWSHIP. Even if you don't share everything. You are taking the time to REALLY talk about things that some people may NEVER talk about to any other human. I'm not sayin' it's gotta be for you. You can participate in FELLOWSHIP other ways. I LOVED the idea of confession before I converted & I love the actual act of it now. I REALLY like it when there are several priests doing confession & I can really take the time I need without feeling rushed b/c someone else is waiting in line. I remember my first face to face confession. It was with a priest that was doing an Easter mission. He had seen very ungodly things & heard very ungodly things. He listened to confessions in a high security prison for sometime. I got my list together of all that I wanted to confess....ALL of it. My heart was beating out of my chest. I guess I thought he'd be a good priest to break the ice with, considering other things he had heard. Let me tell you...I felt relieved walking out, but I also learned a few things...he wasn't easy on me & he hit the nail on the head  in some areas. A sin is a sin. I can also say that all I do now are face to face confessions. Once you start stepping out into the light...you won't want to go back into the darkness.

This chapter also discusses the importance of giving and receiving to one another in fellowship. The importance of sharing our faith with one another in aim to grow each other's even more. Pastor Warren lists out and explains the different levels of fellowship. For the record...let me say...there are SO MANY LEVELS to EVERYTHING. "The simplest levels of fellowship are the fellowship of sharing and the fellowship of studying God's Word together. A deeper level is the fellowship of serving, as when we minister together on mission trips or mercy projects. The deepest, most intense level is the fellowship of suffering, where we enter into each other's pain and grief and carry each other's burdens."

The last section of this chapter really hits home for me. "In real fellowship people experience mercy." MERCY....We all received mercy & we HAVE to give mercy to others & we have to be able to receive it. FORGIVENESS is a big deal here. We have to do it immediately. "Fellowship happens when mercy wins over justice." This is SO hard, but sometimes you have to look at what will justice really give you & what will mercy give the other person...and yourself? Are there times when we might need MERCY?

These are the lines that hit home & give me direction. "Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time." This is HARD, but it is the ONLY way. Sometimes people may take steps in the right direction, but the amount of hurt they caused is SO DEEP that you can't allow yourself to forget. I've said before that you have to protect yourself & you do. If you allow other people to continually hurt or attack you...you are dealing with situations that aren't God-given. It is taking away time & energy from your purpose.

"Point to Ponder: I need others in my life."

Daily Bible Verse: "Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

Daily Question: "What one step can I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart-to-heart level?"

From my Journal: I have key people I do this with. Yesterday I talked to my friend for over 1.5 hours about how Awesome God is and what what he is doing in our lives. I also wrote notes in developing my idea of what I can bring to our church.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! Let's FELLOWSHIP! God Bless!

Day 9: "What Makes God Smile?"

Welcome returning & new readers. We are on Day 9 as we continue our journey through the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren .

Day 9: "What makes God smile?"

"Point to Ponder: God smiles when I trust him."

Daily Verse: "The Lord is pleased with those who worship him and trust his love." Psalm 147:11 (CEV)

Daily Question: "Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him the most?"

What I wrote in my journal after reading the first time around: Relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances. He will guide me in ways to console, love, and forgive and will condition the hearts of those in just the right way needed.

Building/Having a place to live. He will provide & shine light on everything necessary to make that happen.

This is a DEEP chapter & the person from the Bible that Pastor Warren chose to EXPLAIN this chapter is NOAH.

From the first page of this chapter: "In Noah's day, the entire world had become morally bankrupt. Everyone lived for their own pleasure, not God's. God couldn't find anyone on earth interested in pleasing him, so he was grieved and regretted making man. God became so disgusted with the human race that he considered wiping it out. But there was one man who made God smile. The bible says, 'Noah was a pleasure to the Lord.'"

From Noah's experience we ALL can learn 5 ACTS OF WORSHIP:

1) "God smiles when we love him supremely."Noah loved God more than ANYTHING else in the world. He wants a relationship with us & that kind!! I am by no means an expert at the Bible, but as I try to LEARN & wrap my head around the word It seems to me that He sent his son, the way he sent him for a VERY precise reason. Jesus walked the walk. He did the tough things. He was ridiculed, beat, cursed, shunned, or questioned his ENTIRE life here on earth...BUT the LIGHT of GOD & the LIGHT in their followers urged him onward. Even as I work through my emotions from day to day I REALize how there are SO many different KINDS of ANGER....of HAPPINESS...of LOSS...of STRUGGLE...of PAIN...of TRUST...of LOVE... I really believe that Jesus experienced ALL of it & sits at the right hand of the Father to HELP him understand our sin here on earth. Jesus was FAITHFUL & God FULLY understands the INTENSE strugGLE we all face & Jesus said to him on that cross: "Forgive them Father. They know not what they do." Luke 23:34 (KJV) & God TRUSTED him & in his FINAL dying breath...SAVED AN ENTIRE WORLD FULL OF SINNERS. That to me...is PROOF that he WANTS a relationship with us & that he loves us & he will TRUST us, if we talk to him.


2)"God smiles when you trust him completely." Noah trusted God when it didn't make sense. The book discusses the 3 main issues Noah faced:

1. "Noah had never seen rain, because prior to the Flood, God irrigated the earth from the ground up."
2. He lived in the middle of dry land hundreds of miles from ANY large body of water.
3. He had to figure out how to round up ALL the animals.

BUT...he did it...without a complaint.

3) "God smiles when we obey him wholeheartedly." Boy...do I have to work on this one & is he ever lettin' me know it! Noah followed ever single direction God gave him...down to the last detail...without question. The book says: "That means doing whatever God asks without reservation or hesitation." THIS IS HARD. HARD...I TELL YOU! This means...not taking the time to pray about it...not working it through in your head...not figuring out the right time....SIGH...INSTANTLY acting... Pastor Warren also says: "Instant obedience will teach you more about God than a lifetime of Bible discussions."

4) "God smiles when we praise and thank him continually." Noah praised God before, during, and after his journey on the Ark. I praise God CONTINUALLY in private, BUT now I am working on CONTINUALLY praising him in PUBLIC.

5) "God smiles when we use our abilities." This part of the book is SUCH a good description of this act of worship! Once Noah completed his journey God said: "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth...Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Genesis 9:1-3  He wanted them to LIVE. There is not a thing on earth that we can not give to him in worship....washing dishes, caring for livestock, cooking dinner, painting with our children, building a business, selling a product or service, singing a song, enjoying the view......the list could go on for the rest of our lives.

Whew! It's A LOT to take in & I have LOTS of work to do!! Buck UP Baby and Ride with Jesus! He will URGE you to ride in the rain & the hail & the EXTREME wind & ASK you to PERSEVERE through it all & TRUST that he is taking you to a MUCH greener pasture. IT IS NOT EASY, BUT DON'T BE A SISSY!!