Unsettle

This past Saturday I had the honor of SUPPORTing one of my friends as she stepped WAY out of her comfort zone and held her first women's conference, held in a little fire hall, where a whole lot of things get started for us.

Not only did it allow me to show my support for her and encourage her, but it allowed me to ENCOURAGE others....some I've known & just LOVE them & their character. Some of them were complete strangers that really just live a few miles from me.

One thing that every woman that came to the conference got was a little doodle sheet, with a motivational message on it. As the speakers were speaking we were all supposed to write down scripture we wanted to go back and read or just jot down notes.

She had asked me if I would help emcee the event & of course I agreed. She had handed these little sheets out to everyone and I just went and grabbed the top one off the stack, because I hadn't gotten one yet & the music was about to start.

This is what my motivational sheet said:

It really did MINISTER to me, which was what she really wanted them to do. This little message has been the STORY OF MY LIFE. Here's been my thought process over the last few years:

 I'm good at what I'm doing....I just don't like the people I'm working with anymore. We don't have the same overall goal. Okay....now I'm tired of being restricted to make THEIR dream happen and not my own....What? Auctioneer? oh my husband is gonna divorce me, if I tell him this hair-brained idea.... I'm gonna go where & do what? I don't even have a chant! I'll do it while I'm providing money for my family...... Is the money really worth putting up with these people that have more experience than me, but still aren't REALLY doing something to help these people that REALLY need it....more than they need their paycheck???? You want me to quit when my job is the majority of our income? Okay he hasn't threatened to divorce me yet, but this MIGHT be pushing it..... He said YES! Go do it, just know life is gonna change. Crap! Now it's ALL on me. God is waiting on ME to say YES..... OKAY!!! I'll do what you tell me already!....as I proceed to try and MAKE things happen vs. letting Him make them happen. Then....I start working on peeling the layers back. Then....I know BIG growth is fixing to happen....I just don't know what it looks like. Then....I go to a conference like this were a GROUP of WOMEN are lifting you up in PRAYER & I'm UNSETTLED all over again...

But this time....in a MIGHTY way that is in the AUTHORITY of Christ Jesus.

All I can say is....if you think you are going to "settle down" and answer God's calling, you MIGHT want to pray about it.

Also...for the record....I don't think my husband will EVER divorce me, but I KNEW I was stretching him outside of his comfort zone....probably even more-so than myself & that if I said YES & was allowing God to stretch me....EVERYONE around me would be stretched. I (with the help of Jesus) had to OWN that...and any resentment from any of them about the decisions I was making.

As the music is playing and the speakers are speaking...I'm just jottin' away on my doodle sheet. Here are some of the things I wrote:

• Suddenlink
• Sava
• Buck Up
• KSBJ
• Rejoice
• African Man - "Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?
• "God has to be our passion." -Aaron Mullins
• Promise in the mystery - urge people to go read about Elizabeth & Zecharius and the birth of John the Baptist
• Philippians: Paul passionately upset
• Colossians
• Peace=something wrong? once you figure out it is God, you'll praise and rejoice in the peace
• Boldly?

All these false conditions we place on ourselves: I need a degree. I need this class. I'm a woman & people won't accept me because of it. I need to master this. I need to have X amount of money in the bank. 

The TRUTH is: You are whole, full, blessed, and ready RIGHT NOW!!

I was pretty exhausted the next couple of days.... Honestly because I was OVERWHELMED with God's goodness and it can be really hard to process sometimes. You start thinking why do I DESERVE to walk in this authority, which I am called to? The fact of the matter is this.... each and every one of us are called to walk in the authority of Christ Jesus & we CONSTANTLY have to pull back the layers & die to ourselves over & OVER again....(each time we peel a layer back) to understand that it is not about what WE deserve, but about what God wants us to experience....how He NEEDS us to CHOOSE to follow Him.... How he doesn't want us thinking SO hard about other people or how to make ourselves better. He wants us to live our lives in a way that shines BRIGHTLY to others.

I was thinking about things today & came to the conclusion that one of the things that is really important to me is that..... when people look at me, look at my Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blog profile that they KNOW I am a believer in Christ Jesus and that I am THANKFUL & HUMBLED for the stripes he bore to SAVE ME. I want them to look at my husband and my children that way also! I want people to feel the JOY in what I have & go get their own!!!

One bullet point that isn't quite self explanatory is "African Man - Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?" Here is why the story struck me so.... I was helping my Uncle Melvin call an auction for the Independent Cattleman's Association 2 weeks ago & I was takin' bids and rolling right along with my chant & didn't really realize how often I was saying "Why not?" when trying to entice people to bid more. I was selling an item & the crowd (in unison) said with me.... "Why not?" I had to giggle a little bit. Really though....Why not? Why can't we GIVE more than we think we can? Why can't we do what we feel called to do? Why do people doubt when the goal seems SO big? I mean... Jesus calmed the waters of a stormy sea. Jesus healed the blind, the sick, & the cripple. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead....after being in a tomb for 4 days!! Jesus died to free ALL of us from the grips of sin & He himself raised from the dead! Why don't ya'll just come on with me & the African Man & Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus?!

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

Day 28: "It Takes Time"

Welcome back readers & WELCOME to new readers! Today we move on to Day 28 in the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

Today's topic is something I still struggle with & probably will for quite some time. Mainly because we are conditioned to be timely & get things done & meet deadlines & time is money & we are only here for a short time & time just flies by.... You hear what I'm sayin'?

Then sometimes I feel like I'm sitting on things....wasting time...because I have learned over the years...that if you feel rushed...you're trying to jam a round peg into a square hole & there is something better out there.

I feel like this chapter was written about me.. The book says: "God is more interested in strength and stability than swiftness." I just talked to a friend yesterday about some things...one being the last consignment auction I had & how I was sitting there, BEFORE the auction even started, a little upset about the turnout, BUT already going into PLAN B mode or Problem-solving mode. I went on & endured the struggle, accepted the struggle, learned from the struggle, but I wanted to get on with it. Move through it FAST, put it behind me, forget about it...kind of forget it even happened. I KNOW it doesn't define me, but it TICKS me off.

But then I think back & realize how much SUPPORT I had from SO many people. How I had NEW SUPPORT I didn't know I had. How we really made SOMETHING happen...even if I didn't really like that something. How I experienced new things....things I'll do again & things I won't. How I discovered new NEEDS I have. How new members joined my team & how well it worked.... I can't FORGET all that.

The OLD me wants to JUMP & GO & DO something....anything. I plan on having a follow-up consignment auction...& with my INTERNAL team I have changed the date of it....probably 4 or 5 times B/C when I take a moment to relax my thoughts I get a clearer picture of the time I need to make it better. It really is like an internal struggle inside myself to CHILL OUT & then as soon as I do...I feel like I'm WASTING time....

Here is something interesting & many of you (like I did the first time) will think that you KNOW what you have not given over to God. :) You don't have a clue. Just like I don't. It took me a minute to realize that. The book says: "You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot of your life that you aren't even aware of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That's okay. Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his." You have to submit to that. You have to allow that. You have to have FAITH in that.

I have a Ribbon Cutting/30th Birthday Bash/Business Kick-Off Auction benefiting the Buck Up Auctions Scholarship Fund coming up NEXT Friday...July 18th (my actual bday) & I am REALLY feeling that strUgGle with time within myself. There are things that need to get done that I know will have to get done & I know MY normal way of getting it done, but I'm just not sure it is the right way. I am also aware of the crowd turnout for the last auction & even though I know THIS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT ANIMAL I've got that lingering there in the back of my mind. Then this chapter reminds me: "God has promised that 'he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.' Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

Some of you know the why/how/reason I started this auction business (there are really several). Some of you also know that when I started this journey I wondered why I hadn't thought to do it sooner. As I learn & I grow & I look back...I can see ALL the things that I have experienced. I remember how my family called a family meeting when we found out Dad had to have a transplant & we decided that we were going to FIGURE OUT A WAY to raise the money. I remember organizing & helping & gathering items for ALL the benefits we put on & I REMEMBER...when they were all completed & we raised close to $100K & (even though my Uncles & Aunt Jeanette (GOD BLESS THEM) still had to buy Daddy's land to make up the difference of what was needed) we closed that gap & got done what needed to get done. I also remember me sitting by myself a week later & REALIZING EVERYTHING that had happened. All the SUPPORT that showed up from our small communities, the press we got that we really didn't know we were getting, the complete strangers that showed up bringing items to people they didn't even know, Businesses we didn't do much business with donating items, friends coming up with ideas to raise MORE money..........& just thinking that THERE IS NO WAY WE REALLY EVER BE ABLE TO PAY THESE PEOPLE BACK....sitting there thinking this THANK YOU I'm writing to put in the papers just doesn't even begin to SHOW how much we appreciated it & HONESTLY...we didn't even know how to show it. Everything seemed so small when you compared it to what EVERYONE else helped us to ACCOMPLISH.

So.....although some of you have heard me say that I don't know why I hadn't become an auctioneer sooner or that I hadn't really thought about it... GOD was conditioning me in a way (that I totally did not understand) more than 10 years ago. AND...believe me when I say I feel like I'm crawLING right now, BUT I must remember: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." Philippians 1:6 (NIV).

I used to sit and think about why people give when they KNOW it will never be returned in the same way. Over the years I've learned that there are always people in our lives that we will NEVER be able to pay back...the same way. Sometimes it is because they believe in the cause OR in the people OR in the idea OR in the organization. Sometimes it is because they feel COMPELLED to do it for any plethora of their own reasons. Sometimes they rest assured that the seeds they are planting in others will GROW and prosper in a way they couldn't do on their own.

 Well...when I sat down to type I totally did not expect it to take me back to that part of my life. AMAZING how things work out ;). I am BLESSED & you are ALL blessings to me. You know it really is all about God's time & maybe we should all do our best to be blessings to others while we wait for his direction.

"Point to Ponder: There are no shortcuts to maturity."

Daily Bible Verse: "God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again." Philippians 1:6 (NCV)

Daily Question: "In what area of my spiritual growth do I need to be more patient & persistent?"

From my journal the first time of reading: I need to trust and seek God's timing. I had a lesson in this today. I tend to bit off more than I need to chew and today's chapter and conversation with my auctioneer friend - guided me to what needed to happen. (Zapp Hall/Chelsea's Meadow Auction).

Let me give you the condensed version of what the Zapp Hall & Chelsea's Meadow Auctions mean. As a company we had this guerrilla marketing idea to raise awareness for ourselves by going tent to tent auctioning off an item & the winning bidder could choose from a selection of charities that would receive the money. Me & another gal are literally WINGING-IT. Just goin' out & talkin' to people, getting the OK from landowners, etc. Long story short....(BELIEVE ME...you'll hear more about these two auctions) we got in a situation where we were pretty much going to have TWO fundraising auctions in the same day with LESS than a week to advertise the both of them. One wanted to do a consignment auction where the buyer's premium went to the cause. Well...an auctioneer is the only person that can solicit/discuss/initiate consignment agreements. Considering I had another auction committed to that day it was literally IMPOSSIBLE to pull off. So...I was bummed because the way BOTH of these two auctions came about was GOD AT WORK & so I was brainstorming...thinking.....trying to figure out a way to pull them both off...the easiest way possible & not DISAPPOINT both parties. Well....after a talk with my Auction Teacher & my crew & getting to a point where I KNEW I'd either lose one auction or they'd agree to do it the ONLY way we could pull it off. I made the phone call. They agreed to do it the way I suggested & we raised right around $6000 at EACH auction. Considering we had a week's time or less to pull this off I'd say it was a HUGE success. God will ALWAYS provide a way....ALWAYS... Sometimes we have to slow down our racing thoughts & fear of the perception of others or fear of not measuring up & just do what you can do, the best way you can do it. Will we do it the same way again. Some things...& some things we will tweak, but we wouldn't know unless we tried.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! His timing is RIGHT ON....TRUST that!

God Bless!

Heather Schoenst Kaspar
TXL 17037

Day 26: "Growing Through Tempation"

Well...I'm back from the WONDERFUL Frio River. REALLY...I LOVE that place. Thanks to all you readers that are hangin' in there with me & WELCOME to all the new readers.

Today's discussion topic from the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren is about growING through temptation.

I can not reiterate enough how life-CHANGING this book can be....really. This chapter is chalked FULL of advice & explanations & processes & tools that I'm sure we have ALL searched for. I'm again...going to speak from MY experience....how applying lessons from this chapter have helped me & maybe show some progress from the first time of reading to the second.

What I take away from this chapter is we have a CHOICE...we ALWAYS have a choice & we ALWAYS will. Every situation....every experience....every temptation is an OPPORTUNITY to make the BEST choice, but it is ours to make. What I also take away is just how BEAUTIFUL God's gift of The Holy Spirit is to us.... & how that relationship is....kind of like our lifeblood...mine at least. You know...what REALLY gives you purpose...what guides you...what creates your distinction between right and wrong...what grounds you...what calms you...what nourishes you...what is your life line straight to God.

So...I have a couple stories to share.... One is of my relationship with The Holy Spirit... The other is an example of temptation & what I THINK was the devil trying to tempt me & me winning a victory for God.

The book says this: "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Pastor Warren took that from Galatians 5:22-23(NLT).

I had a situation happen a few weeks ago that I am hesitant to share, but...well...words aren't going to do it justice & some people really may not understand it....and some may advise against sharing it, but I feel like it happened for a reason & it's not meant to be a secret. So....a few weeks ago, I was driving in my little home town & I passed the cemetery. The cemetery where most everyone from my Dad's side of the family are buried. I was EXTREMELY close to my Grandma Schoenst...as were my siblings & she used to make it a point to go & put flowers on all of the graves at the cemetery.

I think it's important that you have a little back story. I used to work at a daycare in my hometown & every day or every other day I would stop by and visit with my Grandma. Later I had gotten a job at a bank. I didn't stop by near as often. It went from once a week to once every two weeks, etc. Well...to be EXTREMELY blunt about the situation...I was a young, selfish kid that just didn't REALLY get the importance of that time I spent with her & how much it probably meant to her. I beat myself up about it for years. The older I got & the more I developed my understanding of things I just liked myself less and less about the situation. I remember by first face-to -face confession I asked for forgiveness for this and the priest looked at me & said: "That is not a sin. Why are you asking me to forgive it?" & my response was: "Because I was a SO selfish. I mean I LOVED her so much & she loved us UNCONDITIONALLY and I didn't even have enough decency to HONOR that." He bowed his head and told me that I need to find a way to forgive myself. Whew....I had NO CLUE what that meant at the time or how to go about it.

So now back to the story... I drove past the cemetery and, mind you, it had rained quite a bit, so there was water standing EVERYWHERE, but I felt COMPELLED to turn around. I don't know how else to explain it. I really didn't even give it much more thought. I just turned around & went back to the cemetery. I went to the first row of graves where some of our family members are buried. Then I made my way to the last row where my Grandma & Grandpa are buried. I got about two graves away from my Grandma's & was literally OVERCOME. I looked up to Heaven & said "God, I don't know what you're doin,' but just give me the strength to handle it." I sat Indian-style on her grave, because water was literally standing everywhere. I even pulled out my phone thinking: "I'm going to Google a 'special' prayer for her." Then it struck me that I didn't need to Google anything. I had it all within me. I put my hands on her grave & just started talking to her about everyone & my sweet babies...catchin' up talk... & then...my friend calls me. I silence it b/c I'm praying & talking to my Grandma & then I just started pouring out ALL the pent up feelings and emotions I had about myself & how I handled the last period of time we were on earth together & asking her to FORGIVE me & telling her how IMPORTANT she is to me & how she DESERVED better. It felt like 1000 pounds was lifted off my chest & then...without even thinking twice about it....I said these words: " Grandma, I don't know what kind of job God has for you up in Heaven, but if it's His will....there is a girl between here & Heaven & she needs you & Jesus & God & The Holy Spirit & whatever angels you can bring with you to pull her up." Another tidbit of info that is important (& what I thought many people may not understand) is that the friend that called me, had just lost the family member I was praying about, in a TRAGIC gas explosion that left her young baby & husband ALIVE.

As I call her back & check in with her...she asks me if I would say a prayer for the girl I JUST prayed for. NOW...I KNOW what some of you may be thinking.... I know because it is the VERY reason I hesitated with sharing this & was left in COMPLETE AWE... We are SO intertwined with each other on a DEEP SPIRITUAL level....that it is truly BEYOND our understanding. She had NO idea I was at the cemetery. She had NO knowledge of my relationship with my Grandma. She didn't even REALLY know the full story behind the explosion. I'm not even going to begin to try and understand the why behind all of that.

I shared this story with a priest & I have to say....he HELPED me to UNDERSTAND the CAPACITY of what had happened. He said....that the COMPELLING feeling I felt was not a coincidence. It was The Holy Spirit moving me & I listened. When I spoke those words to my Grandma I broke the bounds I placed on myself, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, let my Grandmother's soul rise to be with the angels & she took that sweet young mother's soul with her. He told me to read the book: Anatomy of Spirit.

I can't make you feel what I felt & I can't make you believe what I'm typing. Just spend some time thinking about things.

TEMPTATION is brought to us by the devil. He wants to tie us up. He wants to warp our minds. He wants to do WHATEVER it takes to keep us from Heaven. It opened my eyes to see how important we still are to each other & what the first priest meant by: "finding a way to forgive myself." ALL that negative emotion was NOT a product of God.

I know that is A LOT to take in, but I also want to share one more story...a VERY recent one...on how (I think) the devil was trying to tempt me & (although I couldn't hold back ALL of the emotions) I won one for God.

My husband & I got into an argument. I was some kind of ticked off. I kept trying to ignore it...just deal with it...channel the energy & the thoughts, control myself, be nice & good &graceful & all that jazz, BUT I just couldn't...not say something. When I say I tried....I REALLY did. I went & sat in the bathroom. Just sat there mad. Mad that I was mad. Mad that I said something. Mad that he didn't understand what I was saying to him. MAD. I said a short prayer to God saying: "God, I don't know what your settin' up here & I don't want to give the enemy any ground, but I already said what I said & I meant it. Just help me speak in a way that my husband will TRULY hear me on EVERY level I need to be heard & take care of us." Well...I'm not tellin' you what I said to him because it was kind of vulgar, but he HEARD me. My point to that story is....we will do things that aren't right...might be right, but don't seem right to anyone else... may be WAY OFF in left field...BUT GOD CAN TURN IT. He took that situation that was full of all kind of negative emotions & turned it into a way I could communicate to him to where BOTH of our eyes could be opened...to understand each other.

We aren't perfect & weren't made to be. We will be TEMPTED continuously for the rest of our lives, but we have to learn to grOW through the temptation to develop the character of Jesus. We aren't expected to be perfect & Jesus shares our struggles because he knows the intensity of temptation.

"Point to Ponder: Every temptation is an opportunity to do good."

Daily Bible Verse: "God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NLT)

Daily Question: "What Christ-like character quality can I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?"

From my journal the first time around: I feel like I have lots of things to work on in areas of temptation. I think the main two areas I need to focus on are endurance and moving forward and to not give up - because I do feel like I've been tempted persistently in these departments.

The other is dishonesty...mainly in small situations like where I am EXACTLY (like when I'm running late) or areas where I don't want to hurt someone. I really need to practice complete and utter honesty, but THINK first.

JOY- I feel like I kind of stay a sour puss. I wasn't always like that. I think because I am around negativity and judgement and confusion. God PLEASE help me find joy in everything!!

I have to report my progress :)....don't expect GIVE-UP any time soon. God just LOVES me & sends me people, places, and experiences to fill in all those gaps where the thoughts of give-up tried to live. HONESTY is totally on the forefront....You are fore-warned. If you don't REALLY want to know...don't ask me. JOY....well...I still got a little ways to go with that, BUT I'm on that road. It's amazing when you cut out some of that negativity, judgement, & confusion how much more room you have for JOY.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus!! He was tempted JUST like us...but had the strength to endure it all.

Day 25: "Transformed by Trouble"

Welcome to ALL readers!! I had every intention of writing a blog post each day I was at the Texas Auctioneer Association Convention (Thursday thru Sunday), but EVERY day was jam-packed & I can say (with certainty) that it created immense GROWTH in every area of my being. I can't wait to share some of the experiences with you! In fact...I'll share at least one in today's post as we move on to the next chapter in Pastor Rick Warren's book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? 

The very last session that I listened to, at the convention, was a presentation by a God-fearin', straight-talkin' Auctioneer from Alabama named Bryan Knox. He said all kinds of things that I took notes on, but there was one part of his speech that HIT me! I mean...made me see the reason and the purpose behind some of the things that I had to experience to appreciate where I am now & be in awe of God's plan.

His speech was about PROFESSIONALISM & someone had asked him a question (It had something to do with mentors). He answered it by using an example from The Bible....Paul, Barnabas, & Timothy & the road to Damascus. He discussed how God blinded Paul for 3 days to make him REALLY see...to FILL him with The Holy Spirit. He also discussed how Barnabas mentored Paul & Paul later mentored Timothy. 

For those of you that don't know a lot about Paul (originally names Saul), he persecuted many Christians before he was blinded (for 3 days) by Christ. Total non-believer.... BUT God CHOSE (no matter his past) to FILL him with The Holy Spirit....so much so that wherever he went and spoke it poured out of him & he is considered one of the most (if not the most) influential person in the early church. Paul (thru the vision of Christ & the help of The Holy Spirit) channeled his natural DETERMINATION, that was once used to persecute God's people, to earnestly urge others to also FOLLOW Christ. 

Ok...so you're wondering...where am I going with this? Obviously Paul was totally transformed by trouble, but all of you steady readers know that I like to apply things to my own life. 

There are two MILESTONE areas of TrouBLE that got cleared up in my mind when Mr. Knox shared that story. You guys also know one of my favorite quotes is below:

Yes...I know that many say Steve Jobs was not a Christian when he passed. We aren't gonna know. What I do know is that this man advanced technology & created a break through in communication with the iPhone that allows the immediate SHARING of information....that includes the teachings of The Bible, the open communication of spiritual discussion, & he has linked MORE people together to give us the ability to share our experiences. I'm cuttin' him some slack, because I pray God will cut me some too. 

The combination of that story & this quote made the light bulb turn on. The last two professional positions, where I was working for someone else, were maybe some of the toughest, most mentally-draining & self-analyzing situations I have EVER dealt with. I won't go into ALL the details again, because I've blogged about them before. Just know that I loved the first company SO much that I really thought I'd retire there....LOVED it...loved the job...I was good at it...I felt appreciated & then... all that changed. I was in a situation where I was being to asked to work harder for less money. I was dealing with jealousy & resentment. The SUPPORT that I once had...left. I probably prayed the HARDEST during that time. The money was good, but the VALUE that I held for myself was flying out the window piece by piece every day. Here was my exact prayer to God...at 2AM in the morning...tears rolling down my cheeks: "God, I know I was supposed to be here. I know I'm not supposed to be here anymore, but I don't know where you want me. I just want to do something where I can use the skills you've given me, love my husband, provide for our family, & give back to people & bring you the glory." So....as I'm sitting there listening..."connecting the dots," I realize that, that time of struggle got me to a milestone in my life...where I took the thought God brought me in prayer (becoming an auctioneer) & made the conscious decision to ACT on it.

Although I acted on it...God still had to WORK on me....but maybe he was just PREPARING me :). I stayed working in that job a little while longer...in fear of not having the money I thought we needed. Then we made the move back home & of course...the situation with work didn't get any better, but we were in a place where we had more SUPPORT. I was still afraid of not having the money WE felt like WE needed & took another job in medical sales (skilled nursing). Man...that job was tough on so many different levels for me. I was doing a lot of "work" that didn't make sense to me...in the sense of how important it really was. I also had to learn & get familiar with all kinds of different diagnosis & the Medicare & Medicaid & insurance processes & travel to hospitals to meet with patients & families & encounter REALLY tough situations. I became familiar with home health & hospice agencies & specialists & nurses & doctors. While doing all that... I had two bosses that REALLY didn't care for each other, but I had to report to both of them. I could NEVER make both of them happy....Ever...EVER. It was MISERABLE & just SO draining. What is really interesting is the thing that I really wanted to do: be of service to common, normal people when they REALLY needed it....I really couldn't be because my hands were tied by Medicare & Medicaid & insurance guidelines & the admittance & dismissal dates of hospitals & the orders from the patients' doctors OR my company itself. So what was I REALLY accomplishing? What was the purpose? So again....as I was listening & "connecting the dots," I can see how God was SHOWING me that I can NEVER....EVER serve two people...or two Gods & have any POSITIVE effect on anything. I didn't have that exact thought when I gave my notice. I just truly felt like the longer I stayed there, the longer I was working against God & his plan for my life & I reached a point where the money didn't matter anymore. I can NOW also see how God USED that process to open my eyes. Talk about being transformed by trouble....

Sometimes I feel like people think I'm "preachin'" to them when I write these posts. Guys...I'm not trying to preach to you. I am tying to SHARE with you how God acted & continues to act in my life. I have been left in AWE so many times since I quit that job that it is HUMBLING. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that God really does have a path for all of us to walk & as we continue to peel back & work through our junk (OUR perceived needs & wants & pre-conceived notions of what WE think we should be) & just let God lead us, more & more will be revealed to us...& the walk will get easier. 

God led me to that convention last week & took me to a place (internally) that had me READY to soak in every ounce of it. It struck a cord with every level of my being: professionally (how to run a business, how to build a business, how to develop my skill, how to lead my team), my confidence & self assurance, my ability & capacity to figure out how to allow all the pieces of my life fit together, & throughout the ENTIRE convention....EVERYONE continued to LIFT it all up for God's glory....which is the ONLY reason I am on this path.  

"Point to Ponder: There is purpose behind every problem."

Daily Bible Verse: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28(NIV)

Daily Question: "What problem in my life has caused the greatest growth in me?"

From my journal the first day of reading: The constant, or ever-present feeling that I can ALWAYS do better, or that I don't measure up in certain areas. It's like I try to master it, or at least really spend some time with it. It has developed lots of things in me: perseverance, understanding of human nature, self-growth, spiritual growth, etc. - because I am constantly looking out and up. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus!! He will ALWAYS lead you out of your TroUBle if you let him. God Bless!

Day 22: "Created To Become Like Christ"

Welcome back readers!! Yes...I took a week long hiatus from my blog posts. Not because I didn't want to do them, but I had a general consignment auction this past weekend & it literally consumes my time. Yes...I could have taken SOME time to write these posts, but not much & you wouldn't get the quality post you'll get since my time has freed up...not to mention the new experiences to share. Sharing this with all of you is very important to me. I want to shine the light to whoever will read this book (The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren) on how IMPORTANT finding our PURPOSE is & then living it. It's a journey...not automatic & I feel DRIVEN to share that with you.

Today marks the beginning of the THIRD purpose of our lives....To Become MORE like CHRIST.

Like I mentioned, this has been a BusY week. I worked at the sale barn on Monday. Then, on Tuesday, we started setting up tables for the auction & breaking down chairs & lining up chairs & moving benches, then Wednesday was FULL of sorting through items at 2 estates, boxing them up, and bringing them to the auction site...along with furniture & cement blocks & not getting home until after 3AM. Thursday held MORE of that & tagging & lotting all the items & displaying them and what not. Friday was preview day where there was more lotting & organizing & having consignments come in & Saturday was auction day.

Let me just say that this has been an educational week in the world of this Entrepreneur. I found myself SEARCHING for the PURPOSE of ALL. THAT. WORK. Here is what I can tell you.... I have had 3 of my own general consignment auctions now....since I got my auctioneer's license. Of the 3...my ANXIETY level was the lowest it has EVER been....and it seemed StraNge to me. Not unwelcome, but stranGe. I also SAW....how BLESSED & LOVED I am. I am BEYOND blessed & I am in AWE of it....& not very understanding of it. I was in VERY good company this week & had more fun with both of my siblings (at the same time) than we've had in a long time. I felt their SUPPORT & it is a blessing. I had some of the BEST friends that a girl could ask for come out & BE THERE & WORK HARD....without question... & when things didn't go maybe EXACTLY how I'd a liked them to go....they were there to SUPPORT & ENCOURAGE me. I could see SO MUCH BEAUTY in  ALL THAT MESS.... I SAW so much positive growth in MULTIPLE areas.

God's plan is SO beautiful & SO HARD...all at the same time. I can recognize God's PROTECTION for me & his REVEALING to me. It's like glimpses... I still find myself trying to CONTROL certain aspects of my life & I RECOGNIZE more every day of how I need to let go & LET GOD. As I was reading through this chapter again this line popped out at me: "Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with the Holy Spirit, and it is how your character develops." Man....have I learned how to do this & LET ME TELL YA....It isn't much fun DURING the process....but you will be left in AWE. I can also say that a lot of times I'm not sure AT ALL that I'm doing the "right" thing, but I'm trying to do the right thing.... Yeah....sometimes "The right thing" can get your wheels a spinnin' & a lot of times...YOU JUST DON'T KNOW & you can do all the prayin' you want to & God's probably not gonna drop the answer in your lap in a perfectly wrapped box with a pretty ribbon around it.

This chapter says: "God gives us our time on earth to build and strengthen our character for heaven." It also says: "You are a work in progress. Your spiritual transformation to developing the character of Jesus will take the rest of your life, and even then it won't be completed here on earth." Yep...I'm tellin' ya...just when you think you MIGHT have somethin' figured out...there's a whole 'nother layer that you didn't even know about. We HAVE to EXPERIENCE the tough times to TRULY appreciate the GOOD times & in those TOUGH times we HAVE to TRUST that whatever we are going through, dealing with, faced with...it is developing our character & we have to choose how to react to it. There is a line from a quote that I saw on Facebook & I have no idea who wrote it, but it says: "My name has been dragged through the mud more than once & every time I pick it up & wash it off!" My name...my pride...my work...& YES...I wash all that CRAP off & get back with it! Figure it out! That is the OTHER thing I've learned this week. I have always known that I DON'T QUIT. I may re-position or adjust, but I don't quit & I was sitting outside the auction (BEFORE the auction started) already thinking about PLAN B. Was I bummed about the turnout...yes. BUT for once I DIDN'T BEAT MYSELF UP. At the time I did what I thought needed to be done & what I had the ability to do. Now I have to do the same thing with the knowledge & experience I GAINED from this auction.

So here is my SPIRITUAL take on this week....I felt a CONSTANT calmness because my FAITH & TRUST in God has gotten stronger. I know that ALL will be okay & I could see with my eyes how ABUNDANTLY blessed I am. When you pump the brakes on all that WORRY you can sure see a lot of things clearer. I can see the ties that bind my family, friends, & staff are strengthening... Those are all the things that REALLY matter. The rest will fall in place.

"Point to Ponder: I was created to become like Christ."

Daily Bible Verse: "As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more." 2 Corinthians 3:18B (NLT)

Daily Question: "In what area of my life do I need to ask for the Spirit's power to be like Christ today?

From my journal the first day of reading: Developing good habits... good Godly habits. That is the area in my life that I need to ask The Holy Spirit to help me with. I am feeling like my lack of habitually doing things (not necessarily having bad habits (although I do)) is an underlying source of stress and chaos.

My take on things now....I was a little hard on myself that day. I need to be ALL I can be in any given day, without taking into consideration what EVERYONE else thinks I need to be. Maybe I'm not made (and this is highly likely) to habitually do things. I'm working now to do the best I can, with what I can & realizing that worry, jealousy, anxiety, are all roadblocks to finding my divine purpose.

A priest asked me one time: "Do you see God when you look in the mirror?" My answer then was "No, not really, but I feel a strong resemblance to Jesus." Well DUH!! Jesus is our living GOD, so the answer is YES. He moved passed that one probably thinking she'll get that when she reflects back on it.

I can tell you what I REALLY need The Holy Spirit to help me with.... Stripping myself of the expectations I put on myself, which are based on what, the society that I look towards, deems as acceptable & good & what I have also adopted. It's probably the MAIN way I still try & CONTROL things that are not mine to control.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! When you stay in GOOD COMPANY you pick up their habits! God Bless!

Day 3: "What Drives Your Life?"

Welcome all the new readers & returning readers!!

Today the book talks about what drives your life... You'll be doing some self-analyzin' today.

Day 3: What Drives Your Life?

Point to Ponder: "Living on purpose is the path to peace."

Daily Verse: "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 (TEV)

Daily Question: "What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?"

Here's what I put in my journal: I really think they'd say all different things. Some would say: 1) to have a successful business & something to leave her kids. 2) To be as successful as she was working for others...for herself. 3) Helping others. 4) Auctioning or selling things. 5) Learning. 6) Living out her purpose. 7) The journey. The people that don't agree with what I'm doing OR don't understand it might say: 8) the attention & praise. 9) the perception of success.

I really think and want my driving force to be fulfilling God's plan for me and managing the relationships and responsibilities of the people I love most, the best way I possibly can.

What I have to ADD: I think PERCEPTION is one of the devil's MOST-USED tools.

Each chapter has several other Bible verses that go along with the chapter & this one had this at the beginning: "I observed that the basic motive for success is the driving force of envy & jealousy!" Ecclesiastes 4:4 (LB)

Here are the MOST important things I took away from this chapter. Ya'lls may be different & that is GOOD. We all apply things differently.

1) We are not supposed to do EVERYTHING or be good at EVERYTHING, so we shouldn't focus on it so much.

2) WE SHOULD STOP DABBLING.

3) We are working on our ETERNAL LEGACY. Living a good life here on earth, will make things easier (maybe) for the people we leave behind, BUT what we should FOCUS on is our ETERNAL LEGACY. There is more than what is here & ALL the PERCEPTION & FLUFF that goes along with our legacy here will be STRIPPED AWAY....to get right down to the nuts & bolts of our use with the time God has given us.

Pastor Warren writes in his book about the two questions WE KNOW (from the Bible) God will ask us when we stand before him: 1) "What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?" Did we develop a relationship with him, accept what he did for us, & learn to trust him & love him? 2) "What did you do with what I gave you?" Think about some of the things he gave you. Think of all the opportunities, people & relationships, talent, gifts, opportunities, resources... God has given me lots of things...and NOW I can look back and see how its ALL connected together to put me right where I am now. I KNOW with EVERY ounce of me that God has commissioned me with the talent of being an auctioneer & all that goes with it. I also know that this talent could have been revealed to me YEARS ago...& saved me a few steps...BUT I needed to walk those steps. Thus I know that....I will walk this path as long as he wants me to. I will walk through ALL of the doors he opens (& it has happened WITHOUT me asking) & I will TRUST that whatever is ahead of me is GREATER than what is behind me. I also KNOW & am CONTENT with the fact that he might have me flying airplanes or swimming with dolphins 20 years from now....and if that is where he thinks I need to be...I WILL GO.

I believe in GOD's plan!

One other thing I want to talk about is PERCEPTION. I have come to believe that it is one of the devil's STRONGEST tools because it can be placed in the minds of others. It can be placed in our own minds. It can create feelings that are false....& BOTTOM LINE it is a falsehood. PERCEPTION IS NOT REAL, but we ALL STRuggle with it.

This is the definition of perception I'm talking about: a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.

I bring this up because it is ALWAYS present & it will ALWAYS try & deter you OR jack you up some how. Here are some examples:

Having a disagreement with someone, kind of mending it, but never really addressing where the words/emotions/thoughts came from & ULTIMATELY not really getting to know that person & why you both reacted the way you did. Based on the actions of OTHERS or the words of OTHERS you perceive MENTALLY that the two of you never will get along & look at the surface of things...and it ends there. UNLESS someone makes the effort to know that the other person felt guarded, was going through something else, felt a twinge of jealousy or frustration & had other things to work out & that you REALLY would not get it at the time.

Here's another: A person doesn't really know God, has no relationship with God, doesn't know how to pray....not because they don't want to, BUT because they don't know HOW. They didn't grow up knowing God. They start dating someone that has gone to church all their life & EXPECTS them to also. They don't know what to do. They're kind of like a lost duck & they just go through the motions to make the other person happy & make themselves be PERCEIVED as satisfying the "wants" of that person. That perception creates a road block to REALLY developing a relationship with GOD & other people as well....because the motions are just a show that hold no meaning.

One more: Two friends start two different businesses. They both enter into it, excited about helping each other. Things start rolling for both of them & one talks to the other about potential investors & what was important for her & what she THOUGHT she REALLY needed to get her business to the next level, which included the friend's business. The natural twinge of jealousy hits. WHY does SHE have that opportunity? She just got started? The perception of what it SEEMS like & what it may actually be - aren't addressed. A road block starts forming. Instead of digging into how & why & what happened for her to get the interest of investors & ALL the work she might have had to do & how long she'd been working on it...the other starts thinking about how the success of HER business will be PERCEIVED in comparison. The relationship of helping each other halts b/c the FOCUS changes from working together to working on how to reach the PERCEIVED success of the other.

WE worry about the perception others may have about: the homes we build, the church we go to, the cars we drive, the food we eat, the places we go, what organizations we are part of, where we work...EVERYTHING. And if you are sittin' there sayin' you don't...it's time to get HONEST with yourself. Are ALL the choices you make FOCUSED on how your actions or decisions will move you forward on your God-given mission?

I HOPE you guys see what I'm getting at. ALL of the thoughts are PERCEIVED thoughts, that are created by filling in the details we DON'T KNOW! We are ALL meant to work with each other....not against each other. Just think about the PROGRESS that could be made IF we worked WITH each other, instead of by ourselves & if we worked for God's purpose & not with the purpose to please others. We all have our own journey & our own timeline - that we really DON'T have control of. The devil doesn't like progress, unless it benefits his cause...to have more souls join his army.

SO.....I KNOW....lots to think about. But NOW to answer the question of: "What do I want the driving force in my life to be?" Here it is: To COMPLETE God's mission & be stronger & smarter for the next one he gives me. To SHARE with MORE people, how to avoid the devil's ploys. To be a GOOD soldier in God's army. To help the people I love become stronger soldiers for CHRIST. To INTRODUCE my children to God's word, SO they can introduce his LOVE to other children EARLY in life. To MINISTER to people when the OPPORTUNITY arises....or CREATE the opportunity. (Once you OPEN yourself up to that...the opportunities PRESENT themselves.) & TO BLESS OTHERS WITH THE BLESSINGS GOD HAS GIVEN ME.

I mean it ya'll! GO get this book!!! We are only on DAY 3!! BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!! He's got your mount ready!!