My Melissa

So, we lost one of the sweetest souls I may have ever known. When I go, I can only pray that I made people feel the way she has made me, and I know MANY, others feel.

Melissa Wickel was a gem. Everything about her was good. I will miss her dearly, as our entire community will.

As I sat down to reflect on why the grief & shock overtook me when I found out she passed, like it did; all that came to mind was how she really made me feel like somebody. There was this quiet encouragement she gave me.

I recall one of my very first auction adventures : "The Wandering Auctioneer." I had this idea to go from field to field & tent to tent at the Round Top Warrenton Antiques Show as a grassroots PR campaign for Buck Up Auctions. I thought how cool would it be to pull a wagon & a speaker & auction off items to the public that was donated by participating vendors & the money would go to a charity of the donors choice. It would allow people to experience the FUN of an auction, draw attention to the vendor, & raise money for an organization that needed it.

That was the original idea, which transformed into something different where, at both Zapp Hall & Chelsea's Meadow, we raised money for 2 different women battling breast cancer. Almost all the vendors on each field participated.

The original idea could've been a 2 man show + the vendor & the bidders. The new idea required well...a lot more people. I had not planned for that, but I agreed to take a stab at it anyways.

So there I sat making plans & trying to pull things together in less than 7 days time. I was blessed & still am, to have encouragers in my life. At that time, I really had a handful that I thought MIGHT have the ability & the DESIRE to really help me with this...for free. I called Melissa & I remember feeling like I was #1 inconveniencing her & #2 was asking her to do something that was really going to be work, on (likely) her day off. I know I went through the WHOLE spiel with her, thinking I had talked her right into a "No" & she said YES! I was SO grateful, because I had bit off more than I could chew alone & needed the help.

Melissa SO encouraged me when I first got started, as an auctioneer. She was still encouraging me a year ago. She would send me things & ideas that I never saw myself doing & she knew it would get my wheels turning.

She passed my name on to someone in her Bluebonnet family that was organizing a benefit for Mrs. Judy Mikeska, who was also battling cancer. The friends & fellowship & faith & community that filled that room is something I hope I never ever forget. Melissa was all of that. She was a friend to EVERYONE that crossed her path. She would fellowship & bring people together. She was the one keeping her classmates together & having a presence at local fundraising events, She had faith...man, she had faith....faith in people, faith in God, faith in goodness & kindness, faith in the grand design. Lastly, but not least, she was an essential part in every community she was a part of: work, alma mater, family, friends, church, & organizations she believed in.

Yeah...I'm really going to miss her. I believe that God blesses us with the people in our lives for a reason. We each could have been born or landed somewhere totally different than where we are. I am a better person for knowing her & I know she meant A LOT to A LOT of people.

I just felt like sharing My Melissa. What Melissa meant to me in my life & share my thankfulness for her life & the impressions she has left me with.

My Melissa is kind & good & full of faith. She is special & blessed & a blessing. She is a friend & a role model & dependable. She sees good in people. She sees more in people than they see in themselves. She is an encourager in just the right ways. She is someone, that thru her passing, has made me DESIRE to slow down & appreciate people & spend time with them...to take the time, to make the time, for people.

Bible verses that make me think of Melissa:

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

(This next one came to mind several times, as I've been typing this blog. In my flesh it would not be one I'd include, but it belongs here.)

"But he gives us more grace. Therefore it says: 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you...." James 4:6-8

Fly high my friend & Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! I can only imagine the work he has for you in Heaven!   

Delta Dawn

Ever since I was a little girl Delta Dawn was one of my go-to songs. I used to walk around with one of these little cassette players. There was a handful of cassettes that I would cycle through it & this was on one of the greatest hits cassettes. I had a few "secret" places as a kid that I would just sit, be by myself, & listen to music. This song is one that stuck with me.

As I got older, we became more involved with horses. We started out trail-riding & then we became pretty involved with cutting horses. Almost everyday we would ride. We wouldn't necessarily work them on cattle everyday (which means penning & sorting them). Many times my sister and I rode together, but when we didn't, I would walk circles cooling my horse down & sing a cycle of songs:
"Amazing Grace"
"Have You Ever" by Brandy
"Delta Dawn"
& SOMETIMES I'd add in "All God's Creatures Got a Place in the Choir"

As I've gotten older, these are still my go-tos that I still sing when I'm by myself & I just need to.

The last couple weeks have quite possibly been our busiest ever. It's hard to say for sure, because we stay pretty busy, BUT my mind & body were done. I had been going ALL day. It was one of those days that even in the "down time" I was tying up loose ends via text or email. I had been thinking about Mother's Day & Star Tests & Kylee's birthday & 1st Communion & Heath's Pre-K Graduation & year end parties & the online auctions & onsite auctions that are lining up & real estate closings & the feasts and fundraisers I'll need to be at & the proposals I need to be working on & when Kyle was working & who'd be able to watch the baby &........

HEAR ME when I say I. AM. NOT. COMPLAINING.  I am blessed. I'm working on how to manage it all. Adjusting to life with a newborn has....honestly...seemed easier this time around in some ways, while still adding new dynamics that we all have to learn to navigate. I am giving you a glimpse into my reality. Even though the reality is a blessing, it can still be quite overwhelming at times.

On this day let's say it was 9 o'clock at night. Kyle was working nights. We had gotten back from somewhere & I thought I had everyone settled & situated. Imagine a continuous motion of DOING all. day. long.....constant & I went to sit in the bedroom. Kylee was holding the itty bitty & she said "Hunter wants his Momma." (still in constant motion...) I just took my sweet, crying, cutie with me, sat on the bed, & tried to nurse him. That wasn't his jam....just NOT what he was wanting. So I just put the crying baby on my chest & as if it flowed out of me....started singing Delta Dawn.

It seemed like before I could get "Delta Dawn" out of my mouth, the baby calmed down & then I got choked up...LOL. It was like my soul & spirit had a meeting of the minds & Jesus happened. "...A peace that surpasses all understanding..."(Philippians 4:7) came over me...actually both of us.

It made me stop & reflect on that song, the lyrics, the singer, the story, the feeling that it gives me all the times in my life I've sang it....how appreciative I was of it, in that moment, when the combination of the song & the affect it has on me calmed my crying baby. In that moment I FELT the POWER of the connection. I can't put it into words that will do it justice. I can't say that the actual lyrics directly connect to anything in my life. I can't even say that I have spent a ton of time thinking about the fact that the song has stuck with me for decades. I can tell you, that when I sing that song...I experience a different kind of peace.

Everything is bigger than what we are able to comprehend in our flesh. I don't have the answer & I don't know the answers to all the whys? & hows? I just KNOW that, that song, to me - means more than the words, more than the rhythm & I don't have to know why or how. I just sat there, rocking my baby, grateful for it.....all of it. Every. single. thing. it meant to me in my life & anything and anyone that was a vehicle in bringing it to me: Tanya Tucker, the songwriter, the muse, the radio...

It also helped me realize HOW the gifts God blesses us with, touches others. In the 40+ years, since this song was written...think of the MILLIONS that it has touched...the generations....& it's just. one. song.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Don't take those nuggets in your life for granted; even something as simple as a song. You don't have to understand it. Just be thankful for it.

A Shepherd Smells Like His Sheep

A little over two weeks ago I was sitting in the cry room at church. If you guys have never had the pleasure of sitting in a cry room filled with God's little angels....you would not know that, as a parent, you have to REALLY have your listening skills turned up to hear the message. For me sometimes...I have to just grab the key words I can catch and meditate on them.

The Priest was talking about Jesus as a leader of the people & one thing that stuck out to me....and hasn't left my mind yet is "A shepherd smells like his sheep."

Small tangent here...but I used to show lambs through 4-H & FFA. If you have never been around sheep, they have an odor about them. When my sister & I were out working with them, someone would be able to tell we had been. It's different than a goat or a cow or a horse. It's a distinct smell.

So then....I thought about that.

#1 - Jesus CHOSE us to shepherd. He made the choice to be like us, smell like us, hurt with us, rejoice with us, protect us at all costs.

#2 - He chose ALL of us & He searched far & wide, without discrimination of any kind, to find His lost sheep. HE PUT THE WORK IN. The grimy, dirty, dusty, painful, treacherous, scary, confusing WORK. He knew who He was looking for.

#3 - He walked into places that were unknown & met unwelcoming strangers. He not only walked...He BOLDLY walked.

So as I still sit here with "A shepherd smells like his sheep" burned into my mind....I ask Jesus to come into MY shoes....where I'm currently walking. I talk to him about my "sheep" that I am leading in any sense of the word...along the path of my calling & tell Him, I WANT to be like Him. I want to KNOW my sheep.

Being a business owner and an employer does not always lead you down clear cut paths. In fact, in my walk, there has been A LOT of walking by blind faith; Having faith that a decision I make now, will make sense later.

See...We aren't Jesus. Sometimes your sheep...or your tribe come to you. PRAISE JESUS when that happens....well...praise Him always, but acknowledge those godsends. We don't always see the "wolves" like Jesus could. We have to learn how to identify them, but I believe we have to learn how, so we know what to look for & we can better protect our flock/tribe. Those are not the shoes I'm asking Jesus to wear for me today.

I'm asking Him to put on the pair where I am trying to be everything to everyone. I'm running after other people's sheep AND my own & not because I need them or want them, but because I think I'm supposed to because I have the skills, knowledge, wisdom, & means to provide for their needs effectively. What I'm not thinking about is what I need. I think that is how I qualify my sheep.

 So as I stand at this intersection...where there is like a....market or a plaza along each road....and  I'm standing their holding our new baby, with my family & my crew - I need His DIVINE guidance to take me down the path that doesn't have the most people needing services that I can provide, but the one that has the RIGHT people needing services I can provide, but in the plaza that can also sustain all the needs of the flock coming with me & POSSIBLY provide opportunities for me to be a sheep and not a shepherd.

I want to walk SO boldly knowing that I not only will be walking with a well-nourished, well-fed, well-loved flock by my side, but that I'm in an environment where I will be fed, nourished, loved & have the ability to feed, nourish, & love on more of God's people.

We aren't Jesus & we aren't called to be everything to everyone. That's how I know I'm at a crossroad. I've finally looked up. I do not & never did have the ability to meet the needs of everyone. I was SO busy hearing the needs of man, that I hadn't REALLY stopped. (I stopped & asked, but not long enough to listen.) I want to be the shepherd to the people Jesus calls me to & those alone. I am your sheep. Come & get me & lead me in YOUR ways & not the ways of man.

Jesus, Help me to always remember that YOU care for ME. I have to obey YOU, so I can care for THEM. AMEN.

Yep. That's how He broke through to me. Buck Up Baby & Ride With JESUS! Look for him amongst the noise. He not only will find you...He'll teach you how to ride through all the noisy places in life.

Everything is God's

I am making my way through the Bible & yesterday I finished the Book of First Chronicles. The book ends re-addressing all the plans The Holy Spirit impressed on King David about the Temple. It recaps that King David's son Solomon will become King and actually be in charge of building the temple. It explains why & what God's reasons were. It lists out all the different people appointed to all the different jobs. It discusses all the supplies and labor needed and where it came from. All the important details were listed there.

There are two things that stick with me as I meditate on the lessons in this book.

1) God being impartial to the specific people that were assigned a job. Jobs were assigned by clans or tribes, but lots were drawn (regardless of age and experience) as to who got what duty.

2) David acknowledges & proclaims that EVERYTHING is God's. All the supplies and laborers that he lined up were already God's. He blessed him and others with certain skills and abilities, but all of everything already belongs to God. Not only did King David know this, but he proclaimed it to the ENTIRE kingdom. He also acknowledge weaknesses of man & that God did and will provide in our weakness. He proclaimed this in the assembly, almost seeming in a way, to be sure these facts were VERY clear to everyone.

These two points have been VERY helpful to me over the last week. God has blessed me with the ability to apply these lessons and discern in my own personal situations where they should apply.

No matter how much as a business-owner you don't want to micro-manage, you've learned that sometimes, in some situations, you really need to. Yet, there is this constant struggle of what to turn loose of a little bit & what to focus on. I found myself there, even in team building & the different skills that team members possess. I'm still contemplating my current situation and all the ways the first lesson applies, but it is definitely shedding light on the situation.

As my business has gone through different growth phases, my view has had to get bigger and bigger and bigger. You learn there are risks you have to take for the potential to offer more services - producing more income, knowing that you aren't producing more income yet. You learn how valuable your time is when the workload increases, but your time doesn't. You figure out that you need to hire someone to help you, not really knowing what that looks like because you've never done it. I believe these types of situations are the ingredients for the wisdom He wants to download to us, to develop us for whatever He has waiting ahead of us.

I also have to remember to stay looking ahead, not to the right or left at what someone else is doing. That is not my business, not my journey, and not my call. He has put me on this path, to carry out this plan, with the help of the people He places on it. It can be a hard thing when you know your heart is being conditioned towards a new direction, but you know your current work is right where you're at. Imagine excitement toward a new goal & confusion for what to do next where you are at. You have to figure out the next step now to get to the new goal. That is where I find myself. I see the bigger vision, where both situations co-exist. I'm just not exactly sure how to get there, BUT I know I'll get there....& it will be better than I think it will be.

What has ALWAYS helped me is that I truly believe that this is God's plan for my life. Not mine. I dig His plan. It is one that I did not expect & it has been an incredibly rewarding ride. With all that, I believe that as long as my heart, towards the plan, in grounded in helping people and doing the best job possible in my given situation, He will take care of the rest. He always has. I'm not saying it hasn't been frustrating or confusing or inconvenient. It has, but it has always led me to a place I hadn't planned on going.

Just like the message I believe King David was proclaiming in that assembly, we can do NOTHING alone. God's hand & will & strength & love is in everything. It is all a gift to us to draw us closer to Him. It is all for our benefit...a benefit we are unable to fathom in our flesh.

Buck Up Baby & Ride with Jesus! All things are His and He is giving it to you.

I Just Need to Write...

I need to write. I need to dump....SOMETHING in this blog. I know the feeling I get when this needs to happen, but I don't always know what I'm supposed to type.

I'm funky....in a good way ;). I'm in a transition period, but I'm not quite sure what I'm transitioning into.

Which...you know...whatever. That's how God works.

I guess I can start with some of the lessons that have stuck out to me lately, as I'm making my way through the Bible. I'm in 2 Kings. Man....we've been jacked up for a looooooooooooooooong time.

Sin is nasty. Ego fuels sin AND gets in the way of God's plan. That being said....we need to know who we are and where we came from, but we need to stay on the road. Do not veer to the right or to the left. If we can find ourselves operating on FACTS and not on feelings, it would be a lot easier to do.

That being said...another set of facts that have become quite apparent to me is.... God will keep filling up vessels as long as he has a vessel to fill. HE will NEVER run out of His grace. He will run out of people saying yes to Him before He runs out of His grace.

Also....He always provides an opportunity and a way in times of trouble. ALWAYS. We just have to MOVE. We can not stay where trouble finds us. We have to search for Him....for HIS solution...His gift He has waiting on us.

One more thing.....God didn't take shortcuts back in Old Testament times & He doesn't take shortcuts now. Make no mistake....HE COULD, BUT....there is no glory in the shortcuts. He does not do this for Himself. He does this for us. He doesn't need this journey...we do.

In less than 5 days, there have been 2 people that I know, by all accounts of the flesh, that have left us too soon. It's hard for me to not be pissed. It's hard for me to NOT question God. God did not place us into a world of sin. We did & He still loves us. He is not taking shortcuts for our sake. As hard as it is for me to NOT be upset about the....mourning....that many of my friends will be going through.... I know there is grace in mourning. I also know that there is more past this life. Our life on earth is fleeting & I believe that. In the grand scheme of things...it is the blink of an eye, yet to us feels like an eternity. They are on the other side....(in my opinion) still making choices.....& God is STILL pouring grace into them, if they say YES. He will fill a vessel until there are no more vessels to be filled.

Damn it, be a vessel. Say yes to HIM....pissed off or joyous. He KNOWS that we wrestle with our sin. He KNOWS that MANY people before us chose sin & He KNOWS the way out of sin. We just have to keep saying YES to Him. Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! Follow Him....all the way home!

What the Book of Genesis Taught Me

Here is what the Book of Genesis taught me about who God is:
-Old
-Forgiving
-Persistent
-Repetitive
-Wants us to hear His message
-Powerful
-Educating me
-Good
-Blesses us when we listen to Him, because He needs us for His plan
-Conditioning me
-Sharing things with us through visions & dreams
-Odd sometimes
-True to His word
-Has no limits of time or the weakness of the flesh
-Is willing to negotiate
-Firm about what is best
-Urging us to go in the right direction
-Interesting
-Fierce in His testing
-Faithful...especially to those faithful to Him
-A lover of all kinds of people
-Giving
-Listening
-With everyone
-Sees how we treat each other
-Walking before us & conditioning & working in those He needs to, to carry out His plan & protect us
-Full of blessings
-Has a long-term plan & that plan needs generations of people to fulfill it
-Faithful to us when we hold true to His truths & do what is right when it is hard to
-Revealing things to us in our dreams via numbers, frequency of things that happen to us, according to periods of time
-Working on me
-ALWAYS thinking about us, regardless of what season we are in
-SO complex
-Tiring sometimes
-Faithful
-Administers blessings through others

God is taking me on a cover-to-cover journey through The Bible. I'm in the Book of Exodus now, but felt prompted to share what the Book of Genesis has taught me, BECAUSE the Book of Exodus is starting to show me another layer of who God is.

If I reflect back on my biggest take-aways from the Book of Genesis this is what I recall:

-I believe Jesus created the world & he had conversations with God & The Holy Spirit while He was creating it. He had their help as well.

-I saw human weakness amplified. I identified with these people; with their limited understanding; with their fear; with their quick ability to forget. God was with them, blessing them.

-I was reminded that customs we experience are not the same customs throughout the world & God loves everyone throughout the world.

-I was reminded that God has NO LIMITS of the flesh or of time and, although I don't understand how He does it, He navigates through the weak customs & structures of our world to draw us to Him & fulfill His plan.

-Even those God blessed abundantly lied. They lied lies that could GREATLY harm other people. God's grace was there with the people that could have been harmed & the people that could have caused harm. What I recognized were the motives of those lies.... Abraham did not lie about Sarah being his wife to harm Abimelech & his people. He lied to save Sarah, himself & move forward in carrying out God's plan. Isaac did the same with Rebekah. Both of those situations were brought to light.

-Motives of your actions are important. Above is a good example. Another is when Noah became angry with his son Ham. I felt like Noah had overreacted about Ham sharing with his brothers that their father fell asleep exposed after drinking too much. Then after meditating on it....He was upset with him because Ham's heart went to shame him & not help him. His other two brothers walked in backwards to cover Noah.

-God's people will experience hardship & He will walk through those  hardships with us.....as well as the joys.

-There is A LOT more that happened that The Good Book does not hold. If God needs us to know it, He will show us where to find it.

-The more you allow God to work in your life, the more your faith will grow.

-Families & leaders back then were just as flawed as we are. They wrestle with the same struggles & weaknesses, just in different situations. None of this is new to God. He has been navigating us through it for generation upon generation upon generation.

-No matter how monotonous reading name after name after name of people that were not major characters in The Bible can be....these people are our people. It gives a different sense of importance when you realize that.

-God became disappointed in His creation on multiple occasions.

Sometimes We Just Can't

There are times in life where we just can't...

We can't measure up to EVERYTHING our children need.
We can't measure up to what some people think we should be.
We can't manage our home or our work  like we'd like to.
We can't KNOW with any clear cut certainty what is the "right" choice sometimes.

I was reading Exodus 1:1-2:25. The piece within this reading that really spoke to me was about the birth of Moses. At the time of Moses's birth the king of Egypt had ordered that all Israelite boys that were born were to be thrown into the Nile River. Moses's mother raised Moses & hid him for 3 months & then coated a basket with tar & pitch & placed him in the reeds by the Nile.

Moses's sister watched her baby brother from afar... Can you imagine? Can you imagine your older child seeing her baby brother crying in the reeds, being left alone, abandoned by the mother...her mother that cared for them both. Can you imagine the MOURNING Moses's mother & sister MUST have been experiencing? Can you imagine them trying to make the "right" choices?

Then Miriam (Moses's sister) witnessed God's grace....his love... Pharoh's, (the king of Egypt) daughter saw the basket and felt sorry for him. Miriam was there & asked if she should get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby & Pharoh's daughter said YES! She went and got her mother & by God's grace Moses would live! As he got older his mother brought him to Pharoh's daughter for him to be her son. Again...I can not imagine the grief that Moses's family must have been feeling, but I can believe they were GRACIOUS beyond belief.

Where we can't, God can & will. He is moving without us knowing. He is guiding us where He needs us to be, He is revealing solutions to problems we don't even know we have & for problems that seem to have no "right" answer. He is SO abundant. He is SO...right there in it...with us!

I know that I felt VERY grateful for gaining this lesson this week. I am grateful for God's reminder of His power & His love for us. I am grateful that I could find it right there in my Bible...like it was waiting on me to read it.

There are places we just can't. It's not that we don't try. We TRY with EVERYTHING we have. Sometimes we just can't. We can't because we are not equipped. We can't because our knowledge & foresight is limited. We can't because God needs us to depend on Him. He rewards us for our courage & He rewards us for our faith.