Day 2: "You Are Not an Accident"

I hope some of you have come back for Day 2 of our discussion on Finding our GOD-given purpose & I hope that there are new readers!

It is REALLY important to read these chapters to get the most out of them, so I will only hit the highlights so you all understand the topic. 

DAY 2: You are not an accident.

Daily Verse: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

Daily Question: "I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?"

Here's what I put in my journal the day of reading: Things I struggle to accept: My inability to keep clean spaces (house, office, car), my struggle with PERFECT button-downed time management, the lack of attention I pay to myself, how long I take to say things that need to be said - after an argument or misunderstanding - PRIDE, scheduling time to do certain, specific things I want to do with my family.

Thoughts after reading the book through:

This chapter discussed how GOD DOESN'T MAKE ACCIDENTS...EVER. It discussed how EVERYTHING in our lives is planned for a purpose. I'm not sure where ya'lls minds take you when you hear this, but I started thinking about several things including:

-Children born to crappy parents.

-Children going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like child abuse.

-Adults going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like the Holocaust.

-Things about myself that are less than stellar. 

-Sickness & Disease. 

-The process of aging...& dying. 

You think about all these things & it throws you because they are horrific. BUT then I KNOW... the devil NEVER wins. So in that mess....where is the purpose? 

I didn't get this from the book (although it mentions it). I was listening to an interview of Mr. Rick Warren by Oprah. When he spoke these words they hit my soul. "There might be illegitimate parents, but there are no illegitimate children. God needed that specific DNA to CREATE you!!" We ALL have a purpose & we ALL have a chance. No matter what our circumstances are GOD will not give us more than we can handle.

That statement takes my thoughts back to a situation like the Holocaust, where SO many people died...horrible deaths. What I HAVE to bring it back to is: WHATEVER is passed this life is FAR, FAR greater than ANY suffering on this earth. THE DEVIL DOES NOT WIN! I truly feel like we are all warriors fighting a constant battle with the devil.

When I was a Marketing Liaison for a skilled nursing facility I ran into people of all kinds. One lady I went to visit comes to mind during this chapter. I'd say she was probably in her 50s. She was VERY weak, but of sound mind. She had nothing. She had been in hospitals so long she had lost her apartment & didn't even know where her belongings were. Her elderly mother was sending her what little money she could, but she hadn't heard from her in weeks. I went to see if we could meet her needs. She had no insurance of any kind, so I had to assess whether or not she met the requirements for Medicaid in a skilled nursing facility. So everyone knows, these requirements consist of: meeting a financial requirement (which she did) & having medical necessity. Medical necessity pretty much means that you NEED the care of a nurse 24-7. Some of the diagnosis or conditions that typically meet this requirement are: Dementia, Alzheimers, had the inability to safely administer your medications & Wounds...especially those requiring a wound vac. You would only meet medical necessity with a wound until it had healed to a point where Medicaid deemed you could care for it yourself or call someone to care for it. To put it plainly...if you were of sound mind, could list your medications, & had the ability to call someone for help you would not qualify. It does not matter that this lady was almost too weak to walk & had to have her stomach pumped every other day b/c the fluid would build up from her liver condition. I had to break the news to her that she would not qualify. She was broken. SO broken. She cried & asked me: "WHY? I need help!" I stood there and told her that I agreed & that I was sorry & that I WISH there was a way for us to accept her, but that I would talk with her case manager about other POTENTIAL options. I assured her though...that as long as she had a breath, she still had purpose. 

A few weeks later, I was back at the same hospital & as I was on my way up to meet another patient a tech had wheeled the same lady into the elevator I was in. They were going to run some tests. She was talking to the tech & having a REALLY joy-filled conversation. She looked back & saw me. She smiled & talked to me about how good EVERYONE at the hospital was treating her & how, of all the hospitals she's been at, this was her favorite. She apologized for getting so upset when I visited her, but that she really appreciated me coming. 

I got back to the parking garage & just sat in my car for a minute...KNOWING that, although it was not exactly clear to me, there was a PURPOSE for that meeting. That woman's LIFE still had EXTREME PURPOSE...even though her physical body was broken. 

God's creation TRANSCENDS the physical. It is of another realm...on a level that we have to WORK to get to. A level that will be REVEALED to us when we can handle it. 

Although there are things that are BROKEN about ALL of us, those broken pieces fit together to make a whole that works seamlessly. So now... (even though some people challenge me at EVERY encounter) I KNOW that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has a a UniQue purpose, tailored by GOD & not one other person will EVER fully understand it. That is why we are supposed to LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY.   

Buck up baby & ride with JESUS!! He walked the walk to lead the way, to show us that there is MORE & that ALL our suffering will not be in vain!! GO. GET. THIS. BOOK. & join in on the discussion. 

Beautiful, Precious, Chaotic Life Journeys

I've had a lot going on these last few weeks.

I decided to quit my job. My last paid day was December 20th. I decided to start my own business & have been doing the leg work I need to - to get everything organized the way I want it, so once I find a building I can just go to work on the next set of things I need to do - to hold my first BIG general consignment auction.

I've been wanting to blog & work through my frustrations, BUT I could not figure out how to get it all out in words. I truly believe now that I wasn't ready to. God was working on my heart & was going to take me through some experiences to strengthen me.

I found out one of my dear sweet uncles (Uncle Fritz) has to have heart surgery in the middle of January. Seeing him working through the whole process brought me back a little to the job that I just recently gave my notice to.

I was a Marketing Liaison for a nursing home & a big part of my job was to follow up on patient referrals we would get from the hospital case management teams. That position did more for me personally & spiritually than it probably did professionally. I spoke with patients & families on a VERY personal level. Some of these patients were needing short term rehab services after a knee or hip replacement; some were at the end of life; some had wounds, or traches, or psychiatric issues; some had family; some still abused drugs; some were homeless; some needed more care than what they could get at home, but didn't qualify for government programs to get the assistance; some had insurance, but based on their insurance companies policies - were being sent back to their next level of care (maybe before they were ready) while others had no insurance OR for one reason or another (behaviors, drug-use, lifestyle choices) would not be accepted to the next level of care, so they got top-notch care at some of Austin's best hospitals.

I have talked with doctors, specialists & nurses that experienced some things I would never EVER want to. One nurse that I worked very closely with used to be an ER nurse in the Dallas/Fort Worth area & she told some stories that ranged from: a young girl (literally being pushed out & dropped off by a man) coming in with abdominal pains (not knowing she was pregnant) in active labor & having to help her mentally work through how her life was fixing to change to a young Spanish couple that did not understand English that had given their baby adult Tylenol for her cold (because that is what they understood from the nurse they spoke with) & having to tell them that their baby was going to die b/c the Tylenol had ruined her liver to a family of 4 having their trailer house catch fire on Christmas Eve & talking to a badly burned mother whose ONLY concern was her mother & 2 children (1 of the children died in the fire).

Let me just say that I (once again) feel like the GOOD LORD is conditioning me in a way beyond my understanding. He has caused me to see things I would have never seen & ask questions I would have never asked, meet people I would never have met, & face the true mortality of our lives (which WAS quite scary to me). I have seen (what I think) is the good & bad of the medical industry & insurance companies. I was interjected into peoples' lives & just had to act in the moment & deal with whatever emotion they were dealing with. I also feel like (more than ever) that the Good Lord has some other purpose for me (again - beyond my understanding). I did not act on it right away - in fear of all the worldly things LIKE: Will we have enough money? How will I be perceived if I'm not working? I'm not sure what will happen, so maybe I should just stay pleasantly uncomfortable for FEAR of the bad that could happen. So....(I think he thought): "I'll teach you a thing or two about life....then you'll move on & do what your supposed to do now."

The experiences, connections, & knowledge I gained in my last position seem more like road maps to me than actual job duties. I journal & the journal that I just finished filling the pages to has Bible passages on each page & I tell you what! It seems like wherever I am in my life - those passages speak straight to the situation.

 "I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." - Proverbs 4:11

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." - Psalm 55:22

"I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." - Isaiah 49:15-16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14

"And he himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

So I've talked a lot about my past job & the things I've learned & the clarity it has given me. I also want to talk a little about my internal struggles with the things that I've experienced & how I felt on Christmas Day.

Whew! Well....when I was working in my last position I had a time trying to process all the new experiences & information I was getting. I can say that we ALL need to RESPECT the nurses that we run into. They are working with people at some of the lowest, most difficult, & frustrating times of their lives & have to deal with people of all sorts. I worked in my position a little less than a year. These people continue to CHOOSE to be a nurse. I truly believe they are called to do it and have the ability to work with people on a VERY personal level. Just had to say that. So now....back to processing the new experiences & information....

I felt like I was becoming a bit of a hypochondriac. True story. When you see people that went in the hospital for a knee replacement & come out brain dead or see a young person stroke out or become diagnosed with a rare disease that totally changes their lives forever....it does something to you. I mean...there were times when I'd look at my eyes & both kiddos eyes to see if their pupils were dialted (signs of potential stroke (& probably a dozen other things)). I'd ask the nurses at work about every little bump, ache, skin irritation I stumbled upon.

Do you guys ever KNOW you are being ridiculous, but it's like you can't stop your thought process? Well...I do. Through prayers & reading & journaling & sharing my CrAzY I learned to TRULY understand a few things.

One of which, is our mortality & how it is completely OUT OF OUR HANDS. I can see my Uncle working through it & have talked with my Aunt & can identify with the struggle he is facing. This is the bottom line of it all & it is HARD to accept. We were put on this Earth to be vessels of God's light. Certain people come into our lives & we enter into others to spread our light, teach us lessons, see glimpses of the right & the wrong ways to act, LOVE EACH OTHER, share our experiences, & leave impressions (Good & Bad). GOD is the ONLY person in control. I know that is hard to believe when you see things like war, childhood cancer, well....all cancer, school shootings, gang violence, the list could go on. ALL we can do is work our entire lives to SHARE GOD'S LIGHT: touch people, leave a positive impression in their lives & learn from the negative ones we encounter. We are not in control of a whole lot & that was HARD for me to wrap my head around....even though I've heard the same thing I'm typing hundreds of times. A person can get mighty wrapped up in trying to control things they aren't meant to control.

I truly believe & have seen how hard work pays off into something much more than what you can imagine in the present. I had naysayers & negativity when my husband & I started dating & it has developed into such a STRONG marriage & BEAUTIFUL family.  I have had hard times & struggles in past jobs snowball into a thought process MUCH bigger than the problems & I truly believe that the HARD WORK we are doing here on Earth is PREPARING us for our ULTIMATE GOAL: Being able to stand openly & honestly in front of our Maker when our time comes & it will be the most glorious meeting - WAY beyond our comprehension.

So....dilated pupils or not, operations gone bad, unfair diagnosis - JUST remember: "And He Himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

We were all sitting around at one of our family Christmas's & my two Uncles tried to give me the gift certificates back that we gave them for Christmas. They wanted us to use it for our family. I told them to take it. It was for them & between the two of them they told us: "Ya'll are a young family getting yourselves situated. We appreciate it, but we don't need it." My comment back was: "Ya'll have done SO MUCH for us & we'll NEVER, EVER be able to repay ya'll - that's just a little something for ya'll." Their response back to me was: "We just love ya'll. We don't care about all that." We finally settled on going to eat with them.

My heart was very FULL when we left. All I can say to you all my friends is PRAY. PRAY for understanding if you don't know what to pray for & open your heart to let it happen. Through prayer I was brought an EXPERIENCE from my AMAZING, CrAzY, sometimes chaotic family that SHOWED me:  LOVE is really ALL that matters & we need to handle ourselves & live our lives in a way to bring GLORY to GOD, which will bring GLORY to your FAMILY & your FRIENDS & all the people you encounter.

In church on Sunday the sermon was about the FAMILY. The priest talked about The Holy Family & then discussed the family unit & how we all need to look at our family as an important cell in the make-up of God's creation & make it as strong as possible. That family is the foundation of our being & how the next generations are taught. Make your family STRONG. Forgive when your family doesn't understand. If you can't help them understand - LOVE them until they figure it out for themselves. FOCUS on your cell & THANK GOD for the blessings in your life everyday. There are SO MANY people out there that don't have family to support them when their figurin' things out....or to even disagree with.

Many, Many Blessings to you & yours! Go on... BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS & let your light SHINE!