Day 26: "Growing Through Tempation"

Well...I'm back from the WONDERFUL Frio River. REALLY...I LOVE that place. Thanks to all you readers that are hangin' in there with me & WELCOME to all the new readers.

Today's discussion topic from the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren is about growING through temptation.

I can not reiterate enough how life-CHANGING this book can be....really. This chapter is chalked FULL of advice & explanations & processes & tools that I'm sure we have ALL searched for. I'm again...going to speak from MY experience....how applying lessons from this chapter have helped me & maybe show some progress from the first time of reading to the second.

What I take away from this chapter is we have a CHOICE...we ALWAYS have a choice & we ALWAYS will. Every situation....every experience....every temptation is an OPPORTUNITY to make the BEST choice, but it is ours to make. What I also take away is just how BEAUTIFUL God's gift of The Holy Spirit is to us.... & how that relationship is....kind of like our lifeblood...mine at least. You know...what REALLY gives you purpose...what guides you...what creates your distinction between right and wrong...what grounds you...what calms you...what nourishes you...what is your life line straight to God.

So...I have a couple stories to share.... One is of my relationship with The Holy Spirit... The other is an example of temptation & what I THINK was the devil trying to tempt me & me winning a victory for God.

The book says this: "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Pastor Warren took that from Galatians 5:22-23(NLT).

I had a situation happen a few weeks ago that I am hesitant to share, but...well...words aren't going to do it justice & some people really may not understand it....and some may advise against sharing it, but I feel like it happened for a reason & it's not meant to be a secret. So....a few weeks ago, I was driving in my little home town & I passed the cemetery. The cemetery where most everyone from my Dad's side of the family are buried. I was EXTREMELY close to my Grandma Schoenst...as were my siblings & she used to make it a point to go & put flowers on all of the graves at the cemetery.

I think it's important that you have a little back story. I used to work at a daycare in my hometown & every day or every other day I would stop by and visit with my Grandma. Later I had gotten a job at a bank. I didn't stop by near as often. It went from once a week to once every two weeks, etc. Well...to be EXTREMELY blunt about the situation...I was a young, selfish kid that just didn't REALLY get the importance of that time I spent with her & how much it probably meant to her. I beat myself up about it for years. The older I got & the more I developed my understanding of things I just liked myself less and less about the situation. I remember by first face-to -face confession I asked for forgiveness for this and the priest looked at me & said: "That is not a sin. Why are you asking me to forgive it?" & my response was: "Because I was a SO selfish. I mean I LOVED her so much & she loved us UNCONDITIONALLY and I didn't even have enough decency to HONOR that." He bowed his head and told me that I need to find a way to forgive myself. Whew....I had NO CLUE what that meant at the time or how to go about it.

So now back to the story... I drove past the cemetery and, mind you, it had rained quite a bit, so there was water standing EVERYWHERE, but I felt COMPELLED to turn around. I don't know how else to explain it. I really didn't even give it much more thought. I just turned around & went back to the cemetery. I went to the first row of graves where some of our family members are buried. Then I made my way to the last row where my Grandma & Grandpa are buried. I got about two graves away from my Grandma's & was literally OVERCOME. I looked up to Heaven & said "God, I don't know what you're doin,' but just give me the strength to handle it." I sat Indian-style on her grave, because water was literally standing everywhere. I even pulled out my phone thinking: "I'm going to Google a 'special' prayer for her." Then it struck me that I didn't need to Google anything. I had it all within me. I put my hands on her grave & just started talking to her about everyone & my sweet babies...catchin' up talk... & then...my friend calls me. I silence it b/c I'm praying & talking to my Grandma & then I just started pouring out ALL the pent up feelings and emotions I had about myself & how I handled the last period of time we were on earth together & asking her to FORGIVE me & telling her how IMPORTANT she is to me & how she DESERVED better. It felt like 1000 pounds was lifted off my chest & then...without even thinking twice about it....I said these words: " Grandma, I don't know what kind of job God has for you up in Heaven, but if it's His will....there is a girl between here & Heaven & she needs you & Jesus & God & The Holy Spirit & whatever angels you can bring with you to pull her up." Another tidbit of info that is important (& what I thought many people may not understand) is that the friend that called me, had just lost the family member I was praying about, in a TRAGIC gas explosion that left her young baby & husband ALIVE.

As I call her back & check in with her...she asks me if I would say a prayer for the girl I JUST prayed for. NOW...I KNOW what some of you may be thinking.... I know because it is the VERY reason I hesitated with sharing this & was left in COMPLETE AWE... We are SO intertwined with each other on a DEEP SPIRITUAL level....that it is truly BEYOND our understanding. She had NO idea I was at the cemetery. She had NO knowledge of my relationship with my Grandma. She didn't even REALLY know the full story behind the explosion. I'm not even going to begin to try and understand the why behind all of that.

I shared this story with a priest & I have to say....he HELPED me to UNDERSTAND the CAPACITY of what had happened. He said....that the COMPELLING feeling I felt was not a coincidence. It was The Holy Spirit moving me & I listened. When I spoke those words to my Grandma I broke the bounds I placed on myself, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, let my Grandmother's soul rise to be with the angels & she took that sweet young mother's soul with her. He told me to read the book: Anatomy of Spirit.

I can't make you feel what I felt & I can't make you believe what I'm typing. Just spend some time thinking about things.

TEMPTATION is brought to us by the devil. He wants to tie us up. He wants to warp our minds. He wants to do WHATEVER it takes to keep us from Heaven. It opened my eyes to see how important we still are to each other & what the first priest meant by: "finding a way to forgive myself." ALL that negative emotion was NOT a product of God.

I know that is A LOT to take in, but I also want to share one more story...a VERY recent one...on how (I think) the devil was trying to tempt me & (although I couldn't hold back ALL of the emotions) I won one for God.

My husband & I got into an argument. I was some kind of ticked off. I kept trying to ignore it...just deal with it...channel the energy & the thoughts, control myself, be nice & good &graceful & all that jazz, BUT I just couldn't...not say something. When I say I tried....I REALLY did. I went & sat in the bathroom. Just sat there mad. Mad that I was mad. Mad that I said something. Mad that he didn't understand what I was saying to him. MAD. I said a short prayer to God saying: "God, I don't know what your settin' up here & I don't want to give the enemy any ground, but I already said what I said & I meant it. Just help me speak in a way that my husband will TRULY hear me on EVERY level I need to be heard & take care of us." Well...I'm not tellin' you what I said to him because it was kind of vulgar, but he HEARD me. My point to that story is....we will do things that aren't right...might be right, but don't seem right to anyone else... may be WAY OFF in left field...BUT GOD CAN TURN IT. He took that situation that was full of all kind of negative emotions & turned it into a way I could communicate to him to where BOTH of our eyes could be opened...to understand each other.

We aren't perfect & weren't made to be. We will be TEMPTED continuously for the rest of our lives, but we have to learn to grOW through the temptation to develop the character of Jesus. We aren't expected to be perfect & Jesus shares our struggles because he knows the intensity of temptation.

"Point to Ponder: Every temptation is an opportunity to do good."

Daily Bible Verse: "God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NLT)

Daily Question: "What Christ-like character quality can I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?"

From my journal the first time around: I feel like I have lots of things to work on in areas of temptation. I think the main two areas I need to focus on are endurance and moving forward and to not give up - because I do feel like I've been tempted persistently in these departments.

The other is dishonesty...mainly in small situations like where I am EXACTLY (like when I'm running late) or areas where I don't want to hurt someone. I really need to practice complete and utter honesty, but THINK first.

JOY- I feel like I kind of stay a sour puss. I wasn't always like that. I think because I am around negativity and judgement and confusion. God PLEASE help me find joy in everything!!

I have to report my progress :)....don't expect GIVE-UP any time soon. God just LOVES me & sends me people, places, and experiences to fill in all those gaps where the thoughts of give-up tried to live. HONESTY is totally on the forefront....You are fore-warned. If you don't REALLY want to know...don't ask me. JOY....well...I still got a little ways to go with that, BUT I'm on that road. It's amazing when you cut out some of that negativity, judgement, & confusion how much more room you have for JOY.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus!! He was tempted JUST like us...but had the strength to endure it all.

Day 19: "Cultivating Community"

Welcome Readers!!! We continue onto Day 19 of The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

This chapter is wearing me out. It is a GREAT chapter, but it really makes you do the work & THINK about the work that needs to be done. I think this part of the chapter can, pretty much, sum the whole thing up: "..."I urge you to make a group covenant that include the nine characteristics of biblical fellowship: We will share our true feelings (authenticity), encourage each other (mutuality), support each other (sympathy), forgive each other (mercy), speak the truth in love (honesty), admit our weaknesses (humility), respect our differences (courtesy), not gossip (confidentiality), and make group a priority (frequency)." - Pastor Warren

I started writing this blog yesterday & I started having a little bit of a negative spin on it, HONEST, but negative. I think the main reason why is because to DO & BE all the things Pastor Warren talks about is HARD...and what parts are HARD, vary depending on the person you are dealing with, the group of people you are dealing with, and what emotions you have regarding each other.

Here is my REFRESHED & POSITIVE spin on this. Sometimes I do the majority of what is listed above & just have trouble with a couple of the others. Sometimes...(especially if I have a large amount of RESPECT for the other person) I don't have any problem doing any of it. Just like I can sit & look at that list & see what I need to work on....WE ALL HAVE THINGS TO WORK ON. We have to TAKE THE TIME to work on them. We can't sit around beating ourselves up about how much we are not living up to what we are supposed to be. We have to OWN the fact that we RESPECT ourselves enough for HONESTLY trying. REMEMBER...when your head space is gettin' all jammed up about what YOU want & what YOU think YOU should be or how YOU should act...GOD LOVES YOU & sees what you're doing. Take your own judgments off of yourself & work on what needs to be worked on & HAVE FUN DOING IT. He wants us to have fun. He wants us to HELP each other. He wants us to TRUST ourselves as much as He trusts us, with our blessings.

"Point to Ponder: Community requires commitment."

Daily Bible Verse: "We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave his life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers." 1 John 3:16 (GWT)

Daily Question: "How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and my church?

From My Journal: I think the hardest struggle is complete and utter honesty. We fear we will hurt the other person OR we are too afraid of the other's judgments. Probably...the best way for me to help cultivate it, is to be TOTALLY honest and bring up examples in my life - that are uncomfortable to share.

After reading the book completely through, applying what I have (thus far) to my life, & circling back to this chapter I still think HONESTY is the key. We need to be honest with others & with ourselves. I also feel like, as individuals, you have to find PEACE in yourself. You have to REALLY start peeling back the layers of the expectations & judgments YOU place on yourself & just be who you are. I don't have that kind of peace yet, but I'm working on it & I see glimpses of it.

This chapter goes into A LOT more than what this blog post contains...each one of the areas I listed above.
When I read it the first time I underlined some things that resonated with me. Here they are: (All credited to The Bible or Pastor Warren)

"You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor." James 3:18 (MSG)

"An honest answer is a sign of true friendship." Proverbs 24:26

"Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself." Ephesians 4:25

"...the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship." Pastor Warren

"Thoughtless words leave lasting wounds." Pastor Warren

"Pride builds walls between people; humility builds bridges." Pastor Warren

"We receive God's grace by humbly admitting that we need it." Pastor Warren

"Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people." Romans 12:16

"Humble people are so focused on serving others, they don't think of themselves." Pastor Warren

"Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other's feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us." Pastor Warren

"Excel in showing respect for each other." Romans 12:10

"When you know what they've been through, you will be more understanding. Instead of thinking about how far they still have to go, think about how far they have come in spite of their hurts." Pastor Warren

"God hates gossip.." Pastor Warren

"Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships." Proverbs 16:28

Yeah...LOTS more than what I discussed. Spend some time with it. Buck Up Baby & Ride With JESUS!! He LOVES you...even if you think you don't deserve it!! God bless!!

Day 16: "What Matters Most"

Welcome Readers!! Today is Day 16 of our journey through The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

"Point to Ponder: Life is all about love."

Daily Bible Verse: "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Galatians 5:14 (NIV)

Daily Question: "Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?

From My Journal: Right now - it seems like my first priority is my relationship with God & I feel the tug in many of my other relationships. I think it is, yes. I have other priorities also, which seem important, but I brought the priority of even my business - back to God, to focus on our relationship within it. I had a friend/old co-worker pass away yesterday. Totally humble, Nice, Nice guy. His name is Ryan Wachel & he was my age. He REALLY knew how to love and appreciate the relationships he had. We really need to be as present as possible in our relationships. The time is NOW to mend, to love, to strengthen.

I LOVE HARD. I put SO much of myself into it. I used to think that I tend to put feelings and concerns and what is best for others before my own. Now I know...that what I really wanted was to fix things or mend things, but mend them the way I wanted them mended & maybe not what is best overall.

I have had to come to the realization that I can't always FIX whatever might be broken. Sometimes I have to go as far as what is healthy for ME. I have to be TOTALLY HONEST...even if it hurts another person to hear it. If I don't I could potentially RISK others getting hurt along the way & other relationships being ruined.  I can't MAKE someone think a certain way. I can't MAKE another person see what I see & I can't MAKE another person be open to listening & understanding. Truly open...

So what do you do when you love somebody & you want to help them with whatever is hurting them, but what you say &/or do is not resonating with them? You love them through it. If it is toxic to you...you love them from a distance...BUT you love them. You pray for them. You make yourself available when they openly & HONESTLY want it. You can't force it & your role may just be to plant a seed that someone else helps water. One of the HARDEST things for me to come to terms with is that I DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to keep a group of people together or make right wrongs that I did not commit. Fellowship of groups of people do not dissolve because of one person. One person can cause the hurt, but if the others are not willing to come to a resolution with their problems & just sweep them under the rug, they did nothing to contribute to mending the relationship.

God has taught me something...well lots of things. LOVE is not cookie-cutter. Nothing about us is really cookie-cutter...society has made us think that it is...but it's not. Just because I want to love somebody a certain way does not mean it is HOW I am called to love them. If I force it...it won't work.

This chapter discusses how IMPORTANT relationships are. We are called to love everyone like we love ourselves. Tough thing to do... REMEMBER...there are all kinds of ways to love. Make sure, however you're doing it, it is coming from a good place...a GOD place.

We have to be in REGULAR fellowship with others to learn what love is....all the different kinds of love. As much discontentment, anger, & other evil things that may be wound up in a relationship....there is more love. Maybe not more love between you & that person...but more love SOMEWHERE to mend whatever ails.

One of my favorite lines in this chapter: "Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth." When you are dead and gone & your money squandered, what you did for people sits in their hearts LONG past your time here on earth. The LOVE my Grandma had for me still sits with me & I can SHARE it with my husband & my children & my friends & their children. LOVE LIVES ON. LOVE is more. Love multiplies. LOVE CONQUERS!

The hurt you put on someone can sit there too, if they don't get some LOVE on it.

This chapter also puts a lot of focus on TIME. When someone gives you their time...they are giving someone part of their life. We only have a limited amount of TIME here. LOVE gets stronger the more time you spend with it. I have friends that I want to spend more time with. I have some I try to spend more time with, but it's not yet (and may never be) a priority for them. I have some that I KNOW I need to make more of a priority & I am situating myself to where I know I can offer that. My husband and I are situating ourselves, so our children can offer that to others. Relationships are a two-way street & (like I said before) you can't MAKE somebody do something they aren't willing to do. BUT you can be honest & humble & tell them what you need.

Here is how this chapter ends: "Knowing that one day you will stand before God, here are some questions you need to consider: How will you explain those times when projects or things were more important to you than people? Who do you need to start spending more time with? What do you need to cut out of your schedule to make that possible? What sacrifices do you need to make?"

Buck Up Baby & RIDE WITH JESUS!! Spread your LOVE. Start LOVING!!