Own Your Awesome....Don't be Intimidated

In my most recent post, I shared my experience after leaving The Gathering (which for you new readers, was an AWESOME gathering of women...many in business, sharing their journeys & their Jesus). I was SO encouraged by these ladies & this gathering & the number of ladies that showed up to hear these testimonies.That being said, a few days after The Gathering...I wrote down some of the topics that just stuck with me after being there. I will blog about ALL of them & have prayed that I tell this story how God needs me to & write about these topics how He wants me to & in His order...not my own. On my own...I would have moved this a little further down the list, but as I sat with them & prayed for guidance...this is the one I feel compelled to share. I don't say any of what I'm getting ready to share in judgement &, quite frankly, applaud each lady that got up there & SHARED. I've been in this place that I'm fixing to talk about & still go to that place & I KNOW (in my case) the enemy is trying to steal my sunshine & I just feel led to share my experience & my reactions.

At The Gathering ....a few of the speakers would get up there & start to discredit or disqualify themselves, right off the bat. Boy was I familiar with that. It's like, in a way, we think we are being humble, but really we are letting the enemy toy with our worthiness. 

I couldn't quite put my finger on it right away, but the more people got up to speak the more I could feel a gentle brush of agitation, every time someone would say something questioning their own worthiness. I think my Spirit was getting agitated & I couldn't quite put my finger on it, in my flesh...until I prayed on it. It was like...when a razorback curr dog gets a little agitated & the hair starts standing up on it's back...right before it barks...(Yeah...I know I just country-fied this post, but that was the image that came to my head to describe it.)

It didn't take away from what they had to say (for me), but it bothered me that they felt like they should put that limit on themselves & it bothered me that I was so familiar with it. 

Here's an example of what I'm talking about: "I haven't studied this as much as so & so." OR "I've only been in business X number of years." OR "I'm sure other people might do it differently."

HERE ME: I was that person EVERY time I had to get in front of a group of people....and I get in front of groups of people A LOT, being an auctioneer. If I could paint a picture of what my head is like a couple days before a big auction...it would be a bright & dull, menagerie of all kinds of random, made-up CraZY. ALL kinds of things go through my head like: "I'm not an expert on antiques OR coins OR guns OR furniture & here I am selling this stuff to people." OR "These people know more about this stuff than I do." "Will people show up? Did I think of everything? What am I missing?" OR "I am in a room FULL of rich, intelligent, successful people. They are going to look at me...like 'Who does she think she is?'" OR "Will these rich, intelligent, successful people take me seriously? How will they respond to me? Should I be doing this? Am I out of my league?" "Will my crew act professional? Did I tell them all they need to know? Do I need more people?" "Will they know this dress is from Target? Do I know what I am doing?"

Boy, I tell you.....It was exhausting. I say "WAS" because just this past year, I walked into a situation that had me in a place where preparation was not really an option & the person that hired me knew it. I had already planned an estate auction (where we had less than 2 weeks to organize, from the contract date). I had preview day on Saturday & the auction was on Sunday. I had a friend call, that was in a jam. She's a pretty well-respected lady, that had a pretty fancy gala coming up, where the auctioneer couldn't come, last minute. She asked if I could help. I told her on the upfront, what I had going on, got the specifics on date/time/place & told her I'd call her back. 

I took this one straight to prayer. I don't do things like this, very much, anymore. I like to help from start (planning) to finish (post-auction results). If I told her yes it would be going against my plans on how I do things & jammin' up my schedule, & (if not done correctly) could take away from the upcoming auction I had. So.......in spite of what my fleshy self thought it should do...I told her I could make it...ironed out all the details & moved forward. The day came.....It had rained at our preview day & I literally had 55 minutes by the time we shut everything down to change and get from Point A to Point B & take the mic. I called a friend that lived close to Point A...changed clothes (I didn't need a shower. I got rained on.) Me & my assistant (aka World Transitioner) loaded up & caravaned to Point B. On the drive over...we talked about the auction items....our concerns...good starting bids & said...."Well, this is about as unprepared as I've ever been. I'm just gonna have to let The Holy Spirit lead me on this one." I felt this internal prompting the whole day to be slow to speak & keep my mouth shut unless I NEEDED to speak. We got there. I met with my contact. Met the emcees & ring men, looked over the list of items, walked around to see what kind of event we were at & sat patiently...with the my World Transitioner...until I needed to do my part.

Well....I was up there with a couple BIG personalities. They were very nice, worked well with each other & with me, kept the crowd entertained, said what they had to say & then turned it over to me. I would normally, in that situation, forced some words, tried to fill other spaces in some form or fashion, put some kind of limit on myself in some kind of way, BUT - In the back of my mind I just kept thinking....be slow to speak & keep your mouth shut unless you need to say something. 

I did just that & it was VERY successful. It's hard to explain...but I'll try. It was like the energy was different. Like if my role was a cup...it runneth over. I didn't TRY that hard. I just worked off what I had, where I was, with the people that were there...& had a support person there. I received GREAT referrals & feedback & more business off of it. 

Here is the lesson...that I have to remind myself of on a regular basis (still before every auction IF I keep myself aware of it). We are THE ONLY PERSON that can carry out our role. We have exactly what we need, where we are, with the right people around us. We are called to walk, one foot in front of the other, owning our AWESOME. There is NO ONE else that can do what you are doing! There is not one of those wealthy, intelligent, successful people that could have done what The Holy Spirit did through me. There is something I said before I got there that just intrigues me: "I'm just gonna have to let The Holy Spirit lead me on this one." Now I say..."Holy Spirit don't leave me & help me submit to you." It is hard. It really is a battle between our flesh (the impulses & thoughts & ideas of this world) & our spirit (that part of us that surpasses our fleshy understanding that has this divine connection to our maker). It's like a battle of CONTROL vs. SUBMISSION & we win, when we submit...which is not what the world tells us.

 At The Gathering that night...there is NO DOUBT in my mind that The Holy Spirit filled every one of those ladies up, with all the right STUFF to share their story in the name of JESUS! Every single speaker shared words that resonated with me & I'm sure those same speakers resonated with each person there, differently! That is the mysterious, AWESOME power of The Holy Spirit!

Buck Up Baby! Ride With Jesus, & OWN your awesome!! You are the ONLY person that can carry out the mission at hand. You are the only person that can share your piece of Jesus to others & help them to know Him better. DO NOT let the enemy rob you, manipulate you, trick you, or diminish you. Rebuke your menagerie of crazy & stand BOLDLY in the place where you are called. Because of our flesh, there is no doubt that we will continually wrestle with this, BUT you have been chosen. You are enough. You are needed. You are equipped. You are called. You are protected. You will prosper. You will provide. You will fulfill.You can not be compared to ANYONE. More will happen through you than anything you can even imagine. 

 

God Bless!

 

I want to share my testimony.

Just a few days ago, I attended The Gathering @ Round Top - held at The Pie Haven. I will say....without a doubt...it was JUST what I needed.

You know when you can feel a....SHIFT....coming on? Like you've been through the fire, but you didn't know you were going through it, until you're on the other side & you turn around and just know...that something has shifted.

I'm SO thankful and EXCITED for the shift. I used to try and UNDERSTAND the shift...piece together ALL the parts that led up to the shift...BE the shift. Now I smile & JUST BE who God is calling me to be. When the shifts happen they are ALWAYS way cooler & CreAtiVE than anything I could ever dream up.

I recently came to a place where I was so worn out...I was GRATEFUL to just BE STILL & pray & look & listen & discern where The Holy Spirit wanted to lead me.

I'm always AMAZED at how The Good Lord weaves things together...everything...His people...the thoughts of His people...the actions of His people...all of it. I had The Gathering on my calendar & had the awareness of how my schedule had been lately....which was....unless I was NEEDED...there was NO GUARANTEE that I'd be there....but I REALLY wanted to be, so I put it on there. My friend Tara shared the reminder on her Facebook Page & well...it was the prompting I needed to walk where The Holy Spirit was calling me.

There were approximately a dozen speakers...all businesswomen or people that are part of a business team, sharing their testimony. I have a notebook page and a half filled with topics that moved me....simply by these wonderful women GATHERING together to SHARE their testimonies. Because of this...I will be blogging on each of those points that I wrote down on that notebook paper. Why? Because no one else can share my testimony & no one else can help who God needs me help, the way I can help them.

I've been absent in the blogging world...compared to how I once was, BUT I made the decision...that if I have to FORCE the content...then I'm straying from what led me to blogs in the first place...WHICH IS the DIVINE guidance of The Holy Spirit. With that... I will SHARE my testimony...thus far.

It's hard to know where to start, because...like I stated earlier...The Good Lord has been weaving things together....MY ENTIRE LIFE...but I think the best place to start is sharing where some pretty important seeds were planted & what happened when they started sprouting ;).

I'm a small town girl from Carmine, Texas. I was by no means the most popular girl in school, but somehow managed to win Homecoming Queen my Senior Year. My parents, little sister, brother & I, lived in a double-wide, right between my Uncle & my Grandma. My Daddy has been on crutches since I was in 2nd grade & my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom when we were young. She later, started waiting tables at Klump's in Round Top & now works for Burton Sausage. My sister & I competed in cutting horse competitions when I was 11 roughly...(She was 9). My brother would just come along and play with other kiddos at the shows. When I was twelve I started working at the cattle auction in Giddings, that my uncle was the auctioneer at...where he later became one of the owners that bought it out. There was a girl named B.J. that worked there too. She ENCOURAGED me to hop back there (literally from the cat walk) & go to work. So...every Monday I could, from that summer...until I was probably 16ish...I punched cattle in the back of the sale barn. I also showed heifers & market lambs in 4H & FFA.

The day I graduated high school I started dating an under-classman. He was becoming a Jr, as I was leaving. We...by the grace of God...stayed together for 6 years & got married on our 6 yr dating anniversary. Almost...but not quite...a year later we had our first child...a little girl & 3 & 1/2 years later we had a son. Boy did a lot happen in that time....They'll be parts of this I'll touch on in future blog posts, BUT...for the time-being...I think it's important that I share the following:

• I attended Blinn College in Brenham, later transferring to Texas State University -where I commuted to and from school 3 days a week, ALWAYS having at least 2 part-time jobs. 
• Those jobs were: store clerk at 2 trendy little shops in Round Top (La Finca & Next Stop...Paris), waiting tables at Klumps & Cafe Pie In The Sky during Antique Shows, punching cattle, working in the office, or waiting tables at the sale barn, pulling weeds in someone else's garden, being a bank teller at a mobile bank, cashier at a lumber yard, & working at a daycare.
• My last semester at Texas State I had an Ad Campaigns Class. We put together 2 campaigns that semester. One was for a non-profit (Austin Cycling Association) & the other for a business (McCoy's Building Supply). My job title was Account Executive - which was ultimately managing and/or leading the other people on my team, to ensure that everything got carried out and executed that needed to. I failed the first time & knocked it out of the park the next time, with our group winning the pitch for McCoy's building supply...being the first pitch to go of the evening!
• My Dad had to have a liver transplant to stay alive in 2006. We held several fundraisers to help generate the funds. He is still alive & kickin' & his grandkids love him. The LIVE auctions...by far...is what generated the majority of the funds raised. All of the money raised and donations given were from ordinary people that loved or liked my Dad & wanted to support him & us....with a handful of complete strangers.This whole thing planted a GINORMOUS seed in me. 
• BEFORE I got my degree I started looking for a job in my degree field (Advertising). I submitted a resume to Suddenlink Media in College Station for an Account Executive position selling TV air time.
• When I applied for the job, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what that job entailed, but was TOTALLY CONFIDENT that I was qualified. I could do it...no problem...& didn't really want to take "no" for an answer.
• I got an interview. I did not get hired for the job I applied for, but the manager told me that he may have a position for me elsewhere in the company & they may "create" one. All I can say is... if he wasn't serious...he became serious when I called him at the end of every week for 4 weeks...until he gave me another interview...after telling him...I was being interviewed again for a job with another company & if he was serious I wanted him to be aware. He later told me...it was my persistence that made the impression on him. 
• I was hired. I SUCCEEDED. I learned A LOT of VALUABLE lessons about professionalism, business, persistence, customer service, presentation, working with other departments, meeting & exceeding goals, creating marketing pieces & advertising schedules, working within client budgets. 
• I took another position with the company in Rockport, Texas. After accepting the job, found out I was pregnant with our daughter... Went through all the emotions of what management would think and be concerned with. 
• Worked from home & worked harder than I ever did in the office. 
• Within the next 6 years things started changing. Looking back...I believe God was stretching me & molding me...and I wasn't fitting the mold the position was calling for anymore.  Navigating that was a booger....because I was resisting God, but I didn't even know it. In fact...I thought for a loooooooooong time that I didn't have a thing to do with it, because I was doing what SOCIETY expected me to do & things just weren't gelin'.
• By all means...I made some GREAT friends, learned LOTS of things, worked with businesses in all industries, worked with ad agencies of all sizes, made some good money...but I was a square peg...well maybe a trapezoid or something....trying to fit into a round hole....& I was REALLY trying to jam it in there. 
• In 2011 (amongst those 6 years) after praying HARD....& into the wee hours of the morning, with tears of frustration rolling down my face...I said to God. "I know you brought me here (Rockport). I know I was supposed to be here, but I don't know if I'm still supposed to be here. All I want God is to have my work pay off for someone...for it to actually matter, & to be appreciated. I have no clue what that looks like. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. I just want a good quality of life for my family & to enjoy what I do & do what you want me to do." It was really like a light bulb went off...the THOUGHT of being an auctioneer scampered across my brain. I wrote it down in my journal....& yet...once again....I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into, but felt TOTALLY confident that I could do whatever the next step was at least.
• I called and told my Dad my completely off-the-wall idea, that literally came to be DURING prayer. He asked me to "do a little bit" on the phone. I said: "A little of what?" He said: "Sell something." I was freakin' embarassed & we were on the phone! I didn't have a chant AT ALL, but I just sold something & he said..."Well, you don't really sound bad." I told him NOT to call my Uncle....
• My Uncle Melvin called within the hour & told me I was going to be selling at the Plum Church Feast. I was like...."No I'm not! I don't even have a chant." He asked me to sell something. He said..."you sound all right. You can meet me at the house and ride with me."
• I knew, in that moment, that I couldn't NOT go....IF I was serious....IF I believed in the power of prayer... IF I didn't want to run the risk of telling GOD "no" to something....I had to go...sink or swim...do or die...brave or embarassed...It was go time.
• So I got on You Tube & watched ALL the videos of female auctioneers I could find & paid special attention to a couple videos of John Korrey & Cookie Lockhart.
• I came up with my filler words, worked on my chant, practiced selling to my family, & counted LOTS of fenceposts as I was driving down the road. 
• Long story, short......I was ENCOURAGED at the next 4 auctions I went to with Uncle Melvin & was ENCOURAGED to go get my auction license....so I did in November 2011.
• SIDE NOTE: 2011 was also the year I finished my Bachelor of Arts Degree. 

• Well...I FINALLY quit Suddenlink. Boy that was exhausting. It was like I REALLY thought life as I knew it would end. BUT....I did NOT just dive into an auction career. Why? Because I was SCARED. My husband already thought I was crazy...along with his family...I'm sure of it. I didn't think we could "make it." I'M HERE TO TELL YOU....YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE IT. MAYBE NOT HOW YOU ENVISION IT. STOP ENVISIONING & LET GOD PAINT THE PICTURE.
• So...for a year I was a marketing liaison for a skilled nursing facility. I am still astonished at this one. Like....REALLY astonished. I have/had some VERY DEEP rooted fears of illness & for a year...almost everyday...I walked into hospitals & nursing homes coming face to face with illness. Not just coming face to face with it....studying it, learning about medications, and diagnosis, and Medicare & Medicaid & the medical business & insurance business (YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET ME STARTED ON THIS UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK).
• Not only did I deal with the things listed above. I met people of all ages. I talked with families that had a loved one going in for a knee replacement & something happening in surgery causing them to have brain damage. I met with the family of a young homeless man, hit by a vehicle going 50+ mph, & watched his progress as they were trying to find placement for him. I will never EVER forget what a person looks like when a piece of their skull is removed to alleviate brain swelling. I met with a lady that had to have her stomach pumped at least 3 times a week for kidney failure & had to tell her that we could not accept her because she did not meet medical necessity based on Medicaid guidelines for a skilled nursing facility. I met with a man and his family....he was rear-ended & now is in a state where physically...he can't walk, talk, move on his own, but his memory is there....It's like he is trapped inside a body that doesn't work. I met with a mother, with a son my age that is autistic & diabetic & COMPLETELY dependent on her. I met with an elderly couple that had NO relatives left....all they have is each other...& she's fading & he's hanging on with ALL he's got. I had the opportunity to visit with a nurse, who's son is mentally  handicapped & she speaks of the coming of Jesus, with such fervent HOPE...that it shook me to my core. We sat there being thankful for God's silver lining in difficult situations like: the only words her son is able to speak is "Mommy, Mommy, I love you Mommy."
• There are some detours we take as we go along on our journey, that we never even knew existed. This is one of those & this was ALWAYS in God's plan. He planted a seed in that year - that I'm not quite sure what he's gonna do with it ....but...NO DOUBT...it is there. 
• We HAVE to care about His people. Not the money....Not the insurance companies...Not the bottom line. I had to leave because....I was once again a trapezoid peg trying to be shoved in a round hole, but this time....I wasn't going to beat it to pieces.  
• So...FINALLY.  I completely & FULLY said YES to God. I said YES to His plan. I submitted to Him. I trusted Him to care for me. I trusted Him to provide for us. I said YES to bearing the weight of people not "getting" it....not understanding it, judging us for it, condemning us for it. I said YES & did my best to prepare myself for EVERY possible hardship that I could encounter...as the result of me saying YES...(for the record...you'll still encounter things that in that moment you don't have the capacity to see yet.)
• I learned the importance of pouring grace & mercy on others & asking God to pour it on me & being thankful He does.
• I learned that worldly friendships have a season....all are important...always. Those friendships wax & wain & have to be placed in the hands of God also.
• I learned that everyone can't handle authentic...& that's okay. I couldn't either a few years ago. 
• I learned that God will bring the right people into your life. 
• I learned that there is nothing easy about saying YES to God's plan....mainly because of the struggle between our Spirit and our flesh.
• I learned that we know nothing. We control nothing. We have no say. We have no right. We are not justified in anything EXCEPT, by Christ's death on the cross, He has reconciled us to The Father & SIN HAS NO CONTROL OVER US....AS LONG AS WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT.
• We have NO LIMITS...except the limits we place on ourselves...or let the enemy trick us into believing. 
• So...NOW...I'm still figurin' it out :).
• I am working as an auctioneer FULL-Time, with our company  Buck Up Auctions. We specialize in fundraising & asset liquidation auctions. I am also a Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land. That was another door that was flung WIDE open & all I had to do was walk through it. 
• I never had an interest when I first got into the auction business, to mess with estates AT ALL. The whole brain-eating disease you can get from rat feces TOTALLY freaked me out & turned me off from it, BUT God had other plans. I mean...He has to chuckle to himself up there sometimes. A lot of our estate clients have come to a place where STUFF IS A BURDEN to them & they need our help to get the most money they can out of it, in the fastest way possible. There are literally times when I can see the weight being lifted off their shoulders as the items are being sold. It's a God thing...
• My PERSONAL passion...are the fundraisers & galas because....you are working with organizations that have groups of people that SUPPORT their cause & what they are raising money for....& it doesn't take millionaires to make a difference in another person's life or in the success of an organization. By all means...it can make things a little easier...but ANY group of people can come together with their love & support & make BIG things happen. This is a model of God's love & can be spread through groups of people everywhere. There's sure to be more posts on this topic.
• The real estate....I can't really explain it...but it just ties in so well with my life & I enjoy it so much, It's like all 3 of the different scenarios I find myself in, keep me excited about the others. It allows me to help SO many different types of people with multiple different needs...& ENJOY it. 

At the Friends of Winedale Gala last month.

In one of the MANY dusty old barns we've been in this past year.

Doin' work!

On some of God's wide open country...

How do I wrap up this looooooooooooooooooong story of why I KNOW sharing my testimony is IMPORTANT? God has filled me up with A LOT of stuff. Just like the gift of being an auctioneer.... How am I really helping...if I don't say YES?! If I don't do it & share it? It is part of God's mysterious and fascinating story that can ONLY be told through me!

HUGE thank you to the ladies at The Gathering @ Round Top for truly letting The Holy Spirit guide them & speaking from a true honest place. They were His vessels allowing Him to SHARE His story through their lives.

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus! You REALLY have to Buck Up & it really is a ride.

Heather Kaspar

Buck Up Auctions TXL 17037

Realtor with Schultz Homes & Land

The Shack...What it did for me...

I've recently finished the book: The Shack, written by William Paul Young. I need to give you guys a little backstory on something I had been struggling with, so I can explain how the book reached me where it did. 

Right before Easter I had watched a video that popped up in my Facebook feed about this little girl that was fighting cancer & how all she wanted to do was dance with Taylor Swift. Taylor called her & they visited, but she was too weak to even get out of bed. Needless to say...I got pretty upset with God. I thought to myself couldn't you even give the little girl just enough energy to dance? I stopped myself. I asked God to forgive me, because I know that there is a bigger picture, but I was still upset with Him. I struggled for probably two weeks leading up to Easter with this. Then I reached a point where I was upset that I was stRugGling with this, during the Easter season, when I should be SO THANKFUL for what Jesus did for us! So now....I wasn't JUST wrestling with being upset with how God does things...I was upset that I was upset about it & I just couldn't GET OVER IT!

I prayed...boy did I! I prayed for this sweet little girl & all children & all families & all patients fighting this battle. I prayed for guidance...for Him to lead me to scripture that would show me what I was missing....that He would teach me just what I needed to know to get to the place where I could LOVE Jesus (like I wanted to) for CHOOSING to carry out God's plan. Well....He led me o the book of Job. If I could insert the EXHAUSTED smiley face emoticon I would HERE. Sometimes I couldn't even get through a chapter without LITERALLY falling asleep on my Bible. It was SO strange to me. I was thinking: Okay. You led me here, now WHY won't you let me keep my eyes open?! How I wrestled with what I read & the thoughts I was still trying to work through about that precious little girl... All while...I was caring for the family God blessed me with & doing all the day-to-day things my life entails. I was SPENT. MENTALLY DRAINED. I was SO frustrated that I couldn't get where I wanted to be about being THANKFUL for what Jesus did for me, for us...

Then...4 o'clock Easter morning I woke up & didn't go back to sleep. I grabbed my Bibles & sat in one of my favorite places to read & literally felt like I threw myself in Jesus's lap & CRIED! In my sobbing I could hear the words coming from God: "Child! I love you." In a tone that....WANTED me to STOP worrying & trying to figure it all out...WANTED me to be okay with HOWEVER I was feeling....WANTED me to...stop being so hard on myself. 

After reading Job for the length I had, & wrestling with even more things LIKE: God ALLOWS Satan to jack with us? Couldn't He have spared Job SOME of that grief? Wasn't there SOME other way? If He'll do that to Job, I better GET READY! I came to the conclusion that...ALL of the things I was wrestling with that I didn't understand were BEYOND my understanding. I wasn't going to understand them....no matter how bad I TRIED, or how bad I WANTED to. I had come to that conclusion....which I still didn't LIKE...when I threw myself on Jesus. 

Yet...on his lap, clinging to the ONLY one that would UNDERSTAND me, I felt at peace with my thoughts, with my anger, with my inability to understand, because I FELT SO LOVED.

This book... The Shack. Man... People can say what they want to about it being made up, a hallucination, fiction. I PERSONALLY think The Holy Trinity talks to us ALL differently & I have NO DOUBT that They were talking to Mack. Mmmm. Mmmm. MM. What that man wrestled with... That kind of PAIN. Disappointment. Hurt. Unforgiveness. This book takes an unthinkable TRAGEDY & walks you through God's grace in it...in the UGLY. I LOVE the book. It touched so many different layers of my soul & though none of it, is PROVABLE, I know MY relationship with God, with Jesus, & this ever-developing one with The Holy Spirit has EVERY capability of doing what the characters in this book did for Mack. This book eased me into a better understanding about tragedy, forgiveness, pain, messed up people, the importance of relationships & honesty, & SO much more. 

So now I saw The Holy Trinity working me through ALL those feelings that I was feeling early Easter morning. 

Another thing that I was CONSTANTLY wrestling with was... The Holy Trinity. The order...how they were equal? The same? What? It had me trippin'. 

This book addressed that VERY same struggle & they broke it down for me. Where LOVE & RESPECT are present and perfect....there is no rank. All three members of The Holy Trinity are equally instrumental in the development of our relationships, with each one of them & each other. Talk about LAYERS! Layers of fear, layers of love, layers of pride, layers of pain, layers of shame. Each member of The Holy Trinity instills the wisdom, shows us an example, or takes our hand & leads us where God needs us to go to fulfill His plan. We aren't disrespecting God when we pray to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, because that is what we NEED to make the plan work. We need ALL of their help...equally!

I'm really happy my friend kept urging me to read it! I'm really THANKFUL for it. All sorts of other emotions whirl around, as I think about what had to happen to even bring the book about. I wrestle with those emotions, yet remain THANKFUL for how the book touched me. 

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus....& Papa & Sarayu.....

Unsettle

This past Saturday I had the honor of SUPPORTing one of my friends as she stepped WAY out of her comfort zone and held her first women's conference, held in a little fire hall, where a whole lot of things get started for us.

Not only did it allow me to show my support for her and encourage her, but it allowed me to ENCOURAGE others....some I've known & just LOVE them & their character. Some of them were complete strangers that really just live a few miles from me.

One thing that every woman that came to the conference got was a little doodle sheet, with a motivational message on it. As the speakers were speaking we were all supposed to write down scripture we wanted to go back and read or just jot down notes.

She had asked me if I would help emcee the event & of course I agreed. She had handed these little sheets out to everyone and I just went and grabbed the top one off the stack, because I hadn't gotten one yet & the music was about to start.

This is what my motivational sheet said:

It really did MINISTER to me, which was what she really wanted them to do. This little message has been the STORY OF MY LIFE. Here's been my thought process over the last few years:

 I'm good at what I'm doing....I just don't like the people I'm working with anymore. We don't have the same overall goal. Okay....now I'm tired of being restricted to make THEIR dream happen and not my own....What? Auctioneer? oh my husband is gonna divorce me, if I tell him this hair-brained idea.... I'm gonna go where & do what? I don't even have a chant! I'll do it while I'm providing money for my family...... Is the money really worth putting up with these people that have more experience than me, but still aren't REALLY doing something to help these people that REALLY need it....more than they need their paycheck???? You want me to quit when my job is the majority of our income? Okay he hasn't threatened to divorce me yet, but this MIGHT be pushing it..... He said YES! Go do it, just know life is gonna change. Crap! Now it's ALL on me. God is waiting on ME to say YES..... OKAY!!! I'll do what you tell me already!....as I proceed to try and MAKE things happen vs. letting Him make them happen. Then....I start working on peeling the layers back. Then....I know BIG growth is fixing to happen....I just don't know what it looks like. Then....I go to a conference like this were a GROUP of WOMEN are lifting you up in PRAYER & I'm UNSETTLED all over again...

But this time....in a MIGHTY way that is in the AUTHORITY of Christ Jesus.

All I can say is....if you think you are going to "settle down" and answer God's calling, you MIGHT want to pray about it.

Also...for the record....I don't think my husband will EVER divorce me, but I KNEW I was stretching him outside of his comfort zone....probably even more-so than myself & that if I said YES & was allowing God to stretch me....EVERYONE around me would be stretched. I (with the help of Jesus) had to OWN that...and any resentment from any of them about the decisions I was making.

As the music is playing and the speakers are speaking...I'm just jottin' away on my doodle sheet. Here are some of the things I wrote:

• Suddenlink
• Sava
• Buck Up
• KSBJ
• Rejoice
• African Man - "Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?
• "God has to be our passion." -Aaron Mullins
• Promise in the mystery - urge people to go read about Elizabeth & Zecharius and the birth of John the Baptist
• Philippians: Paul passionately upset
• Colossians
• Peace=something wrong? once you figure out it is God, you'll praise and rejoice in the peace
• Boldly?

All these false conditions we place on ourselves: I need a degree. I need this class. I'm a woman & people won't accept me because of it. I need to master this. I need to have X amount of money in the bank. 

The TRUTH is: You are whole, full, blessed, and ready RIGHT NOW!!

I was pretty exhausted the next couple of days.... Honestly because I was OVERWHELMED with God's goodness and it can be really hard to process sometimes. You start thinking why do I DESERVE to walk in this authority, which I am called to? The fact of the matter is this.... each and every one of us are called to walk in the authority of Christ Jesus & we CONSTANTLY have to pull back the layers & die to ourselves over & OVER again....(each time we peel a layer back) to understand that it is not about what WE deserve, but about what God wants us to experience....how He NEEDS us to CHOOSE to follow Him.... How he doesn't want us thinking SO hard about other people or how to make ourselves better. He wants us to live our lives in a way that shines BRIGHTLY to others.

I was thinking about things today & came to the conclusion that one of the things that is really important to me is that..... when people look at me, look at my Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blog profile that they KNOW I am a believer in Christ Jesus and that I am THANKFUL & HUMBLED for the stripes he bore to SAVE ME. I want them to look at my husband and my children that way also! I want people to feel the JOY in what I have & go get their own!!!

One bullet point that isn't quite self explanatory is "African Man - Make Disciples of All Nations" - Why not?" Here is why the story struck me so.... I was helping my Uncle Melvin call an auction for the Independent Cattleman's Association 2 weeks ago & I was takin' bids and rolling right along with my chant & didn't really realize how often I was saying "Why not?" when trying to entice people to bid more. I was selling an item & the crowd (in unison) said with me.... "Why not?" I had to giggle a little bit. Really though....Why not? Why can't we GIVE more than we think we can? Why can't we do what we feel called to do? Why do people doubt when the goal seems SO big? I mean... Jesus calmed the waters of a stormy sea. Jesus healed the blind, the sick, & the cripple. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead....after being in a tomb for 4 days!! Jesus died to free ALL of us from the grips of sin & He himself raised from the dead! Why don't ya'll just come on with me & the African Man & Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus?!

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

REJOICE!!

Good Morning!!! I really feel like SHARING some thoughts today. REJOICE is my focus word for the year. I came across it while reading scripture in the New Testament. I started Paul's Letter to the Philippians & the word REJOICE was EVERYWHERE!! So then I decided to read the entire letter, which is quite ENCOURAGING. It ALWAYS amazes me at how EXTREMELY relevant scripture is ALL THE TIME.

One of the things I've been praying specifically for, for the last year or so, is JOY. When I look back at my life, I feel like there were so many moments in my youth where I exuded JOY. I mean...I refer to myself often as bright-eyed, optimistic, & TRUSTING. Over the years I've felt elements of that JOY slowly seeping out of me. Not because I don't want to be JOYful, but because of some of the experiences I've had. TRUSTING...just to be let down. Optimistic for ChanGe....just to become aware that the unanswered optimism slowly sucked the zeal and motivation I once had from me. Anger & Frustration because I felt trapped & LIMITED by my PERCEIVED options and opportunities....

There's always been something about me though.... I mean I used to sit up & plague myself with wOrRy & get all worked-UP & in a FreNZy about so many things that didn't matter....but I'd always get to this MOMENT where I realized it didn't HAVE to be the way it was. I would then USUALLY get myself all TISSIED-Up again trying to FIGURE OUT what "that" was.

I've PRAYED the majority of my life & as I look back...I think of how my PRAYERS have evolved...how my relationship with The Holy Trinity has deepened....how I think about so many things now, with SO MUCH MORE PURPOSE than what I used to think about... How my PRIORITIES have TOTALLY swapped around.... and how I still become cOnfUsed, but at least now I'm confused about things that ACTUALLY matter & am able to REST from the worry because I know that I'm accepted just the way I am & that confusion isn't from God. It may not make other PEOPLE happy, but I'm gonna be okay & The Good Lord is still gonna take me where he wants to, as long as I continue to submit to that.

Over the last couple days I sat & talked in some mighty deep discussions about politics, the troubles of our youth, homosexuality, the medical industry & insurance & pharmaceutical companies, The Bible, ISIS, evil, war, our military men & women, the end times....
The truth is....being in kind of an open forum with more than 5 people in each setting....left me exhausted mentally...because the troubles can seem overwhelming...

Through ENCOURAGEMENT I'm trying to be more FOCUSED as I read in The Bible & as I read...I'm focusing on my FOCUS word this year, which is REJOICE.

What I find interesting is Paul was a prisoner when he wrote the Letter to the Philippians, yet REJOICE is what he continued to say, because he was REJOICING in the PROGRESS God was making...Paul accepted the MISSION of bringing more people to BELIEVE in CHRIST, so his JOY came from the forward motion of that mission...whether it be witnessing a group of people making progress because of The Spirit inside them or because his inprisionment was ENCOURAGING others to speak more boldly about Christ. As I reflect on it....it makes me think about all of our Christian brothers and sisters being killed because of their love of Christ. I remember looking at the face of one of the men to be executed on television & his expression had such RESOLVE... It struck me because it was a FIERCE look...not a look of weakness or fear...even though his time was drawing near & would not be able to PHYSICALLY carry anything out on this earth....but READY for whatever God had planned for him next....

A couple days ago...I read in Luke 8:26-39 about the man possessed by demons (many, which called themselves Legion). I've read this passage several times, but there are several things I took away from it this time. One thought I thought is....why did all these demons CHOOSE this man? Let me be clear that we all have demons we wrestle with...alcoholism, pride, depression......and there are SO many others....

Another thing I took away was the MERCY Jesus showed....EVEN TO THE DEMONS, that BEGGED him to "not cast them into the bottomless pit, but into the herd of pigs." The pigs later, burst out of the pen & all drowned....I'm sure there is LOTS of symbolism there & LOTS of things I'm not able to wrap my head around yet, BUT Jesus showed the demons mercy...

There's a lot of things in this world that REPULSE us as individuals. I do not understand WHY some people have the demons that they have. I'm so thankful that I don't have them, but we MUST be mindful & show MERCY...just like Jesus. We are carrying our crosses on this earthly walk and all of ours is UNIQUE. We aren't called to understand each other. We are called to LOVE each other.

When I reflected on the word REJOICE in this passage...I thought of the man that had just been FREED of the demons...how he sat at Jesus's feet & listened & loved Him. I thought of how BADLY he must have wanted to GO WITH JESUS.... I could almost feel the longing for him. Then I thought of how he must have felt when Jesus told him that he must stay and share with his family all that God had done for him. He just went & did it....REJOICING!! I learned in that moment....that even though we don't necessarily get to do what WE want, what God CALLS us to do will be much more rewarding.

When you know a little more about the entirety of the situations of some of these people in The Bible...you gain a better appreciation for the importance of what they do. This story took place in a land that worshiped other gods...the likelihood that those pigs were to be used as a sacrifice for other gods was HIGHLY likely. It's not so hard to then understand why the people that witnessed this asked Jesus to leave. They were SO confused & baffled & afraid & mixed up to SEE the power of the hand of God & to then try and wrap their heads around the way they had been worshiping. Thus...the importance of that, once, demon-filled man to STAY there & SHARE his salvation was of the UTMOST importance. It takes a little ember to catch fire and make a flame.

Then today I read about the birth of John the Baptist in Luke 1:57-80. I REFLECTED again on the word REJOICE & spent a little time thinking about Elizabeth & Zechariah. Both of them were older & without children, yet VERY MUCH loved God. Zechariah was a priest & both were descendants of David. When the Angel of the Lord told Zechariah that he they would have a child, to call him John, & that he would pave the way for Jesus, the Son of God...Zechariah DOUBTED & because of his doubt, became a MUTE. When Elizabeth had the baby many close friends and family came over to bless his circumcision & REJOICE with them for the BLESSINGS God had given them. When they asked what his name should be Elizabeth told them John....which surprised ALL of them. I can just imagine the chatter in that room. It was custom for the child to take on a name of the father or...at least a family member, but there was no one in their family named John. Then they turned to Zechariah, who asked for a tablet because he could not speak yet. He wrote the name John & his mouth was opened & his first words were REJOICING PRAISE TO GOD.

So let's think about this.... (PARENT'S: Think about this from as many perspectives as you can)... If I put myself in their shoes....I would first be astonished & in disbelief that I would become pregnant when we had been trying for years....then humbled when my husband spoke out of turn & was muted.... I think we'd definitely be paying attention. I would feel this overwhelming obligation & IMMENSE amount of importance in MY life & the life of my unborn child. I would be ENCOURAGED everyday by the promise that the life inside me holds. Once I would gave given birth...I would be in this OVERWHELMING AWE of the UN-explainable BLESSING...this UN-Explainable FAVOR...this UN-explainable IMPORTANCE that just happened.... ALL OF IT!: This beautiful MIRACLE of life, the KNOWING of how important his life will be BECAUSE of the promises already fulfilled to them, the MYSTERY between all of the things that led up to what they just WITNESSED...mind, body, soul, & spirit, this OVERWHELMING feeling that we explain as LOVE....because ALL of what is being felt is GOOD. I mean.....it's highly likely that we would be conFusEd as heck, BUT we would be REJOICING!!!! We couldn't make a choice not to....even if we tried....it would be AUTOMATIC....just like Elizabeth & Zechariah's response to the name of their child. I also just want to make note of how they BOTH agreed with each other on the name. The union of marriage is another MYSTERY, but a STRONG one when decisions are made and action is carried out by 2 & not just 1.

What I also took from this reading today is somehow humbling & empowering all at the same time. John was sent BEFORE Jesus to pave the way, to ready the minds, to condition the hearts of God's people. Jesus IS coming again my friends & he WANTS as many people to KNOW him....by THEIR choice...as possible. Just like John the Baptist....WE ARE CALLED TO LEAD PEOPLE TO JESUS! Not only are we called, but our children are called. After having the two discussions I've had this weekend I can say with conviction that MORE PEOPLE NEED TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW JESUS! We live in a world where young people want something to hold on to...to give some sort of glimpse of meaning to all that they don't understand, yet they grow up in households where their parents don't know Jesus & they find evil make-believe characters that open a doorway to hate versus love. There is no set of criteria that makes you "worthy" to share the love of Christ. You are FULL, COMPLETE, & CAPABLE right now...if you believe that Jesus suffered & died for you, because HE LOVES YOU, UNDERSTANDS YOU, AND WANTS YOU in His Father's kingdom with Him. We don't have to know or understand WHY. It is part of that glorious, merciful MYSTERY that was GIVEN to us.

No matter how deep this may seem...there is a battle of good & evil going on right now that we are fighting in. Which side do you think you are on? We have to examine how we treat people....all people....the one's we agree with & the one's that we don't. The FOCUS has to start on you as an individual & your family. Our FOCUS can not be about how we can CHANGE or CONDEMN the things we don't like about other people. The FOCUS has to be on creATING an environment where those people can CHOOSE to change themselves. If everyone FOCUSED on FULFILLING their MINISTRY & MISSION that God has blessed each and every life with, versus FOCUSING on how other's need to change.....I think REAL progress would happen.

When Jesus called Matthew to follow him He was criticized because Matthew was a tax-collector. At that time tax collectors were frowned upon as the lowest of people & worst of most all the sinners. The Pharisees saw him eating at Matthew's house, with all the tax collectors & other "sinners" & it got them all in a tissy, When Jesus heard how the Pharisees questioned Him, here is what He had to say: "Healthy people do not need a doctor, but sick people do. Go and find out what this means: What I want is mercy, not sacrifice. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners." (Matthew 9:12-13)

I'm just sayin'.....some of those people that some of us tend to condemn & shun & turn our nose up at...are the very people that Jesus probably would have wanted to have lunch with.

Operation Get Healthy: Slow Progress

So....it's been a couple weeks since I finished my 24-day challenge with Advocare. Here is what I want to share.....

The stricter diet was TOTALLY do-able, but hard. I mean....FOOD is SO ingrained in EVERYTHING....our decisions, our comfort, our schedule, our ability, our knowledge, & for some (not me :)) what we take pride in. So....RIGHT before I started this 24-day challenge....I took a looooooooong, hard look at my diet, the food we bought, & what I was feeding my family & KNEW that I needed to make some adjustments.

I remember buying The Daniel Plan & Journal & although I REALLY wanted to make it work & for my will power to stay strong......I just didn't have enough FAITH in myself that I would stick with it, unless I was held accountable..... Like.... REALLY accountable. By, paying for the challenge, taking the BEFORE pictures & knowing I wanted my AFTER picture to look better than the first & REALLY giving the program a chance....NO EXCUSES! One of my best friends believed in this, had been asking for me to try it for some time & was WILLING to take my phone calls, text messages, & honest opinions about EVERYTHING from diet plans, to my doubts, to my struggles, to: "What the heck is in this stuff?" IF I was going to do it....I was going to REALLY do it....NO cheating.

I finished the challenge. Was really happy with my results & although....quite exhausted (mentally) from the whole experience....was pretty proud that I did it. For the last two weeks (after I completed the challenge)...I fell off the wagon....GLADLY to be quite honest. I MISSED my coffee, my occasional fried calamari or cheese sticks, my friend Little Debbie.... I think I'm painting the picture... I mean... I was more conscious & felt a little more guilt, because I KNOW that it's really not good for me, but I just wanted to eat 6 miniature Milky Ways SO BAD!

So....although I ate MUCH better than how I normally would....I ate quite a bit of things I had cut out the previous 24 days. It took about a week and a half for me to physically feel the difference. Luckily Ashley (my coach) & my husband did a really good job of reminding me about my results....about the simple fact that I COULD do it & that the BIGGEST thing I changed was my diet....which ULTIMATELY for me was my PRIMARY reason for doing all this in the first place. I had become quite AWARE of how, what we put in our bodies - directly affects our long-term health, our mental focus, our ability to have a better quality of life & keep us around as long as the Good Lord needs us to be. I'm in a line of work that PHYSICALLY needs me PRESENT....like....I can't "work from home." I have to be front & center & ON. IF I want to be SUCCESSFUL, which I do...I have to take care of the KEY tools that allow me to help SUPPORT my family & that is my voice, my mind, & my body. The BEST way to teach your children is by example, Kyle & I have to get US right & our children will follow suit.

I tell you all this, because I want everyone to know that you have to WANT to make a change. The program can only help you as much as you help yourself & that not everyone will BE READY at the same time. In fact I was ready at the beginning of January....for the past two weeks I WAS NOT ready & not REAL interested in focusing on it, but now I am again & that's okay. It really is all about forward progress...baby steps. I love this quote:

There's a whole new group of Advocare CHALLENGERS starting this coming Monday. IF you WANT to look into this...I ENCOURAGE it. I am focusing on the last 14 days of the 24-day challenge again, because I feel like I NEED that structure to MAKE PROGRESS towards my NEW GOAL, which is: Losing 20 more pounds & making some sort of exercise a daily routine. I don't know what that will be. I want people to know that they can RandOmly talk to me about health & food & taking care of the HOME of the The Holy Spirit that is inside us....KNOWING that this whole "Gettin' Healthy" journey I'm on...is not easy. I stumble....A LOT sometimes. I have trouble following the plan exactly sometimes... I don't exercise much at all.... I'm just trying....

I do not know sometimes WHY I share all of this with all of you. A big part of something I truly feel like I UNDERSTAND now is that we HELP each other by sharing our experiences, but me sharing THIS journey still kind of takes me by surprise. I mean....I put my big girl picture on Facebook :/! Yeah....I am totally not proud of that BEFORE pic, but sure am of the after....

My weight a few days after the challenge ended I was down 15 pounds. Over the last two weeks I gained about 3 of those pounds back & about 2 inches of the 14.5 I lost. Not a HUGE gain, but a steady gain over the last two weeks. 

So NOW...my choices are to either continue to slowly gain OR to slowly chip away at it.... That is why I continue on this journey. I'm not gonna tell you to Buck Up & do anything, because I was at a point sometime in the last couple weeks, where I would have seriously thought about givin' someone the finger if they even TRIED to tell me what to eat, BUT.... I will ALWAYS ENCOURAGE you to PUSH yourself to BUCK UP in ANY area of your life. Just stretch yourself outside of something you know... to DISCOVER something you don't. Your ENCOURAGEMENT is APPRECIATED. I can get mighty grumpy without some of my comfort foods....JUST SAYIN'! 

OPERATION GET HEALTHY: Cumulative Summary Through Day 24 & What's NEXT....

Apologies for not blogging. Life got pretty hectic....finalizing paperwork from one auction...only to hit the road to South Texas for another & then back to Brenham for another the next night. Traveling...& trying to finish up my 24-day challenge. I'm gonna be honest...the last couple of days of the 24-day challenge were tough. I usually don't like to eat much before I call an auction. The shakes were a life-saver, but there are times where I don't eat lunch OR Dinner....or very little. I remember WHY I'm doing this:

If any of you are on Pinterest you should start following The Daniel Plan. They have recipes, inspirational quotes, Bible Verses & SO MUCH MORE!! I give them credit for this pic!

Look at these results from our 24 day challenge:

Down 11 lbs & 14.5 inches!

Down 9lbs & 16 inches!

Down 5 lbs & 10.5 inches!

8lbs & 3inches!

From a person who has NEVER tried a program like this at all....I NEED IT! I honestly don't know how to stop myself from eating what I want to UNLESS I'm given a structured PLAN & I SEE results. The last 14 days of the challenge I only lost 3 pounds, but my inches melted away. I mean I lost 4 in my hips alone. After Valentine's day I am going to do the 14 day phase again....otherwise I will not hold myself accountable. I don't know why it is harder for me on my own...it just is & OBVIOUSLY...this worked. I think I NEED it MORE for keeping my eating cleaner.

Again...apologies for not being able to post daily posts, but as I can post I will!! I hope these posts have encouraged some of you to take baby steps towards getting healthier. I have been ENCOURAGED by those of you that have reached out to me...not just for your SUCCESSES, but for your strugGLES, because I had either experienced them myself or was currently experiencing. It REALLY makes the journey easier to have someone walk it with you. I've also picked up a few awesome tips...one of which I LOVE.

FAVORITE TIP FROM OTHERS..so far: Drink a TALL GLASS OF WATER every morning BEFORE you put ANYTHING else in your body. This will help your organs wake up and start functioning properly. The way I look at it now (because I REALLY struggle with consuming enough water for my body) is almost like I'm talking to it & telling it GOOD MORNING. If I STRUGGLE & mess up during the day at least I started out giving it the opportunity to better handle everything that comes at it.

If you & some of your friends want to BEGIN this journey to better health & educating yourself on what we put in our bodies (because that just kind of naturally happens along the way) private message me or my coach: Ashley Farris: ashley_farris@hotmail.com.

Stay tuned for my next blog...it was a little much to share today, but is probably the CORE reason on WHY I see this REAL importance of how we take care of our bodies.

God Bless!! I ENCOURAGE you to take that next step, IF you are ready!!