"Day 23: How We Grow"

On to Day 23 from the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

I feel like there is a line in this chapter that I need to continually read over & OVER again...for the rest of my life! "Nothing shapes your life more than the commitments you choose to make. Your commitments can develop you or they can destroy you, but either way, they will define you....We become whatever we are committed to." -Pastor Warren

We all have commitments: our marriages, our families, our careers, our friendships, our church...

When I was working as a marketing liaison for the skilled nursing facility I learned something....& (no doubt) The Holy Spirit was teaching me....& all the people I came in contact with. I took the job for a couple reasons...one was money. I was SO concerned about having enough $$$ to support my family like I was able to with my previous job. The other was that I'd be able to help people on a level that was SO important to them & help them find solutions. Well....mind you...INTERNALLY I wanted to do the same thing, using my auctioneer license....make enough $$ to help create a good life for my family & HELP PEOPLE on a level that they REALLY needed help with. So I went on for almost a year working as a marketing liaison, going into hospitals, talking to patients & families will all kinds of different needs, diagnosis, backgrounds, financial issues, etc. I talked to doctors, floor nurses, case managers, specialists, hospice managers, home health marketers, administrators, social workers, gatekeepers...

So what did I learn (that applies to this chapter)? I learned that although...I was staying bUsY & I was TRYING to help EVERY patient or family I came in contact with....I couldn't....at least not the way I thought someone in my position would be able to. I also learned as I was getting HOUNDED for not having a 144 page market analysis done (which I was required to do BEFORE OR AFTER my 8-5:30 job & before & after my hour long commute each way) & not "staying on top" of 2 of my BOSSES... that what the company was asking me to do....was REALLY just BuSy work too & wasn't ACCOMPLISHING anything....for anybody really. It also made me see that this money that I was making was coming with a HEAVY price on my part. I was accomplishing one goal....having enough $$$ to provide for my family, but it was SO UNHEALTHY...for everything important to me: my family, my friendships (although I picked up some pretty special ones along the way), myself & my health (physical, mental, & emotional), BUT most importantly MY GOD.

My ability, my drive, & my ENERGY of having the ability to call an auction, raise money for people, & run an auction were all DISCOVERED, GOD-GIVEN talents. STRAIGHT UP....the simple thought that came to me through INTENSE prayer was the CATALYST for the chanGE that you are witnessing....& I was abandoning it....to have enough $$$$ to support my family (what I thought...was enough money)... I think I called one auction the entire year I had that job. I was sitting there in this MISERABLE situation I put myself in, with other MISERABLE people (not all of them, but many) & PRAYING to GOD to give me some answers....when he already had.

When I say the journey we are walking with The Holy Trinity is intense...I mean it, BUT the REALLY intense parts...we usually do to ourselves... ALL I have to do is TRUST in GOD's PLAN. So...besides having to go to work everyday the TOUGHEST part of making the break was explaining to my husband what I felt like I needed to do, understanding & accepting how this choice would look to many PEOPLE, & preparing myself for the hard times, which include: being tight financially, going day to day or auction to auction not knowing how successful or unsuccessful they would be, my husband not understanding what I'm doing & what it takes & losing faith, the critics..., & the process of figuring out EXACTLY what I'm supposed to be doing & HOW to do it. BUT...I know it is a process. I know that what God has planned for me is BIGGER than ANY of my problems. I KNOW that my husband is walking his own spiritual journey & I am WELL familiar with the layers that are getting peeled back & the process that he has to work through to understand it. What is SO beautiful to me is that I can see his FAITH increasing as mine is increasing. It may not be quite as strong (in this area) as mine is, but he is right there with me...working more hours & leaving the house around 4AM most mornings. As I walk this walk there are things that I have to change & different opportunities that present themselves & things that I thought would work that don't, but I KNOW it is the RIGHT path.... I'm not so sure that some of the detours are right, but they all still lead back to the RIGHT path... My work as a marketing liaison was not the right path & I felt it, BUT NOTHING is wasted. The LIFE & SPIRITUAL experience I gained in that position are ALL given to God to bring him the glory & add to my tool bag.

In the MOMENT where I sat down & talked to my husband & told him what I was thinking & MOVED PAST all the FEAR & ANXIETY & DOUBT we BOTH became COMMITTED to following God's plan & not our own. I don't expect EVERYONE to "get it," but I'm glad he got it. I still have FEAR & I know he does too, but I NOW have a DEEPER fear of not DEVELOPING my PURPOSE - GIVEN to me by God.    

Here are some lines that are REALLY important to me from this chapter:

"Spiritual growth is not automatic. It takes an intentional commitment. You must want to grow, decide to grow, make an effort to grow, and persist in growing." (Note: PERSISTING is the tough part.)

"Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is prompted by an attitude." (This line is SO important to me because I tend to downplay myself or extensions of myself. I also doubt myself...quite a bit. It is some layer that is DEEP. I'm aware of it, but don't know exactly how to shake it. I know that it is probably one of the devil's biggest defenses against me & he's PISSED that I even know about it. I should probably read this line every day too.)

"You repent whenever you change the way you think by adopting how God thinks - about yourself, sin, God, other people, life, your future, and everything else." (So here is the answer & DEFINITELY easier said than done.)

"The Bible says that selfish thinking is the source of sinful behaviour: 'Those who live following their sinful selves think only about things that their sinful selves want.' -Romans 8:5 (NCV) The second half of thinking like Jesus is to start thinking maturely, which focuses on others, not yourself." (Stop being selfish & think about others.)

"Point to Ponder: It's never too late to start growing."

Daily Bible Verse: "Let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God - what is good and is pleasing to him & is perfect." Romans 12:2B (TEV)

Daily Question: "What is one area where I need to stop thinking my way & start thinking God's way?"

From My Journal From the First Time of Reading: In everything really. The first thing that came to mind was my work/job/creative projects surrounding it.

It really is EVERY area. It AMAZES me on just how much I try to CONTROL on my own.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! TRUST him & he'll take the lead in EVERY avenue of your life. God Bless!

Day 2: "You Are Not an Accident"

I hope some of you have come back for Day 2 of our discussion on Finding our GOD-given purpose & I hope that there are new readers!

It is REALLY important to read these chapters to get the most out of them, so I will only hit the highlights so you all understand the topic. 

DAY 2: You are not an accident.

Daily Verse: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

Daily Question: "I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?"

Here's what I put in my journal the day of reading: Things I struggle to accept: My inability to keep clean spaces (house, office, car), my struggle with PERFECT button-downed time management, the lack of attention I pay to myself, how long I take to say things that need to be said - after an argument or misunderstanding - PRIDE, scheduling time to do certain, specific things I want to do with my family.

Thoughts after reading the book through:

This chapter discussed how GOD DOESN'T MAKE ACCIDENTS...EVER. It discussed how EVERYTHING in our lives is planned for a purpose. I'm not sure where ya'lls minds take you when you hear this, but I started thinking about several things including:

-Children born to crappy parents.

-Children going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like child abuse.

-Adults going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like the Holocaust.

-Things about myself that are less than stellar. 

-Sickness & Disease. 

-The process of aging...& dying. 

You think about all these things & it throws you because they are horrific. BUT then I KNOW... the devil NEVER wins. So in that mess....where is the purpose? 

I didn't get this from the book (although it mentions it). I was listening to an interview of Mr. Rick Warren by Oprah. When he spoke these words they hit my soul. "There might be illegitimate parents, but there are no illegitimate children. God needed that specific DNA to CREATE you!!" We ALL have a purpose & we ALL have a chance. No matter what our circumstances are GOD will not give us more than we can handle.

That statement takes my thoughts back to a situation like the Holocaust, where SO many people died...horrible deaths. What I HAVE to bring it back to is: WHATEVER is passed this life is FAR, FAR greater than ANY suffering on this earth. THE DEVIL DOES NOT WIN! I truly feel like we are all warriors fighting a constant battle with the devil.

When I was a Marketing Liaison for a skilled nursing facility I ran into people of all kinds. One lady I went to visit comes to mind during this chapter. I'd say she was probably in her 50s. She was VERY weak, but of sound mind. She had nothing. She had been in hospitals so long she had lost her apartment & didn't even know where her belongings were. Her elderly mother was sending her what little money she could, but she hadn't heard from her in weeks. I went to see if we could meet her needs. She had no insurance of any kind, so I had to assess whether or not she met the requirements for Medicaid in a skilled nursing facility. So everyone knows, these requirements consist of: meeting a financial requirement (which she did) & having medical necessity. Medical necessity pretty much means that you NEED the care of a nurse 24-7. Some of the diagnosis or conditions that typically meet this requirement are: Dementia, Alzheimers, had the inability to safely administer your medications & Wounds...especially those requiring a wound vac. You would only meet medical necessity with a wound until it had healed to a point where Medicaid deemed you could care for it yourself or call someone to care for it. To put it plainly...if you were of sound mind, could list your medications, & had the ability to call someone for help you would not qualify. It does not matter that this lady was almost too weak to walk & had to have her stomach pumped every other day b/c the fluid would build up from her liver condition. I had to break the news to her that she would not qualify. She was broken. SO broken. She cried & asked me: "WHY? I need help!" I stood there and told her that I agreed & that I was sorry & that I WISH there was a way for us to accept her, but that I would talk with her case manager about other POTENTIAL options. I assured her though...that as long as she had a breath, she still had purpose. 

A few weeks later, I was back at the same hospital & as I was on my way up to meet another patient a tech had wheeled the same lady into the elevator I was in. They were going to run some tests. She was talking to the tech & having a REALLY joy-filled conversation. She looked back & saw me. She smiled & talked to me about how good EVERYONE at the hospital was treating her & how, of all the hospitals she's been at, this was her favorite. She apologized for getting so upset when I visited her, but that she really appreciated me coming. 

I got back to the parking garage & just sat in my car for a minute...KNOWING that, although it was not exactly clear to me, there was a PURPOSE for that meeting. That woman's LIFE still had EXTREME PURPOSE...even though her physical body was broken. 

God's creation TRANSCENDS the physical. It is of another realm...on a level that we have to WORK to get to. A level that will be REVEALED to us when we can handle it. 

Although there are things that are BROKEN about ALL of us, those broken pieces fit together to make a whole that works seamlessly. So now... (even though some people challenge me at EVERY encounter) I KNOW that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has a a UniQue purpose, tailored by GOD & not one other person will EVER fully understand it. That is why we are supposed to LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY.   

Buck up baby & ride with JESUS!! He walked the walk to lead the way, to show us that there is MORE & that ALL our suffering will not be in vain!! GO. GET. THIS. BOOK. & join in on the discussion. 

Friday Blessings

This passed Friday was FULL of SO MANY BLESSINGS for me. I started making a list about halfway thru the day because SO many things became APPARENT to me.

Friday was me & my husband's 5th wedding anniversary. We've been together a total of 11 years. We LOVE each other so much more than we did even a year ago. I posted a picture on Facebook of us on our wedding day & a picture from our last Christmas card. 5 years later we are more in love & have 2 beautiful little blessings that we LOVE SO MUCH! It made me realize how much my love has grown for my sweet daughter that just celebrated her 4th birthday & how blessed all 3 of us are for having Baby Heath join our family this year & sharing that LOVE with him. Then I realized how many of our family & friends "liked" my picture & share in our lives. Let's just say an OVERWHELMING feeling of LOVE & BLESSINGS came over me. My husband is a real GEM of a Fella & I KNOW that we are so much better together than we ever would have been on our own. So that was my first......awareness of MANY blessings of the day.

On to the next..... Like I've told all of you. I think A LOT.... sometimes too much. We have so many things we want and need & sometimes it just flat boggles my mind. You know? The feeling where you don't know what is right...or that feeling where you aren't sure you are doing what the GOOD LORD wants you to be doing right now, but you aren't really sure what to do OR when to do it OR how to do it. SIGH.... I'm at that place... In fact, I'm in that place in different avenues within my life & let me tell ya... Sometimes you have to just DO SOMETHING & ask the Good Lord to guide you steps, mind your mouth, & give you the energy you need to do his will. I try not to WORRY because we aren't supposed to, BUT it is ENGRAINED in me...somehow! So I go to worrying about my AUCTION CAREER. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I goin' about things the right way? Should I do more? So guess what happens.... I get a Facebook message from a fella that heard me call bids at one of the Volunteer Fire Department Fundraising Auctions I helped Uncle Melvin at & they needed someone in a pinch for an event benefiting the Ronald McDonald House. I made a little money, was able to help them out & raise money for an AWESOME charity, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, God answered my question. You are doing what you need to do & all I need to do is all I can. Blessings will come from it. He KNOWS our intentions better than we do & will open more doors than we even know exist.

I have a friend that is leaving the state in a matter of days now. We have been FRIENDS FOR YEARS, but we have really barely seen each other the last few years. I know.... HOW DARE US! BUT.....there are very few people that have friendships like we do.....very few. I guess with all that happened that day her message just sent me over the top & I felt that feeling....that BLESSED feeling & almost could not contain my tears. I know....nothing to cry about. She's only a phone call away. They were happy tears....VERY HAPPY tears. We have both come into our own on our own, but I think we are both well AWARE that we will ALWAYS have someone in our corner...no matter where we are. I wish my Rissa Roo all the best!

Facebook was workin' hard for me on Friday! A little while later I get a message from one of the first responders that took my Dad to the hospital the last time he went a few years ago. She saw the post about our anniversary on Facebook & wanted to check on Daddy. I told her he is doing good & gave her the latest update & she told me that "she will never forget him & that he was was one of the most entertaining people they have ever had to transport." You know....sometimes your family can drive you CraZy & my Daddy sure has at times, BUT... Me and my Pops have ALWAYS been close. Thru the years we've gotten even closer on a different level & I felt SO blessed that someone else APPRECIATED him like I do & that he was able to make a lasting impression on her. You know....when I was pregnant with my little girl, I was nervous as all get out about the whole birthing process & believe it or not...my Daddy is the one that calmed my nerves & helped me to REALLY give it ALL to God. He sure the heck isn't any kind of SAINT, but he is a BELIEVER & is filled with SO MUCH LOVE for his people it just oozes out of him.

With my new job.....Admissions Director at a skilled nursing facility (It's amazing where the GOOD LORD puts you...) I have seen A LOT of things I never thought I would, understand things I never thought I'd have to & deal with families on a MUCH more personal level than I ever have in the past. Last Friday we found out that the husband of one of our little residents was in the hospital. He had been there EVERY DAY without fail & we hadn't seen him in a few days, so my boss (who cares for all of our residents & families like they are her own) found out where he was & sent me to go visit him. Him and his wife have NO LIVING FAMILY. All they HAD was each other. When I went and visited with him he was SO APPRECIATIVE. All I could think about was how worried we were about him, how thankful we were that he was okay, and how else we could help this little man and his wife. That was ANOTHER JESUS MOMENT. It made me APPRECIATE my life & everyone in it. It made me APPRECIATE the LOVE that this little man & woman have for each other. It made me APPRECIATE my job & the people I work with. It just opened my eyes on so many levels.

On the way to my next patient assessment I gave a little homeless man money & told him I hoped it would help him turn things around. I noticed the car behind me gave him some money & I saw the little homeless man look my way & thought how we never know who we will touch and how it will help someone.

Then, on my way up to see my next patient - I ran into a lady that used to live in my hometown that worked at the hospital (I had no idea.) Her kids were around my age, but we weren't necessarily close. However, in a small town EVERYONE is linked somehow & honestly are closer to each other than some people are with their families. I'm not sure what exactly she was on her way to do, but I know it was something that was not necessarily going to be easy & we shared a talk about hardships, prayers, & God's unknown intentions for us.We have each other a hug & I got back on the same elevator we met in. Talk about knowin' the Good Lord is at work & puttin' his people in places they need to be...

THEN.... to top it ALL off. I got a phone call from someone that eased my worries about something that I have been worrying about since August or so.

Between ALL of these wonderful events, the GLORIOUS needed RAIN we received ALL DAY, & the COUNTRY MUSIC from the 1990s I listened to ALL DAY LONG...I'd say I had one of the most BLESSED days I have had.

AND....if anyone reading this thinks like my philosophy professor did once upon a time and thinks these are all "koinkidinks" you can just BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!

Have a BLESSED day everyone. Each day is a gift.