Rejoice! Lessons from my 2015 focus word...

A friend of mine introduced me, at the end of 2014, to having a focus word for the year. 2014 was the year that I really began to delve into scripture. By God's grace He took care of me, navigated me through the Bible to where I....well I could enjoy it....grasp it. It was a year of big change also & I was kind of trying to bring my JOY back, but at the same time knew that sometimes JOY would not be present. Reading through scripture the word REJOICE stuck out to me. What also stuck out to me, is that a lot of times the word REJOICE would show up in reference to struggle or hardship. Here are some examples:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." 1 Peter 1:6 (This book talks a lot about persecution & suffering & that we should expect  it in our earthly walk.)

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12 (This chapter in Romans starts talking about how mature Christians should try to live. To me it is dying to our fleshy self & carrying our cross where God is calling us, while on earth.)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3 (I am drawn to this book in the Bible. James encourages us to put our faith into action.)

Luke 1:26-38 doesn't use the word REJOICE in it, but I believe that is what Mary did. This passage is about the angel coming to Mary to tell her that she is going to give birth to Jesus. I encourage you to go read it & then put yourself in her shoes. I think "confusion" would be putting it mildly. She had questions & the answers she got, probably didn't make sense to her either. She sat in faith & hope, for what the angel was telling her.

SIDEBAR....JUST FOR A MOMENT: Several of my friends have shared their struGGLE of 2015 & how they are ready for a new year & new opportunity. When I was first reading those messages I thought.... I LOVED 2015. Lots of pretty cool things happened. And then I remembered...there were some REALLY tough things too. Maybe some of the toughest I've faced in at least 10 years....from a....well...just some of the toughest.

So to recap what the year 2015 taught me about the meaning of REJOICE.... (Life & the divine guidance of The Holy Trinity through scripture has shown me this.)

Sometimes it's about small victories. Sometimes it is about hardships that are just the beginning of a journey to a blessing that no one else could give you but God. Sometimes it is being so pissed off at the enemy that all you can do is REJOICE because you KNOW God will win. Yes...even in the midst of death & disease & perversion & terrorists & extremists...God will win. The fact that all God wants us to do is trust Him, love Him, love His people, submit to His will (which is better than ANYTHING we could dream up), & keep seeking Him....keep seeking peace - is reason to REJOICE!

There are people that face situations that make me cringe....make me sad...make me angry....disgust me... How can they rejoice?

Someone...somewhere on this earth has been touched by each and every person God created. We all have purpose. From the point of conception we are affecting someone & we keep affecting people the longer we are here....and more people. Others need what we have. We may not know who they are, what it is, & at times we may not even understand the affect someone has on us & vice versa, but The Holy Spirit is moving & working among us. God does not waste anything....not a thing.

REJOICE is a verb & after a year of meditating on it, I believe, it is a verb powered by our hope & faith. We have to choose to rejoice & we are able to rejoice in any situation & in any circumstance.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! It is not easy, but if you choose to, He will GIVE you MANY, MANY more reasons & fuel for REJOICING!

My focus word for 2016 is RELATIONSHIPS. I want to focus on developing the relationships God has blessed me with. My focus Bible verses will be: "I give you a new commandment: love one another; you must love one another just as I have loved you. It is by your love for one another, that everyone will recognize you as my disciples." - John 13:34-35

REJOICE!!

Good Morning!!! I really feel like SHARING some thoughts today. REJOICE is my focus word for the year. I came across it while reading scripture in the New Testament. I started Paul's Letter to the Philippians & the word REJOICE was EVERYWHERE!! So then I decided to read the entire letter, which is quite ENCOURAGING. It ALWAYS amazes me at how EXTREMELY relevant scripture is ALL THE TIME.

One of the things I've been praying specifically for, for the last year or so, is JOY. When I look back at my life, I feel like there were so many moments in my youth where I exuded JOY. I mean...I refer to myself often as bright-eyed, optimistic, & TRUSTING. Over the years I've felt elements of that JOY slowly seeping out of me. Not because I don't want to be JOYful, but because of some of the experiences I've had. TRUSTING...just to be let down. Optimistic for ChanGe....just to become aware that the unanswered optimism slowly sucked the zeal and motivation I once had from me. Anger & Frustration because I felt trapped & LIMITED by my PERCEIVED options and opportunities....

There's always been something about me though.... I mean I used to sit up & plague myself with wOrRy & get all worked-UP & in a FreNZy about so many things that didn't matter....but I'd always get to this MOMENT where I realized it didn't HAVE to be the way it was. I would then USUALLY get myself all TISSIED-Up again trying to FIGURE OUT what "that" was.

I've PRAYED the majority of my life & as I look back...I think of how my PRAYERS have evolved...how my relationship with The Holy Trinity has deepened....how I think about so many things now, with SO MUCH MORE PURPOSE than what I used to think about... How my PRIORITIES have TOTALLY swapped around.... and how I still become cOnfUsed, but at least now I'm confused about things that ACTUALLY matter & am able to REST from the worry because I know that I'm accepted just the way I am & that confusion isn't from God. It may not make other PEOPLE happy, but I'm gonna be okay & The Good Lord is still gonna take me where he wants to, as long as I continue to submit to that.

Over the last couple days I sat & talked in some mighty deep discussions about politics, the troubles of our youth, homosexuality, the medical industry & insurance & pharmaceutical companies, The Bible, ISIS, evil, war, our military men & women, the end times....
The truth is....being in kind of an open forum with more than 5 people in each setting....left me exhausted mentally...because the troubles can seem overwhelming...

Through ENCOURAGEMENT I'm trying to be more FOCUSED as I read in The Bible & as I read...I'm focusing on my FOCUS word this year, which is REJOICE.

What I find interesting is Paul was a prisoner when he wrote the Letter to the Philippians, yet REJOICE is what he continued to say, because he was REJOICING in the PROGRESS God was making...Paul accepted the MISSION of bringing more people to BELIEVE in CHRIST, so his JOY came from the forward motion of that mission...whether it be witnessing a group of people making progress because of The Spirit inside them or because his inprisionment was ENCOURAGING others to speak more boldly about Christ. As I reflect on it....it makes me think about all of our Christian brothers and sisters being killed because of their love of Christ. I remember looking at the face of one of the men to be executed on television & his expression had such RESOLVE... It struck me because it was a FIERCE look...not a look of weakness or fear...even though his time was drawing near & would not be able to PHYSICALLY carry anything out on this earth....but READY for whatever God had planned for him next....

A couple days ago...I read in Luke 8:26-39 about the man possessed by demons (many, which called themselves Legion). I've read this passage several times, but there are several things I took away from it this time. One thought I thought is....why did all these demons CHOOSE this man? Let me be clear that we all have demons we wrestle with...alcoholism, pride, depression......and there are SO many others....

Another thing I took away was the MERCY Jesus showed....EVEN TO THE DEMONS, that BEGGED him to "not cast them into the bottomless pit, but into the herd of pigs." The pigs later, burst out of the pen & all drowned....I'm sure there is LOTS of symbolism there & LOTS of things I'm not able to wrap my head around yet, BUT Jesus showed the demons mercy...

There's a lot of things in this world that REPULSE us as individuals. I do not understand WHY some people have the demons that they have. I'm so thankful that I don't have them, but we MUST be mindful & show MERCY...just like Jesus. We are carrying our crosses on this earthly walk and all of ours is UNIQUE. We aren't called to understand each other. We are called to LOVE each other.

When I reflected on the word REJOICE in this passage...I thought of the man that had just been FREED of the demons...how he sat at Jesus's feet & listened & loved Him. I thought of how BADLY he must have wanted to GO WITH JESUS.... I could almost feel the longing for him. Then I thought of how he must have felt when Jesus told him that he must stay and share with his family all that God had done for him. He just went & did it....REJOICING!! I learned in that moment....that even though we don't necessarily get to do what WE want, what God CALLS us to do will be much more rewarding.

When you know a little more about the entirety of the situations of some of these people in The Bible...you gain a better appreciation for the importance of what they do. This story took place in a land that worshiped other gods...the likelihood that those pigs were to be used as a sacrifice for other gods was HIGHLY likely. It's not so hard to then understand why the people that witnessed this asked Jesus to leave. They were SO confused & baffled & afraid & mixed up to SEE the power of the hand of God & to then try and wrap their heads around the way they had been worshiping. Thus...the importance of that, once, demon-filled man to STAY there & SHARE his salvation was of the UTMOST importance. It takes a little ember to catch fire and make a flame.

Then today I read about the birth of John the Baptist in Luke 1:57-80. I REFLECTED again on the word REJOICE & spent a little time thinking about Elizabeth & Zechariah. Both of them were older & without children, yet VERY MUCH loved God. Zechariah was a priest & both were descendants of David. When the Angel of the Lord told Zechariah that he they would have a child, to call him John, & that he would pave the way for Jesus, the Son of God...Zechariah DOUBTED & because of his doubt, became a MUTE. When Elizabeth had the baby many close friends and family came over to bless his circumcision & REJOICE with them for the BLESSINGS God had given them. When they asked what his name should be Elizabeth told them John....which surprised ALL of them. I can just imagine the chatter in that room. It was custom for the child to take on a name of the father or...at least a family member, but there was no one in their family named John. Then they turned to Zechariah, who asked for a tablet because he could not speak yet. He wrote the name John & his mouth was opened & his first words were REJOICING PRAISE TO GOD.

So let's think about this.... (PARENT'S: Think about this from as many perspectives as you can)... If I put myself in their shoes....I would first be astonished & in disbelief that I would become pregnant when we had been trying for years....then humbled when my husband spoke out of turn & was muted.... I think we'd definitely be paying attention. I would feel this overwhelming obligation & IMMENSE amount of importance in MY life & the life of my unborn child. I would be ENCOURAGED everyday by the promise that the life inside me holds. Once I would gave given birth...I would be in this OVERWHELMING AWE of the UN-explainable BLESSING...this UN-Explainable FAVOR...this UN-explainable IMPORTANCE that just happened.... ALL OF IT!: This beautiful MIRACLE of life, the KNOWING of how important his life will be BECAUSE of the promises already fulfilled to them, the MYSTERY between all of the things that led up to what they just WITNESSED...mind, body, soul, & spirit, this OVERWHELMING feeling that we explain as LOVE....because ALL of what is being felt is GOOD. I mean.....it's highly likely that we would be conFusEd as heck, BUT we would be REJOICING!!!! We couldn't make a choice not to....even if we tried....it would be AUTOMATIC....just like Elizabeth & Zechariah's response to the name of their child. I also just want to make note of how they BOTH agreed with each other on the name. The union of marriage is another MYSTERY, but a STRONG one when decisions are made and action is carried out by 2 & not just 1.

What I also took from this reading today is somehow humbling & empowering all at the same time. John was sent BEFORE Jesus to pave the way, to ready the minds, to condition the hearts of God's people. Jesus IS coming again my friends & he WANTS as many people to KNOW him....by THEIR choice...as possible. Just like John the Baptist....WE ARE CALLED TO LEAD PEOPLE TO JESUS! Not only are we called, but our children are called. After having the two discussions I've had this weekend I can say with conviction that MORE PEOPLE NEED TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW JESUS! We live in a world where young people want something to hold on to...to give some sort of glimpse of meaning to all that they don't understand, yet they grow up in households where their parents don't know Jesus & they find evil make-believe characters that open a doorway to hate versus love. There is no set of criteria that makes you "worthy" to share the love of Christ. You are FULL, COMPLETE, & CAPABLE right now...if you believe that Jesus suffered & died for you, because HE LOVES YOU, UNDERSTANDS YOU, AND WANTS YOU in His Father's kingdom with Him. We don't have to know or understand WHY. It is part of that glorious, merciful MYSTERY that was GIVEN to us.

No matter how deep this may seem...there is a battle of good & evil going on right now that we are fighting in. Which side do you think you are on? We have to examine how we treat people....all people....the one's we agree with & the one's that we don't. The FOCUS has to start on you as an individual & your family. Our FOCUS can not be about how we can CHANGE or CONDEMN the things we don't like about other people. The FOCUS has to be on creATING an environment where those people can CHOOSE to change themselves. If everyone FOCUSED on FULFILLING their MINISTRY & MISSION that God has blessed each and every life with, versus FOCUSING on how other's need to change.....I think REAL progress would happen.

When Jesus called Matthew to follow him He was criticized because Matthew was a tax-collector. At that time tax collectors were frowned upon as the lowest of people & worst of most all the sinners. The Pharisees saw him eating at Matthew's house, with all the tax collectors & other "sinners" & it got them all in a tissy, When Jesus heard how the Pharisees questioned Him, here is what He had to say: "Healthy people do not need a doctor, but sick people do. Go and find out what this means: What I want is mercy, not sacrifice. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners." (Matthew 9:12-13)

I'm just sayin'.....some of those people that some of us tend to condemn & shun & turn our nose up at...are the very people that Jesus probably would have wanted to have lunch with.

Day 32: "Using What God Gave You"

We continue on to Day 32 of the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren. This chapter talks all about our SHAPE & how to understand it & USE it.

Here is the first thing that jumped right off the page at me: "It was only after I began accepting opportunities to speak that I saw the result, received confirmation from others, and realized, 'God has gifted me to do this!'" Pastor Warren was talking about his ability to teach. We've talked about each of us having LOTS of gifts. We've also talked about how sometimes we didn't know we had them. I can tell you...after some of my life experiences...that I wonder what I've still got bottled up inside me.

I took a job in sales...didn't even know there was such a thing like it, until I applied for it. Really...had NO CLUE on how to sell what I'd be selling. They taught me how. I listened & placed in our annual sales competition EVERY year, but not only that...I realized (& so did my bosses) that I had a knack for connecting will people...all kinds of people...& not just to make friends, but to build campaigns & work with people in a business setting. That's my first example of a spiritual gift I discovered.

Here's another...had the IDEA come to me about being an auctioneer. I NEVER called an auction before. Never really had any interest to try. I called my Dad, who called my Uncle who TOLD me I was going to go with him to a Church Feast in Plum, Texas & help him....in TWO weeks. I didn't have a chant. I hadn't practiced. Heck...I was still working through the thoughts of if I REALLY wanted to do it & what some people might think about it. I hadn't even told my husband. I could have NOT gone. Uncle Mele still would have loved me :)....BUT...I WENT. For two weeks, I watched You Tube videos, chose my filler words, practiced with my family, counted fence posts as I went down the road & SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.....WENT. Uncle Mele told me to spot first, so I could see where the main bidders were. I did. Then I got up there & sold. Not only did people compliment me, but asked me where I learned how to do it...when I told them You Tube videos & practice they about fell over. Then I did another & people URGED me on with MORE compliments & not only compliments, BUT advice to pursue it. I went to another & thought...okay these people don't HAVE to be nice to me & decided to get my license & here I am PURSUING it. That is example 2.

I was working a full-time job when I started this whole auctioneer journey. I mean I was busy, but I had just unlocked a door to a whole world full of new thoughts & emotions that I had NEVER had. I had a friend that had a Blog called: Pistols & Cupcakes & she wrote a blog about us winning a Halloween Contest with our Ninja Turtle Costumes. HONESTLY...before that I had NEVER read a blog. I didn't really understand the point of them...until I read hers. I can tell you...It was the PERFECT place for me to UNLOAD all of my thoughts about my journey...ALL of them....so I started the blog: Buck Up Baby! & started SHARING my journey. Initially I used it to UNLOAD thoughts...then I started giving props to the organizations & bidders that were at the auctions I did, now I use it to do those things, but also as a marketing tool OR a way to clarify certain things about the events that we are a part of. Anyways....once I started giving props to the events, individuals, & organizations...I started SHARING it on Facebook, on my page & the page of anyone involved. The truth of the matter is though...that I thought a FEW people might read them, but I didn't expect to get the POSITIVE reaction I got....really & I sure didn't expect to get compliments on the WAY I wrote them. I mean I just type it how I think it...& that is usually not grammatically correct...or politically correct. Here I present...Example #3.

I can also tell you that another SPIRITUAL GIFT that God has GIVEN to me is COURAGE & the ABILITY to (sometimes blindly) look past the drawbacks, judgements, perceived thoughts & march onward. It has to be God-given, b/c sometimes I think I'm flat cRaZY for trying to tackle some of the things I do, but I've already gotten myself half-way into it, so there's NO TURNING BACK.

Here's another important...lesson, from this chapter: "Part of accepting your shape is recognizing your limitations. Nobody is good at everything, and no one is called to be everything." WOW...what a lesson I have learned, & I wish I would have learned it sooner. I still strugGLE with it, but I have LEARNED that when I start feeling overwhelmed, stressed, cRAzY, bumfuzzled, twisted up, anxious, out-of-control...there is SOMEONE around me that can HELP me. We are SUPPOSED to work together. Just because you know you are ABLE doesn't mean YOU have to do it. Someone else is able too....& may just have the ability to do a better job at it.

I'm in the middle of a project now where I KNOW...to give the GLORY to GOD...I NEED people to HELP me. I need people to BRING their talents & their SHAPE to the table. This is another one of those things that wouldn't even be a thing....if I wouldn't have decided (with friends urging me) to "CREATE WITH ABANDON" as my journal cover says. That means (my meaning): BELIEVE IT. ENVISION IT. ACT ON IT. Then figure out how to MAKE IT what you ENVISION once you got the ball rolling.

Here is the last thing I'll share from this chapter before I get to the daily info. "Satan will try to steal the joy of service from you in a couple of ways: by tempting you to compare your ministry with others, and by tempting you to conform your ministry to the expectations of others." BELIEVE THIS: Just like God uses us to HELP each other...Satan uses us to HURT each other...all day, everyday, & as often as possible. No one is off limits. Also KNOW...that when you are doing God's work...Satan will ATTACK you every. chance. he. gets. I truly believe that GOD is strengthening my MIND right now to handle his attacks. Pastor Warren shares this in the book: "You will find that people who do not understand your shape for ministry will criticize you and try to get you to conform to what they think you should be doing. Ignore them. Paul often had to deal with critics who misunderstood and maligned his service. His response was always the same: Avoid comparisons, resist exaggerations, and seek only God's commendation. One of the reasons Paul was used so greatly by God was that he refused to be distracted by criticism or by comparing his ministry with others or by being drawn into fruitless debates about his ministry."

"Point to Ponder: God deserves my best."

Daily Bible Verse: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15 (NIV)

Daily Question: "How can I make the best use of what God has given me?"

From my journal the first time of reading: The truth is - it seems like it is slowly being revealed to me...in pieces. I know auctions and sharing my journey is part of it...and maybe that's it, but I believe there will be more, once I handle this part.

Believe me when I say...there's MORE. There will always be MORE...& God won't wait until you "handle" one part... It's all on His watch.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! This chapter talks about a "Life Review Retreat." I'm down for that if anyone knows anything about one. Also...this chapter ENCOURAGES us to talk to our people about our SHAPE...to see what others see in us. Do that...I know it's not easy, but probably worth it.

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 26: "Growing Through Tempation"

Well...I'm back from the WONDERFUL Frio River. REALLY...I LOVE that place. Thanks to all you readers that are hangin' in there with me & WELCOME to all the new readers.

Today's discussion topic from the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren is about growING through temptation.

I can not reiterate enough how life-CHANGING this book can be....really. This chapter is chalked FULL of advice & explanations & processes & tools that I'm sure we have ALL searched for. I'm again...going to speak from MY experience....how applying lessons from this chapter have helped me & maybe show some progress from the first time of reading to the second.

What I take away from this chapter is we have a CHOICE...we ALWAYS have a choice & we ALWAYS will. Every situation....every experience....every temptation is an OPPORTUNITY to make the BEST choice, but it is ours to make. What I also take away is just how BEAUTIFUL God's gift of The Holy Spirit is to us.... & how that relationship is....kind of like our lifeblood...mine at least. You know...what REALLY gives you purpose...what guides you...what creates your distinction between right and wrong...what grounds you...what calms you...what nourishes you...what is your life line straight to God.

So...I have a couple stories to share.... One is of my relationship with The Holy Spirit... The other is an example of temptation & what I THINK was the devil trying to tempt me & me winning a victory for God.

The book says this: "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Pastor Warren took that from Galatians 5:22-23(NLT).

I had a situation happen a few weeks ago that I am hesitant to share, but...well...words aren't going to do it justice & some people really may not understand it....and some may advise against sharing it, but I feel like it happened for a reason & it's not meant to be a secret. So....a few weeks ago, I was driving in my little home town & I passed the cemetery. The cemetery where most everyone from my Dad's side of the family are buried. I was EXTREMELY close to my Grandma Schoenst...as were my siblings & she used to make it a point to go & put flowers on all of the graves at the cemetery.

I think it's important that you have a little back story. I used to work at a daycare in my hometown & every day or every other day I would stop by and visit with my Grandma. Later I had gotten a job at a bank. I didn't stop by near as often. It went from once a week to once every two weeks, etc. Well...to be EXTREMELY blunt about the situation...I was a young, selfish kid that just didn't REALLY get the importance of that time I spent with her & how much it probably meant to her. I beat myself up about it for years. The older I got & the more I developed my understanding of things I just liked myself less and less about the situation. I remember by first face-to -face confession I asked for forgiveness for this and the priest looked at me & said: "That is not a sin. Why are you asking me to forgive it?" & my response was: "Because I was a SO selfish. I mean I LOVED her so much & she loved us UNCONDITIONALLY and I didn't even have enough decency to HONOR that." He bowed his head and told me that I need to find a way to forgive myself. Whew....I had NO CLUE what that meant at the time or how to go about it.

So now back to the story... I drove past the cemetery and, mind you, it had rained quite a bit, so there was water standing EVERYWHERE, but I felt COMPELLED to turn around. I don't know how else to explain it. I really didn't even give it much more thought. I just turned around & went back to the cemetery. I went to the first row of graves where some of our family members are buried. Then I made my way to the last row where my Grandma & Grandpa are buried. I got about two graves away from my Grandma's & was literally OVERCOME. I looked up to Heaven & said "God, I don't know what you're doin,' but just give me the strength to handle it." I sat Indian-style on her grave, because water was literally standing everywhere. I even pulled out my phone thinking: "I'm going to Google a 'special' prayer for her." Then it struck me that I didn't need to Google anything. I had it all within me. I put my hands on her grave & just started talking to her about everyone & my sweet babies...catchin' up talk... & then...my friend calls me. I silence it b/c I'm praying & talking to my Grandma & then I just started pouring out ALL the pent up feelings and emotions I had about myself & how I handled the last period of time we were on earth together & asking her to FORGIVE me & telling her how IMPORTANT she is to me & how she DESERVED better. It felt like 1000 pounds was lifted off my chest & then...without even thinking twice about it....I said these words: " Grandma, I don't know what kind of job God has for you up in Heaven, but if it's His will....there is a girl between here & Heaven & she needs you & Jesus & God & The Holy Spirit & whatever angels you can bring with you to pull her up." Another tidbit of info that is important (& what I thought many people may not understand) is that the friend that called me, had just lost the family member I was praying about, in a TRAGIC gas explosion that left her young baby & husband ALIVE.

As I call her back & check in with her...she asks me if I would say a prayer for the girl I JUST prayed for. NOW...I KNOW what some of you may be thinking.... I know because it is the VERY reason I hesitated with sharing this & was left in COMPLETE AWE... We are SO intertwined with each other on a DEEP SPIRITUAL level....that it is truly BEYOND our understanding. She had NO idea I was at the cemetery. She had NO knowledge of my relationship with my Grandma. She didn't even REALLY know the full story behind the explosion. I'm not even going to begin to try and understand the why behind all of that.

I shared this story with a priest & I have to say....he HELPED me to UNDERSTAND the CAPACITY of what had happened. He said....that the COMPELLING feeling I felt was not a coincidence. It was The Holy Spirit moving me & I listened. When I spoke those words to my Grandma I broke the bounds I placed on myself, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, let my Grandmother's soul rise to be with the angels & she took that sweet young mother's soul with her. He told me to read the book: Anatomy of Spirit.

I can't make you feel what I felt & I can't make you believe what I'm typing. Just spend some time thinking about things.

TEMPTATION is brought to us by the devil. He wants to tie us up. He wants to warp our minds. He wants to do WHATEVER it takes to keep us from Heaven. It opened my eyes to see how important we still are to each other & what the first priest meant by: "finding a way to forgive myself." ALL that negative emotion was NOT a product of God.

I know that is A LOT to take in, but I also want to share one more story...a VERY recent one...on how (I think) the devil was trying to tempt me & (although I couldn't hold back ALL of the emotions) I won one for God.

My husband & I got into an argument. I was some kind of ticked off. I kept trying to ignore it...just deal with it...channel the energy & the thoughts, control myself, be nice & good &graceful & all that jazz, BUT I just couldn't...not say something. When I say I tried....I REALLY did. I went & sat in the bathroom. Just sat there mad. Mad that I was mad. Mad that I said something. Mad that he didn't understand what I was saying to him. MAD. I said a short prayer to God saying: "God, I don't know what your settin' up here & I don't want to give the enemy any ground, but I already said what I said & I meant it. Just help me speak in a way that my husband will TRULY hear me on EVERY level I need to be heard & take care of us." Well...I'm not tellin' you what I said to him because it was kind of vulgar, but he HEARD me. My point to that story is....we will do things that aren't right...might be right, but don't seem right to anyone else... may be WAY OFF in left field...BUT GOD CAN TURN IT. He took that situation that was full of all kind of negative emotions & turned it into a way I could communicate to him to where BOTH of our eyes could be opened...to understand each other.

We aren't perfect & weren't made to be. We will be TEMPTED continuously for the rest of our lives, but we have to learn to grOW through the temptation to develop the character of Jesus. We aren't expected to be perfect & Jesus shares our struggles because he knows the intensity of temptation.

"Point to Ponder: Every temptation is an opportunity to do good."

Daily Bible Verse: "God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NLT)

Daily Question: "What Christ-like character quality can I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?"

From my journal the first time around: I feel like I have lots of things to work on in areas of temptation. I think the main two areas I need to focus on are endurance and moving forward and to not give up - because I do feel like I've been tempted persistently in these departments.

The other is dishonesty...mainly in small situations like where I am EXACTLY (like when I'm running late) or areas where I don't want to hurt someone. I really need to practice complete and utter honesty, but THINK first.

JOY- I feel like I kind of stay a sour puss. I wasn't always like that. I think because I am around negativity and judgement and confusion. God PLEASE help me find joy in everything!!

I have to report my progress :)....don't expect GIVE-UP any time soon. God just LOVES me & sends me people, places, and experiences to fill in all those gaps where the thoughts of give-up tried to live. HONESTY is totally on the forefront....You are fore-warned. If you don't REALLY want to know...don't ask me. JOY....well...I still got a little ways to go with that, BUT I'm on that road. It's amazing when you cut out some of that negativity, judgement, & confusion how much more room you have for JOY.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus!! He was tempted JUST like us...but had the strength to endure it all.