Angst from Jesus's Perspective - Luke 22:40-44

Easter....the Easter season has seemed so pivotal and transformational to me for the last several years. I KNOW it was, when Jesus finished the work on the cross, but EVERY Easter season for the last....10 years...approximately, I have found myself examining another layer of the importance of the work Jesus did. 

This year, I found myself pondering the angst Jesus experienced....throughout, but mainly before the crucifixion. From the book of Luke:

I don't know if any of you have felt angst. I have on a couple of occasions. Angst is irrational, but the feelings of worry, confusion, feeling lost, aware that whatever could or is getting ready to happen WILL completely change the trajectory of what you know and....the other side of it is....abrupt and swift and NOTHING in life will ever be how it is in the current state of angst. It is like a deep, dreadful......all-encompassing panicked moment of deep mourning BEFORE the change arrives. 

As I transported myself as an observer into this very situation on the Mount of Olives... I imagine Jesus encouraging the disciples to pray, but almost having that feeling of....they are on their own because I need to get myself right. I believe He still very-much cared for them in that moment, but He needed to also care for Himself in that moment.

I can't imagine, in His flesh, that He totally understood why there was not another way....why He had to endure THE WORST FORM OF HUMAN PUNISHMENT known to man, at that time. I imagine Him being so sick to His stomach & weak with worry & also being concerned about discouraging the disciples, while in His current state. 

He KNEW His flesh was going to die and that He would feel every bit of the dying process....every bit of earthly life leaving His body. He imagined what it would feel like. He imagined the pain. He imagined EVERYTHING that was coming ahead. You know....in our flesh....we imagine things much worse than they wind up happening. 

Somehow, as I pondered from this perspective, I came to realize that: Yes. Jesus was crucified on the cross because He loves us & He wanted to save us & join us to Him. But I believe, His FINAL earthly YES was because of His overwhelming LOVE FOR GOD. He was not obedient to us. He was obedient to God. I believe the angel God sent, eased Jesus's worries. I believe that God intervened when He did because of His love for Jesus and His love for us. I believe that Jesus was able to take that massive step of obedient faith because He knew God loved Him and whatever was on the other side of all. that. pain. WAS BETTER. God gave Him the mission. God gave Him the purpose. God gave Him the willingness. God gave Him the way. God gave Him the strength. AND God delivered on His promise. 

He said the most scary, FAITHFUL, obedient YES to God, in history. 

Sitting with this, really strengthens something in me. I don't know what. For sure, my relationships with The Holy Trinity, but also something else. 

If you have never said a fearful yes, to God's call; I encourage you to do it. That yes that Jesus said, is BY FAR the scariest yes I can imagine. I mean......Jesus KNEW that He would lead others like: Peter, Jude, Paul, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, James, James (son of Zebedee), Bartholomew, Andrew, and so many more, down this painful path - by saying His yes. He said yes to torture, ridicule, pain, mental and emotional strife, betrayal, and He also said YES to LIFE for us all FOREVER. They ALL did. He walked through death, so it would have no hold on us. Whatever we suffer, if we have faith in God, the other side will be better. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! SAY that fearFUL YES!

Rejoice! Lessons from my 2015 focus word...

A friend of mine introduced me, at the end of 2014, to having a focus word for the year. 2014 was the year that I really began to delve into scripture. By God's grace He took care of me, navigated me through the Bible to where I....well I could enjoy it....grasp it. It was a year of big change also & I was kind of trying to bring my JOY back, but at the same time knew that sometimes JOY would not be present. Reading through scripture the word REJOICE stuck out to me. What also stuck out to me, is that a lot of times the word REJOICE would show up in reference to struggle or hardship. Here are some examples:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." 1 Peter 1:6 (This book talks a lot about persecution & suffering & that we should expect  it in our earthly walk.)

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12 (This chapter in Romans starts talking about how mature Christians should try to live. To me it is dying to our fleshy self & carrying our cross where God is calling us, while on earth.)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3 (I am drawn to this book in the Bible. James encourages us to put our faith into action.)

Luke 1:26-38 doesn't use the word REJOICE in it, but I believe that is what Mary did. This passage is about the angel coming to Mary to tell her that she is going to give birth to Jesus. I encourage you to go read it & then put yourself in her shoes. I think "confusion" would be putting it mildly. She had questions & the answers she got, probably didn't make sense to her either. She sat in faith & hope, for what the angel was telling her.

SIDEBAR....JUST FOR A MOMENT: Several of my friends have shared their struGGLE of 2015 & how they are ready for a new year & new opportunity. When I was first reading those messages I thought.... I LOVED 2015. Lots of pretty cool things happened. And then I remembered...there were some REALLY tough things too. Maybe some of the toughest I've faced in at least 10 years....from a....well...just some of the toughest.

So to recap what the year 2015 taught me about the meaning of REJOICE.... (Life & the divine guidance of The Holy Trinity through scripture has shown me this.)

Sometimes it's about small victories. Sometimes it is about hardships that are just the beginning of a journey to a blessing that no one else could give you but God. Sometimes it is being so pissed off at the enemy that all you can do is REJOICE because you KNOW God will win. Yes...even in the midst of death & disease & perversion & terrorists & extremists...God will win. The fact that all God wants us to do is trust Him, love Him, love His people, submit to His will (which is better than ANYTHING we could dream up), & keep seeking Him....keep seeking peace - is reason to REJOICE!

There are people that face situations that make me cringe....make me sad...make me angry....disgust me... How can they rejoice?

Someone...somewhere on this earth has been touched by each and every person God created. We all have purpose. From the point of conception we are affecting someone & we keep affecting people the longer we are here....and more people. Others need what we have. We may not know who they are, what it is, & at times we may not even understand the affect someone has on us & vice versa, but The Holy Spirit is moving & working among us. God does not waste anything....not a thing.

REJOICE is a verb & after a year of meditating on it, I believe, it is a verb powered by our hope & faith. We have to choose to rejoice & we are able to rejoice in any situation & in any circumstance.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! It is not easy, but if you choose to, He will GIVE you MANY, MANY more reasons & fuel for REJOICING!

My focus word for 2016 is RELATIONSHIPS. I want to focus on developing the relationships God has blessed me with. My focus Bible verses will be: "I give you a new commandment: love one another; you must love one another just as I have loved you. It is by your love for one another, that everyone will recognize you as my disciples." - John 13:34-35

Day 36: "Made for a Mission"

Today we begin to learn about the 5th & FINAL purpose Pastor Rick Warren's Book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? discusses. We've learned A LOT so far...right? I mean...I look back on my journal entries, that I've been sharing with you guys, and see how I am thinking WAY differently from what I WAS thinking. Totally shows me MY growth.

I struGGLE finding the right words to drive this home for ya'll. I read the chapter again. I sat on it. I tried to recall some experiences of my own that HELP me to better understand a story Pastor Warren shares with us in this chapter...that is SO moving. I will share that story...it is lengthy & STRAIGHT from the book, but I want as many people to read it as possible....even my readers that may not go and get this book.

When I worked in nursing home sales, I officed with our MDS Coordinator & our Medical Records Coordinator. I became friends with both of these ladies & they have added to my life by sharing their experiences with me & us experiencing some together. One of those experiences was having a resident on our hall that was suffering from Dementia...among other things.

Every person I've encountered, suffers from Dementia differently. You will find some that slowly slide/progress into the disease. There are some that become happier/friendlier as the disease progresses...kind of...pleasantly unaware. Some become anxious or confused or timid...they regress. Then there are some that bitterly & angrily hold on to ALL they can as long as they can.

As I sit here & type this...it just AMAZES me at how we will CONTINUE to TEACH each other...until our final breath...and, by God's will, might be able to go on teaching people even longer.

This resident would scream different, random things all day long....most of the time. Sometimes they would holler for HELP. The 3 of us that shared an office & the other nurses, aids, & staff that were on duty, would take turns checking in with them. When you would go in...you NEVER know where the conversation was going. I can tell you that mine have ranged from conversations about their stuffed animal kitty to real life cats they used to have to our therapy cat to how their house was designed to them being the boss to blood-curdling screams & rants telling you how worthless & ugly you were (cuss words included...all of them). I had conversations with this person that could be about kitty cats one minute & then have them throw me the MOST hateful stare I have EVER gotten.

I share this with you because, you could see glimpses of their personality when you talked to them & I could see how hard they was clinging to whatever it was they still had. You could tell by the conversations what made them the happiest in their life, what made them feel the most secure, and ALL the insecurities they had throughout their life. It can show us what the things are we hang on to the longest.

Well...Now I will SHARE Pastor Warren's story with you. It is called "One More For Jesus"
"My father was a minister for over fifty years, serving mostly in small, rural churches. He was a simple preacher, but he was a man with a mission. His favorite activity was taking teams of volunteers overseas to build church buildings for small congregations. In his lifetime, Dad built over 150 churches around the world. In 1999, my father died of cancer. In the final week of his life the disease kept him awake in a semi-conscious state nearly twenty-four hours a day. As he dreamed, he would talk out loud about what he was dreaming. Sitting by his bedside, I learned a lot about my dad by just listening to his dreams. he relived one church building project after another. One night near the end, while my wife, my niece, and I were by his side, Dad suddenly became very active and tried to get out of bed. Of course, he was too weak, and my wife insisted he lay back down. But he persisted in trying to get out of bed, so my wife finally asked, 'Jimmy, what are you trying to do?' He replied, 'Got to save one more for Jesus! Got to save one more for Jesus! Got to save one more for Jesus!' As I sat by his bed with tears flowing down my cheeks, I bowed my head to thank God for my dad's faith. At that moment Dad reached out and placed his frail hand on my head and said, as if commissioning me, 'Save one more for Jesus! Save one more for Jesus!' I intend for that to be the theme of the rest of my life. I invite you to consider it as a focus for your life, too, because nothing will make a greater difference for eternity. If you want to be used by God, you must care about what God cares about; what he cares about most is the redemption of the people he made. He wants his lost children found! Nothing matters more to God; the Cross proves that. I pray that you will always be on the lookout to reach 'one more for Jesus' so that when you stand before God one day, you can say, 'Mission accomplished!'"

His father's life was given COMPLETELY to "bringing people to Jesus." Me reflecting on these two stories SHOWS me the importance of getting ourselves to Jesus first. WE have got to get there to bring other people to him. Not only that, but we have to get there while we can.

Another thing that STICKS OUT to me is : "one more." Probably the best SALES advice I EVER got were by two different gentleman. One is someone I knew ALL my life. I was selling raffle tickets as a little girl & I was afraid to ask people to buy them & this man said: "There's no need to be afraid. All they can do is tell you no. Then you can just go on to the next person. There is always 'one more' who will." The other was by a gentleman that was a regular at a restaurant I used to work at. He had retired from a career in sales & I believe I was just starting my first REAL job in sales. We were talking about cold-calling & he said: "When you've had a long day...even a bad day...& you didn't set very many appointments...BEFORE you wrap it up for the day...make 'one more' call."

Something that has just come to me.... Like I've told you before...MY VERSE right now is Mark 12:30. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart & with all your soul & with all your mind & with all your strength." It's a process. It takes work to REALLY love with ALL of anything. As I sit here typing out my reflections & take-aways from past experiences, I recognize that the FIRST STEP is to love God with ALL your heart. Once you do that...it will BECOME part of your SOUL. I believe our LONGEST & TOUGHEST battle will be to love with ALL our mind....it's no easy task to rid your mind of the bad & negativity in our world & our reactions to it.... & THEN...one day...when it seems like we have no STRENGTH left...we will MUSTER up ALL WE'VE GOT to give it all to Him.

What I've shared today doesn't even begin to tell you EVERYTHING this chapter holds. Here are some other important lines from the chapter:

"God wants you to have both a ministry in the Body of Christ and a mission in the world. Your ministry is your service to believers, and your mission is your service to unbelievers."

"Being a Christian includes being sent into the world as a representative of Jesus Christ."

"In the Great Commission Jesus said, 'Go to the people of all nations and make them my disciples. Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to do everything I have told you.' This commission was given to every follower of Jesus, not to pastors and missionaries alone. This is your commission from Jesus, and it is not optional. These words of Jesus are not the Great Suggestion. If you are a part of God's family, your mission is mandatory. To ignore it would be disobedience."

"You are the only Christian some people will ever know, and your mission is to share Jesus with them."

"There are people on this planet whom only you will be able to reach,  because of where you live and what God has made you to be."

"What we do know for sure is this: Jesus will not return until everyone God wants to hear the Good News has heard it. Jesus said, 'The Good News about God's kingdom will be preached in all the world, to every nation. Then the end will come.'"

"You hand God a blank sheet with your name signed at the bottom and tell him to fill in the details."

"Jesus has promised, '[God] will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.'"

Here's the Daily Stuff:

"Point to Ponder: I was made for a mission."

Daily Bible Verse: "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19 (NIV)

Daily Question: "What fears have kept me from fulfilling the mission God made me to accomplish? What keeps me from telling others the Good News?"

From My Journal: I feel like I am moving forward with His mission. Sometimes I think the things that stop me are: finding the right time, place, and/or way to do it, sometimes peoples perception, timing, over thinking it, inconvenience, fear of being judged, method and timing of delivery for the message, projected acceptance of the message, being overwhelmed by it.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Go get you that "one more" until you can't "one more" anymore.

Day 16: "What Matters Most"

Welcome Readers!! Today is Day 16 of our journey through The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

"Point to Ponder: Life is all about love."

Daily Bible Verse: "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Galatians 5:14 (NIV)

Daily Question: "Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?

From My Journal: Right now - it seems like my first priority is my relationship with God & I feel the tug in many of my other relationships. I think it is, yes. I have other priorities also, which seem important, but I brought the priority of even my business - back to God, to focus on our relationship within it. I had a friend/old co-worker pass away yesterday. Totally humble, Nice, Nice guy. His name is Ryan Wachel & he was my age. He REALLY knew how to love and appreciate the relationships he had. We really need to be as present as possible in our relationships. The time is NOW to mend, to love, to strengthen.

I LOVE HARD. I put SO much of myself into it. I used to think that I tend to put feelings and concerns and what is best for others before my own. Now I know...that what I really wanted was to fix things or mend things, but mend them the way I wanted them mended & maybe not what is best overall.

I have had to come to the realization that I can't always FIX whatever might be broken. Sometimes I have to go as far as what is healthy for ME. I have to be TOTALLY HONEST...even if it hurts another person to hear it. If I don't I could potentially RISK others getting hurt along the way & other relationships being ruined.  I can't MAKE someone think a certain way. I can't MAKE another person see what I see & I can't MAKE another person be open to listening & understanding. Truly open...

So what do you do when you love somebody & you want to help them with whatever is hurting them, but what you say &/or do is not resonating with them? You love them through it. If it is toxic to you...you love them from a distance...BUT you love them. You pray for them. You make yourself available when they openly & HONESTLY want it. You can't force it & your role may just be to plant a seed that someone else helps water. One of the HARDEST things for me to come to terms with is that I DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to keep a group of people together or make right wrongs that I did not commit. Fellowship of groups of people do not dissolve because of one person. One person can cause the hurt, but if the others are not willing to come to a resolution with their problems & just sweep them under the rug, they did nothing to contribute to mending the relationship.

God has taught me something...well lots of things. LOVE is not cookie-cutter. Nothing about us is really cookie-cutter...society has made us think that it is...but it's not. Just because I want to love somebody a certain way does not mean it is HOW I am called to love them. If I force it...it won't work.

This chapter discusses how IMPORTANT relationships are. We are called to love everyone like we love ourselves. Tough thing to do... REMEMBER...there are all kinds of ways to love. Make sure, however you're doing it, it is coming from a good place...a GOD place.

We have to be in REGULAR fellowship with others to learn what love is....all the different kinds of love. As much discontentment, anger, & other evil things that may be wound up in a relationship....there is more love. Maybe not more love between you & that person...but more love SOMEWHERE to mend whatever ails.

One of my favorite lines in this chapter: "Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth." When you are dead and gone & your money squandered, what you did for people sits in their hearts LONG past your time here on earth. The LOVE my Grandma had for me still sits with me & I can SHARE it with my husband & my children & my friends & their children. LOVE LIVES ON. LOVE is more. Love multiplies. LOVE CONQUERS!

The hurt you put on someone can sit there too, if they don't get some LOVE on it.

This chapter also puts a lot of focus on TIME. When someone gives you their time...they are giving someone part of their life. We only have a limited amount of TIME here. LOVE gets stronger the more time you spend with it. I have friends that I want to spend more time with. I have some I try to spend more time with, but it's not yet (and may never be) a priority for them. I have some that I KNOW I need to make more of a priority & I am situating myself to where I know I can offer that. My husband and I are situating ourselves, so our children can offer that to others. Relationships are a two-way street & (like I said before) you can't MAKE somebody do something they aren't willing to do. BUT you can be honest & humble & tell them what you need.

Here is how this chapter ends: "Knowing that one day you will stand before God, here are some questions you need to consider: How will you explain those times when projects or things were more important to you than people? Who do you need to start spending more time with? What do you need to cut out of your schedule to make that possible? What sacrifices do you need to make?"

Buck Up Baby & RIDE WITH JESUS!! Spread your LOVE. Start LOVING!!

Day 10: "A Heart of Worship"

Welcome back readers & WELCOME to new readers!! Today is DAY 10 on our journey through the book: A Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

I am in COMPLETE AWE of how God works in our lives. The WORK of SURRENDER I did this morning was work that I thought I already did. It was DEEP rooted. DEEP. As I've been writing these blog posts...I tend to look forward to the next day and what the topic will be & I didn't yesterday.

Let me tell you somethin'! If you ASK the Good Lord to ENTER into your life...If you ASK Him to SHINE LIGHT on situations... If you ASK him to BLESS you...HE WILL DO IT....and you better be ready. I can't really explain it. Let me just tell you that he is REVEALING MORE to me the second time around with this book, than he did the first time. He is not only telling me now....He is MOVING me. He is MAKING me move. I mean it when I say this book is LIFE-CHANGING.

The first line in this chapter: "The heart of worship is surrender." Most of us look at a word like surrender as weakness. I feel like society as a whole goes through a kabillions (prob not a word) of BAND-AIDS to cover up the hurt and the weaknesses that we DON'T WANT TO SURRENDER. I am telling you now...there is SOMETHING (& maybe several things) you have to SURRENDER to God to get closer to Him & break the devil's hold on your life...AND that something or THINGS you probably don't want to touch, or think about, or don't want to let back in. You WANT to sweep them under the rug. ASK GOD to clean you out & take the devil's hold off of you. He will do it in a loving way & he will place the right people in you life to HELP you do it. Be prepared for potential exhaustion. Be prepared for a LIFT in SPIRIT.

He spoke a stripped down, raw & honest TRUTH to me last night & this morning he took the BURDEN I had been carrying (that I thought I had released) from me. Just like that. He just took the devil's hold & BROKE it. BROKE IT! It is GONE. He revealed a hold on me I didn't KNOW was there, made me aware, made me affirm it, & has blessed me.

As you go through this chapter & you learn about Paul & you read the words he preached to people & how he URGED them to surrender, The Spirit will start to stir. He didn't go into great detail. He just asks us to do it. The first time I read this book I didn't "GET IT." I am intrigued by Paul. I got the importance. I got the NEED to do it, but I didn't understand it at the level I NEEDED to understand it. Paul experienced God's GRACE & SUPREME VISION regularly, BUT you can't really EXPLAIN that to people in a way they will understand. What I "GET" now is: You have to have FAITH. If you have faith...INVITE GOD IN. If you invite God in he will SHOW you. He will HELP you SURRENDER & then he will cause you to continually SURRENDER. Doing work on you gives GLORY to God & SAVES you.

Warren writes: "There are three barriers that block our total surrender to God: fear, pride, and confusion."

5 areas to FOCUS on today:

1) "Can I trust God?" Pastor Warren sums this up: "You won't surrender to God unless you trust him, but you can't trust him until you know him better....The more you realize how much God loves you the easier surrender becomes." I had a conversation with someone once about how to find Jesus in some of the REALLY difficult moments: a painful disease, a rape, a beating. How do people find TRUST in God in experiences like that? We are all born with The Spirit inside us. EVEN IF YOU ARE MAD AT GOD...ASK Him to show you where he was & He will. He WILL NOT give us ANYTHING we can't handle & his PLAN for you transcends that pain.

2) "Admitting our limitations." "We don't want to admit that we're just creatures and not in charge of everything...That desire - to have complete control - is the cause of so much stress in our lives." Well put Pastor Rick! Yeah...I was wound up in all of that like a lot of others...still am in some areas. I believe now....that he wants to take care of the HARD & icky stuff. RELEASE it to him. Don't get me wrong. We have to DO WORK, but we don't need to CREATE unnecessary work.

3) "What it means to surrender." This one gets deep. EVERYONE needs to read it. I'll try and keep it short. Pastor Rick's words: "Surrendering to God is not passive resignation, fatalism, or an excuse for laziness. It is not accepting the status quo. It may mean the exact opposite: sacrificing your life or suffering in order to change what needs to be changed. God often calls surrendered people to do battle on his behalf. Surrendering is not for cowards or doormats." AMEN! It ain't easy folks & it ain't for sissies & you will NEED God's GRACE to keep you moving. The Bible says, "Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him." I KNOW I've begun this process. There is work I have to do & he is STRIPPING my EGO away from it. It is NOT ABOUT ME. It is about doing HIS work.

One more thing from the book that spoke to me was when Pastor Warren discussed the most difficult area of surrender, which is this thought: "'I want to live for God but I also want to earn enough money to live comfortably and retire someday.'" If you are SURRENDERING...NOTHING competes with God. This was TOUGH for me, but I have AMAZING FAITH that He will PROVIDE everything I need & WHEN we need it & I know that all of our solutions are right in front of us...it's just like putting a puzzle together.

4) "The blessing of surrender." Here is what you will experience: PEACE...(Don't we all want some peace.) Then...FREEDOM. He's talkin' freedom from the binding ties the devil & his army uses. Lastly, "you experience God's power in your life." & yes you do. "Surrendered people are the one's God uses." Examples would be: Mother Mary, Paul, Joseph, Noah, Joshua....

5) "The best way to live." How we live, what we do, what we allow, how we react...is ALL our responsibility. We have to OWN that & stop BLAMING everyone else. In this section we are URGED to give it ALL to The Holy Trinity. We have to PRACTICE this because we will have to continually surrender & sometimes it will be easier than others. Paul said: "I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infused inner strength into me, that is, I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency." 

Today's "Point to Ponder: The heart of worship is surrender."

Daily Verse: "Surrender yoru whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes. " Romans 6:13B (TEV)

Daily Question: "What area of my life am I holding back from God?"

From my journal: I'm trying to control it and fix it and fix people and fix myself and get better and do better and make more money. I will give it all to him and even talk to Kyle (my husband) about it too. I know this will be hard and will have to be done over and over again, but I will!

Buck Up Baby & RIDE with Jesus! Nope...won't be easy, BUT will be worth it! God Bless!!

Day 9: "What Makes God Smile?"

Welcome returning & new readers. We are on Day 9 as we continue our journey through the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren .

Day 9: "What makes God smile?"

"Point to Ponder: God smiles when I trust him."

Daily Verse: "The Lord is pleased with those who worship him and trust his love." Psalm 147:11 (CEV)

Daily Question: "Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him the most?"

What I wrote in my journal after reading the first time around: Relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances. He will guide me in ways to console, love, and forgive and will condition the hearts of those in just the right way needed.

Building/Having a place to live. He will provide & shine light on everything necessary to make that happen.

This is a DEEP chapter & the person from the Bible that Pastor Warren chose to EXPLAIN this chapter is NOAH.

From the first page of this chapter: "In Noah's day, the entire world had become morally bankrupt. Everyone lived for their own pleasure, not God's. God couldn't find anyone on earth interested in pleasing him, so he was grieved and regretted making man. God became so disgusted with the human race that he considered wiping it out. But there was one man who made God smile. The bible says, 'Noah was a pleasure to the Lord.'"

From Noah's experience we ALL can learn 5 ACTS OF WORSHIP:

1) "God smiles when we love him supremely."Noah loved God more than ANYTHING else in the world. He wants a relationship with us & that kind!! I am by no means an expert at the Bible, but as I try to LEARN & wrap my head around the word It seems to me that He sent his son, the way he sent him for a VERY precise reason. Jesus walked the walk. He did the tough things. He was ridiculed, beat, cursed, shunned, or questioned his ENTIRE life here on earth...BUT the LIGHT of GOD & the LIGHT in their followers urged him onward. Even as I work through my emotions from day to day I REALize how there are SO many different KINDS of ANGER....of HAPPINESS...of LOSS...of STRUGGLE...of PAIN...of TRUST...of LOVE... I really believe that Jesus experienced ALL of it & sits at the right hand of the Father to HELP him understand our sin here on earth. Jesus was FAITHFUL & God FULLY understands the INTENSE strugGLE we all face & Jesus said to him on that cross: "Forgive them Father. They know not what they do." Luke 23:34 (KJV) & God TRUSTED him & in his FINAL dying breath...SAVED AN ENTIRE WORLD FULL OF SINNERS. That to me...is PROOF that he WANTS a relationship with us & that he loves us & he will TRUST us, if we talk to him.


2)"God smiles when you trust him completely." Noah trusted God when it didn't make sense. The book discusses the 3 main issues Noah faced:

1. "Noah had never seen rain, because prior to the Flood, God irrigated the earth from the ground up."
2. He lived in the middle of dry land hundreds of miles from ANY large body of water.
3. He had to figure out how to round up ALL the animals.

BUT...he did it...without a complaint.

3) "God smiles when we obey him wholeheartedly." Boy...do I have to work on this one & is he ever lettin' me know it! Noah followed ever single direction God gave him...down to the last detail...without question. The book says: "That means doing whatever God asks without reservation or hesitation." THIS IS HARD. HARD...I TELL YOU! This means...not taking the time to pray about it...not working it through in your head...not figuring out the right time....SIGH...INSTANTLY acting... Pastor Warren also says: "Instant obedience will teach you more about God than a lifetime of Bible discussions."

4) "God smiles when we praise and thank him continually." Noah praised God before, during, and after his journey on the Ark. I praise God CONTINUALLY in private, BUT now I am working on CONTINUALLY praising him in PUBLIC.

5) "God smiles when we use our abilities." This part of the book is SUCH a good description of this act of worship! Once Noah completed his journey God said: "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth...Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Genesis 9:1-3  He wanted them to LIVE. There is not a thing on earth that we can not give to him in worship....washing dishes, caring for livestock, cooking dinner, painting with our children, building a business, selling a product or service, singing a song, enjoying the view......the list could go on for the rest of our lives.

Whew! It's A LOT to take in & I have LOTS of work to do!! Buck UP Baby and Ride with Jesus! He will URGE you to ride in the rain & the hail & the EXTREME wind & ASK you to PERSEVERE through it all & TRUST that he is taking you to a MUCH greener pasture. IT IS NOT EASY, BUT DON'T BE A SISSY!!

Day 5: "Seeing Life From God's View"

Welcome! Welcome!! For everyone that is a NEW reader...we are going through a book I recently finished reading. It is a chapter-a-day book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

I am inviting others to join in on the discussion. You can comment here OR on my Facebook Page. I am going back through each chapter to discuss it & share how I've started applying it to my daily life, the struggles I have/had with the discussion, & so on.

Today is Day 5!

 Day 5: "Seeing Life From God's View."

"Point to Ponder: Life is a test & a trust."

Daily Bible Verse: "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." Luke 16:10A (NLT)

Daily Question: "What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?"

From My Journal the Day of Reading:

Recent Happenings That Were a Test: My past work experiences, situations & disagreements with certain family members, less than ideal business transactions

The Greatest Matters Entrusted to Me: Sharing my spiritual journey, human nature - learning & understanding it, the exchange of goods & services, using personal connections to shine light to each other.

I can say...when you START thinking like this (How God views our lives) ALL the B.S. starts fallin' by the way side. There is plenty of drama that you can get caught up in...other peoples' drama, your drama, the drama you crEatE with your mind, the drama others create with their mind.....that literally... DOES NOT MATTER.

When you realize & AFFIRM that our time on earth is limited; you start making your actions matter more & you start focusing  on yourself & your family versus everyone else's opinion. You focus on your mission (if you know what that is.) If you're not sure what that is take a look at your gifts. They are sure enough clues.

I KNOW that I am supposed to BLESS people through auctions. I can't tell you EXACTLY how I'm supposed to do that...and I don't think there is an exact way... Since I have gone FULL-time at it I KNOW that I have created an atmosphere or setting to help estranged family members start mending their relationships. I've seen severed friendships MEND. I have created an environment where complete strangers are helping other complete strangers ALL because they have LOVE for one of the people involved OR they have gone through something similar. I have GENERATED IDEAS of how larger entities can help smaller entities & EXHIBITED how. I have SEEN a cancer patient become FILLED with SO MUCH LOVE for the people that came out to SUPPORT her...ENOUGH to take with her on the LONG journey ahead of her. I have witnessed people most would have forgotten about, find PURPOSE that they didn't KNOW they had. I have been a key player in generating LARGE sums of $$$ (a little from everyone with a little) - to really HELP someone in need. I have seen families of tragedies HELP other families of tragedies. I have seen causes with a small intent BALLOON out to WAY more than what they expected. I have seen families & communities RALLY around others that are down. I have made life-long friends out of COMPLETE strangers. I have been URGED forward by people of ALL kinds. I have made CONNECTIONS with other GIFTED & BLESSED people that I will be able to work with.

I also KNOW now that ALL the difficulties I have faced, have gotten me to where I am now. ALL the false perception, all the INTENSE feelings, the words from ALL the critics, all the disagreements.....EVERYTHING are tools to put in my tool bag for MY journey....BECAUSE there will be a time when it will REALLY matter & God is equipping me with the tools to OVERCOME it.

I second guess myself quite often, & in all different areas of my life. There is a sentence from this chapter that GROUNDS me, when my thoughts start whirlin' around: "Our time on earth and our energy, intelligence, opportunities, relationships, and resources are all gifts from God that he has entrusted to our care and management." -Rick Warren

So...when I start thinking about how I should maybe do something like this wife, or this mom, or this business owner, or this sister, or sister-in-law, or friend....I check myself. GOD TRUSTS ME with ALL the gifts, people, relationships, experiences, opportunities, THOUGHTS....EVERYTHING. He doesn't give the same ones to everyone. Everyone does not see what I see or understand what I understand. THEY ARE ENTRUSTED TO ME. On that note...once you wrap your head around this thought....you MOVE faster on the things you KNOW you have to move on.

I can tell you what I still struggle with is: OTHER people trying to get in OUR business. Say some prayers for me, because I don't KNOW the right or wrong way to handle that one. I've just been bringing it back to FOCUSING on MY actions & what I have to do to PROTECT my family & my mission & my blessings. We can't control others...it's not our gig.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! Join in on the discussion. God Bless!!

Thank You

This has been SUCH a beautiful week. I felt like sharing some of ALL the wonderful things that have happened, but I couldn't quite figure out how, SO.......I decided to write a BIG ole' THANK YOU note to GOD.

Here's a list of some of the WONDERFUL things that happened for me this week:

-I got out of the MUDDY waters...only by God's GRACE. (I'm sure I'll discuss this in probably 10 blog posts :))

-I learned a way to settle my WoRRy & study God's word. (Study bible verses & recite memorized ones - when I feel the woRrY coming on.)

-I got confirmation on 2 UPCOMING fundraising auctions, that I really wanted to do. (These are a big deal for me, for LOTS of reasons.)

-I TRULY forgave a friend.

-I started exercising & taking care of myself AND along with it, was able to APPRECIATE God's beauty in LITERALLY everything.

-I was re-affirmed about a NEW venture & journey.

-My sweet niece Baby Ida Estelle was brought into this world & she is PERFECT. (Fun Fact: She was born 2 days after our Grandma's birthday ---which she was named after.)

Me, Kylee, & Sweet Baby Ida

-I am MOVING FORWARD with two CREATive projects I've been sitting on/intimidated by/afraid of....whatever you wanna call it.

-I am IMPROVING in the areas of time management, being present, trusting myself, loving myself, & forgiving....and KNOW that its OKAY to have to start that process over DAILY.

-My Uncle came home from his surgery & progress & healing are in his future.

-People are seeing the value in my God-given gifts.

-Kylee is warming up to this whole t-ball thing :).

-I am moving forward.

-I had a FRIEND pass away early this week. He worked at Suddenlink with me in College Station & I worked with him via phone & computer when I moved down south. He went on one of our INFAMOUS Frio River trips & I have to say that I was shocked & saddened when I heard of his passing, BUT....

Ryan, Myself, & Jenny at the river. 

Ryan was GOOD PEOPLE. I mean REALLY Good People. He was a GOOD friend. He was a HARD -WORKER: dedicated, dependable, skilled, loyal, friendly, respectful, patient.... He was entertaining. He looked at things objectively. He saw the GOOD in people & the GOOD in situations. He could DEFUSE stressful situations. (I saw it first hand.) AND....while I am sad about his passing & that I didn't talk to him MORE when I saw him a few weeks ago....I AM THANKFUL that I knew him. I am THANKFUL knowing that he is a GOOD SOUL. I am THANKFUL that I was caused to REFLECT on some of the VERY IMPORTANT relationships in my life.  I am THANKFUL that he is the kind of person that is WELCOMED into God's kingdom, and I am THANKFUL that everyone that knew him (& even those that didn't) have another ANGEL to guide us on our journeys & walk the halls of Heaven. Whew....

Thank YOU God for BLESSING us WAY beyond what we deserve. BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! LOVE YOUR PEOPLE. God only leaves them here for a little while.

Beautiful, Precious, Chaotic Life Journeys

I've had a lot going on these last few weeks.

I decided to quit my job. My last paid day was December 20th. I decided to start my own business & have been doing the leg work I need to - to get everything organized the way I want it, so once I find a building I can just go to work on the next set of things I need to do - to hold my first BIG general consignment auction.

I've been wanting to blog & work through my frustrations, BUT I could not figure out how to get it all out in words. I truly believe now that I wasn't ready to. God was working on my heart & was going to take me through some experiences to strengthen me.

I found out one of my dear sweet uncles (Uncle Fritz) has to have heart surgery in the middle of January. Seeing him working through the whole process brought me back a little to the job that I just recently gave my notice to.

I was a Marketing Liaison for a nursing home & a big part of my job was to follow up on patient referrals we would get from the hospital case management teams. That position did more for me personally & spiritually than it probably did professionally. I spoke with patients & families on a VERY personal level. Some of these patients were needing short term rehab services after a knee or hip replacement; some were at the end of life; some had wounds, or traches, or psychiatric issues; some had family; some still abused drugs; some were homeless; some needed more care than what they could get at home, but didn't qualify for government programs to get the assistance; some had insurance, but based on their insurance companies policies - were being sent back to their next level of care (maybe before they were ready) while others had no insurance OR for one reason or another (behaviors, drug-use, lifestyle choices) would not be accepted to the next level of care, so they got top-notch care at some of Austin's best hospitals.

I have talked with doctors, specialists & nurses that experienced some things I would never EVER want to. One nurse that I worked very closely with used to be an ER nurse in the Dallas/Fort Worth area & she told some stories that ranged from: a young girl (literally being pushed out & dropped off by a man) coming in with abdominal pains (not knowing she was pregnant) in active labor & having to help her mentally work through how her life was fixing to change to a young Spanish couple that did not understand English that had given their baby adult Tylenol for her cold (because that is what they understood from the nurse they spoke with) & having to tell them that their baby was going to die b/c the Tylenol had ruined her liver to a family of 4 having their trailer house catch fire on Christmas Eve & talking to a badly burned mother whose ONLY concern was her mother & 2 children (1 of the children died in the fire).

Let me just say that I (once again) feel like the GOOD LORD is conditioning me in a way beyond my understanding. He has caused me to see things I would have never seen & ask questions I would have never asked, meet people I would never have met, & face the true mortality of our lives (which WAS quite scary to me). I have seen (what I think) is the good & bad of the medical industry & insurance companies. I was interjected into peoples' lives & just had to act in the moment & deal with whatever emotion they were dealing with. I also feel like (more than ever) that the Good Lord has some other purpose for me (again - beyond my understanding). I did not act on it right away - in fear of all the worldly things LIKE: Will we have enough money? How will I be perceived if I'm not working? I'm not sure what will happen, so maybe I should just stay pleasantly uncomfortable for FEAR of the bad that could happen. So....(I think he thought): "I'll teach you a thing or two about life....then you'll move on & do what your supposed to do now."

The experiences, connections, & knowledge I gained in my last position seem more like road maps to me than actual job duties. I journal & the journal that I just finished filling the pages to has Bible passages on each page & I tell you what! It seems like wherever I am in my life - those passages speak straight to the situation.

 "I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." - Proverbs 4:11

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." - Psalm 55:22

"I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." - Isaiah 49:15-16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14

"And he himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

So I've talked a lot about my past job & the things I've learned & the clarity it has given me. I also want to talk a little about my internal struggles with the things that I've experienced & how I felt on Christmas Day.

Whew! Well....when I was working in my last position I had a time trying to process all the new experiences & information I was getting. I can say that we ALL need to RESPECT the nurses that we run into. They are working with people at some of the lowest, most difficult, & frustrating times of their lives & have to deal with people of all sorts. I worked in my position a little less than a year. These people continue to CHOOSE to be a nurse. I truly believe they are called to do it and have the ability to work with people on a VERY personal level. Just had to say that. So now....back to processing the new experiences & information....

I felt like I was becoming a bit of a hypochondriac. True story. When you see people that went in the hospital for a knee replacement & come out brain dead or see a young person stroke out or become diagnosed with a rare disease that totally changes their lives forever....it does something to you. I mean...there were times when I'd look at my eyes & both kiddos eyes to see if their pupils were dialted (signs of potential stroke (& probably a dozen other things)). I'd ask the nurses at work about every little bump, ache, skin irritation I stumbled upon.

Do you guys ever KNOW you are being ridiculous, but it's like you can't stop your thought process? Well...I do. Through prayers & reading & journaling & sharing my CrAzY I learned to TRULY understand a few things.

One of which, is our mortality & how it is completely OUT OF OUR HANDS. I can see my Uncle working through it & have talked with my Aunt & can identify with the struggle he is facing. This is the bottom line of it all & it is HARD to accept. We were put on this Earth to be vessels of God's light. Certain people come into our lives & we enter into others to spread our light, teach us lessons, see glimpses of the right & the wrong ways to act, LOVE EACH OTHER, share our experiences, & leave impressions (Good & Bad). GOD is the ONLY person in control. I know that is hard to believe when you see things like war, childhood cancer, well....all cancer, school shootings, gang violence, the list could go on. ALL we can do is work our entire lives to SHARE GOD'S LIGHT: touch people, leave a positive impression in their lives & learn from the negative ones we encounter. We are not in control of a whole lot & that was HARD for me to wrap my head around....even though I've heard the same thing I'm typing hundreds of times. A person can get mighty wrapped up in trying to control things they aren't meant to control.

I truly believe & have seen how hard work pays off into something much more than what you can imagine in the present. I had naysayers & negativity when my husband & I started dating & it has developed into such a STRONG marriage & BEAUTIFUL family.  I have had hard times & struggles in past jobs snowball into a thought process MUCH bigger than the problems & I truly believe that the HARD WORK we are doing here on Earth is PREPARING us for our ULTIMATE GOAL: Being able to stand openly & honestly in front of our Maker when our time comes & it will be the most glorious meeting - WAY beyond our comprehension.

So....dilated pupils or not, operations gone bad, unfair diagnosis - JUST remember: "And He Himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

We were all sitting around at one of our family Christmas's & my two Uncles tried to give me the gift certificates back that we gave them for Christmas. They wanted us to use it for our family. I told them to take it. It was for them & between the two of them they told us: "Ya'll are a young family getting yourselves situated. We appreciate it, but we don't need it." My comment back was: "Ya'll have done SO MUCH for us & we'll NEVER, EVER be able to repay ya'll - that's just a little something for ya'll." Their response back to me was: "We just love ya'll. We don't care about all that." We finally settled on going to eat with them.

My heart was very FULL when we left. All I can say to you all my friends is PRAY. PRAY for understanding if you don't know what to pray for & open your heart to let it happen. Through prayer I was brought an EXPERIENCE from my AMAZING, CrAzY, sometimes chaotic family that SHOWED me:  LOVE is really ALL that matters & we need to handle ourselves & live our lives in a way to bring GLORY to GOD, which will bring GLORY to your FAMILY & your FRIENDS & all the people you encounter.

In church on Sunday the sermon was about the FAMILY. The priest talked about The Holy Family & then discussed the family unit & how we all need to look at our family as an important cell in the make-up of God's creation & make it as strong as possible. That family is the foundation of our being & how the next generations are taught. Make your family STRONG. Forgive when your family doesn't understand. If you can't help them understand - LOVE them until they figure it out for themselves. FOCUS on your cell & THANK GOD for the blessings in your life everyday. There are SO MANY people out there that don't have family to support them when their figurin' things out....or to even disagree with.

Many, Many Blessings to you & yours! Go on... BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS & let your light SHINE!