God has a Message in the Mountains

 It's been 3 months since I took a break from my second journey through The Bible. The first time, I read it cover to cover. This time, I am reading some of the Old Testament, Some of the New Testament, and some of the Psalms. 

As I opened up my journal and looked at my notes from my last entry, I wrote: "Pay attention to the mountains. God has a message in the mountains." 

Because of my walk with Jesus, I know nothing is a coincidence. God encourages in many different ways and he knew I would need this today.

The last several months have been overwhelming to say the least. I had a boss one time that told me, when I make a change it involves most of the biggest stressors in life at one time. Example: Getting a new job, getting married, moving. He said it to me again when I was pregnant, moving again, changing jobs. Then one last time (before I went to another company) when: my Dad was in the hospital, I was pregnant, moving, & changing jobs once again...and trying to sell our house. 

Those are mountains to me. Lots of life-changing/altering events accumulating and building up to the other side. ALWAYS the steeper the climb, the more fun the slide. 

As I look back at life - (which is one of the messages the Good Lord has reminded me of the last several months), I can see his divine appointment. I can see the doors and windows he strategically shut, that I continued to try and crawl through and walk through....even beat down sometimes. He is patient with us & He calls us to be patient. 

Last week, I was reaching that weary place. I was believing that it would get better, but getting tired, wanting to know when, & what I NEEDED TO DO. My Bible was beside my bed & I went, picked it up, opened it randomly, and read a piece out of the Book of Job.

I've always had a weird relationship with that book. Even now I cringe some to think about all he had to endure. Even now, as I type this, I see myself drifting back to all the loss and hardship KNOWING that he was blessed with double of what he had. Mainly, I think about the relationships. I think about his friends THINKING THAT THEY WERE HELPING, but emotionally beating Job up more. I honed in last week on Job's friends being called to be obedient in their sin, repent, and to have Job pray for them. Job had to forgive them also. Once he brought offerings to the alter and prayed for them, God began the PROCESS of restoring Job. As I sit here typing this, I find myself wondering - what if one of his friends was not obedient? What if none of them were? 

I'm fairly certain the answer is: God will find another way or create another way. I come to this conclusion based on just how many doors the Good Lord has shut for me, to get to where He's trying to get me. 

Now to get to the meat of my thoughts....

I didn't really look at all of those life-changing periods as mountains until I was able to look back. Now, I KNOW that I am in the middle of a climb and it is the biggest mountain I have ever taken on. The thing about God's mountains is that you  don't even know you are on them, until you are. I have related this before to riding a horse that starts to buck....especially when you climb on one, not really knowing what to expect. When it unwinds, you just do what you naturally know to do to stay on. You will either ride it through or fall off - in which case, I would get back on and start again. We can always get back on and start again. 

On this mountain of mine I find myself opting for paths of least resistance. It is less about making something happen and more about riding through the jump or pausing for a moment on the climb and paying attention to what is around me. I'm not so much focused on making something stop as I am at seeing where - whatever is happening is taking me. 

Currently, my Dad's health has experienced quite the decline. I find myself concerned for him and also concerned for my Mom, my Uncle, what life looks for all of us after/if he gets out of the hospital. Before his health started to drastically decline I was in the process of transforming my business.....out of more necessity than desire. Although there were some EXTREMELY hard doors I had to close and leave closed, I know the Good Lord needs them closed. He needs them closed for the plan He has for ME and the plan He has for those that I had to close the doors on. The story of Job reminds us that we will not always like what we experience. We won't always want to, but He's calling us to. I also know, in my life experience, sometimes you miss the call or you don't recognize the call. If we keep pursuing Him, He will show us another way or make one. 

We've had some other high-level stressors going on in our world and I have to say....when I reached that weary place, I felt like Job. When all of his servants came to tell him about all the calamaties they witnessed. He had no way to address them all, some just were, and some just had to be. He was doused with hardship, like waves coming over the top of you, just barely able to maintain air to breath. Feeling aimless to a degree because things were changing so quickly and you didn't expect it, much less have the ability to have any kind of plan in place on how to cope. 

My husband came up with something one day as we were brainstorming my business pivot and, as time has gone on, The Good Lord has given be consistent reminders of the premise of the message.... "Be You." When I feel like writing a blog, but I'm not sure what to write, I get that gentle nudge of "be you." When I'm numb with grieving and feel like....& may be an asshole, I get that gentle nudge of "be you." When I feel a deep sadness for a big chunk of my life becoming a memory and want to cry and scream and sleep, I get that gentle nudge of "be you." Some of this stuff really sucks, but it is also real feelings. 

I do believe that part of my "Now," is to share how I cope in those "be you" moments. I'm not sure what The Good Lord is going to do with them, but I don't need to. I'm....riding the wave, pausing as the rocks slide down the mountainside, riding through the jump and then reacting....naturally.

Here I am.....having moments of hyper-focus and moments of authentic funk. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! It won't always be fun, but it will always be worth it. When I was reading through Psalms three months ago & wrote about the different mountains and how there was more of a message in the mountains, than just the mountain itself....the location; little did I know the journey I was about to embark on was going to provide meaning to that thought. 

My Melissa

So, we lost one of the sweetest souls I may have ever known. When I go, I can only pray that I made people feel the way she has made me, and I know MANY, others feel.

Melissa Wickel was a gem. Everything about her was good. I will miss her dearly, as our entire community will.

As I sat down to reflect on why the grief & shock overtook me when I found out she passed, like it did; all that came to mind was how she really made me feel like somebody. There was this quiet encouragement she gave me.

I recall one of my very first auction adventures : "The Wandering Auctioneer." I had this idea to go from field to field & tent to tent at the Round Top Warrenton Antiques Show as a grassroots PR campaign for Buck Up Auctions. I thought how cool would it be to pull a wagon & a speaker & auction off items to the public that was donated by participating vendors & the money would go to a charity of the donors choice. It would allow people to experience the FUN of an auction, draw attention to the vendor, & raise money for an organization that needed it.

That was the original idea, which transformed into something different where, at both Zapp Hall & Chelsea's Meadow, we raised money for 2 different women battling breast cancer. Almost all the vendors on each field participated.

The original idea could've been a 2 man show + the vendor & the bidders. The new idea required well...a lot more people. I had not planned for that, but I agreed to take a stab at it anyways.

So there I sat making plans & trying to pull things together in less than 7 days time. I was blessed & still am, to have encouragers in my life. At that time, I really had a handful that I thought MIGHT have the ability & the DESIRE to really help me with this...for free. I called Melissa & I remember feeling like I was #1 inconveniencing her & #2 was asking her to do something that was really going to be work, on (likely) her day off. I know I went through the WHOLE spiel with her, thinking I had talked her right into a "No" & she said YES! I was SO grateful, because I had bit off more than I could chew alone & needed the help.

Melissa SO encouraged me when I first got started, as an auctioneer. She was still encouraging me a year ago. She would send me things & ideas that I never saw myself doing & she knew it would get my wheels turning.

She passed my name on to someone in her Bluebonnet family that was organizing a benefit for Mrs. Judy Mikeska, who was also battling cancer. The friends & fellowship & faith & community that filled that room is something I hope I never ever forget. Melissa was all of that. She was a friend to EVERYONE that crossed her path. She would fellowship & bring people together. She was the one keeping her classmates together & having a presence at local fundraising events, She had faith...man, she had faith....faith in people, faith in God, faith in goodness & kindness, faith in the grand design. Lastly, but not least, she was an essential part in every community she was a part of: work, alma mater, family, friends, church, & organizations she believed in.

Yeah...I'm really going to miss her. I believe that God blesses us with the people in our lives for a reason. We each could have been born or landed somewhere totally different than where we are. I am a better person for knowing her & I know she meant A LOT to A LOT of people.

I just felt like sharing My Melissa. What Melissa meant to me in my life & share my thankfulness for her life & the impressions she has left me with.

My Melissa is kind & good & full of faith. She is special & blessed & a blessing. She is a friend & a role model & dependable. She sees good in people. She sees more in people than they see in themselves. She is an encourager in just the right ways. She is someone, that thru her passing, has made me DESIRE to slow down & appreciate people & spend time with them...to take the time, to make the time, for people.

Bible verses that make me think of Melissa:

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

(This next one came to mind several times, as I've been typing this blog. In my flesh it would not be one I'd include, but it belongs here.)

"But he gives us more grace. Therefore it says: 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you...." James 4:6-8

Fly high my friend & Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! I can only imagine the work he has for you in Heaven!   

A Shepherd Smells Like His Sheep

A little over two weeks ago I was sitting in the cry room at church. If you guys have never had the pleasure of sitting in a cry room filled with God's little angels....you would not know that, as a parent, you have to REALLY have your listening skills turned up to hear the message. For me sometimes...I have to just grab the key words I can catch and meditate on them.

The Priest was talking about Jesus as a leader of the people & one thing that stuck out to me....and hasn't left my mind yet is "A shepherd smells like his sheep."

Small tangent here...but I used to show lambs through 4-H & FFA. If you have never been around sheep, they have an odor about them. When my sister & I were out working with them, someone would be able to tell we had been. It's different than a goat or a cow or a horse. It's a distinct smell.

So then....I thought about that.

#1 - Jesus CHOSE us to shepherd. He made the choice to be like us, smell like us, hurt with us, rejoice with us, protect us at all costs.

#2 - He chose ALL of us & He searched far & wide, without discrimination of any kind, to find His lost sheep. HE PUT THE WORK IN. The grimy, dirty, dusty, painful, treacherous, scary, confusing WORK. He knew who He was looking for.

#3 - He walked into places that were unknown & met unwelcoming strangers. He not only walked...He BOLDLY walked.

So as I still sit here with "A shepherd smells like his sheep" burned into my mind....I ask Jesus to come into MY shoes....where I'm currently walking. I talk to him about my "sheep" that I am leading in any sense of the word...along the path of my calling & tell Him, I WANT to be like Him. I want to KNOW my sheep.

Being a business owner and an employer does not always lead you down clear cut paths. In fact, in my walk, there has been A LOT of walking by blind faith; Having faith that a decision I make now, will make sense later.

See...We aren't Jesus. Sometimes your sheep...or your tribe come to you. PRAISE JESUS when that happens....well...praise Him always, but acknowledge those godsends. We don't always see the "wolves" like Jesus could. We have to learn how to identify them, but I believe we have to learn how, so we know what to look for & we can better protect our flock/tribe. Those are not the shoes I'm asking Jesus to wear for me today.

I'm asking Him to put on the pair where I am trying to be everything to everyone. I'm running after other people's sheep AND my own & not because I need them or want them, but because I think I'm supposed to because I have the skills, knowledge, wisdom, & means to provide for their needs effectively. What I'm not thinking about is what I need. I think that is how I qualify my sheep.

 So as I stand at this intersection...where there is like a....market or a plaza along each road....and  I'm standing their holding our new baby, with my family & my crew - I need His DIVINE guidance to take me down the path that doesn't have the most people needing services that I can provide, but the one that has the RIGHT people needing services I can provide, but in the plaza that can also sustain all the needs of the flock coming with me & POSSIBLY provide opportunities for me to be a sheep and not a shepherd.

I want to walk SO boldly knowing that I not only will be walking with a well-nourished, well-fed, well-loved flock by my side, but that I'm in an environment where I will be fed, nourished, loved & have the ability to feed, nourish, & love on more of God's people.

We aren't Jesus & we aren't called to be everything to everyone. That's how I know I'm at a crossroad. I've finally looked up. I do not & never did have the ability to meet the needs of everyone. I was SO busy hearing the needs of man, that I hadn't REALLY stopped. (I stopped & asked, but not long enough to listen.) I want to be the shepherd to the people Jesus calls me to & those alone. I am your sheep. Come & get me & lead me in YOUR ways & not the ways of man.

Jesus, Help me to always remember that YOU care for ME. I have to obey YOU, so I can care for THEM. AMEN.

Yep. That's how He broke through to me. Buck Up Baby & Ride With JESUS! Look for him amongst the noise. He not only will find you...He'll teach you how to ride through all the noisy places in life.

Keep Pushing Towards Your Dream....Even If You Don't Know What it LOOKS Like.

A couple months ago I was sitting at this AWESOME gathering. It was a meeting of the minds of lots of business-minded women, who were sharing their LOVE for Jesus Christ. One of the speakers said: "Keep pushing towards your dream." I thought to myself....."I'm not sure what that looks like anymore." That thought kind of struck me & I've been meditating/wrestling/just letting it sit up there somewhere...marinating.

I thought to myself...."My word Heather! You kind of need to know what that looks like, to know how to proceed!" I shared this thought with a friend & she said: "Think about what you did when you first went into business for yourself and you didn't know what it was going to look like."

I had that DUH! moment...although it wasn't quite the same.

Here is what I wanted when I stepped out in faith & decided to pursue the DREAM of working for myself & helping others, with the gifts God has blessed me with, while providing for my family & having a better quality of life..............I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE I WAS ASKING FOR A LOT! However....God has given me all of that.

Scripture tells us: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

So when I took myself back to that time...when I felt like I was drifting in the sea...on a ship...by myself....& I had to make decisions & friendships & partnerships & purchases that I weren't sure where RIGHT....

I just kept going...asking...seeking...knocking.

And all of a sudden....my dream took shape. Not anything like I envisioned.... More. MUCH more. In fact things were added to my dream that I didn't even know existed.

So...as I find myself on this ship....that now has new crew members & allies & gadgets & tools....I'm going to do those things all over again...ask...seek...knock. I find myself not even trying to envision it...just living it...because what will happen is more than I have the capacity to see.

Sometimes you won't always know what your dream LOOKS like. Sometimes you'll just remember what you hope for & when what you hope for starts happening...you'll be able to identify what it FEELS like....& just keep going.

Get your heart right. Then Buck UP Baby & Ride with Jesus! Keep going in TRUST & FAITH.

Own Your Awesome....Don't be Intimidated

In my most recent post, I shared my experience after leaving The Gathering (which for you new readers, was an AWESOME gathering of women...many in business, sharing their journeys & their Jesus). I was SO encouraged by these ladies & this gathering & the number of ladies that showed up to hear these testimonies.That being said, a few days after The Gathering...I wrote down some of the topics that just stuck with me after being there. I will blog about ALL of them & have prayed that I tell this story how God needs me to & write about these topics how He wants me to & in His order...not my own. On my own...I would have moved this a little further down the list, but as I sat with them & prayed for guidance...this is the one I feel compelled to share. I don't say any of what I'm getting ready to share in judgement &, quite frankly, applaud each lady that got up there & SHARED. I've been in this place that I'm fixing to talk about & still go to that place & I KNOW (in my case) the enemy is trying to steal my sunshine & I just feel led to share my experience & my reactions.

At The Gathering ....a few of the speakers would get up there & start to discredit or disqualify themselves, right off the bat. Boy was I familiar with that. It's like, in a way, we think we are being humble, but really we are letting the enemy toy with our worthiness. 

I couldn't quite put my finger on it right away, but the more people got up to speak the more I could feel a gentle brush of agitation, every time someone would say something questioning their own worthiness. I think my Spirit was getting agitated & I couldn't quite put my finger on it, in my flesh...until I prayed on it. It was like...when a razorback curr dog gets a little agitated & the hair starts standing up on it's back...right before it barks...(Yeah...I know I just country-fied this post, but that was the image that came to my head to describe it.)

It didn't take away from what they had to say (for me), but it bothered me that they felt like they should put that limit on themselves & it bothered me that I was so familiar with it. 

Here's an example of what I'm talking about: "I haven't studied this as much as so & so." OR "I've only been in business X number of years." OR "I'm sure other people might do it differently."

HERE ME: I was that person EVERY time I had to get in front of a group of people....and I get in front of groups of people A LOT, being an auctioneer. If I could paint a picture of what my head is like a couple days before a big auction...it would be a bright & dull, menagerie of all kinds of random, made-up CraZY. ALL kinds of things go through my head like: "I'm not an expert on antiques OR coins OR guns OR furniture & here I am selling this stuff to people." OR "These people know more about this stuff than I do." "Will people show up? Did I think of everything? What am I missing?" OR "I am in a room FULL of rich, intelligent, successful people. They are going to look at me...like 'Who does she think she is?'" OR "Will these rich, intelligent, successful people take me seriously? How will they respond to me? Should I be doing this? Am I out of my league?" "Will my crew act professional? Did I tell them all they need to know? Do I need more people?" "Will they know this dress is from Target? Do I know what I am doing?"

Boy, I tell you.....It was exhausting. I say "WAS" because just this past year, I walked into a situation that had me in a place where preparation was not really an option & the person that hired me knew it. I had already planned an estate auction (where we had less than 2 weeks to organize, from the contract date). I had preview day on Saturday & the auction was on Sunday. I had a friend call, that was in a jam. She's a pretty well-respected lady, that had a pretty fancy gala coming up, where the auctioneer couldn't come, last minute. She asked if I could help. I told her on the upfront, what I had going on, got the specifics on date/time/place & told her I'd call her back. 

I took this one straight to prayer. I don't do things like this, very much, anymore. I like to help from start (planning) to finish (post-auction results). If I told her yes it would be going against my plans on how I do things & jammin' up my schedule, & (if not done correctly) could take away from the upcoming auction I had. So.......in spite of what my fleshy self thought it should do...I told her I could make it...ironed out all the details & moved forward. The day came.....It had rained at our preview day & I literally had 55 minutes by the time we shut everything down to change and get from Point A to Point B & take the mic. I called a friend that lived close to Point A...changed clothes (I didn't need a shower. I got rained on.) Me & my assistant (aka World Transitioner) loaded up & caravaned to Point B. On the drive over...we talked about the auction items....our concerns...good starting bids & said...."Well, this is about as unprepared as I've ever been. I'm just gonna have to let The Holy Spirit lead me on this one." I felt this internal prompting the whole day to be slow to speak & keep my mouth shut unless I NEEDED to speak. We got there. I met with my contact. Met the emcees & ring men, looked over the list of items, walked around to see what kind of event we were at & sat patiently...with the my World Transitioner...until I needed to do my part.

Well....I was up there with a couple BIG personalities. They were very nice, worked well with each other & with me, kept the crowd entertained, said what they had to say & then turned it over to me. I would normally, in that situation, forced some words, tried to fill other spaces in some form or fashion, put some kind of limit on myself in some kind of way, BUT - In the back of my mind I just kept thinking....be slow to speak & keep your mouth shut unless you need to say something. 

I did just that & it was VERY successful. It's hard to explain...but I'll try. It was like the energy was different. Like if my role was a cup...it runneth over. I didn't TRY that hard. I just worked off what I had, where I was, with the people that were there...& had a support person there. I received GREAT referrals & feedback & more business off of it. 

Here is the lesson...that I have to remind myself of on a regular basis (still before every auction IF I keep myself aware of it). We are THE ONLY PERSON that can carry out our role. We have exactly what we need, where we are, with the right people around us. We are called to walk, one foot in front of the other, owning our AWESOME. There is NO ONE else that can do what you are doing! There is not one of those wealthy, intelligent, successful people that could have done what The Holy Spirit did through me. There is something I said before I got there that just intrigues me: "I'm just gonna have to let The Holy Spirit lead me on this one." Now I say..."Holy Spirit don't leave me & help me submit to you." It is hard. It really is a battle between our flesh (the impulses & thoughts & ideas of this world) & our spirit (that part of us that surpasses our fleshy understanding that has this divine connection to our maker). It's like a battle of CONTROL vs. SUBMISSION & we win, when we submit...which is not what the world tells us.

 At The Gathering that night...there is NO DOUBT in my mind that The Holy Spirit filled every one of those ladies up, with all the right STUFF to share their story in the name of JESUS! Every single speaker shared words that resonated with me & I'm sure those same speakers resonated with each person there, differently! That is the mysterious, AWESOME power of The Holy Spirit!

Buck Up Baby! Ride With Jesus, & OWN your awesome!! You are the ONLY person that can carry out the mission at hand. You are the only person that can share your piece of Jesus to others & help them to know Him better. DO NOT let the enemy rob you, manipulate you, trick you, or diminish you. Rebuke your menagerie of crazy & stand BOLDLY in the place where you are called. Because of our flesh, there is no doubt that we will continually wrestle with this, BUT you have been chosen. You are enough. You are needed. You are equipped. You are called. You are protected. You will prosper. You will provide. You will fulfill.You can not be compared to ANYONE. More will happen through you than anything you can even imagine. 

 

God Bless!

 

The Shack...What it did for me...

I've recently finished the book: The Shack, written by William Paul Young. I need to give you guys a little backstory on something I had been struggling with, so I can explain how the book reached me where it did. 

Right before Easter I had watched a video that popped up in my Facebook feed about this little girl that was fighting cancer & how all she wanted to do was dance with Taylor Swift. Taylor called her & they visited, but she was too weak to even get out of bed. Needless to say...I got pretty upset with God. I thought to myself couldn't you even give the little girl just enough energy to dance? I stopped myself. I asked God to forgive me, because I know that there is a bigger picture, but I was still upset with Him. I struggled for probably two weeks leading up to Easter with this. Then I reached a point where I was upset that I was stRugGling with this, during the Easter season, when I should be SO THANKFUL for what Jesus did for us! So now....I wasn't JUST wrestling with being upset with how God does things...I was upset that I was upset about it & I just couldn't GET OVER IT!

I prayed...boy did I! I prayed for this sweet little girl & all children & all families & all patients fighting this battle. I prayed for guidance...for Him to lead me to scripture that would show me what I was missing....that He would teach me just what I needed to know to get to the place where I could LOVE Jesus (like I wanted to) for CHOOSING to carry out God's plan. Well....He led me o the book of Job. If I could insert the EXHAUSTED smiley face emoticon I would HERE. Sometimes I couldn't even get through a chapter without LITERALLY falling asleep on my Bible. It was SO strange to me. I was thinking: Okay. You led me here, now WHY won't you let me keep my eyes open?! How I wrestled with what I read & the thoughts I was still trying to work through about that precious little girl... All while...I was caring for the family God blessed me with & doing all the day-to-day things my life entails. I was SPENT. MENTALLY DRAINED. I was SO frustrated that I couldn't get where I wanted to be about being THANKFUL for what Jesus did for me, for us...

Then...4 o'clock Easter morning I woke up & didn't go back to sleep. I grabbed my Bibles & sat in one of my favorite places to read & literally felt like I threw myself in Jesus's lap & CRIED! In my sobbing I could hear the words coming from God: "Child! I love you." In a tone that....WANTED me to STOP worrying & trying to figure it all out...WANTED me to be okay with HOWEVER I was feeling....WANTED me to...stop being so hard on myself. 

After reading Job for the length I had, & wrestling with even more things LIKE: God ALLOWS Satan to jack with us? Couldn't He have spared Job SOME of that grief? Wasn't there SOME other way? If He'll do that to Job, I better GET READY! I came to the conclusion that...ALL of the things I was wrestling with that I didn't understand were BEYOND my understanding. I wasn't going to understand them....no matter how bad I TRIED, or how bad I WANTED to. I had come to that conclusion....which I still didn't LIKE...when I threw myself on Jesus. 

Yet...on his lap, clinging to the ONLY one that would UNDERSTAND me, I felt at peace with my thoughts, with my anger, with my inability to understand, because I FELT SO LOVED.

This book... The Shack. Man... People can say what they want to about it being made up, a hallucination, fiction. I PERSONALLY think The Holy Trinity talks to us ALL differently & I have NO DOUBT that They were talking to Mack. Mmmm. Mmmm. MM. What that man wrestled with... That kind of PAIN. Disappointment. Hurt. Unforgiveness. This book takes an unthinkable TRAGEDY & walks you through God's grace in it...in the UGLY. I LOVE the book. It touched so many different layers of my soul & though none of it, is PROVABLE, I know MY relationship with God, with Jesus, & this ever-developing one with The Holy Spirit has EVERY capability of doing what the characters in this book did for Mack. This book eased me into a better understanding about tragedy, forgiveness, pain, messed up people, the importance of relationships & honesty, & SO much more. 

So now I saw The Holy Trinity working me through ALL those feelings that I was feeling early Easter morning. 

Another thing that I was CONSTANTLY wrestling with was... The Holy Trinity. The order...how they were equal? The same? What? It had me trippin'. 

This book addressed that VERY same struggle & they broke it down for me. Where LOVE & RESPECT are present and perfect....there is no rank. All three members of The Holy Trinity are equally instrumental in the development of our relationships, with each one of them & each other. Talk about LAYERS! Layers of fear, layers of love, layers of pride, layers of pain, layers of shame. Each member of The Holy Trinity instills the wisdom, shows us an example, or takes our hand & leads us where God needs us to go to fulfill His plan. We aren't disrespecting God when we pray to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, because that is what we NEED to make the plan work. We need ALL of their help...equally!

I'm really happy my friend kept urging me to read it! I'm really THANKFUL for it. All sorts of other emotions whirl around, as I think about what had to happen to even bring the book about. I wrestle with those emotions, yet remain THANKFUL for how the book touched me. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus....& Papa & Sarayu.....

Unsettle

This past Saturday I had the honor of SUPPORTing one of my friends as she stepped WAY out of her comfort zone and held her first women's conference, held in a little fire hall, where a whole lot of things get started for us.

Not only did it allow me to show my support for her and encourage her, but it allowed me to ENCOURAGE others....some I've known & just LOVE them & their character. Some of them were complete strangers that really just live a few miles from me.

One thing that every woman that came to the conference got was a little doodle sheet, with a motivational message on it. As the speakers were speaking we were all supposed to write down scripture we wanted to go back and read or just jot down notes.

She had asked me if I would help emcee the event & of course I agreed. She had handed these little sheets out to everyone and I just went and grabbed the top one off the stack, because I hadn't gotten one yet & the music was about to start.

This is what my motivational sheet said:

It really did MINISTER to me, which was what she really wanted them to do. This little message has been the STORY OF MY LIFE. Here's been my thought process over the last few years:

 I'm good at what I'm doing....I just don't like the people I'm working with anymore. We don't have the same overall goal. Okay....now I'm tired of being restricted to make THEIR dream happen and not my own....What? Auctioneer? oh my husband is gonna divorce me, if I tell him this hair-brained idea.... I'm gonna go where & do what? I don't even have a chant! I'll do it while I'm providing money for my family...... Is the money really worth putting up with these people that have more experience than me, but still aren't REALLY doing something to help these people that REALLY need it....more than they need their paycheck???? You want me to quit when my job is the majority of our income? Okay he hasn't threatened to divorce me yet, but this MIGHT be pushing it..... He said YES! Go do it, just know life is gonna change. Crap! Now it's ALL on me. God is waiting on ME to say YES..... OKAY!!! I'll do what you tell me already!....as I proceed to try and MAKE things happen vs. letting Him make them happen. Then....I start working on peeling the layers back. Then....I know BIG growth is fixing to happen....I just don't know what it looks like. Then....I go to a conference like this were a GROUP of WOMEN are lifting you up in PRAYER & I'm UNSETTLED all over again...

But this time....in a MIGHTY way that is in the AUTHORITY of Christ Jesus.

All I can say is....if you think you are going to "settle down" and answer God's calling, you MIGHT want to pray about it.

Also...for the record....I don't think my husband will EVER divorce me, but I KNEW I was stretching him outside of his comfort zone....probably even more-so than myself & that if I said YES & was allowing God to stretch me....EVERYONE around me would be stretched. I (with the help of Jesus) had to OWN that...and any resentment from any of them about the decisions I was making.

As the music is playing and the speakers are speaking...I'm just jottin' away on my doodle sheet. Here are some of the things I wrote:

• Suddenlink
• Sava
• Buck Up
• KSBJ
• Rejoice
• African Man - "Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?
• "God has to be our passion." -Aaron Mullins
• Promise in the mystery - urge people to go read about Elizabeth & Zecharius and the birth of John the Baptist
• Philippians: Paul passionately upset
• Colossians
• Peace=something wrong? once you figure out it is God, you'll praise and rejoice in the peace
• Boldly?

All these false conditions we place on ourselves: I need a degree. I need this class. I'm a woman & people won't accept me because of it. I need to master this. I need to have X amount of money in the bank. 

The TRUTH is: You are whole, full, blessed, and ready RIGHT NOW!!

I was pretty exhausted the next couple of days.... Honestly because I was OVERWHELMED with God's goodness and it can be really hard to process sometimes. You start thinking why do I DESERVE to walk in this authority, which I am called to? The fact of the matter is this.... each and every one of us are called to walk in the authority of Christ Jesus & we CONSTANTLY have to pull back the layers & die to ourselves over & OVER again....(each time we peel a layer back) to understand that it is not about what WE deserve, but about what God wants us to experience....how He NEEDS us to CHOOSE to follow Him.... How he doesn't want us thinking SO hard about other people or how to make ourselves better. He wants us to live our lives in a way that shines BRIGHTLY to others.

I was thinking about things today & came to the conclusion that one of the things that is really important to me is that..... when people look at me, look at my Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blog profile that they KNOW I am a believer in Christ Jesus and that I am THANKFUL & HUMBLED for the stripes he bore to SAVE ME. I want them to look at my husband and my children that way also! I want people to feel the JOY in what I have & go get their own!!!

One bullet point that isn't quite self explanatory is "African Man - Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?" Here is why the story struck me so.... I was helping my Uncle Melvin call an auction for the Independent Cattleman's Association 2 weeks ago & I was takin' bids and rolling right along with my chant & didn't really realize how often I was saying "Why not?" when trying to entice people to bid more. I was selling an item & the crowd (in unison) said with me.... "Why not?" I had to giggle a little bit. Really though....Why not? Why can't we GIVE more than we think we can? Why can't we do what we feel called to do? Why do people doubt when the goal seems SO big? I mean... Jesus calmed the waters of a stormy sea. Jesus healed the blind, the sick, & the cripple. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead....after being in a tomb for 4 days!! Jesus died to free ALL of us from the grips of sin & He himself raised from the dead! Why don't ya'll just come on with me & the African Man & Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus?!

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

Thank You

This has been SUCH a beautiful week. I felt like sharing some of ALL the wonderful things that have happened, but I couldn't quite figure out how, SO.......I decided to write a BIG ole' THANK YOU note to GOD.

Here's a list of some of the WONDERFUL things that happened for me this week:

-I got out of the MUDDY waters...only by God's GRACE. (I'm sure I'll discuss this in probably 10 blog posts :))

-I learned a way to settle my WoRRy & study God's word. (Study bible verses & recite memorized ones - when I feel the woRrY coming on.)

-I got confirmation on 2 UPCOMING fundraising auctions, that I really wanted to do. (These are a big deal for me, for LOTS of reasons.)

-I TRULY forgave a friend.

-I started exercising & taking care of myself AND along with it, was able to APPRECIATE God's beauty in LITERALLY everything.

-I was re-affirmed about a NEW venture & journey.

-My sweet niece Baby Ida Estelle was brought into this world & she is PERFECT. (Fun Fact: She was born 2 days after our Grandma's birthday ---which she was named after.)

Me, Kylee, & Sweet Baby Ida

-I am MOVING FORWARD with two CREATive projects I've been sitting on/intimidated by/afraid of....whatever you wanna call it.

-I am IMPROVING in the areas of time management, being present, trusting myself, loving myself, & forgiving....and KNOW that its OKAY to have to start that process over DAILY.

-My Uncle came home from his surgery & progress & healing are in his future.

-People are seeing the value in my God-given gifts.

-Kylee is warming up to this whole t-ball thing :).

-I am moving forward.

-I had a FRIEND pass away early this week. He worked at Suddenlink with me in College Station & I worked with him via phone & computer when I moved down south. He went on one of our INFAMOUS Frio River trips & I have to say that I was shocked & saddened when I heard of his passing, BUT....

Ryan, Myself, & Jenny at the river. 

Ryan was GOOD PEOPLE. I mean REALLY Good People. He was a GOOD friend. He was a HARD -WORKER: dedicated, dependable, skilled, loyal, friendly, respectful, patient.... He was entertaining. He looked at things objectively. He saw the GOOD in people & the GOOD in situations. He could DEFUSE stressful situations. (I saw it first hand.) AND....while I am sad about his passing & that I didn't talk to him MORE when I saw him a few weeks ago....I AM THANKFUL that I knew him. I am THANKFUL knowing that he is a GOOD SOUL. I am THANKFUL that I was caused to REFLECT on some of the VERY IMPORTANT relationships in my life.  I am THANKFUL that he is the kind of person that is WELCOMED into God's kingdom, and I am THANKFUL that everyone that knew him (& even those that didn't) have another ANGEL to guide us on our journeys & walk the halls of Heaven. Whew....

Thank YOU God for BLESSING us WAY beyond what we deserve. BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! LOVE YOUR PEOPLE. God only leaves them here for a little while.