Excellence - Thriving vs. Striving

 I am wrestling so much with this post, yet feel the message is SO important to share.

The kids and I visited a different church than we normally go to, but it is the one we normally go to when we don't go to our regular church. After adjusting to the volume of the worship music, Hunter, my youngest was MOVED almost immediately. Pieces of the message also stuck with him. 

I found myself convicted in my stance, on the message. I found myself being concerned for others seeking Jesus, that could be in the congregation. I believe, based on the reaction of my youngest, that the intention was to ENCOURAGE us to be better. To examine our lives and strive for excellence, because excellence was GIVEN to us. I don't just believe this. I know this. This message can and will encourage us and all that heard it. YET......I still feel the importance of what I want to share, just THROBBING to get out of me. 

When I walked into church and we began worshiping and praising, I felt so comfortable in my relationship with The Holy Trinity and I knew that I now knew myself better, than I did the last time I had attended the same church. I know that as much as I know the conviction I felt in my spirit about the message. 

I am wrestling with this share because I believe it may be unpopular. It will reveal thoughts, emotions, and visions that most people won't want to think about, won't want to envision, & don't want to feel the feels.

I don't know how to explain this any other way except the message made me feel like it was coming from a place of entitlement...or directed towards people that came from a place of entitlement. What I mean by that is....how easy is it to tell someone to examine the weak spots in their life and tell them that they should be better, because of the gift Jesus gave us. It made me feel a way.... As things were mentioned that WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH in some form or fashion, and my oldest daughter looked over at me like: "That's me." "That's us." I felt moved to  & immediately leaned over to all three and told them, that they are enough. God wants a relationship with us, but He wants us to THRIVE and not to STRIVE. 

I've been thinking about it all day. Really.... And I think that the reason Holy Spirit CONVICTED my spirit in the way I experienced it is because....God has REALLY impressed upon me the importance of knowing myself and He had to spell out to me that He was NEVER the one to tell me to STRIVE, yet that is what I have done, in some form or fashion, ALL. MY. LIFE. I can't think of a time, except for recently that I was not in a constant.....literally CONSTANT state of striving. ALL of the striving was to win the favor of man: parents, siblings, family, teachers, friends, peers, other professionals.........literally everyone. When The Holy Trinity was kind enough to BLESS ME with the WISDOM (although we are taught this from Sunday School on...) that, what The Holy Trinity has GIVEN us is a GIFT! We didn't ask for it. We didn't and still can't understand it's value. We couldn't and didn't work for it. GOD'S ONLY DESIRE IS THAT WE RECEIVE IT. I mean.....I am laying here, SO HUMBLED. So.....in awe of who our God is....so overwhelmed by His love and kindness & SO THANKFUL that I KNOW it is true. 

No matter what man tells you, REMEMBER that all that is asked of you is that YOU RECEIVE JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD & SAVIOR. If you don't know what that means, God WANTS to show you, teach you, tell you, guide you to not just hearing the words, but GIFTING you the WISDOM to KNOW Him & the meaning of His words. 

I had two other spiritual moments this week that tie into this same line of thought. One was explaining the difference between Christians and Jews to my son, after he saw a commercial about stopping Jewish hate. I went to sources on the Internet, more well-versed than myself, and read it to him, paused for his response and being SO GRATEFUL for how God has conditioned his heart to understand that we view some things differently in our faith, but that the difference in thought does NOT merit hate. 

I also have a professional friend that I was messaging back and forth with on a work project. He let me know that he would be unavailable for much of the next two days celebrating Eid al-Fitr. I have an incredible amount of respect for him as a human. He is so professional, talented, and easy to work with. Because of this respect, I wanted to know more about his faith, so I researched it and was able to share how the viewpoints may differ between Muslims and Christians, with my oldest son. What was amazing is that he noticed all the SIMILARITIES of our beliefs.  

I sit and think about how much energy is wasted on hate. How many relationships NEVER have a chance because of hate. Then I also think about the message I heard today and how my youngest son received it and how I received it. God uses EVERYTHING. His love for ALL HUMANS is SO ABUNDANT. A message that convicts me, positively encourages my youngest son. We are doing life with people that share some of our beliefs and we have the opportunity to understand and RESPECT the differences. I will visit this church again because....even though I do not agree that striving for excellence is God's call, the intentions of that message was to ENCOURAGE and not discourage. He wants us to HONOR the EXCELLENCE God has given us & see it as such. I do agree with that.

It may seem like I'm wandering from the topic, but I'm not. The message in church today seemed directed to an entitled audience that has had to experience the very basic of struggles: dirty house, dirty car, excelling in their careers, focusing on their studies, etc.

What about those battling depression? They may have a messy house, but they got up, went to work, and was a light for someone & provided for their family. Their life may look like a wreck, but GOD SEES THEM SHOWING UP.

What about the boy that feels lost & unwanted, never wanted, yet decides to NOT END HIS LIFE, because he remembers hearing/reading/being told that God created him for a purpose, crying out to Him and putting the gun down. GOD SEES YOU AND THE ANGELS REJOICED IN HEAVEN WHEN YOU PUT IT DOWN. He just wants you to show up for Him. 

What about the young couple, abandoned by their families, fleeing religious persecution, CLINGING to the LOVE & HOPE that God has promised? GOD SEES YOU & WILL BLESS YOU FOR YOUR OBEDIENCE. 

What about the man that lost his ENTIRE FAMILY in a car accident and the ONLY CONVERSATION he still has with God is how mad he is at Him? GOD SEES YOU & is GRATEFUL you are still communicating with Him. 

What about the ER Nurse that witnesses things like: a pre-teen pregnant child being dumped at the ER to deliver a baby in a case of incest....alone...unaware....and broken, a non-English speaking couple accidentally overdosing their baby resulting in DEATH when they thought they were helping, a family of 4 burn victims from a house fire on Christmas Day with one lone survivor with 4th degree burns. GOD SEES YOU & He's SO THANKFUL that you are SHOWING UP for others. He doesn't care if your house is a mess, if you spoil your kids and others don't approve, or if you are less than chipper when you come into work. 

The enemy comes at us and he comes at us HARD. GOD KNOWS! He doesn't discount the struggle. I think He thought about this struggle and so did Jesus, when He decided to be obedient to God & accept the cross to SAVE US....to RELEASE US from the burden of striving. Striving is NOT our yoke. 

SHOW UP & Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! You don't have to have your make-up on. You don't have to have all A's, a full tank of gas, or a regularly detailed car. You don't even have to believe all the things others say about Him. You just have to SHOW UP & ride with Him. Give Him some time. I can testify that Jesus brought me closer to God & HELPED ME to get to know The Holy Spirit.

Indignation

Hey all! First off, God has placed something on my heart that I've been praying over for sometime. Over the last several weeks I have received steady encouragement & today I made the decision that I was going to step out of fear & the security of keeping my thoughts to myself & literally Buck UP & ride with Jesus! I was going to start video blogging (vlogging) on whatever the Holy Spirit stirred up in me.

So, I grab my Bible, pray, & open it to Mark 14:1-11. The stories in these verses are: "The Plot to Kill Jesus" & "The Anointing at Bethany." The word "Indignation" jumps off the page at me. "While He was in Bethany at the house of Simon who had a serious skin disease, as He was reclining at the table, a woman came with an alabaster jar of pure and expensive fragrant oil of nard. She broke the jar and poured it on His head. But some were expressing INDIGNATION to one another: 'Why has this fragrant oil been wasted? For this oil might have been sold for more than 300 denarii and given to the poor.' - Mark 14:3-5 (HCSB)

So, here I go....ready to start my vlog & my phone won't record. I had this moment of...."It's okay. I'll figure it out & start another day." BUT I have something to share TODAY. So...posed with the choice to share or not share. I took to my blog.

The enemy has been working HARD on me the last two days & he WILL NOT stop me.

If you look up the definition of INDIGNATION it means: regard as unworthy; be angry or displeased at; unworthy; anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean; anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment.

If you read this full passage, you will find that Jesus silenced all those that questioned the thoughts & actions of this woman, said that what this woman has done will be told to everyone in her memory & then Judas went to the chief priests and began to plot the way in which he would betray Jesus.

As I read this it appears to be a man & woman thing, but I believe it is a lesson for everyone. Whoever you are: pay attention to those that annoy you, those that you don't understand, those that frustrate you & cause anger to rise up in you; those you feel are below you; those you think don't deserve whatever they have; those who in some ways you envy. Hold strong in your faith & KNOW that God loves & needs all of those people. You don't have to like them, but you can make the choice to respect them. Lean in, just a little & The Holy Trinity will support you. Lean out & the enemy will devour you.

Be watching for video blogs & pray for me. It feels like a whole new layer of vulnerability to me.

Father God,
May we ALL have the courage to let your light shine! In Jesus Name. Amen.

The Shack...What it did for me...

I've recently finished the book: The Shack, written by William Paul Young. I need to give you guys a little backstory on something I had been struggling with, so I can explain how the book reached me where it did. 

Right before Easter I had watched a video that popped up in my Facebook feed about this little girl that was fighting cancer & how all she wanted to do was dance with Taylor Swift. Taylor called her & they visited, but she was too weak to even get out of bed. Needless to say...I got pretty upset with God. I thought to myself couldn't you even give the little girl just enough energy to dance? I stopped myself. I asked God to forgive me, because I know that there is a bigger picture, but I was still upset with Him. I struggled for probably two weeks leading up to Easter with this. Then I reached a point where I was upset that I was stRugGling with this, during the Easter season, when I should be SO THANKFUL for what Jesus did for us! So now....I wasn't JUST wrestling with being upset with how God does things...I was upset that I was upset about it & I just couldn't GET OVER IT!

I prayed...boy did I! I prayed for this sweet little girl & all children & all families & all patients fighting this battle. I prayed for guidance...for Him to lead me to scripture that would show me what I was missing....that He would teach me just what I needed to know to get to the place where I could LOVE Jesus (like I wanted to) for CHOOSING to carry out God's plan. Well....He led me o the book of Job. If I could insert the EXHAUSTED smiley face emoticon I would HERE. Sometimes I couldn't even get through a chapter without LITERALLY falling asleep on my Bible. It was SO strange to me. I was thinking: Okay. You led me here, now WHY won't you let me keep my eyes open?! How I wrestled with what I read & the thoughts I was still trying to work through about that precious little girl... All while...I was caring for the family God blessed me with & doing all the day-to-day things my life entails. I was SPENT. MENTALLY DRAINED. I was SO frustrated that I couldn't get where I wanted to be about being THANKFUL for what Jesus did for me, for us...

Then...4 o'clock Easter morning I woke up & didn't go back to sleep. I grabbed my Bibles & sat in one of my favorite places to read & literally felt like I threw myself in Jesus's lap & CRIED! In my sobbing I could hear the words coming from God: "Child! I love you." In a tone that....WANTED me to STOP worrying & trying to figure it all out...WANTED me to be okay with HOWEVER I was feeling....WANTED me to...stop being so hard on myself. 

After reading Job for the length I had, & wrestling with even more things LIKE: God ALLOWS Satan to jack with us? Couldn't He have spared Job SOME of that grief? Wasn't there SOME other way? If He'll do that to Job, I better GET READY! I came to the conclusion that...ALL of the things I was wrestling with that I didn't understand were BEYOND my understanding. I wasn't going to understand them....no matter how bad I TRIED, or how bad I WANTED to. I had come to that conclusion....which I still didn't LIKE...when I threw myself on Jesus. 

Yet...on his lap, clinging to the ONLY one that would UNDERSTAND me, I felt at peace with my thoughts, with my anger, with my inability to understand, because I FELT SO LOVED.

This book... The Shack. Man... People can say what they want to about it being made up, a hallucination, fiction. I PERSONALLY think The Holy Trinity talks to us ALL differently & I have NO DOUBT that They were talking to Mack. Mmmm. Mmmm. MM. What that man wrestled with... That kind of PAIN. Disappointment. Hurt. Unforgiveness. This book takes an unthinkable TRAGEDY & walks you through God's grace in it...in the UGLY. I LOVE the book. It touched so many different layers of my soul & though none of it, is PROVABLE, I know MY relationship with God, with Jesus, & this ever-developing one with The Holy Spirit has EVERY capability of doing what the characters in this book did for Mack. This book eased me into a better understanding about tragedy, forgiveness, pain, messed up people, the importance of relationships & honesty, & SO much more. 

So now I saw The Holy Trinity working me through ALL those feelings that I was feeling early Easter morning. 

Another thing that I was CONSTANTLY wrestling with was... The Holy Trinity. The order...how they were equal? The same? What? It had me trippin'. 

This book addressed that VERY same struggle & they broke it down for me. Where LOVE & RESPECT are present and perfect....there is no rank. All three members of The Holy Trinity are equally instrumental in the development of our relationships, with each one of them & each other. Talk about LAYERS! Layers of fear, layers of love, layers of pride, layers of pain, layers of shame. Each member of The Holy Trinity instills the wisdom, shows us an example, or takes our hand & leads us where God needs us to go to fulfill His plan. We aren't disrespecting God when we pray to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, because that is what we NEED to make the plan work. We need ALL of their help...equally!

I'm really happy my friend kept urging me to read it! I'm really THANKFUL for it. All sorts of other emotions whirl around, as I think about what had to happen to even bring the book about. I wrestle with those emotions, yet remain THANKFUL for how the book touched me. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus....& Papa & Sarayu.....

Friday Blessings

This passed Friday was FULL of SO MANY BLESSINGS for me. I started making a list about halfway thru the day because SO many things became APPARENT to me.

Friday was me & my husband's 5th wedding anniversary. We've been together a total of 11 years. We LOVE each other so much more than we did even a year ago. I posted a picture on Facebook of us on our wedding day & a picture from our last Christmas card. 5 years later we are more in love & have 2 beautiful little blessings that we LOVE SO MUCH! It made me realize how much my love has grown for my sweet daughter that just celebrated her 4th birthday & how blessed all 3 of us are for having Baby Heath join our family this year & sharing that LOVE with him. Then I realized how many of our family & friends "liked" my picture & share in our lives. Let's just say an OVERWHELMING feeling of LOVE & BLESSINGS came over me. My husband is a real GEM of a Fella & I KNOW that we are so much better together than we ever would have been on our own. So that was my first......awareness of MANY blessings of the day.

On to the next..... Like I've told all of you. I think A LOT.... sometimes too much. We have so many things we want and need & sometimes it just flat boggles my mind. You know? The feeling where you don't know what is right...or that feeling where you aren't sure you are doing what the GOOD LORD wants you to be doing right now, but you aren't really sure what to do OR when to do it OR how to do it. SIGH.... I'm at that place... In fact, I'm in that place in different avenues within my life & let me tell ya... Sometimes you have to just DO SOMETHING & ask the Good Lord to guide you steps, mind your mouth, & give you the energy you need to do his will. I try not to WORRY because we aren't supposed to, BUT it is ENGRAINED in me...somehow! So I go to worrying about my AUCTION CAREER. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I goin' about things the right way? Should I do more? So guess what happens.... I get a Facebook message from a fella that heard me call bids at one of the Volunteer Fire Department Fundraising Auctions I helped Uncle Melvin at & they needed someone in a pinch for an event benefiting the Ronald McDonald House. I made a little money, was able to help them out & raise money for an AWESOME charity, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, God answered my question. You are doing what you need to do & all I need to do is all I can. Blessings will come from it. He KNOWS our intentions better than we do & will open more doors than we even know exist.

I have a friend that is leaving the state in a matter of days now. We have been FRIENDS FOR YEARS, but we have really barely seen each other the last few years. I know.... HOW DARE US! BUT.....there are very few people that have friendships like we do.....very few. I guess with all that happened that day her message just sent me over the top & I felt that feeling....that BLESSED feeling & almost could not contain my tears. I know....nothing to cry about. She's only a phone call away. They were happy tears....VERY HAPPY tears. We have both come into our own on our own, but I think we are both well AWARE that we will ALWAYS have someone in our corner...no matter where we are. I wish my Rissa Roo all the best!

Facebook was workin' hard for me on Friday! A little while later I get a message from one of the first responders that took my Dad to the hospital the last time he went a few years ago. She saw the post about our anniversary on Facebook & wanted to check on Daddy. I told her he is doing good & gave her the latest update & she told me that "she will never forget him & that he was was one of the most entertaining people they have ever had to transport." You know....sometimes your family can drive you CraZy & my Daddy sure has at times, BUT... Me and my Pops have ALWAYS been close. Thru the years we've gotten even closer on a different level & I felt SO blessed that someone else APPRECIATED him like I do & that he was able to make a lasting impression on her. You know....when I was pregnant with my little girl, I was nervous as all get out about the whole birthing process & believe it or not...my Daddy is the one that calmed my nerves & helped me to REALLY give it ALL to God. He sure the heck isn't any kind of SAINT, but he is a BELIEVER & is filled with SO MUCH LOVE for his people it just oozes out of him.

With my new job.....Admissions Director at a skilled nursing facility (It's amazing where the GOOD LORD puts you...) I have seen A LOT of things I never thought I would, understand things I never thought I'd have to & deal with families on a MUCH more personal level than I ever have in the past. Last Friday we found out that the husband of one of our little residents was in the hospital. He had been there EVERY DAY without fail & we hadn't seen him in a few days, so my boss (who cares for all of our residents & families like they are her own) found out where he was & sent me to go visit him. Him and his wife have NO LIVING FAMILY. All they HAD was each other. When I went and visited with him he was SO APPRECIATIVE. All I could think about was how worried we were about him, how thankful we were that he was okay, and how else we could help this little man and his wife. That was ANOTHER JESUS MOMENT. It made me APPRECIATE my life & everyone in it. It made me APPRECIATE the LOVE that this little man & woman have for each other. It made me APPRECIATE my job & the people I work with. It just opened my eyes on so many levels.

On the way to my next patient assessment I gave a little homeless man money & told him I hoped it would help him turn things around. I noticed the car behind me gave him some money & I saw the little homeless man look my way & thought how we never know who we will touch and how it will help someone.

Then, on my way up to see my next patient - I ran into a lady that used to live in my hometown that worked at the hospital (I had no idea.) Her kids were around my age, but we weren't necessarily close. However, in a small town EVERYONE is linked somehow & honestly are closer to each other than some people are with their families. I'm not sure what exactly she was on her way to do, but I know it was something that was not necessarily going to be easy & we shared a talk about hardships, prayers, & God's unknown intentions for us.We have each other a hug & I got back on the same elevator we met in. Talk about knowin' the Good Lord is at work & puttin' his people in places they need to be...

THEN.... to top it ALL off. I got a phone call from someone that eased my worries about something that I have been worrying about since August or so.

Between ALL of these wonderful events, the GLORIOUS needed RAIN we received ALL DAY, & the COUNTRY MUSIC from the 1990s I listened to ALL DAY LONG...I'd say I had one of the most BLESSED days I have had.

AND....if anyone reading this thinks like my philosophy professor did once upon a time and thinks these are all "koinkidinks" you can just BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!

Have a BLESSED day everyone. Each day is a gift. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus!

So some of you guys may be wondering: Why 2 blogs? I recently had a Jesus moment....maybe more like a Holy Spirit moment & thus....Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus has been created. You can still see my original blog about auctions, life, Junk Proms and whatever else I decide to talk about @ http://buckupbaby.blogspot.com.

In this blog I am going to try & have Faithful Friday posts, where I will share my current journey OR my ride with Jesus, if you will. I'm really very much a thinker & I think A LOT. Life can be WiLd & Wooly, ConfUSing & beautiful, & a WHOLE LOT of other adjectives. Feel free to comment. Remember these are my thoughts, questions, opinions. I'm not makin' you read'm, believe'm or anything of the sort. I'm just sharing my point of view & hope that this blog will help me (& others) GROW in their FAITH.

My first story to share that kinda prompted the whole thought that I needed something MORE is this:

I recently started a new job & had the opportunity to accompany an RN to a hospital to assess a patient. We had the opportunity to visit & get to know each other on the commute to & from the hospital. Along the way we discussed our families, home life, political views, upcoming plans, & GOD.

She has a son that is mentally retarded. He is in his late 20s, but has the mental capacity of an 18 month old. She shared with me that the only words he really says are: "Momma Momma. I love you Momma" and I told her what a BLESSING that must be to have those words repeated to her over & over again.

Later we were discussing politics & the state of our country (amongst other things). She made the statement that she thinks Armageddon is closer than most realize. My mind went to : Where will my children be if that happens in their lifetime & I felt fear & concern. I told her the thought scared me a little and her response was "Scared? I'm excited! I can't wait!"

Needless to say...It got me to thinkin'. I had a rush of anxiety come over me. Kind of like... I shouldn't be scared. I should be excited for the coming of Jesus, but....quite frankly...the thought of it being right upon us SCARED ME. How will it happen? Will I be with my babies? I better get right with JESUS! All kinds of things were running through my head. My new RN friend could have glanced over and saw the blood rush from my face....I'm tellin' you....a JESUS moment.

My RN friend has moved back to her hometown. I only had the chance to get to know her for 2 weeks. Tell me that's not a God thing!

Needless to say. It made me start thinking a certain way. It made me face the thought, the reality, the whole basis of our being. BELIEVE ME.....I don't have answers, BUT I have a better grasp on where my head needs to be, what I should be teaching my babies, that we NEED to SHARE OUR FAITH with others....

It also gave me perspective of my life and how TRULY BLESSED I am. My friend SHARED some of her STRUGGLES with me. Her son knows nothing else besides the LOVE that she & her family give him. She knows her struggles & battles she has faced & HER FAITH IS SO STRONG! She KNOWS with NO HESITATION that there is a BETTER WORLD where there is NO PAIN. Our STRUGGLES will be over. We will find PEACE and it will be MORE BEAUTIFUL than anything we could ever imagine. It sees to me that her struggles have made her APPRECIATE & ANTICIPATE the COMING OF JESUS.

I hope that this story resonates with someone & I hope whoever reads this feels more apt to SPEAK FREELY about their FAITH.

BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! It's the BEST COMPANY you'll ever find. May GOD BLESS you! Stay tuned for my next entry!!