Day 4: "Made To Last Forever."

Welcome Back!! For NEW readers this is the book that we are discussing & we will for the next 38 days.

I know yesterday was a humdinger. I mean...it got the brain muscle workin'. There will be days in this book that MIGHT mentally drain you. He usually goes easier on you the next day or so after that :).

Day 4: "Made To Last Forever"

"Point to Ponder: There is more to life than just here & now."

Daily Verse: "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will love forever." 1 John 2:17 (NLT)

Daily Question: "Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?"

From my journal the first day of reading:

Stop: Worrying, waiting, being guarded, over-analyzing

Start: Moving forward with the things that God has placed in my heart & forgive people & forgive myself.

This is my FAVORITE part of this chapter & YES...I'm going to type the whole thing out: "Life on earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production. You will spend far more time on the other side of death - in eternity - than you will here. Earth is the staging area, the preschool, the tryout for you life in eternity. It is the practice workout before the actual game; the warm-up lap before the race begins. This life is preparation for the next."

I am Catholic & I went to to a mission about a year and a half ago that talked about purgatory. At the time it was somewhat fascinating to me & I was trying to wrap my head around it. I converted from Lutheran when I married my husband, so I never really KNEW what purgatory was all about. What if purgatory is the bundle of layers our souls travel to...to get to Heaven? I think about all of us & how it just seems IMPOSSIBLE for us to FULLY understand all there is to understand about how & why & when things happen. What about the MOSTLY life-long atheist that receives GOD on his deathbed? I'm thinkin' he's not goin' straight to Heaven with the saints, BUT I think God will save him & his soul will have to go the course of whatever journey God has in store for him; to reveal what needs to be revealed, to give him the opportunity to KNOW & LEARN & DEVELOP a relationship with Jesus Christ. Just like the priest said at that mission: "There is gonna be a lot of disappointed Christians, if we all think we are going straight to Heaven." It takes MORE than going to church every SUNDAY, & MORE than living a GOOD life by the accounts of society.

Remember: The two questions God is likely to ask: "What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?" & "What did you do with what I gave you?" Are you bringing others to Jesus? Are you bringing yourself to Jesus?

I can say that this chapter has made me look at EVERYTHING differently...in a good way. I've gotten a lot better at not sweatin' the small stuff & being DIRECT about the big stuff & YES...I believe there is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more past this life. I don't need to KNOW what exactly. I find PEACE knowing that there is!

Buck Up Baby & Ride With Jesus & with all of us too!! Thanks to ALL that have participated in discussion thus far!!

Day 3: "What Drives Your Life?"

Welcome all the new readers & returning readers!!

Today the book talks about what drives your life... You'll be doing some self-analyzin' today.

Day 3: What Drives Your Life?

Point to Ponder: "Living on purpose is the path to peace."

Daily Verse: "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 (TEV)

Daily Question: "What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?"

Here's what I put in my journal: I really think they'd say all different things. Some would say: 1) to have a successful business & something to leave her kids. 2) To be as successful as she was working for others...for herself. 3) Helping others. 4) Auctioning or selling things. 5) Learning. 6) Living out her purpose. 7) The journey. The people that don't agree with what I'm doing OR don't understand it might say: 8) the attention & praise. 9) the perception of success.

I really think and want my driving force to be fulfilling God's plan for me and managing the relationships and responsibilities of the people I love most, the best way I possibly can.

What I have to ADD: I think PERCEPTION is one of the devil's MOST-USED tools.

Each chapter has several other Bible verses that go along with the chapter & this one had this at the beginning: "I observed that the basic motive for success is the driving force of envy & jealousy!" Ecclesiastes 4:4 (LB)

Here are the MOST important things I took away from this chapter. Ya'lls may be different & that is GOOD. We all apply things differently.

1) We are not supposed to do EVERYTHING or be good at EVERYTHING, so we shouldn't focus on it so much.

2) WE SHOULD STOP DABBLING.

3) We are working on our ETERNAL LEGACY. Living a good life here on earth, will make things easier (maybe) for the people we leave behind, BUT what we should FOCUS on is our ETERNAL LEGACY. There is more than what is here & ALL the PERCEPTION & FLUFF that goes along with our legacy here will be STRIPPED AWAY....to get right down to the nuts & bolts of our use with the time God has given us.

Pastor Warren writes in his book about the two questions WE KNOW (from the Bible) God will ask us when we stand before him: 1) "What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?" Did we develop a relationship with him, accept what he did for us, & learn to trust him & love him? 2) "What did you do with what I gave you?" Think about some of the things he gave you. Think of all the opportunities, people & relationships, talent, gifts, opportunities, resources... God has given me lots of things...and NOW I can look back and see how its ALL connected together to put me right where I am now. I KNOW with EVERY ounce of me that God has commissioned me with the talent of being an auctioneer & all that goes with it. I also know that this talent could have been revealed to me YEARS ago...& saved me a few steps...BUT I needed to walk those steps. Thus I know that....I will walk this path as long as he wants me to. I will walk through ALL of the doors he opens (& it has happened WITHOUT me asking) & I will TRUST that whatever is ahead of me is GREATER than what is behind me. I also KNOW & am CONTENT with the fact that he might have me flying airplanes or swimming with dolphins 20 years from now....and if that is where he thinks I need to be...I WILL GO.

I believe in GOD's plan!

One other thing I want to talk about is PERCEPTION. I have come to believe that it is one of the devil's STRONGEST tools because it can be placed in the minds of others. It can be placed in our own minds. It can create feelings that are false....& BOTTOM LINE it is a falsehood. PERCEPTION IS NOT REAL, but we ALL STRuggle with it.

This is the definition of perception I'm talking about: a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.

I bring this up because it is ALWAYS present & it will ALWAYS try & deter you OR jack you up some how. Here are some examples:

Having a disagreement with someone, kind of mending it, but never really addressing where the words/emotions/thoughts came from & ULTIMATELY not really getting to know that person & why you both reacted the way you did. Based on the actions of OTHERS or the words of OTHERS you perceive MENTALLY that the two of you never will get along & look at the surface of things...and it ends there. UNLESS someone makes the effort to know that the other person felt guarded, was going through something else, felt a twinge of jealousy or frustration & had other things to work out & that you REALLY would not get it at the time.

Here's another: A person doesn't really know God, has no relationship with God, doesn't know how to pray....not because they don't want to, BUT because they don't know HOW. They didn't grow up knowing God. They start dating someone that has gone to church all their life & EXPECTS them to also. They don't know what to do. They're kind of like a lost duck & they just go through the motions to make the other person happy & make themselves be PERCEIVED as satisfying the "wants" of that person. That perception creates a road block to REALLY developing a relationship with GOD & other people as well....because the motions are just a show that hold no meaning.

One more: Two friends start two different businesses. They both enter into it, excited about helping each other. Things start rolling for both of them & one talks to the other about potential investors & what was important for her & what she THOUGHT she REALLY needed to get her business to the next level, which included the friend's business. The natural twinge of jealousy hits. WHY does SHE have that opportunity? She just got started? The perception of what it SEEMS like & what it may actually be - aren't addressed. A road block starts forming. Instead of digging into how & why & what happened for her to get the interest of investors & ALL the work she might have had to do & how long she'd been working on it...the other starts thinking about how the success of HER business will be PERCEIVED in comparison. The relationship of helping each other halts b/c the FOCUS changes from working together to working on how to reach the PERCEIVED success of the other.

WE worry about the perception others may have about: the homes we build, the church we go to, the cars we drive, the food we eat, the places we go, what organizations we are part of, where we work...EVERYTHING. And if you are sittin' there sayin' you don't...it's time to get HONEST with yourself. Are ALL the choices you make FOCUSED on how your actions or decisions will move you forward on your God-given mission?

I HOPE you guys see what I'm getting at. ALL of the thoughts are PERCEIVED thoughts, that are created by filling in the details we DON'T KNOW! We are ALL meant to work with each other....not against each other. Just think about the PROGRESS that could be made IF we worked WITH each other, instead of by ourselves & if we worked for God's purpose & not with the purpose to please others. We all have our own journey & our own timeline - that we really DON'T have control of. The devil doesn't like progress, unless it benefits his cause...to have more souls join his army.

SO.....I KNOW....lots to think about. But NOW to answer the question of: "What do I want the driving force in my life to be?" Here it is: To COMPLETE God's mission & be stronger & smarter for the next one he gives me. To SHARE with MORE people, how to avoid the devil's ploys. To be a GOOD soldier in God's army. To help the people I love become stronger soldiers for CHRIST. To INTRODUCE my children to God's word, SO they can introduce his LOVE to other children EARLY in life. To MINISTER to people when the OPPORTUNITY arises....or CREATE the opportunity. (Once you OPEN yourself up to that...the opportunities PRESENT themselves.) & TO BLESS OTHERS WITH THE BLESSINGS GOD HAS GIVEN ME.

I mean it ya'll! GO get this book!!! We are only on DAY 3!! BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS!! He's got your mount ready!!

Day 2: "You Are Not an Accident"

I hope some of you have come back for Day 2 of our discussion on Finding our GOD-given purpose & I hope that there are new readers!

It is REALLY important to read these chapters to get the most out of them, so I will only hit the highlights so you all understand the topic. 

DAY 2: You are not an accident.

Daily Verse: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

Daily Question: "I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?"

Here's what I put in my journal the day of reading: Things I struggle to accept: My inability to keep clean spaces (house, office, car), my struggle with PERFECT button-downed time management, the lack of attention I pay to myself, how long I take to say things that need to be said - after an argument or misunderstanding - PRIDE, scheduling time to do certain, specific things I want to do with my family.

Thoughts after reading the book through:

This chapter discussed how GOD DOESN'T MAKE ACCIDENTS...EVER. It discussed how EVERYTHING in our lives is planned for a purpose. I'm not sure where ya'lls minds take you when you hear this, but I started thinking about several things including:

-Children born to crappy parents.

-Children going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like child abuse.

-Adults going thru some of the most unthinkable situations...like the Holocaust.

-Things about myself that are less than stellar. 

-Sickness & Disease. 

-The process of aging...& dying. 

You think about all these things & it throws you because they are horrific. BUT then I KNOW... the devil NEVER wins. So in that mess....where is the purpose? 

I didn't get this from the book (although it mentions it). I was listening to an interview of Mr. Rick Warren by Oprah. When he spoke these words they hit my soul. "There might be illegitimate parents, but there are no illegitimate children. God needed that specific DNA to CREATE you!!" We ALL have a purpose & we ALL have a chance. No matter what our circumstances are GOD will not give us more than we can handle.

That statement takes my thoughts back to a situation like the Holocaust, where SO many people died...horrible deaths. What I HAVE to bring it back to is: WHATEVER is passed this life is FAR, FAR greater than ANY suffering on this earth. THE DEVIL DOES NOT WIN! I truly feel like we are all warriors fighting a constant battle with the devil.

When I was a Marketing Liaison for a skilled nursing facility I ran into people of all kinds. One lady I went to visit comes to mind during this chapter. I'd say she was probably in her 50s. She was VERY weak, but of sound mind. She had nothing. She had been in hospitals so long she had lost her apartment & didn't even know where her belongings were. Her elderly mother was sending her what little money she could, but she hadn't heard from her in weeks. I went to see if we could meet her needs. She had no insurance of any kind, so I had to assess whether or not she met the requirements for Medicaid in a skilled nursing facility. So everyone knows, these requirements consist of: meeting a financial requirement (which she did) & having medical necessity. Medical necessity pretty much means that you NEED the care of a nurse 24-7. Some of the diagnosis or conditions that typically meet this requirement are: Dementia, Alzheimers, had the inability to safely administer your medications & Wounds...especially those requiring a wound vac. You would only meet medical necessity with a wound until it had healed to a point where Medicaid deemed you could care for it yourself or call someone to care for it. To put it plainly...if you were of sound mind, could list your medications, & had the ability to call someone for help you would not qualify. It does not matter that this lady was almost too weak to walk & had to have her stomach pumped every other day b/c the fluid would build up from her liver condition. I had to break the news to her that she would not qualify. She was broken. SO broken. She cried & asked me: "WHY? I need help!" I stood there and told her that I agreed & that I was sorry & that I WISH there was a way for us to accept her, but that I would talk with her case manager about other POTENTIAL options. I assured her though...that as long as she had a breath, she still had purpose. 

A few weeks later, I was back at the same hospital & as I was on my way up to meet another patient a tech had wheeled the same lady into the elevator I was in. They were going to run some tests. She was talking to the tech & having a REALLY joy-filled conversation. She looked back & saw me. She smiled & talked to me about how good EVERYONE at the hospital was treating her & how, of all the hospitals she's been at, this was her favorite. She apologized for getting so upset when I visited her, but that she really appreciated me coming. 

I got back to the parking garage & just sat in my car for a minute...KNOWING that, although it was not exactly clear to me, there was a PURPOSE for that meeting. That woman's LIFE still had EXTREME PURPOSE...even though her physical body was broken. 

God's creation TRANSCENDS the physical. It is of another realm...on a level that we have to WORK to get to. A level that will be REVEALED to us when we can handle it. 

Although there are things that are BROKEN about ALL of us, those broken pieces fit together to make a whole that works seamlessly. So now... (even though some people challenge me at EVERY encounter) I KNOW that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has a a UniQue purpose, tailored by GOD & not one other person will EVER fully understand it. That is why we are supposed to LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY.   

Buck up baby & ride with JESUS!! He walked the walk to lead the way, to show us that there is MORE & that ALL our suffering will not be in vain!! GO. GET. THIS. BOOK. & join in on the discussion. 

Day 1: Join Me On a Journey to FIND Our Purpose.

Before Easter, I started reading the book: The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren.

It CHALLENGES you to go on a journey to FIND out your GOD-GIVEN purpose. It is a chapter a day for 42 days. The book CHALLENGES you to memorize verses from The Bible and to crEAte a group to share your journey. IT IS LIFE-CHANGING.

I have decided that I am going to RE-read the book & share my journey with whoever wants to be a part of it. I'll discuss how I am applying it to my life, challenges I have faced, the clarity that it has given me & give us a place (this blog or my Facebook feed) to have our very own Bible Discussion. If others interact I KNOW that this will help others & may just bring people closer to GOD OR bring people to God that never knew him before. You will ALWAYS be able to go back to my blogs to join in on the discussion, even if you start a little later.

I have to tell you....when I first started reading this book I was slowly falling into it & by day 4 or 5 I thought to myself: "I've gotta blog about this!!" Then EVERYtime I thought about making time to blog about it, keep up with each chapter, & keep up with my life....I decided: I'm going to read it through & then RE-read it & REALLY discuss the topics it challenges us to think about. So here goes...

Day 1: It All Starts With God

Daily Verse: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16B (MSG)

Daily Question: "In Spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?"

What I journaled the day of reading: Turn to God & STOP focusing on why people hurt ME, don't understand ME, don't agree with ME & stay focused on the positive things & FOCUS on being me & loving the people God has put in my life to love, care for, & touch.

What I can ADD after reading the book through & applying what I've learned in my life: This entire year I have had to make some decisions that were ScarRy, HARD to make, & (although I KNEW I was being called to do it & GOD wouldn't remove it from my heart) had NO idea what it would be/look like/who would agree with me/how I'd pull it off/ AND about 500 more concerns that ran through my head. SO....I get to the point where I LITERALLY step out into FAITH.....& I mean WAY out. There were a few WORLDLY things I KNEW would go along with my decision. I credit this knowledge to my sales career.

1)  I'd be dealin' with REJECTION & it would be PERSONAL this time.
2) There would be people that wouldn't GET IT & now I know....MAY NEVER GET IT. Some of those people are the people that are closest to me.
3) I'd have to do some educatin'.
4) I may be entering into something I THINK I can't handle, BUT will have to TRUST GOD to KNOW that I can.
5) Life would change.....in ALL kinds of ways.
6) I'd have to THROW my ego out the window......This may have been the hardest part for me. Not sure, BUT I can tell you that in my day-to-day decisions I have to check myself on this.

All that said & taking into account EVERYTHING listed about that went with it & then some, would I change my decision to MOVE FORWARD in making a LIFE change and CAREER change? NO!!!!!!

Praise JESUS! Now that I'm finished talking about MY initial worries & how the decision would & has affected ME, I can sincerely say that this chapter helped to bring it ALL back to what REALLY matters! I still don't know what life is going to look like 6 months from now, but I KNOW that ALL the decisions leading up to it, came from the RIGHT place. The WHOLE reason I did this was because I felt like God was calling me to do it. I mean...it reached a point in my previous position that I felt like I was DISOBEYING God & the mission he was giving me.

There was a time when I was going through college & I was working at a little home decor shop in my hometown & one of the gals that worked at a restaurant a few doors down came in to do some shoppin' while she was on break. I had brought my Bible to work & was reading it when it was slow. When she walked in I closed it immediately & put it under something...pretty much hiding it. She walked straight up to me, pulled it out from beside the register, patted the top of my closed Bible & said: "Keep reading it. I read mine everyday & I think more people should." She kept shopping & shot her typical BEAMING smile at me. I can tell you that I NEVER want to feel that SHAME again & I was starting to feel it & more & MORE the longer I kept working in a position that was less than what GOD HAD PLANNED for me.

Buck Up Baby!! DO NOT BE AFRAID of ANYTHING of this world. We are ALL made by God, for God & HIS glory. He LOVES us! He LOVES us enough to give us LIFE & although it may be hard sometimes, I truly believe EVERYTHING will be worth it.

I met with a friend today that is REALLY going through a hard time. After I left, I felt like the conversation we had was EXACTLY what they needed. People will not understand every decision we make. Sometimes people won't MAKE THE EFFORT to understand the decisions we make, and FRANKLY...they don't have to. It is our responsibility to KNOW that our decisions are grounded by what God teaches us. Our thoughts & decisions transcend this world IF our FOCUS is to please GOD & not anyone else.

Thank You

This has been SUCH a beautiful week. I felt like sharing some of ALL the wonderful things that have happened, but I couldn't quite figure out how, SO.......I decided to write a BIG ole' THANK YOU note to GOD.

Here's a list of some of the WONDERFUL things that happened for me this week:

-I got out of the MUDDY waters...only by God's GRACE. (I'm sure I'll discuss this in probably 10 blog posts :))

-I learned a way to settle my WoRRy & study God's word. (Study bible verses & recite memorized ones - when I feel the woRrY coming on.)

-I got confirmation on 2 UPCOMING fundraising auctions, that I really wanted to do. (These are a big deal for me, for LOTS of reasons.)

-I TRULY forgave a friend.

-I started exercising & taking care of myself AND along with it, was able to APPRECIATE God's beauty in LITERALLY everything.

-I was re-affirmed about a NEW venture & journey.

-My sweet niece Baby Ida Estelle was brought into this world & she is PERFECT. (Fun Fact: She was born 2 days after our Grandma's birthday ---which she was named after.)

Me, Kylee, & Sweet Baby Ida

-I am MOVING FORWARD with two CREATive projects I've been sitting on/intimidated by/afraid of....whatever you wanna call it.

-I am IMPROVING in the areas of time management, being present, trusting myself, loving myself, & forgiving....and KNOW that its OKAY to have to start that process over DAILY.

-My Uncle came home from his surgery & progress & healing are in his future.

-People are seeing the value in my God-given gifts.

-Kylee is warming up to this whole t-ball thing :).

-I am moving forward.

-I had a FRIEND pass away early this week. He worked at Suddenlink with me in College Station & I worked with him via phone & computer when I moved down south. He went on one of our INFAMOUS Frio River trips & I have to say that I was shocked & saddened when I heard of his passing, BUT....

Ryan, Myself, & Jenny at the river. 

Ryan was GOOD PEOPLE. I mean REALLY Good People. He was a GOOD friend. He was a HARD -WORKER: dedicated, dependable, skilled, loyal, friendly, respectful, patient.... He was entertaining. He looked at things objectively. He saw the GOOD in people & the GOOD in situations. He could DEFUSE stressful situations. (I saw it first hand.) AND....while I am sad about his passing & that I didn't talk to him MORE when I saw him a few weeks ago....I AM THANKFUL that I knew him. I am THANKFUL knowing that he is a GOOD SOUL. I am THANKFUL that I was caused to REFLECT on some of the VERY IMPORTANT relationships in my life.  I am THANKFUL that he is the kind of person that is WELCOMED into God's kingdom, and I am THANKFUL that everyone that knew him (& even those that didn't) have another ANGEL to guide us on our journeys & walk the halls of Heaven. Whew....

Thank YOU God for BLESSING us WAY beyond what we deserve. BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! LOVE YOUR PEOPLE. God only leaves them here for a little while.

Beautiful, Precious, Chaotic Life Journeys

I've had a lot going on these last few weeks.

I decided to quit my job. My last paid day was December 20th. I decided to start my own business & have been doing the leg work I need to - to get everything organized the way I want it, so once I find a building I can just go to work on the next set of things I need to do - to hold my first BIG general consignment auction.

I've been wanting to blog & work through my frustrations, BUT I could not figure out how to get it all out in words. I truly believe now that I wasn't ready to. God was working on my heart & was going to take me through some experiences to strengthen me.

I found out one of my dear sweet uncles (Uncle Fritz) has to have heart surgery in the middle of January. Seeing him working through the whole process brought me back a little to the job that I just recently gave my notice to.

I was a Marketing Liaison for a nursing home & a big part of my job was to follow up on patient referrals we would get from the hospital case management teams. That position did more for me personally & spiritually than it probably did professionally. I spoke with patients & families on a VERY personal level. Some of these patients were needing short term rehab services after a knee or hip replacement; some were at the end of life; some had wounds, or traches, or psychiatric issues; some had family; some still abused drugs; some were homeless; some needed more care than what they could get at home, but didn't qualify for government programs to get the assistance; some had insurance, but based on their insurance companies policies - were being sent back to their next level of care (maybe before they were ready) while others had no insurance OR for one reason or another (behaviors, drug-use, lifestyle choices) would not be accepted to the next level of care, so they got top-notch care at some of Austin's best hospitals.

I have talked with doctors, specialists & nurses that experienced some things I would never EVER want to. One nurse that I worked very closely with used to be an ER nurse in the Dallas/Fort Worth area & she told some stories that ranged from: a young girl (literally being pushed out & dropped off by a man) coming in with abdominal pains (not knowing she was pregnant) in active labor & having to help her mentally work through how her life was fixing to change to a young Spanish couple that did not understand English that had given their baby adult Tylenol for her cold (because that is what they understood from the nurse they spoke with) & having to tell them that their baby was going to die b/c the Tylenol had ruined her liver to a family of 4 having their trailer house catch fire on Christmas Eve & talking to a badly burned mother whose ONLY concern was her mother & 2 children (1 of the children died in the fire).

Let me just say that I (once again) feel like the GOOD LORD is conditioning me in a way beyond my understanding. He has caused me to see things I would have never seen & ask questions I would have never asked, meet people I would never have met, & face the true mortality of our lives (which WAS quite scary to me). I have seen (what I think) is the good & bad of the medical industry & insurance companies. I was interjected into peoples' lives & just had to act in the moment & deal with whatever emotion they were dealing with. I also feel like (more than ever) that the Good Lord has some other purpose for me (again - beyond my understanding). I did not act on it right away - in fear of all the worldly things LIKE: Will we have enough money? How will I be perceived if I'm not working? I'm not sure what will happen, so maybe I should just stay pleasantly uncomfortable for FEAR of the bad that could happen. So....(I think he thought): "I'll teach you a thing or two about life....then you'll move on & do what your supposed to do now."

The experiences, connections, & knowledge I gained in my last position seem more like road maps to me than actual job duties. I journal & the journal that I just finished filling the pages to has Bible passages on each page & I tell you what! It seems like wherever I am in my life - those passages speak straight to the situation.

 "I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." - Proverbs 4:11

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." - Psalm 55:22

"I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." - Isaiah 49:15-16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14

"And he himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

So I've talked a lot about my past job & the things I've learned & the clarity it has given me. I also want to talk a little about my internal struggles with the things that I've experienced & how I felt on Christmas Day.

Whew! Well....when I was working in my last position I had a time trying to process all the new experiences & information I was getting. I can say that we ALL need to RESPECT the nurses that we run into. They are working with people at some of the lowest, most difficult, & frustrating times of their lives & have to deal with people of all sorts. I worked in my position a little less than a year. These people continue to CHOOSE to be a nurse. I truly believe they are called to do it and have the ability to work with people on a VERY personal level. Just had to say that. So now....back to processing the new experiences & information....

I felt like I was becoming a bit of a hypochondriac. True story. When you see people that went in the hospital for a knee replacement & come out brain dead or see a young person stroke out or become diagnosed with a rare disease that totally changes their lives forever....it does something to you. I mean...there were times when I'd look at my eyes & both kiddos eyes to see if their pupils were dialted (signs of potential stroke (& probably a dozen other things)). I'd ask the nurses at work about every little bump, ache, skin irritation I stumbled upon.

Do you guys ever KNOW you are being ridiculous, but it's like you can't stop your thought process? Well...I do. Through prayers & reading & journaling & sharing my CrAzY I learned to TRULY understand a few things.

One of which, is our mortality & how it is completely OUT OF OUR HANDS. I can see my Uncle working through it & have talked with my Aunt & can identify with the struggle he is facing. This is the bottom line of it all & it is HARD to accept. We were put on this Earth to be vessels of God's light. Certain people come into our lives & we enter into others to spread our light, teach us lessons, see glimpses of the right & the wrong ways to act, LOVE EACH OTHER, share our experiences, & leave impressions (Good & Bad). GOD is the ONLY person in control. I know that is hard to believe when you see things like war, childhood cancer, well....all cancer, school shootings, gang violence, the list could go on. ALL we can do is work our entire lives to SHARE GOD'S LIGHT: touch people, leave a positive impression in their lives & learn from the negative ones we encounter. We are not in control of a whole lot & that was HARD for me to wrap my head around....even though I've heard the same thing I'm typing hundreds of times. A person can get mighty wrapped up in trying to control things they aren't meant to control.

I truly believe & have seen how hard work pays off into something much more than what you can imagine in the present. I had naysayers & negativity when my husband & I started dating & it has developed into such a STRONG marriage & BEAUTIFUL family.  I have had hard times & struggles in past jobs snowball into a thought process MUCH bigger than the problems & I truly believe that the HARD WORK we are doing here on Earth is PREPARING us for our ULTIMATE GOAL: Being able to stand openly & honestly in front of our Maker when our time comes & it will be the most glorious meeting - WAY beyond our comprehension.

So....dilated pupils or not, operations gone bad, unfair diagnosis - JUST remember: "And He Himself has promised us this: eternal life." - 1 John 2:25

We were all sitting around at one of our family Christmas's & my two Uncles tried to give me the gift certificates back that we gave them for Christmas. They wanted us to use it for our family. I told them to take it. It was for them & between the two of them they told us: "Ya'll are a young family getting yourselves situated. We appreciate it, but we don't need it." My comment back was: "Ya'll have done SO MUCH for us & we'll NEVER, EVER be able to repay ya'll - that's just a little something for ya'll." Their response back to me was: "We just love ya'll. We don't care about all that." We finally settled on going to eat with them.

My heart was very FULL when we left. All I can say to you all my friends is PRAY. PRAY for understanding if you don't know what to pray for & open your heart to let it happen. Through prayer I was brought an EXPERIENCE from my AMAZING, CrAzY, sometimes chaotic family that SHOWED me:  LOVE is really ALL that matters & we need to handle ourselves & live our lives in a way to bring GLORY to GOD, which will bring GLORY to your FAMILY & your FRIENDS & all the people you encounter.

In church on Sunday the sermon was about the FAMILY. The priest talked about The Holy Family & then discussed the family unit & how we all need to look at our family as an important cell in the make-up of God's creation & make it as strong as possible. That family is the foundation of our being & how the next generations are taught. Make your family STRONG. Forgive when your family doesn't understand. If you can't help them understand - LOVE them until they figure it out for themselves. FOCUS on your cell & THANK GOD for the blessings in your life everyday. There are SO MANY people out there that don't have family to support them when their figurin' things out....or to even disagree with.

Many, Many Blessings to you & yours! Go on... BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS & let your light SHINE!

The Places God Puts You

Let me tell you.... Sometimes I wake up in the mornings, go to work, & wonder "What the heck am I doing?"

I can honestly say that I NEVER saw myself doing or SEEING some of the things I have seen. I have been working as a Marketing Liaison for a skilled nursing facility since February. I THOUGHT I might have some idea of what the job would entail, but...come to find out....not really.

I mean....I like it. I am learning a WHOLE lot....about the industry & MYSELF. For example....I used to think I was maybe a little pessimistic... NEGATIVE. I am about as optimistic as they come. Total reality check. I might be a little bit of a hypochondriac......maybe. Maybe it's temporary & maybe it comes with the territory & bein' in hospitals all the time, but I'm thinkin' one of the local docs might think I've gone a little koo koo.

So it may help to enlighten you on what some of my job responsibilities are. Ultimately it is to sell our business to prospects in the community that need the skilled nursing services that my facility can provide. However, that is a TOTAL understatement. Since I have been there I have assessed patients of all kinds, (with nursing assistance) with VERY different needs, complex personalities, & dealt with families in a capacity I never thought I would. I have learned a lot about Qualified Income Trusts, Medicare, Medicaid, Managed Care Insurances, & the qualifications & guidelines that go with them. I have learned the process in how patients are referred to the next level of health care, whether that be skilled nursing, home health, hospice...& the differences of all of them. I have learned to APPRECIATE health care professionals & the ELDERLY on a whole different level than I did before. I have been forced to face what most see as the harsh reality...but what is simply the cycle of life. I have sat with family members explaining to their loved one, for the first time, that they are incapable of adequately caring for them & that nursing home placement will be good for everyone. I have also seen those types of individuals adapt & prosper socially, in comparison from their previous situation. I have also had to sit with families & patients & tell them they do not meet certain requirements set forth by their payer/potential payer source. Praise God that I am able to guide them to people that will help. I have gotten to meet & learned to know some extremely wonderful, talented, hard-working, educated residents.

I can say...I DON'T KNOW WHY (exactly) THE GOOD LORD PUT ME HERE, BUT THERE IS A PURPOSE. What that purpose is....I'm figurin' out. Until then (I can already tell) it is going to be one heck of a journey. I know I'm meant to touch the lives of the people I encounter, but its more than that. I have seriously experienced some of the strangest emotions I ever have. To name a few: the finality of life on Earth & the affirmation that it is completely beyond our control; this sudden feeling of being overheated & breaking into a cold sweat...all at the same time (probably because of the things I see or the reactions of family members); & the complexity of the human mind & the amount of importance certain people place on certain things. Whatever the GOOD LORD has in store for me...I can tell ya - is a HUMDINGER.

I had a situation that happened a few weeks back that made me: 1) Ask myself...Whaaaat the Heeeck am I doin'? & 2) Know that, without a doubt, I was supposed to be in that very situation for a reason that I may never REALLY know.

I had to go assess a patient at another facility, that wanted to move to a different city. When I say assess I mean make sure that they meet medical necessity to qualify for Medicaid in a nursing home. So I go in. I'm taken to the top floor & I go in with the social worker to meet this fella. So the first thing I notice is..............
PLAYBOY CENTERFOLDS all over the walls....... I am not joking...... I keep my distance & just start asking the questions I need to & opening dialogue making a note that I DEFINITELY NEED TO ASK THE SOCIAL WORKER ABOUT HIS BEHAVIORS. Then he says to me: "I guess you saw what I posted on my bathroom door." I just look at him blankly for a bit & say: "No. Actually I didn't." Then I slowly make my way over there (considering just walking right past & running for the hills) & take a look. I'm sure you are all wondering what it said. I'll be honest....I don't even want to type it.....

There it was, posted on white notebook paper in red ink(???): "Worship Satan 666 & a Mantra of Principles." I take a deep breath. I ask Jesus to help me & I turn around and go back in & just look at him. His words: "Those aren't actually my beliefs, but I don't like people forcing theirs on me." Hmmmm.... Really?

Our Dialogue:
Me: "How have others tried to force it on you?"
Him: "They bring me stuff & want to come in and pray with me & I just want to be left alone."
Me: "Have you told them that?"
Him: "Yes, but someone new comes in."
Me: "Have you ever thought about how you are forcing your thoughts & beliefs on someone by posting something like that?"
Him: "Well, I can tell you it happens a lot less often now & if they are going to force their beliefs on me than they will have to see that."
Me: "Well, I am a Christian & I don't understand why you would post something like that if you don't believe it or why you would not be offering the same sort of respect to others that you are asking for....to not force beliefs on them."

We continued to discuss how he was not being respected & that was his way of shielding himself from things he did not want to hear & I continued to try & explain to him how he subjected me, as well as any other person (that never tried to push anything on him at all) to this form of beliefs that "aren't actually his beliefs."

Honestly.....I don't know that I got anywhere with him. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. He is a very sick man & we all should remember that the devil will find any opportunity he can. I believe it could have made a slight difference in his life, BUT it made a significant difference in mine.

We as Christians have to be able to look the devil straight in the face, pray for God's divine grace, then turn around & interject any piece of the gospel or good morals or common decency that we can right back in his face. It isn't to preach to someone and tell them how they ought to live. It is to remind yourself of your commitment to Jesus & at least say something in his defense. It is the least we can do. 

Our entire conversation NEVER got heated. In fact....it was laid back open dialogue. This man wanted to come to our facility, but we could not say with certainty that he met the requirements needed & some of his behaviors had the potential to put other residents at risk.

May GOD bless that man & may we all pray for the weak, the sick, the confused....

BUCK UP BABY & RIDE WITH JESUS! He will put you to work in the most subtle of ways & use you as his disciple whether you want to be there or not.